Sonic Insanity

I have reached, on average, 11 reviews per chapter (mostly thanks to the guy, I forget his name, who reviewed the first 20 chapters of my story individually).

I've already done the Twinkle Park scene, Clan rHrN, and no, you cannot be in the story any more. Do I know you or something? You don't have special privileges even if you do write your own version of my story…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sonic was frantic. He had to stop Knuckles from cooking. He immediately puffed out his chest and spoke authoritatively. "Well, before you get the privilege to cook with my cooking… materials… yeah, you must first pass three tests!"

"No," Knuckles said flatly, retrieving eggs from the fridge.

"The first one is to punch a porcupine to death with your bare fists!" Sonic said.

"No," Knuckles said, irritation creeping into his voice.

"The second one," Sonic said, completely oblivious, "is to dance the tango with a giraffe on roller blades… in near-zero gravity!"

"No," Knuckles growled in rage.

"The final challenge is to name the capital of Gunderschtankenhagensvenstanskibardendorfmunnelpetrovich," Sonic smirked smugly, certain no one would ever guess it.

"It's Portugaenivånitekchenstanni, and NO!" shouted Knuckles, getting Windex from the pantry. Sonic's jaw dropped and shattered on the floor. Without batting an eye, the hedgehog jammed a replacement jaw back into his head.

Sonic was scheming furiously. He couldn't coerce Knuckles into ending this nonsense. With the Windex, things could only get worse. Allowing a soothing note to enter his voice, Sonic said, "Um, Knuckles, maybe you should wash your hands first… maybe even take a shower…" He chuckled quietly. While Knuckles was off in the bathroom, he could dispose of every ingredient in the house.

But Knuckles was not listening. He was taking a long pull at the bottle of Windex. Ceasing his swigging, he laid the Windex down and said, in an extremely slurred and distorted voice, "I shay, Shonic, thish bwandy ish reawwy smashing, owd boy."

"That's WINDEX!" cried Sonic in distress, tugging the cleaning fluid from Knuckles' slack grip. To his horror, it was only half full, when previously it had been all the way full. Then he noticed that the liquid inside was a deep amber. Confused, Sonic cautiously sampled some. It was brandy! Fascinated, Sonic raised it to his lips, but then he realized that no one would be sober enough to stop Knuckles.

Inwardly weeping at the waste, Sonic tossed the "Windex" into the garbage and repeated himself slowly. "Knuckles… maybe you should go take a shower. If you're going to cook, at least don't be all dirty."

"Good idea, Shonic," Knuckles slurred, stumbling off to the restroom. Quickly, Sonic gathered up all the cooking supplies. Flour, sugar, yeast, eggs, tapioca, baking soda and cake mix were all gathered up and hidden on top of the chandelier. It was then that Sonic realized that the bathroom was upstairs, and the kitchen was downstairs. So, Knuckles would have a very good chance, when coming down the stairs, of seeing the cooking goods on top of the chandelier. Sonic stopped caring and decided to bask in his own ingeniousness, hoping that if he thought he was a genius, then his plan would work. But then the chandelier fell to the ground and was demolished under the weight of the cooking supplies, so he had to move them.

Sonic spotted a white cabinet. As he could hear Knuckles coming down the stairs, it would have to do. Frantically he jammed everything into it, and nervously kicked anything else out of sight and/or reach.

"Hey, where'd all the cooking stuff go?" Knuckles asked, looking quite sober, somehow. He opened the refrigerator and with numb dread, Sonic realized that the "white cabinet" he had stuffed everything in was the refrigerator. Knuckles was swamped in a deluge of kitchen supplies.

"So, there they are," Sonic said nervously, trying not to scream. "Well, what recipe are you going to use?"

"I got it by e-mail," Knuckles said brightly, pulling the scrap of paper out of his "pockets." Yes, somehow he had one piece of paper in two separate pockets at once. He pulled out the recipe and read it grandly. "Daisy Donahue's Oatmeal Crumplebiscuits! Sound good, huh?"

"Crumplebiscuits," snorted Sonic, trying to imbue his voice with as much loathing and hatred and disgust and detesting and despising and stuff as he could.

"Exactly," chortled Knuckles, setting down the recipe. Quick as a flash, Sonic stuffed it inside of an egg without breaking the shell. Knuckles looked at him.

"Where's the recipe?" he asked coldly.

"Um… didn't you just have it, Knuckles?" Sonic asked almost innocently.

"TELL ME WHERE IT IS, SONIC!" screamed Knuckles, slamming his fist upon a carton of eggs. Needless to say, the shell broke and Knuckles discovered his recipe. Using some sort of echidna power, he cleaned egg yolk and shell from the recipe so it was perfectly legible. Sonic was speechless. Then he found his carefully typed-up speech. Just kidding.

"Um… I've gotta make a call," he muttered, stepping out of the kitchen. Sonic tapped at his cell phone and contacted Shadow.

"I already got the gift certificate, so don't bug me about it," Shadow announced.

"It's not about that," Sonic whispered. "We have a… 3-1-1-2-4 situation here…"

Shadow choked on something. "WHAT? Oh great, now's a fine time… so what do we do?"

"We've got to contact the echidna elders," Sonic ordered. "They could threaten him with a curse!"

"So why do you need me?" Shadow wondered.

"We'll outnumber them!" Sonic grinned.

"Aren't there seven or eight echidna elders?" Shadow asked.

But just before Sonic could rethink his strategy, both of them were summoned into the mystical realm of the echidna elders.

