Sonic Insanity

Since I am such a genius, I decided to update one day early. Plus, I have tons of stuff tomorrow so I probably wouldn't have had time anyway. Review.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They all sat around the large table, looking grim. Well, except for Sonic, who was looking sleepy and confused, Knuckles, who was looking absolutely enraged, and Tails, who was busily crunching a bowl of Fruit Loops mixed with Sweet n' Low. So basically, Shadow was looking grim.

"We've got a crisis," he reported.

"What? It's 6/6/06?" gasped Tails, looking up from his "cereal."

"Yeah, actually, nobody cares about that, Tails," Knuckles pointed out. "Plus, by the time any of Mecha Scorpion's readers take their sweet time to read and review his story (except D.G.O, who leaps on every update as if it's his prey), that day will be long past."

"Could we return to the point?" pressed Shadow, as Sonic was cracking his knuckles. "Since we don't have passports, we're not allowed to stay in this country anymore, until we can apply for new passports."

"What? We have passports!" Sonic argued.

"Not after FAKER over here threw our wallets, which had all the passports in them, OUT THE WINDOW!" Knuckles screamed at the top of his lungs.

"That was not my fault!" Shadow maintained, trying to keep a straight face and failing dismally.

"Guys!" Tails demanded. "We have to figure out what's important. When do we get deported?"

"By the end of today," Shadow informed him, while a vein throbbed in Knuckles' forehead.

"All right," Tails said. "Now, what should we do?"

"We'll wage war on the United States government!" Shadow announced. "Boy, they'll regret ever trying to deport us…"

"That's four of us against the entire military," Sonic pointed out.

Shadow scoffed. "The military? By that I assume you mean about 40 or 50 weak G.U.N soldiers who can be destroyed by one Homing Attack!"

"I say we should try to take this to court," Knuckles explained.

"Remember the last time we were in court?" demanded Sonic. "Eggman became the judge, and we had to pay him 7,003 rings in gold dust!"

"Yeah, and we got it all back," Tails observed. "Plus, I transformed my law degree in gold dust, so it didn't harm you in any way."

"Well, what about the time before that, when we were in court?" Sonic snarled.

Flashback… (it's been a while since we had one of these)

"Everyone please rise for the honorable Judge Smith," the bailiff said.

"Shadow! Stand up!" hissed Knuckles.

"Not right now!" Shadow wailed, focused on his Game Boy Color and jamming the buttons with his thumbs. "This Gym Leader is going down! I've got his Pidgey on the ropes! Come on… come on… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! His Evasion was too high! Why meeeeeeeee?" He broke down sobbing as the judge regarded him questioningly.

"Shadow, you can play Pokémon later!" Knuckles growled. "Now stand up!"

"I wanted to be the best Pokémon trainer in history… AND NOW THAT EVIL LEVEL 9 PIDGEY HAS ROBBED ME OF MY ONLY DREAM? Why… what cruel god could allow this tragedy to happen?" He raised a tear-stained face to the heavens, threw his Game Boy Color at the judge furiously, and shook his fist. "WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?"

Knuckles examined the Game Boy Color, which had knocked the judge unconscious. Nothing had even happened! The Pidgey had simply dodged Shadow's attack, and delivered only a few points of damage to Shadow's Pokemon! He seethed with rage, seeing that Shadow's antics would probably cause them to go to jail.

"My only hope… my only desire… I tried and tried again, and as success came near… you pulled it away from me, God! Why? How could you say you love your people… when you hurt them so? Well… maybe it's just that you love me so much, to test me like this… but I can't deal with it! I don't have the strength to suffer like your son did for me, Lord… forgive me…"

Knuckles almost exploded. "YOU'RE NOT SUFFERING IN ANY SENSE OF THE WORD! You received two points of damage in a POKÉMON GAME! You don't know the meaning of pain!"

"Pain, noun- the sensations one feels when hurt, mentally or physically, especially DISTRESS, SUFFERING, great anxiety, anguish, GRIEF, etc. OPPOSED TO PLEASURE!" shrieked Shadow at Knuckles, slamming the dictionary shut. "You call this pleasure? I'm distressed! I'm suffering! I grieve!"

