Sonic Insanity

Hi everyone! I looked at the last few chapters and I realized they weren't really like the beginning of the story. This chapter is more similar to the less pop-culture, more situational humor of the first chapters, which I preferred more.

Sorry, Shiay, Liza probably won't show up for a while.

To Teddy-the-Bear: I wasn't really distinguishing between atomic and nuclear. I thought they were similar enough that it wouldn't matter.

And to - I deleted your review, as I didn't want any part of the plot to be spoiled.

Since this space is getting filled up, I will address the Kingdom Hearts 2 issue at the end.

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"Oh, my lovable Sonic!" cried Amy as she dashed in, smiting Knuckles and Tails aside with her hammer. Shadow attempted to give her a hug, seeing as she was supposed to be HIS girlfriend, but he ended up being forced to dodge out of the way as she looked for Sonic.

"Oh, Sonic! Where are you!" she called in a girlish voice.

Sonic winced. He was crammed very uncomfortably inside the washing machine, with a large load of Knuckles' gloves in his face (since none of them wore clothes, they just washed their gloves). If he lay low for long enough, maybe she'd give up and leave. Then he heard what was going on.

"Amy, Sonic isn't hiding between the wallpaper and the wall…"

"Amy, he couldn't fit inside the piano!"

"Amy, I don't know if Sonic could be in an ice cube tray… with ice cubes in it…"

"Amy," as a giant crash shook the house, "I doubt that he's underneath the couch…" CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! "Or any of the four beds…" CRASH-TINKLE-SHATTER-CRUNCH! "Or… (sigh) his computer…"

"My computer?" snarled Sonic viciously. Then he realized that he had just spoken out loud. Amy came hurrying into the laundry room, followed by the others. Tails was trying to stop her, Shadow looked angry, and Knuckles looked amused.

"Maybe he's in the closets," Tails pointed out.

"Yeah, he's in the closet all right," laughed Knuckles.

Inside the washing machine, Sonic growled. This was no time for jokes! If he ever got out of this washing machine, he'd give Knuckles the beating of his life. It just so happened that Shadow was pretending to check around the washing machine and drier. He realized that Sonic was in it.

"Don't do it!" Sonic pleaded silently.

A huge, malicious grin spread across Shadow's face, and for some reason, his stomach. He pressed HEAVY-DUTY WASH on the washing machine.

Sonic began to beat and pound on the inside of the washing machine, not caring about Amy any more. He just didn't want to die at the hands of Shadow.

Shadow pressed START.

Sonic's mouth was soon full of suds, water and wet gloves as he was thrown around the interior of the washing machine. His body made several large clunks.

"It sounds like there's something wrong with your washing machine," Amy said.

"Oh, Sonic probably just left some spare change or something in the pockets of his blouse," Knuckles said.

"Yeah, he does stuff like that," Shadow grinned.

"My blouse! My blouse? Just wait! I'll get revenge… somehow!" Sonic would have said if he hadn't been bouncing around the inside of the washing machine.

"Hmmm… we didn't check inside the vacuum cleaner bags!" Amy realized, sprinting up the basement stairs (the laundry room was in the basement).

"Oh yeah, we'll have to look there," Knuckles chuckled. Tails, who was unaware that Sonic was in the washing machine, flew quickly up the stairs.

29 minutes later…

The 30-minute heavy-duty wash was over. A half-drowned Sonic, covered in bubbles, gloves and soap, stumbled furiously out of the washer, soaking wet. He dried himself off with a freshly dried pile of gloves before stomping up the stairs, intent on getting revenge… that faker would pay through the nose!

He opened the basement door and looked around the corner.

"I guess he isn't here," Shadow was saying, and Sonic quickly snuck around the corner, backing away. Unfortunately, he backed right into Amy's embrace.

"Get her OFF!" he howled with misery, writhing to escape her clutches.

"Oh, Sonic! Where were you, I was looking all over!" Amy cried enthusiastically. Shadow was laughing and trying unsuccessfully to cover it up with repeated sneezes (if you counted saying the word 'achoo' between chuckles as a sneeze).

"Um… I was taking a bath," Sonic was quick to reply.

"Oh! Like, with your rubber ducky? That's so adorable! Wait til I tell everyone who could embarrass you with that information!" Sonic began to smolder dangerously. Unfortunately, Amy mistook it for a look of intense passion, and she began to hug him again.

Shadow flung himself in front of the TV, followed by Knuckles and Tails. "Hey, could someone make us some snacks?"

"Oh, Sonic, would you?" Amy simpered. "I'm just so hungry I could eat anything!"

"Anything?" Sonic smiled, getting an idea. "All right, but Tails gets the remote. He's the only one I trust… except you, Amy dear," he reassured her as she started to get mad.

If it seemed that Sonic was being a little too nice to Amy, it's because he was. Liza had said she wanted Amy out of the way so Liza could get Shadow… but she didn't say how Amy should be taken out of commission. In the fashion of most video game characters, Sonic reached behind his back to reveal a large bottle marked POISON. Apparently it had been taped there or something.

