Sonic Insanity

Here is the fabled appearance of the Boss. And no, the boss is not Shadow the Hedgehog. Review!

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Sonic woke up, tied to a chair. Wait a minute, he thought. I never fell asleep! So… well… maybe I'd rather not know. He was in an extravagant mansion room. There was someone else in a chair sitting across from him, his face darkened by shadows. Tails was also sitting next to him. There were random guards positioned by the doors and windows.

"Who are you?" Sonic asked cautiously.

A low voice with a gravelly British accent answered him. "Heh he… your worst nightmare."

"What if Tails and I have different worst nightmares?" Sonic asked.

"I wasn't speaking to Tails," the voice said.

"So you're just my worst nightmare, and something that might be… say… Tails' third or fourth worst nightmare?" Sonic guessed.

"Shut up!" snapped the shadowy, apparently British figure. "I have a… job offer for you…" Twenty seconds passed, during which the mystery figure seemed to be waiting for something.

"Sorry, the stereo wasn't plugged in," someone called from outside.

"Let's try that again," the shadowy figure snarled. "I have a…. job offer… for you…" There was a loud lightning sound effect and the room was lit. Sonic caught a brief glimpse of blue eyes and a helmet before the cheap "lightning" flash faded away.

"I won't accept any job offers until I find out who you are!" Tails said defensively.

"Do you know who I am?" asked the shadowy figure quietly.

"No, that's why we asked," Sonic said, but the shadowy figure took no notice.

"Do you know who I am?" The lights flicked on to reveal the Juggernaut from X-Men 3. "I'm the Juggernaut, btch!"

"AGGGGGGGGGGGH!" screamed Tails because of how physically intimidating Juggernaut was.

"AGGGGGGGGGGGGH!" shrieked Sonic because of how disappointing he now knew X-Men 3 was going to be. The Juggernaut looked absolutely ridiculous. Plus, that terrible one-liner…

"Just kidding, I'm Bam Margera," the Juggernaut said, pulling out his costume.

(AN: So, the boss is Bam Margera! I knew it! Well, I had to, because I wrote this story… d'oh!)

"This better not be one of those stupid we-got-whoever-was-desperate-enough-to-agree guest spots," snarled Sonic, ruining the drama of the scene.

"Yeah, like when Matt Hoffman showed up on that terrible kid's TV show," Tails agreed, for once actually disapproving on bad children's television.

"No worries… this isn't some sort of ongoing series that many people see on a regular basis," chuckled Bam, winking at the audience.

"You know, I can see the audience, they're in this room," Sonic growled.

"Oh, sorry… um, they just announced the American Idol finalists," Bam told the audience. (AN: Ugh, American Idol…) The audience, shrieking with delight, quickly ran out of the room to find out who was the American Idol of the year or season or whatever.

"So, what's your job offer?" Sonic inquired.

"Oh, nothing much… just to do with a certain soccer match," Bam grinned. The guards pulled off their masks to reveal Bam's crew from his show.

Sonic shook his head desperately. "I don't do soccer matches. That's over for me."

"This is about you paying me back for my old soccer match that you ruined," Bam said, standing up. He was wearing a black bathrobe with gold trim, still managing to look fairly menacing. "Remember?"

"Yes, I remember, no need for a flashback," Sonic stuttered.

"Too late," smirked Bam. The flashback line of dancing girls came out.

Flashback…

"And the furries are doing pretty well against my crew!" Bam announced as Sonic and his friends played soccer against Bam's crew. "But do they have what it takes? This unbiased announcer doubts it! Um… yeah, so-and-so passes the ball. We'll be right back." Bam dropped the microphone and smacked his uncle, Don Vito. "Vito, I told you not to eat the cake we were gonna give for Ape! Now she'll be here and get upset. Looks like there's only one punishment for you…"

Within minutes, Vito was hanging only a few feet over the soccer field, dangling by a rope that was attached to the ceiling.

"And what's this?" Bam asked in amusement as he went back to the announcer's microphone. "Sonic has apparently picked up the ball with his hands and is carrying it across the field! Well, looks like the referee's going to intercept this drunken excuse for a soccer player…"

"It's FOOTBALL!" cried some English spectator. Bam threw a coffee can at him.

Meanwhile, as the referee came up to Sonic, the blue hedgehog took the referee out by hurling the ball at him. It knocked him unconscious. Sonic picked the ball back up and hurled it at the goal. Unfortunately, it hit the hanging Vito instead, and the momentum caused Vito to swing back and forth on the rope he was dangling from.

"Get me down!" he shouted furiously as the ball bounced off of him and knocked Murtogg out (reference to my Pirates of the Caribbean fanfic there, go check it out). Unfortunately, the rope was stretched too far, and it snapped as Vito reached the top of his swing. Bam's fat uncle soared through the air, slamming into the announcer's booth and landing directly on top of Bam.

"Get off me!" Bam cried in an infantile manner, slapping the dashboard in front of him with reckless abandon. Of course, his left hand landed directly on the Make-Wacky-Antics-Ensue Button.

Several large kegs of dynamite at the base of the scoreboard exploded. The scoreboard teetered over, slamming into the field. Glass and sparks flew everywhere as the scoreboard was destroyed, and numerous members of Bam's crew were flattened under it. Sonic ran out of the way, but the shockwave from the scoreboard hit him, causing him to sail into a hot dog stand. It fell over, and… well, basically an increasingly chaotic series of coincidences caused the stadium to be completely destroyed.

End flashback…

"Oh yeah, that was one heck of an after-party," squirmed Sonic uncomfortably, while Bam glared like a demon.

"Thanks to you," he said slowly, a chocolate cigar clamped in his teeth, "I was ruined! Ape got furious as usual, Vito ended up demolishing my house in revenge, and I lost all my money when I had to pay back the families of the dead members of my crew!"

"First of all," objected Sonic, "your crew is standing by the doors, they're not dead. Second of all, you didn't pay their families anything, even if they had died. Third, this is your house, so Vito obviously didn't demolish it! Fourth, Ape is always furious at you, so why worry?"

"That stadium caused me millions!" Bam shouted. "And it was all destroyed thanks to you trying to make up your own rules to a popular non-American pastime. It's payback time, Sonic the Hedgehog! I've finally got you in my clutches!"

"We're not in your clutches," Tails pointed out. "We're just in the same room."

"He has us trapped, Tails," Sonic told his friend.

"Oh yeah."

"Well," Bam growled, "either you two can do what I say, or you're going back to that gypsy orphanage!"

"All right, all right!" Sonic screamed. "What do you want?"

Bam's smile widened. "You have to infiltrate a military base and get me a tank. Ever since Tony Hawk's Underground 1, when we went to Moscow, I always wanted a tank. And I never got one! Now you can repay your debt by fetching me one."

Sonic was furious. He could either risk imprisonment and death and ensure the destruction of America by getting Bam a tank, or be guaranteed imprisonment and death in that terrible concentration camp, while Eggman destroyed the world without anyone to oppose him.

"All right," he said. "We'll do it."

"Why do I always get dragged into these things?" sighed Tails.

"Your mom always gets dragged into these things," Bam said snidely while pointing at his own pants, dodging a kick from the irate fox boy.

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So, military infiltration. Meanwhile, Shadow, Knuckles and Amy are still in Czechoslovakia… please review. This may mark a semi-plot based turn for our heroes for a few chapters.