"It was so embarrassing!"

"Which is why you should tell me..."

"... Makers sake..."

"Come on, I promise not to laugh."

"... alright... we'd been in Lothering about 3 years."

I'd been in Denerim for 20 days.

"We'd settled in quietly and there were always a few boys hanging around."

"Of course there were, I wouldn't blame them."

"Shhhh, you wanted to know. Anyway, there were these two that always found reasons to come up to the house, Carver used to try to chase them off even though he was half their size."

I'd managed to get a corner of a room and carved out a space for myself.

"They invited me to the Harvest festival. We were going anyway, but Mother got very excited about the whole thing and said I had to wear a dress and she plaited my hair. Honestly, I was such a tomboy I don't know how I sat through it all."

I'd made the mistake of wearing a dress, it was the middle of summer and it was so hot, too hot for leather. I was too obviously a girl.

"We got there and it was all the usual stuff, chasing around, hog roast, sweet meats. We were only allowed the small ale, but Thom managed to get us some mead instead. I'd never had mead before... shhh, stop laughing, I couldn't always hold my drink... I was pretty drunk pretty quickly."

It was a quick job; go and pick up a package from the back door of The Pearl. Except I had no idea where The Pearl was, it took enough questions to find out it was a pub of sorts. The looks I got when I asked about it should have been warning enough but I'd never heard of a brothel before, and there are only so many questions you can ask before people realise you're fresh meat; That much I'd gathered on my first day.

"I thought we should sit down and that behind the carts would be best... yes, because no-one would see... laugh all you want... so we're kissing and things carry on and Thom's very nice about it all from what I can remember."

I got there late, the contact wasn't where they'd said they'd be so I went inside. I needed the money from the job and I wasn't about to let it go. And then there's this man who's asking me if I'm lost and who I'm looking for, and he was so kind that when he offered me a drink I'd just accepted it. It was horrible, probably whisky, but you tough this stuff out. Bluff it. Pretend like you know what you're doing, and then worry about it afterwards. So when he said the contact was down the corridor I followed him.

"But then Carver's there trying to hit him, he's swinging at him like he's this champion walloper or something, and Maker it's the funniest thing, honestly, Carver's literally half his size, he's like a mabari pup just going at him. Thom just didn't have a clue what to do, and I'm there trying to pull my dress down as Beth comes round the corner, takes one look at us and runs screaming for Mother."

I ran screaming from the room, my little knife covered with blood. What I wouldn't have done for Carver then, or Dad, or just someone. Someone who cared.

"What happened then?"

"Oh, well, Thom scarpered. When Mother saw how drunk I was she took me home and put me to bed."

"... you're thinking about Carver and Beth aren't you?"

"Yes"

"Come here."