Sonic Insanity
Hey, gang! In part due to watching the Seinfeld 100th episode, and in part to a suggestion from uhyeahitsteamdark a few chapters ago, I decided to piece together 5 of Sonic Insanity's finest moments. But these are all fictional, so this is basically my time to use all my out-of-context ideas for the series. Anyway, enjoy!
You know what Amy was saying last chapter? Well, that's not going to be left hanging, that will be picked up next chapter.
Oh yeah, and if anyone wants to know my favorite chapter, it's Chapter 30, or The UnUsual Suspects.
Quarma the Panther, take back what you said about SOAD! And anyway, what did everyone do for the 4th of July?
Finally, about sequels: I am not planning on doing a sequel to Sonic Insanity. I will probably just keep writing the fic as it is, because if I made a sequel then a new plot would be necessary. If I have to cancel the story or I just get sick of writing it, a sequel will not come for a while. I will probably write other stories in between sequels. That is all.
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Number 5: A Hot Date With Pain
Knuckles, Rouge, Tails, Cream, Tikal, Sonic and Shadow were all together in a booth in a restaurant, talking and laughing. Knuckles and Rouge, Sonic and Tikal, and Tails and Cream were all on dates. Amy had been busy, and Shadow had nothing better to do, so he tagged along dateless. Unfortunately for Knuckles, he kept hitting on Rouge, and successfully too.
"So anyway," Knuckles said, shooting Shadow a death-laden glance, "we were going fast in that thing, and I mean really fast. Julie-Su should have stopped that thing when she could have, cause we all got pretty hurt. When we reached the bottom of the hill, we were all more injured that when we tried to sell Yankees merchandise in Boston!" A small smile spread across Rouge's lips. She was about to laugh…
"AAA-HAAAAAAAA-HAAAAAA! What a comedian! This guy is just naturally funny!" Shadow cackled cruelly in a sarcastic, high-pitched voice. Rouge laughed out loud (LOL), and Knuckles ground his teeth in wrath. "Here's how it really happened, baby- do you mind if I call you that?" he asked Rouge.
"I don't really mind," she said, fluttering her eyelashes at him as if she was trying to use them to remove her clumsily applied eye shadow.
Knuckles seethed angrily. She slapped me when I called her my date! And she just lets Shadow call her "baby" with no fuss at all… He began to snarl incoherently as Shadow went on with his enactment of the story.
"So, we had all piled into this hollow log and we had Julie-Su roll it down a hill and run down after us," Shadow told Rouge, his face so close to hers that when they blinked, they poked each other in the face with their eyelids. "She was holding onto a big chain that was attached to the log, so she could pull on it to stop us if we got out of control…" Suddenly, he and Rouge began to make out. Knuckles grabbed him by the throat and hurled him into a cactus nearby.
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Number 4: It Was Going To Happen Sooner Or Later
Shadow was rolling on the ground laughing, slamming his fists into the floor and choking with his mirth. Tears seeped from his eyes and he struggled to regain breath, his laugh becoming so high-pitched that it was inaudible. Sonic was pummeling him furiously, mashing Shadow's face in with his fists, but the black hedgehog continued laughing.
"Shadow, you have been laughing FOR TEN HOURS!" screamed Tails at the top of his lungs, finally getting annoyed. Shadow only laughed harder, clutching his sides and shrieking in merriment. There was the sound of breaking ribs, but the black hedgehog laughed on, the grin on his face large enough to swallow Eggman's latest nonsensical invention.
"Say it again," Shadow choked, clutching his aching sides and panting for breath.
"DON'T! DON'T!" shrieked Tails, but Knuckles went on with a huge grin on his face.
"Sonic's ex-girlfriend became a lesbian because of how bad he was-"
Gales of laughter rolled from Shadow's lips as he writhed in tormented hilarity. Sonic abandoned Shadow and began to try to beat up Knuckles, who was now laughing as well. Tails sighed, getting out some bandages to heal Shadow's wounds- apparently the black hedgehog had actually split his sides laughing, and the huge holes in his abdomen were bleeding profusely.
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Number 3: The SMAIRD
"STARS? Stars EVERYWHERE?" Tails wondered, once again. They were all in Eggman's base, and Eggman was behind the controls of his newest invention, laughing hysterically.
"What did you do to him?" shouted Sonic at the doctor.
"Stars? Stars everywhere I can see? Stars in the sky?" inquired Tails.
"Oh, just a little laser beam I like to call… the Spontaneously Mentally Associative Inquiry Response Device, or the SMAIRD!" Eggman cackled loudly.
"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" Knuckles shrieked, fighting off robots with both fists flailing.
"Well," Eggman explained with towering superiority, as if the matter would have been obvious to an illiterate three-year old, "you're all big boys, you have a big enough vocabulary to figure it out! What do you think it means?"