"Did you do that?" Shadow muttered.

"No…" Sonic looked around. It was full of a lucid light, like sunlight reflected through water. Suddenly an echidna's head appeared before them.

"Speak," it rumbled.

"Master, your son, Knuckles, is cooking," Sonic cried devoutly. "We have to stop him!"

"Hmmm… true… but we must act quickly," the echidna elder mused. "Not even I can match the destructive forces of Knuckles' cooking, so we have to make a plan before he actually finishes anything."

"Good, let's go," said Sonic.

"WE NEED TO MAKE A PLAN FIRST!" screamed Shadow.

As the unlikely group of three began to plan, Knuckles was waiting for his Crumplebiscuits to come out of the oven. He was watching a… shall we say, interesting channel. And by interesting, we mean "not the Golf Channel, but the Playboy Channel."

"Two double-X chromosomes + one X-tra-large bed triple-X-fun!" Knuckles cackled wickedly as the two ladies tried to explain to their furious husbands just what had been going on. "Oh great, commercials." With nothing better to do, he sat and watched the preview for John Tucker Must Die, an abhorrent movie that clearly has no place in any movie theater.

"Uproarious!" he mocked in a high-pitched voice, not unlike the one Shadow had used in the Greatest Hits chapter. "A girl misinterprets the phrase 'girls on top' to have sexual connotations! And guys wearing uncomfortable underwear! Will the hilarity never cease?" He angrily hurled the 13' TV he was watching this on into the oven. Unfortunately, it shattered all over the crumplebiscuits, mutating and transforming the pastries into…

Ruined pastries. Yeah, what did you think?

"Well, we could just sing campfire songs," Sonic proposed as a plan. They were all sitting together, unaware that Knuckles' attempts to cook had failed.

"THAT'S THE EIGHTH TIME!" Shadow bellowed. "Time to die!" He charged right at Sonic, foaming at the mouth.

"Heh, now time for some quality entertainment as Cheese and Chocola are attacked by a raving lunatic!" Sonic chuckled.

"If by 'Cheese and Chocola' you mean you," the echidna elder pointed out.

Sonic's eyes widened, and then Shadow slammed into him so hard that they flew out of the magic realm. The echidna elder decided to check on Knuckles. He was trying to resurrect his crumplebiscuits without success.

Knuckles' eyes widened as the echidna elder's head appeared, floating in midair.

"Knuckles," he boomed, "if you don't stop trying to cook… I'll give you the Gothic Curse!"

"What's that?" Knuckles asked curiously.

"You don't want to know!"

"Fine! I'll keep cooking then," Knuckles sniffed.

"All right then… one Gothic Curse coming up, for everyone in the story!" The echidna elder fired a beam of magic, and everything began to change…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sonic and Shadow slowly got up. Sonic was wearing eyeliner, his quills were dyed black with purple highlights, he was wearing leather, and he wore fingerless gloves. Shadow was wearing a Marilyn Manson T-shirt with combat boots, ripped black jeans, and he was holding an iPod that was blasting Good Charlotte.

"OMFG wut's gonig on!" Sonic sputtered indignantly. "Were liek teh gottic!"

"I downt lik Gud Chrlote!" wailed Shadow, hurling his iPod away from him. "Sumbdy hlp mmmme!"

"us!" insisted Sonic, trying to choke Shadow with the iPod cord. They began a vicious battle.

"Gyus! Clm dwn, WTF s gong on?" Knuckles growled, leaping into the fray. He was wearing many pentagrams and crucifixes on necklaces and his lips were painted black.

"STOP IT!" shouted a very un-gothic voice. They all looked up to see…

"Tals," Sonic muttered, looking up at his fox friend, "yur a… prep?"

"I am NOT!" shouted Tails. "I just wasn't affected by that Gothic Curse that the echidna elder hit us with, thanks to my latest invention!"

"Snds prepy too meh," Shadow declared darkly, pulling out a bloodstained knife.

"STP it lki OMG!" Sonic snarled at his black counterpart. "did yu say teh ekinda eldrs r 2 blame 4 dis?"

"Yeah!" Tails insisted. "When Knuckles didn't stop cooking, they hit all of you with a Gothic Curse! Except for me, everyone in the story will be listening to My Chemical Romance and shopping at Hot Topic!"

"Tose dstarldy feindz!" Sonic shouted wrathfully, while Shadow and Tails glared daggers at a sheepish Knuckles. "How doo we kyur evry1?"

"Not easily, but we have to work fast," Tails scowled. "The longer the curse goes on for… they'll naturally reject the cure! They'll be gothic forever!"

"So wut do weh do?" Knuckles asked, thinking fast.

"One of my inventions saved me from the transformation," Tails pondered. "With some modification, we can transform it into a gun or something that, when people are shot with it, turns them back from being gothic! But as I said, we'll have to move fast…"

At Eggman's base…

Metal Sonic choked miserably in front of the mirror. "I cnat stnd it anymor!" he shrieked, raising the scalpel to his wrist. "Dis is mah frm of rlease!" He drew the scalpel sharply across his skin, but as he had no blood, he did not succeed.

"Wy duz my skin haff 2 B mettl?" he cried pitiably.

"Like, STFU, I cant heer teh Evinezzenz musc viedo! " Eggman shouted from the other room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So, that was a rapid change of events… from cooking to gothic! After the next chapter things may move more slowly. I know I've sort of bounced between storylines for a while now (orphanage, tank theft, ham sandwich plot, cooking, gothic) so after chapter 62, it'll be a little slower-paced. Review!