Sonic Insanity

To nobody's surprise, this story got to 400 reviews within hours of the last chapter being posted. Thanks to everybody who contributed, and for those of you who have been reading for a while (uhyeahitsteamdark comes to mind, who I respect despite his unreasonable attitude toward the S.W.R). Be warned- this chapter contains Kingdom Hearts 2 bashing. Anyway, let's get this bad boy to 500 reviews!

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"I HATE Kingdom Hearts 2!" howled Sonic, hurling the PS2 controller through a wall. Rubble showered everywhere as the controller created a large hole.

"Why do you hate it? I thought it was OK," shrugged Knuckles. The "Queer Eye" incident had occurred two days ago.

"First of all, this game is 85 percent CUTSCENES! I've been sitting here for 12 hours, and I've played about 1 and a half hours of game! Plus, this Roxas fool is so annoying I could just snap his neck in half!"

"Well, he WAS voiced by Jesse McCartney," conceded Knuckles (this is actually true). "But what's so bad?"

"Well, the plot makes absolutely no sense! Reality being converted into data, Heartless and Nobody relationships, Organization XIII, stuff being stolen around Twilight Town… it's too complex and overly irritating! Look, I'll start you a new file." Sonic did. After the 5-hour opening movie, the game began.

"See? An epic struggle, spanning worlds, dimensions! The clash of titans… magic and technology fused into a spellbinding saga of redemption, betrayal and sweeping drama! And how does the game start? Four loser kids eating ice cream and planning how to get to the beach!" screeched Sonic at the top of his lungs. "I can't take this anymore! Plus, Seifer is undoubtedly the worst dressed character of all time! A ski cap, cargo pants, moon boots, a trench coat, a stupid vest… it's preposterous! They're throwing in Final Fantasy characters everywhere!"

"You're overanalyzing," said Knuckles dismissively.

"I'll explain what happens," Sonic began irritably. "Basically, these kids think Seifer is stealing stuff, but he somehow stole their word for whatever it is he stole. Then Roxas has to fight Seifer and he chooses one of three plastic blue weapons. Then it turns out this weird Nobody thing stole the stuff. Roxas fights the Nobody but his weapon turns into a Keyblade partway through the battle for no good reason. And all through this, DiZ and Organization XIII are turning worlds into data, and they steal Roxas' beach money-"

"Oh! I know what happens next!" Knuckles commented. "The Dancing Brothers show up to put on a show! Glenn… Marvin… and the Killer Dynamo! Gonna have a good time tonight, gonna have a good-"

"Forget it! I'm not playing this piece of overrated trash," Sonic grumbled. "The first game was nothing great either, but at least it didn't have a pixilated Jesse McCartney skateboarding and finding a summer job… I'm gonna play Prince of Persia."

"Whatever," shrugged Knuckles, returning to his work.

Meanwhile, Shadow was watching hockey on the other TV.

"And the guy passes the puck or something, I don't really care…" muttered the announcer. The camera was pointing nowhere near where the puck was. "But check out Cingular's new prices! And Geico's not doing too bad either!" The camera began to analyze the billboards on the rink walls. "Brought to you by In-Game Advertising!"

Disgusted, Shadow began to hurl tomatoes and rotten fruit at the TV, as if it would change anything. Tails just happened be strolling through, and he looked at the screen.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"This hockey game is being overrun by ADVERTISEMENTS!" howled Shadow. "That announcer's almost as irritating as that one kid in college …"

Flashback…

Shadow was vaporizing random students by sheer willpower, which the teacher was ignoring. He found this very entertaining, especially as many of the children's oral reports were getting very boring.

"Thank you, Mighty," said the teacher as the armadillo was vaporized. (AN: So that's why he's not with the Chaotix!) "All right… Murphy?"

A short, pudgy child with thick arms and legs stood up.

