Sonic Insanity

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Needless to say, dinner was rather tense, as it always was. Amy was staying, having somehow overlooked Sonic's attempts to kill her. She had also insisted on cooking, which was causing everyone to be quite nervous.

She lay the dishes on the table and everyone began to eat. To their surprise, it was actually pretty good.

"Mmm… not bad!" Shadow said out loud, smiling at Amy. Of course, she only had eyes for Sonic, who was cautiously sniffing his spoonful of turkey salad. "Pass me some more of the mashed potatoes, Knuckles."

"What do you want?"

"Pass me the potatoes," Shadow repeated.

"Wait- what about the potatoes?"

"Pass them to me!"

"Pass what to you?"

"PASS ME THE POTATOES!" Shadow screamed with fury.

"Oh… why didn't you say so?" grinned Knuckles.

Shadow controlled himself with a great amount of willpower and said, calmly, "Please pass the mashed potatoes, Knuckles."

"I forgot how," Knuckles sneered.

That was it. Shadow stood up, grabbed a frying pan full of pasta, and slammed it onto Knuckles' hand.

"OW! My hand! I'll never walk again!" shrieked Knuckles, clutching his fingers.

"You don't walk on your hands," Tails pointed out.

"Um… oh yeah." Knuckles stamped as hard as he could on his foot. He fell to the floor, screeching with agony. "Now I'll never walk again! God! The things you put me through!"

Sonic shook his head with disgust.

Suddenly Tails began to pretend to throw up everywhere.

"Tails! What's wrong?" Amy asked with concern.

"I WANNA BE SKINNNNNNNNY!" he wailed.

Shadow promptly burst out laughing. Knuckles kicked him in the face, and the two began to fight. Sonic, disgusted, picked up Tails over his head and carried him off to watch TV.

"All right," sighed Amy, as dinner was over anyway. "Come back for dessert, though!"

"Uh, yeah right," Sonic muttered sarcastically. He and Tails sat down in front of the TV. They could hear Knuckles and Shadow arguing.

"You just kicked me in the face!" Shadow roared.

"For the last time, it couldn't have been me! I was standing on the brink!" Knuckles argued.

"The brink of what?"

"A puppy farm! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" Knuckles taunted him.

Shadow began to throttle the air angrily. "Well, I clearly saw you kicking me in the face!"

"I was on the brink of a puppy farm, far away from here! Must have been some wild hooligans who looked ex-ACT-ly like me!" Knuckles protested.

"Maybe there were two of you!" Shadow insisted.

"How?" snarled Knuckles.

"Simple! Just a little cloth and oil solution, with some mad turnip blending skills from my friend Orson Scott Card…" Shadow grinned.

It was Knuckles' turn to holler furiously at the top of his lungs. "You've infurified me for the last time!"

"Uh, infurified? Go home!" Shadow said smoothly.

The two of them began to fight furiously. Sonic and Tails turned to the TV. It began to play a movie advertisement.

"You take the blue tater tot… and the story ends. You wake up at home. You take the red tater tot…" The screen faded to show Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite, wearing sunglasses. "And I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

"This is pretty much the worst movie ever made," Napoleon Dynamite said, sitting across from him.

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE IS NEO

The screen showed the lobby scene from the first Matrix, with Napoleon and Deb instead of Neo and Trinity. Instead of the security guards, there were wolverines. It then cut to Napoleon talking to some jocks.

"What did you do last summer?"

"I told you, I was up in Alaska with my cousins hunting wolverines!" Napoleon hissed.

"Did you shoot any?"

"Yeah, like 50 of them!"

It then showed Napoleon and Deb in the loading program.

"What do you need?" asked Pedro, who was the operator.

"Guns… lots of guns," Napoleon said.

"What kind of guns?"

"A frickin' 12-gage, what do you think?" Napoleon shouted.

UNCLE RICO IS MORPHEUS

"You can make anything you want in the loading program," Uncle Rico was telling Napoleon. "Watch, I'll show you." He magically caused a cool bike to appear.

"Ever take it off any sweet jumps?" Napoleon asked casually. The next scene showed Napoleon flying it off a building… into the ground far below.

AND KIP… IS AGENT SMITH

"Mr. Dynamite!" said Kip, dressed in sunglasses and a suit. "Do you really think you can fight me?"

"Kip, you have the worst reflexes of all time!"

"I've been training to become a cage fighter," he said slowly. The two leaped at each other…

THE MATRIX: DYNAMITE

"Your mom goes to college!" Kip said from off-screen.

Sonic was disgusted. "That looks horrible, I'm out of here."

"Guys! Time for dessert! I brought six kinds of ice cream!" Amy sang.

"ICE CREAM?" gasped Sonic. He dashed in, followed by Tails. Knuckles and Shadow rolled in, fighting each other.

"Now, what kind do you want?" Amy asked, showing them the choices.

"Chocolate!" shouted Shadow and Sonic at the same time.

"We don't have enough… Sonic, could you do me a favor and have cookie dough instead?"

"I will," Shadow quickly said, hoping to get on his so-called girlfriend's good side.

"You're whipped, man," Sonic muttered.

"Shut up!"

"Tails, what do you want?" asked Amy kindly.

"Uh… could I have strawberry?" Tails asked.

"Vanilla? OK, honey," Amy beamed. Tails sighed and dug into his bowl. "I'll have strawberry… what will you have, Knuckles?"

"Um… how about Neapolitan?" Knuckles requested.

Sonic and Shadow began to cough into their hands, exchanging sly glances.

"What? Something wrong?" Knuckles asked, confused.

"Oh, uh, no problem," Shadow sniggered.

"What is wrong with Neapolitan?" Knuckles inquired flatly.

"Nothing… cough (yeah right) cough…" Sonic choked, his eyes filling over with tears of merriment.

"What is the problem?" Knuckles hissed menacingly.

Shadow was at the computer, writing a blog. "So, basically my friend said he wanted to eat Neapolitan ice cream, and I was like, "uh, see ya later, homeless man." It was a preeeeettttty entertaining encounter…" Shadow looked up to see Knuckles looking furious.

"Guys! Don't fight! We have a big day tomorrow!" Amy reprimanded them.

"What do you mean? We're not doing anything!" Sonic argued.

"Oh yes we are! Remember! We're all going to Canada tomorrow on our vacation!" Amy grinned, throwing her arms around Sonic.

Sonic lifted his head to the sky, contorted his face, and tried to imagine anything worse than going to the anti-America, Canada (shudder). Finding nothing more terrible, he sank to his knees and howled, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…"

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Looks like they're off to Canada (shudder). Please review!