He ducked as one of his robots was thrown at him, amid Tails' babblings. "Now, now! Say please!"
"PLEASE!" screamed Sonic, tired of this nonsense.
"That's what I like to hear!" beamed the doctor. "Essentially, he'll respond to any question he hears with a random phrase. It will be the same phrase, or at least a similar one, each time he hears any question. So… what's for lunch?"
"STARS? Stars over the earth, watching down on us all? Stars, as in S-T-A-R-S?" gasped Tails, awestruck and trying to snatch imaginary stars from the air.
Shadow, mad as heck from listening to Tails' mumblings, dashed straight at Eggman. The doctor fired a SMAIRD beam at him too, and the black hedgehog stopped dead in his tracks.
"Let's see if he responds to questions," Sonic told Knuckles. "Shadow? Can you hear me?"
"Yes, I can hear you, Sonic, I can hear you… QUITE WELL!" shrieked Shadow.
"Well, it appears that Shadow will over-emphasize random parts of sentences whenever he hears a question!" Eggman cackled. "How are you doing, Shadow?"
"Oh, I'm fine, Doctor… NEVER BEEN BETTER!" Shadow yodeled crazily, demolishing a robot by booting it in the face.
"But what if the question isn't directed at him?" asked Sonic.
"If I had my way, right about now you'd be waking up… WITH WICKER BASKETS!" howled Shadow demonically.
"It seems that he just says a random phrase and over-emphasizes part of it!" Eggman laughed.
"I'll find a cure… NO MATTER WHAT! Even if it takes my whole life!" vowed Sonic furiously.
Several days later…
"The condition is incurable," the doctor said sadly.
"WHAT?" hollered Sonic.
"Who are you? I was talking to the family of this chicken pox victim," the doctor said hurriedly, covering the phone receiver with his hand.
"Oh yeah, and that SMAIRD thingy didn't actually have any effect on your friends," the doctor snapped. "They were just playing along."
Surrounded by hordes of adoring fangirls back at home, Shadow smirked jubilantly as he listened to the sweet, sweet music of Sonic calling for his blood.
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Number 2: Technical Difficulties
Sonic woke up groggily, moving his exhausted limbs in an attempt to revive them. He remembered what he was going to do today. His favorite story on was getting updated, just like it was every other week. He bounded out of bed to turn on his computer.
"Let's look at my things to do list," smiled Sonic, examining a scrap of paper taped to the computer monitor. It read:
Read story: Stop: Grammar Time!
Be lazy (unless Eggman tries to destroy the world again)
"Ah, nothing to do but read my favorite story in the world!" Sonic chuckled, waiting for his slow Windows XP system to turn on. "Stop: Grammar Time, written by the greatest author ever… M.C. Grammar! I mean, greatest author besides Mecha Scorpion, of course," he added hastily as a laser beam from the sky incinerated his mouse pad. "Now, I'll just wait until this slow…" He punched the monitor. "Piece…" He kicked the desk viciously. "Of…" He pounded a fist on the keyboard. A loud error noise censored his last comment.
Fifteen minutes later…
"ONLY FIVE PERCENT LOADED?" squealed Sonic, quickly lowering his voice to make himself sound angrier. "Only five percent loaded? That's IT! I've had enough of Windows wasting my life on loading screens! I'm calling Tech support right NOW!" He picked up his cell phone and dialed the number furiously.
"Tech Support," a strangely familiar voice said. "How may I help you?" The voice seemed like he'd heard it before…
Sonic dismissed it as some sort of odd Indian accent and plowed on. "Now listen here! This is a fallacy! I started up my Windows XP about fifteen minutes ago and it's only loaded around five percent! I need some help!"
"All right, I can help you with that," the oddly familiar voice reassured him. "Please hold while I transfer you to someone who can help you with that."
The Tech Support guy put him on hold and started playing Billboard Top 40 songs as the hold music.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked Sonic, who absolutely despised Billboard Top 40. He began to twitch and writhe on the floor as "Snap Your Fingers" by Lil Jon played.
"Oh yeah! Dig that groovy hip-hop beat!" sang Knuckles, beginning to dance to the music. "Snap yo fingers, and do yo step! Or you can do it all by yourself…" on and on and on. The hideous sight of Knuckles dancing made the hold seem even longer than it was. Sonic twitched and almost went comatose.
Several songs later, the same Tech Support guy came back. "All right, how did you turn your computer on?"
Sonic's eyes narrowed as a dreadful suspicion entered his thoughts. "Wait a minute… this better not be…"
"Oh, but it is," the voice said gloatingly, and Sonic could now definitely recognize it.
"EGGMAN!" he shouted furiously, throttling the air with his enraged hands. "Get me someone who can help me with this problem!"
