Sonic Insanity

This may be the longest chapter yet. Please review.

Also, thank you Dragonbreath1 for the Canada suggestions, but due to the way the story works out it won't really work. Sorry, you'll see what I mean at the end of the chapter.

I did read College Days, matter of fact, Kitsune on Prozac. But this is a different story, where Shadow didn't go to college.

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To get Sonic to go to Canada, they had locked him inside a cardboard box and covered it in duct tape. As they all piled into the car, Tails tried to console him.

"Cheer up, Sonic!" he called into the trunk, where the cardboard box was furiously shaking and vibrating. "It'll be fun! Canada's not that bad!"

"-never go without a fight, do you hear me? NEVER! I'd rather stuff myself down a-"

Tails shuddered and turned away.

"How are we going to explain a psychotic cardboard box when we cross the border?" Knuckles asked.

"Um… we could say he's a mental patient," Shadow suggested.

"Yeah, that might work… but they'd ask to see him, and then he'd break free," Knuckles pointed out.

"We could say we're Alexandrian scholars and we're studying a cardboard box that Alexander the Great brought to life," Shadow said.

"They'd never believe that! That's ridiculous!" exploded Knuckles. "For starters, we don't know enough about those times to pass as scholars?"

"What are you talking about? I'm an expert on what happened in Alexander the Great's times!" shouted Shadow.

"Have you ever studied it?"

"No…"

"See?"

"But I know what happened!" insisted Shadow, standing his ground.

"HOW!"

"I WAS THERE WHEN IT ALL HAPPENED!" Shadow screamed into Knuckles' face.

Knuckles began to throttle the air with fury. "You were not present during any of the years Alexander the Great was alive!"

"Yes I was!" Shadow declared childishly. "The Macedonian armies would hang around my house every Sunday for the big game!"

"THERE WERE NO TELEVISIONS!" howled Knuckles.

"Did I say there were?" Shadow sneered. "I was referring to the betting games we played!"

Smoke began to stream in enormous billows from Knuckles' ears. He couldn't prove that there had been no cards back then. "Well, prove you were alive back then!"

"Prove that I wasn't!"

"All right," Knuckles stormed, "I'll ask you a question and I'll see if you can answer it. All right… let's see…" He racked his brains. "Here's one! Did Alexander the Great really give speeches to thousands of people?"

"Yeah, I was there every time!" Shadow argued. "He would spit his dope rhymes like a menace!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" bellowed Knuckles, a vein throbbing in his forehead.

"You know how our country is sort of obsessed with bling-bling and rap culture?" Shadow smirked. "Well, it was the same way back then."

"THERE WAS NO RAP CULTURE IN ALEXANDRIAN TIMES, YOU IMBECILE!"

"Be that as it may," Shadow went on, "he decided that to attract people to his ideas, he would rap his sermons!"

"HE DID NOT! This is blasphemy!" Knuckles screamed. "Oh, if only Oliver Stone could hear you now…"

"It's true! He rapped his battle speeches! They were pretty good raps, too, not like the garbage rappers make today," Shadow grinned. "I downloaded them off of the iTunes music store!"

Amy came outside of the house just in time to hear Knuckles' response.

"Alexander the Great did NOT make rap singles that were available on iTunes!"

"Of course not!" Shadow said, looking horrified. "Knuckles, how could you say such things? Amy, we have to get him help or something…"

"What's wrong?" Amy asked, concerned.

"I was talking to him about our Canada trip, and he just starts screaming about Alexander the Great being a rapper!" Shadow told her, looking totally innocent. "We should put him in the back with Sonic, so he doesn't say anything like that at the border."

"I guess so…" Amy conceded.

Knuckles was foaming at the mouth with rage. "YOU were the one who said you lived during Alexandrian times! You said all those things!"

"Knuckles, we have to get you under control," Shadow said seriously, winking at the echidna whenever Amy looked away. "We'll have to lock you up…"

"I'm NOT INSANE! He was saying it all! LET GO OF ME!" cried Knuckles as Shadow put him in a straightjacket. "STOP IT! He said all those things! I'm not crazy! HELP!" Shadow threw him in the back and gagged him with a strip of duct tape.