'Thank you, Mrs. Stubblejaw," he simpered. "Now, before I start my speech, I would like to point out that I had a good weekend." He left a large dramatic pause, in which there was gasping and cries of consternation. "Yes, and I found a maple leaf on my way… TO SCHOOL!" He broke down in a defeated pile, allowing a solitary tear to trickle down his face. The girls in the class were swooning and fainting. The men stood resolutely, their eyes watering.

"On Saturday… there was nothing on Channel 27, so…" An ominous chill settled over the classroom as everyone leaned forward, anxious to find out what he would say.

"I decided to ride my bicycle instead!" he roared, standing on a desk with a hand raised in the air.

"We will prevail! He's given us hope! His words motivate us so!" shouted various people in the classroom. The teacher was standing teary-eyed, clapping energetically.

Murphy continued to discuss his boring weekend, and Shadow was outraged. What was so special about what he said? There was nothing awe-inspiring about any of it! How could these idiots consider him so great? Shadow endured a little more of this, until everyone began holding up lighters. Furious, Shadow sent out a beam of light to vaporize Murphy.

"Assassination!" screamed Murphy, his eyes bulging.

"I'll save you!" cried one boy, flinging himself uselessly as far as he could away from the beam of light, instead of toward it. Murphy dodged the beam. It hit the wall and ruptured a gas pipe. Gas showered over everyone, and since they were all holding up lighters, everyone burst into flames. Shadow sat, watching with mild amusement, until he got bored and left.

End flashback…

"But you never went to college!" protested Tails.

"Of course I did!" Shadow said, affronted.

"No you-"

"OF COURSE I DID!" he shrieked insanely. Tails cowered in the corner.

Back to Sonic…

"Ugh! This game IS horrible!" cried Knuckles, trying to play Kingdom Hearts 2. "I hate it more than life itself!"

"Aren't you supposed to say love it more than life itself?" Sonic inquired.

"Oh, like I have a good reason to love life," Knuckles smirked. "What a laughable idea, life being enjoyable…"

"Well, I don't hate it," Sonic said.

"Uh, are you wearing a T-shirt?" said Knuckles with surprise, looking up.

"Yeah, I just decided I liked this one," Sonic smiled. On the front of the T-shirt it said:

Q------- AUTHORITY

"Why's the word 'question' censored?" Knuckles wondered.

Sonic turned around. On the back it said:

It says Question, but my mom wouldn't let me get the explicit version.

Knuckles began to laugh. Sonic scowled.

Shadow walked in. "Hey, guys, I found a funny viral video…"

"Is it the one of me and your mom? In that case, Tails can't watch," Sonic said snidely.

Shadow fired a harpoon gun at the blue hedgehog. Using preposterous, Advent Children-esque physics, Sonic leaped 20,000 feet in the air to avoid it. When he came back to earth, everyone was watching the viral video.

"How to Survive an Atomic Bomb Blast!" said the narrator cheerfully.

"This is an old video from the 50s," Shadow laughed. "It's pretty funny, what they suggest."

"You can tell if you're about to be hit by an atomic bomb if you see a large explosion and a shockwave heading toward you faster than you can move," the narrator said, as if such a statement was NOT completely ridiculous. "If you see a large explosion, duck and cover! If you shield yourself behind a newspaper or a hand towel, this may protect you from being vaporized by the greatest destructive force on Earth!"

"This isn't that funny, it's just pathetic!" Sonic growled.

Shadow was on the floor, tears streaming from his eyes. "Oh man… can you just imagine some guy seeing an atomic bomb blast and putting a paper bag over his head?" He imitated a guy's voice. "Uh, this should protect me pretty well from a devastating nuclear attack!'" He continued to gasp with laughter.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Everyone was instantly serious.

"Oh NO!" howled Sonic. He knew it. Now he would have to stick to his promise to Liza… how could it be any worse?

"Who is it?"

"It's AMY!"

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To be continued. Shiay, your character probably won't show up, but Sonic will still try to distract Amy. Read and review, everyone!