"Hah! This will give me a chance to get Amy out of the picture once and for all!" he cackled. "Amy can have chicken curry, she won't be suspicious of that." He made a bowl of it. "Now, for Tails, cause he's actually cool… I'll give him what he likes." Sonic poured out some sugary cereal, poured in milk, and set it aside. "Now, for Knuckles… I'll just give him some of this chicken curry." He split the chicken curry into two bowls.

"I think Knuckles is still a vegetarian, so he'll hate that," Sonic chuckled. "I'll put some sauce on top of hers, cause she likes sauce." He did so. "Now, for faker…" He made a large plate of waffles. "Shadow loves waffles… but not the way I'm planning to serve them!" He trotted into the living room, where Shadow was holding the remote.

"Where's Tails?" asked Sonic, looking angry.

Shadow pointed upward. Tails was tied to the ceiling fan, which was spinning.

After Tails had been let down, Sonic began to distribute the meals.

"Is that chicken curry for me?" Knuckles cried, his eyes lighting up.

"Yeah, one of them is," said Sonic, sweating nervously. It had to work! Just because Knuckles was no longer a vegetarian didn't mean he couldn't pull it off… He gave the cereal to Tails and flung the waffles at the wall next to Shadow.

"I want WAFFLES!" Shadow screeched.

"You didn't specify where you wanted them SEEEERVED!" sang Sonic in a highly obnoxious manner. Shadow seethed, trying to scrape them off the wall. "Now…"

Suddenly he realized something. He didn't know which curry he'd put the poison in! As much as he disliked Knuckles, there was only enough poison for one person, and he might not get another chance to take Amy out. Then he saw the sauce. Only Amy had sauce on hers. He handed Amy the one with sauce, and Knuckles the one without.

"Delicious! I want more!" cried Knuckles, cleaning out the Tupperware container in seconds.

"No, there's no more, this is for Amy," Sonic snapped, trying to look sincere and not at all suspicious and failing miserably.

"CHICKEN CURRY!" hollered Knuckles.

"WAFFLES!" Shadow screeched.

"NO! SHUT UP!" Sonic shrieked, trying to control them while making sure Amy wasn't suspicious. He hastily handed her the chicken curry and tried to make the two idiots sit down. They began to stomp around the room with clenched fists, knocking everything over and screaming what food they wanted. Sometimes they would say the other person's food, and other times they would shout out foods they hadn't originally asked for. Sometimes (and it gave Sonic nightmares to this day) they would yell for food that didn't exist, like 'melon noodles' or 'kitten on the rocks.'

Finally Tails managed to subdue them by turning the channel to football. They sat with rapt attention until their favorite team lost, and they began to stomp around again. Then Tails changed the channel to Family Guy, and they sat quietly and watched.

"Amy," Sonic managed to say, "this is for you."

"Oh, Sonic!" she cried, eating a huge morsel and grinning. "It's delicious! I love you!" She began to French kiss him.

Sonic gagged. He could hardly think of anything worse than to have Amy's tongue in his mouth, but that wasn't the main problem- the real problem was the poison! Amy would get the poison in his mouth, and he would die too! He struggled to get away- before it was too late-

It was too late.

Sonic gagged momentarily and fell on the floor, twitching several times. Amy was horrified. He shuddered spasmodically, eyes rolling, and finally stopped, his fingers clenching at nothing.

"Does anybody know whose this is?" Shadow asked, coming from the kitchen. In his hand was the bottle of poison, and it was full.

Sonic swore. He hadn't slipped any to Amy after all! Wait a minute… then why had he started twitching and all that?

Maybe it was better left unexplained.

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About Kingdom Hearts 2- I only ever played with Roxas, and I didn't want to skip any cut scenes- I was trying to ridicule it. Plus, they carried too much of the plot for me to miss. But when I was playing as the boy blunder himself, I soon became very irritated. I've never gone through a less interesting struggle. Buying pretzels and going to the beach were only several of the monotonous tasks that awaited me.

I watched my friend play the final boss as Sora, but that brought up another complaint. It was too much like a Stephen Sommers movie, or a movie in general. There was so much color and motion on the screen that I could barely see straight after I stopped watching (it was 1 AM, too). You would just watch Sora go bounding across flying chunks of buildings, cut them in half, and sail through the air- just by pressing triangle! That's the point where interactivity is sacrificed for cool images. In the end, that's all Kingdom Hearts ever was- just a bunch of cool ideas from Final Fantasy and Disney. Count me out. Plus, the preposterously repetitive button-mashing combat system, coupled with the mega-linear dungeons and recycled Disney plots, made me disgusted. Kingdom Hearts 2 is tied with Darkened Skye for my least favorite game of all time. I just hope some people have the courage to support my statement, like some of you did regarding the My Chemical Romance issue.

Review!