"You just never know when someone's mind can snap like that," the black hedgehog concluded sadly. Behind him, Knuckles and Sonic both thrashed around in the trunk of the car. Tails looked at both of them with worry, getting in the back seat.

"Mind if I borrow these?" Shadow inquired, taking Sonic and Knuckles' wallets from them. How he had taken Sonic's was unclear, seeing as the blue hedgehog was inside the duct taped cardboard box.

"Give them BACK!" screeched the cardboard box, rattling furiously. Knuckles tried to shout from behind his gag.

"We'll need these to pay for our meals," Shadow informed them. "By that I mean, the thousand-dollar steaks Tails, Amy and I will eat, and the cold ground hamburger you'll dine upon." He reached into their wallets and extracted the cash. "Thanks!" He got into the car, behind the wheel, and drove off.

"Don't forget us!" screamed Amy and Tails.

Several minutes later…

Amy, Tails and Shadow had begun their long drive to Canada. Shadow casually tossed Sonic and Knuckles' wallets out the window, now that he had all the cash.

"Tails," Amy said, "can you get a road map?"

"Sure, Amy!" he said, looking for a road map in the back seat.

"Oh, so you're ignoring us now, huh?" Shadow snarled.

"What? No I'm not!" Tails said.

"See, Amy? He's giving us the silent treatment! Look at that mutinous look in his eyes…"

Tails, who was wearing mirrored sunglasses, growled. "I'm not ignoring you! I'm looking for a road map, just like Amy said!"

"Well, you'd better not think you're too good to talk to us," Shadow sneered. "Cause that's a lesson that you learn with trench dodgeball, not this wimpy alternative country music they're making these days. What's wrong with pickles, anyway? You lick a couple of spark plugs at the senior prom and the next thing you know, you're flat on your back with your face pressed against the floor, being interrogated by some man who has, like, sixty cats at home and the biggest mustache this side of the Van Halen Ocean. Seriously, why don't they believe that I invented the Internet? It's like Vietnam just handed over all its communications to my best friend, and bam! Before you can say 'word in quotation marks,' you've got it all… but you've lost everything! So…" He trailed off. There was a very uncomfortable silence.

"Er… do you have the map?" asked Amy.

"Yeah," Tails told her, passing it forward. Shadow swatted it out the open window.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" exploded Amy.

"I know what you're up to!" accused Shadow. "You're trying to say that I can't drive well!"

"Well, you can't!" Tails said bravely. "You drive like… like a drunk South Asian grandmother!"

A mushroom cloud appeared where Shadow's head was, smashing a hole through the roof of the car. "The nerve! Tails, you don't even know how to drive!"

"Which would explain how I could flawlessly operate planes, combat machines, and every vehicle known to furry-kind?" Tails sneered.

"I drive FINE!" Shadow shouted at the top of his lungs. At that moment, the glove compartment burst open and a flood of parking tickets, court notices, and disregarded warnings swamped the front seat. Amy scowled as she was buried under the mass of paper.

"Don't worry, it's only a parking offense," Shadow tried to explain, while Amy seethed silently.

"I can see it now," Tails growled. "There'll be some politically active band singing a song about reckless drivers, and during the chorus, the lead singer will say, with his voice dripping with enraged sarcasm, 'Don't worry, it's only a parking offense,' to sum up the-"

"I GET it!" shrieked Shadow, slamming his fist on the horn repeatedly. Unfortunately, he hit the airbag release button by mistake, and it smacked Amy in the face.

"Date Commentary # 1: The deluge of driving misdemeanors had the girl smiling, but by the time the first airbag to the face was delivered, she seemed to tense up!" Tails sang irritatingly.

Shadow was grabbing the steering wheel so tightly that it was beginning t change shape. Smoke emerged steadily from his ears. For several minutes, the car was silent.