"Hah! Little did you know that I SWITCHED your computer with my newest invention, and used this call to distract you!" chortled Eggman. "Sayonara, Sonic the Hedgehog! It's curtains for you!"
Sure enough, the curtains on Sonic's window flew through the air and wrapped themselves around Sonic so tightly that he couldn't move. His computer, or what he thought was his computer, gradually turned into…
Knuckles bounded in and smashed the computer with his fist, breaking it into pieces.
"Technical difficulties, biatch!" he cackled at the top of his lungs. "What now? What now!"
"Knuckles, you saved me!" gasped Sonic, freeing himself of his treacherous curtains.
"Oh, really?" Knuckles said, disappointed. "I just wanted to destroy your computer."
It is said that Sonic's bloodcurdling squawk of rage is still ringing in his neighbor's ears.
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Number 1: The Biggest Battle
Sonic held his shield with a steady hand, crouching on the top of the castle wall. Flaming arrows streaked past his head, the sky a bloody red in the dying sun. He caught an arrow on the shield he was carrying, pulling his sword out and vaulting over the wall to the ground far below.
He began to run straight down the wall, swinging and hacking with his sword at the twisted, mutated dark things clawing their way up the wall. They were Heartfeeders- foul, loathsome crossbreeds between men and demons. Sonic swung the sword viciously, his momentum propelling him down the steep wall. He leaped from the wall about halfway down, grabbing onto a passing dragon's tail and holding on grimly.
The dragon wheeled over the battlefield, allowing him a clear view of the events. Their men were holding the wall bravely, but the Heartfeeders would overrun it soon- new legions of the beasts were marching in from the mountains. The siege machines were wreaking havoc at the castle wall, but their men were coming out and would soon disable them. They only had a few hours left.
Sonic scrambled his way up the dragon's tail, finding handholds and footholds in the attenuated spikes. He clambered into the space between its wings, where a Heartfeeder was sitting. With a savage movement of Sonic's sword, the dragon's rider was dead, and Sonic pushed the corpse off the dragon and to the ground below. Taking control of the dragon, Sonic guided it over the battlefield. At his command, it released brilliant bursts of fire at Heartfeeders and their siege machines. He leaped from the dragon, landing on the battlefield and beginning to slice Heartfeeders apart.
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" shrieked Shadow, entering his bedroom and looking in horror at what was going on. Instead of the forty-foot by twenty-foot space he was used to, his room had turned into miles and miles of limitless battlefield, with thousands of dying and fighting soldiers, blood everywhere, massive catapults and siege machines, a huge castle wall, and dragons in the sky. His walls and ceiling had disappeared totally. The door was the only thing that was unchanged.
The ranks of humans, furries and Heartfeeders cleared to reveal a very embarrassed Sonic.
"How did this happen?" Shadow repeated levelly, pulling out his Chaos Emerald.
"CHARGE!" screamed Sonic, aiming his sword at Shadow. 10,000 men and furries began to run at Shadow, firing arrows and swinging their weapons.
A look of terror spread across Shadow's face. He couldn't fight them all off. He jumped through his bedroom door, back in Sonic's hallway. He held the door shut as 10,000 weapons began to break it into splinters.
"What's going on back there?" Knuckles shouted.
"Just watching a movie," Shadow cried as a dragon flew through the doorway, slammed through two walls and flew out the window.
"Well, turn the volume down, it sounds like the house is falling apart," Knuckles barked from the other end of the house. A huge boulder from a catapult rolled through the doorway and fell through the floor into the basement. Shadow was managing to fight off the humans and furries, because the doorway was so thin that only one of them could get through at a time. However, sometimes a dragon or a boulder would fly through by chance. Shadow ducked as eight flaming arrows went over his head and set the wallpaper on fire.
"QUIET IT DOWN!" yelled Knuckles, and Shadow could hear him stomping up the stairs. "I'll turn it down FOR you!"
Dodging a spear, Shadow realized what he had to do. He pulled out the Chaos Emerald and, summoning all his power, bellowed:
"Chaos Control!"
With a tremendous flash of light, Shadow's bedroom was restored to normal, and the entire battle scene was warped into such a microscopic space that the pressure caused it all to be ground into dust. All that was left was a somewhat nervous looking Sonic, who was only beginning to realize that he had destroyed most of the hallway outside Shadow's bedroom and caused a dragon to be exposed to the public.
"Um… the Pythagorean Theorem?" Sonic tried.
The camera switched to Sonic's POV, and Shadow did an unconvincing karate move that resulted in Sonic getting badly hurt somehow. (This is a reference to when Shadow "kills" Eggman at the end of one of the story modes in Shadow the Hedgehog. That was pretty fake-looking…)
"Good, you turned it down," said Knuckles suspiciously, going back down the stairs.
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So, those are the top 5 scenes never seen before in this fanfiction. See you later, and review!