"Without any good REASON to!" Knuckles spat.

"Say that again!" barked Shadow, the two of them nose to nose and on their feet, fists clenched.

"I said," Knuckles growled, "that you have ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to be upset!"

Shadow hissed with rage, tackling Knuckles. The two of them rolled into the aisle, beating each other with all their strength.

"Well, at least we got them to stand up," noted a security guard as the watchers fled the room.

End flashback…

"Oh yeah, that was pretty cool," said Sonic, even though he hadn't even been there.

"Are you kidding? That was worse than that one wedding in Alabama we went to!" snarled Knuckles (thankfully, there was no flashback). "It was worse than that time we all sat around and ate Ben and Jerry's while reading the Book of Revelations!"

"It was worse than Limp Bizkit's vocalist singing Japanese pop!" cried Tails. Everyone looked at him strangely for listening to Japanese pop.

"Or," seethed Sonic, "it was almost as bad as a certain black, faking hedgehog causing all four of us to be deported out of the country… a certain black hedgehog with a video game that had tons of guns, a certain black hedgehog with red-tipped quills…"

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"You could cut the subtlety with a knife," Knuckles commented, causing Shadow to crack up.

"Or a wife, for that matter," Tails pointed out, prompting more gales of laughter.

Sonic rounded on him. "And YOU! How could you just abandon Knuckles and me while we were being robbed? Now all four of us are getting kicked out of the only good country to live in- except Germany, of course," he added frantically, a look of terror on his face as the author leveled a large shot gun at his face. (Yes, I'm German. And any Nazi jokes will be treated with extreme criticism, S.W.R- style. That includes you, uhyeahitsteamdark, who often enjoys making jokes about my story and me during his reviews.)

"Actually, the five of us," Shadow told them. "You see, Amy's passport was in Knuckles' wallet, so she's going to get deported too…"

"Well, hopefully not to the same place as us," Sonic conceded.

"Where are we getting deported to, anyway?" asked Knuckles.

"Here," Shadow said, tossing a brochure at him.

Knuckles looked at the pictures, not bothering to look at the words, as he was probably illiterate. They showed luxurious beaches, palm trees and huge hotels. "Well, this doesn't look that bad. It might even be better than here, anyway."

"Read closer," Shadow advised, edging away from the echidna.

Knuckles decided to read the words, growing angrier and angrier. The brochure read:

CZECHOSLOVAKIAN GYPSY ORPHANAGES

Worst of Eastern Europe since 1958

Our luxurious, one-room tents are perfectly designed for a group of four. Don't let the lack of running water, plumbing and heat distract you from the good things about our establishment. You're allowed to hunt your own food from the wolf-infested woods surrounding our camp, and the weather gets to a balmy 28 degrees Fahrenheit at noon. Labor hours adjustable but mandatory.

Knuckles, infuriated, began to read the captions under the photos of the beach resort. They said things like:

Unrelated flock of parrots

A sunset five minutes from here… by airplane

Some beach that people richer than you are on

A few hours later…

It turned out that Amy was going to the same gypsy orphanage as them after all. Shadow, Amy and Tails all sat in the back, a government driver at the wheel. Sonic and Knuckles had to be subdued- Sonic because he didn't want to be anywhere near Amy and tried to escape, Knuckles because he was so angry about being deported. Sonic was in the trunk in a cardboard box, Knuckles also in the trunk but in a straightjacket.

"Is anybody feeling déjà vu?" asked Shadow. Déjà Vu slapped him angrily for making such a dirty joke, her eyes narrowed furiously.

"Wait a minute," thought Sonic as they drove off, "if me losing my passports was in my dream… how are they lost now?"

"Just a little cloth and oil solution, mixed with some mad turnip blending skills from my friend Orson Scott Card," Shadow smirked at him.

Tails wisely avoided pointing out the déjà vu, as she was looking at him suspiciously.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So, 50th chapter coming up, along with a gypsy orphanage… review!