Meanwhile, in the trunk, Knuckles had managed to get out of the straightjacket. But, since the trunk wasn't connected with the interior of the car (even though I earlier said it was… those continuity errors really come out of nowhere), he would have to either tunnel into the car through the trunk, or open the trunk door and climb on the outside of the car and get in through a window. He decided to try the second way.

He put his fist through the trunk door, and it flew open. The cardboard box went sailing out of the car, landing in the road. It was promptly run over by other cars.

Knuckles sneered. Let Sonic get a little lesson. He had business to solve with that conniving, two-timing black hedgehog. With difficulty, he pulled himself out of the trunk and onto the roof of the car. Seeing a very convenient hole in the roof, he prepared to go through. But then he saw something he had not expected.

Sonic was sitting in a lawn chair, reading a newspaper on top of the car.

"What are you doing here?" bellowed Knuckles.

"You didn't expect me to hang around that cardboard box for that long?" Sonic said, insulted.

"Wait- HOW DID YOU GET OUT? I would have seen you!"

"Unless… they didn't want you to see it…" Sonic said mysteriously.

"They? What…?"

"You know… the Man! The Establishment! The Machine! The System! Society! Feta Cheese! Things of that nature!" Sonic argued.

Knuckles decided to put aside his differences with this annoying blue blob of fur for the time being. "All right, let me get in through the hole in the roof!"

"No can do!"

"WHAT!"

"There's a line, buddy!" Sonic said angrily. "Why do you think we're all lined up like this?"

"Lined up, lined up?" screamed Knuckles. "There's no LINE! Just you sitting in a lawn chair!"

"Unless… they don't want you to see the line…"

"Oh, shut up!" Knuckles spat, hurling the lawn chair and Sonic through the hole in the roof. There was a long noise of falling, followed by a loud, metallic CLANG as Sonic hit the bottom.

"…A little help?" Sonic asked, his voice echoing.

Knuckles almost exploded. How could there be a metallic clang if Sonic fell several inches into Shadow's seat? Where was the echoing coming from? How had it taken Sonic so long to fall? What…. Where… How?

He decided to pursue Sonic. Knuckles took a running leap, fell into the hole in the roof… and plummeted down a long metal chute, landing next to Sonic. They were in a cold, dark prison, with no way out.

"We're not alone," Sonic said ominously.

"Um… how do you know?"

"Look, he's right over there."

"Oh…" They took a closer look around the room. Huddled in the corner was a heavyset pig wearing an apron. Only his head was visible…

SINCE IT HAD BEEN SEVERED FROM HIS BODY!

Just kidding, it was because his body was behind a large food stand.

"Hi," Sonic said cautiously to the pig.

"Hello! Come get your fresh hot dogs!" the pig sang happily.

Knuckles anxiously stepped over to the pig and sampled a hot dog. "Mmmm! They're really good! Sonic, come try some!"

"Wow! They're great!" Sonic agreed.

"You didn't even try one yet!"

"Oh yeah…" Embarrassed, Sonic sampled the hot dog. "Wow! What's this meat they're wrapped in?"

"Bacon," the pig said.

Sonic and Knuckles both looked at the pig, and the bacon.

"Er-"

"Um-"

"Oh, lovely bacon… sweet, delicious bacon! I love the way it smells, its taste, its texture," the pig enthused grandly, taking a slow bite of a large strip of bacon.

Sonic and Knuckles began to back away. Suddenly Sonic tripped and he fell down another long, chute, the pig's laughter in his ears… "We're going to Canada…"

Then he woke up. He was in his bed, perfectly fine.

"It was all just a dream…" He relaxed. He looked at the calendar. It was the morning before they were supposed to leave for Canada.

Then Shadow rushed in, looking serious.

"We're not going to Canada," he told Sonic brusquely. "But here's the bad news- we're being deported!"

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Uh-oh… what could this mean? Review.

Whoa… I just realized that over the course of 3 chapters, I got 50 reviews. That's around 17 reviews per chapter or something! Anyway….