Sonic Insanity
Hi, I'm back from my break. OK, yuko6754, how did you read the last chapter so fast? I post it and then about 3 minutes later your review comes in! That's just ridiculous. You must have skimmed it or something. I notice that in your review, you didn't give any details about the plot…
The song in the last chapter was "Papercut" by Linkin Park. You can't download it legally, but you can find the lyrics by typing in the name of the song, "by," the artist, and then "lyrics."
Thanks to O-Crimson-Nightshade-O for all the reviews. And that leads me to…
730+ REVIEWS! Thank you everybody who contributed. Seriously, that's an insane number and I wish I could thank you all personally.
And that brings me to Abraham "Linkin Park," or "SOAD to Joy" (SOAD being System of a Down). Your reviews enraged me beyond any point of comprehension. Hopefully this story will as well.
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"What are you doing?" Sonic asked Knuckles, who was frantically dialing the phone.
"You know how Eggman said that he got Rouge to be his girl?" Knuckles sweated nervously, somehow managing to convey what he meant by sweating. "Well, I gotta call her and make sure."
"Oh! Snap! What you got to say to that one, fakir?" chimed in Shadow, making a rim-shot noise by clicking his tongue and clapping his hands. "Knuckles gave you a real BURN there! Hah haaaaa! Knuckles, my man, you still got it!" When Knuckles did not comply with his ridiculous attempts to initiate an elaborate "pimp" handshake, Shadow tried to do it by himself. Claps, snaps, slaps, punches, blocks, knocks, shakes, grips, grabs, pumps, punches, and twists were all administered before Shadow tried to spin around in a circle both ways at once and tripped over his own feet.
"OWWW! I'm all right… I'm all right," he panted. Sonic casually pressed a large button and Shadow fell through a trapdoor into the basement, shrieking hysterically all the way. He then played a somber death hymn on some fifty-four-stringed instrument, which echoed resonantly throughout the lands.
Tails ran in, panting. "Well, I finally changed everyone in the whole world from being a goth. It took me a while to find them all, though."
"That was horrible," Sonic shivered. He began to imitate Shadow's goth voice, albeit without all the horrible misspellings. "Satan is on my MySpace buddies list! I want the apocalypse as my ring tone! I hate commercial culture, now who wants to go to Hot Topic!" He shuddered again. "Ah, the hypocrisy…"
Meanwhile, Knuckles dialed the phone with the greatest of ease (and effs, and gees, and aitches, get it?). "Hello, Rouge?"
"Oh! Hi, Knux!" she cooed warmly. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?" She attempted to use a throaty purr on the last few words. Shadow and Sonic, who were listening on the other line, almost screamed with laughter at the outdated phrase.
Knuckles turned purple. "You know, since I'm using the cordless phone, maybe you two shouldn't use the phone in this room if you don't want to get caught!" The two hedgehogs, who may have been high, chuckled heartily at this statement.
"Who was that, baby?" Rouge growled in what she believed to be a seductive tone. Shadow was clutching his ribs, while Sonic was banging his fists on the floor. Both were crippled with hysteria.
Knuckles began to kick them while they were down, trying not to sound too angry. "Oh, just- THWACK- Sonic and Shadow- SLAM- making fools of- WHAMMO- themselves again- AHWOOGA!"
"Why'd you call, darling?" questioned Rouge in a pronounced Southern accent. Sonic's mouth was open, but no noise was coming out, except periodic squeaks of astonishment. The same thing was happening with Shadow, except he was laughing so hard that he couldn't breathe.
Knuckles gave both hedgehogs the middle finger, although his glove obscured it. "Look, Rouge, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm just… worried… about us, OK? I can understand if-"
"OMG, you're like, breaking up with me!" Rouge sniffed. "I clearly need to cut myself! The stupid gothic teenage female readers couldn't ever relate to a character who could view a relationship as anything but mortally serious! After all, three dates must mean a declaration of undying love…"
"We had some good times," Knuckles reminisced mournfully. "The Musical Chairs on cactuses was one of my favorite moments. And during the Memorial Couch Gallery gala we attended, I thought I could never tear my eyes off of you. You were so stunning in that lederhosen and aviator sunglasses… the night went by like magic! Why would you want to give up that love?"
"What? I thought you're breaking up with me!" Rouge accused. "I don't want to split up with you!"
Knuckles realized that Sonic and Shadow had been quiet for a very long time. He slowly turned his head, muttering "just a minute" to Rouge.
They weren't there.
He turned back to the phone line. "Rouge, doll, put it on speaker phone really quick."
"Why-"
"Quickly, don't make a lot of noise!"
Worried, she obeyed his advice. To Knuckles' horror, he could hear the voices of his two least favorite hedgehogs.
"Heh hee heh," giggled Shadow. "When she finds out what we did-"
"Shhh, or we won't get away with it!" Sonic rasped angrily.
"That watermelon-"
"And the biscuits-"
"Shut up!"
"Now for the piece duh resistance!" muttered Sonic quietly, mangling the French pronunciation. There was a loud spattering sound on the phone, followed by Rouge's roar of rage.
"A CREAM PIE, IN THE FACE OF KNUCKLES' GIRL!" screeched the duo triumphantly, exchanging a hand slap. Shadow went for a low-five. The blue hedgehog had expected a high-five however, and Shadow got hit in the face while Sonic got hit between the legs. They both fell over in pain.
"I'LL GET YOU, YOU LITTLE HOOLIGANS!" she roared, only provoking the hedgehogs to further hysterics. There was the sound of people being beaten with a broom, while Sonic and Shadow tried to reason with the woman.
"Only a joke, ma'am- OUCH!"
"No disrespect- MY FACE- intended, merely a prank-"
"I'll give you 'no disrespect!" Rouge bellowed like a wounded oxen.
"Just a flight of whimsy, a passing fancy as it- AAAAAAAGH- were-"
"All in good fun, my- SOB- good woman-"
"I'll give you 'as it were!" Rouge screamed hoarsely.
"Simply a jest, a jocular jibe, a joking jape-"
"MY LIPS! You almost twisted them off!"
"I'll give you 'my lips!" Rouge snarled, only realizing what she said once it was too late. Meanwhile, Knuckles was beside himself, stamping his feet like a bull. His face was mottled with wrath. How dare they? The nerve! With the ferocity of a wolverine, he dashed all the way to Rouge's house and burst in the door.
Shadow was trying to make out with Rouge, who had pie filling all over her face. Sonic was unsuccessfully trying to find an opening to hurl another cream pie. At the sight of the livid Knuckles, the two hedgehogs hid behind whatever they could find. Shadow swaddled himself in a tapestry and tried to be inconspicuous by blending in. Sonic sat down at a school desk and tried to be invisible by taking a geography test.
Knuckles, fuming, stormed by Rouge on his way to throttle the life out of Shadow. Just then a tripwire caught at his feet and he fell right into Rouge's… most padded area, sending them both falling onto a couch. Beet red, they pulled themselves off of each other, but Sonic took the opportunity to throw a pie, which slammed Knuckles in the face.
Enraged, Knuckles stamped over the blue hedgehog, and Shadow darted in to make out with Rouge. Sonic, overcome by jealousy, ran past Knuckles and hurled a pie at Shadow. He missed and it hit Rouge. Shadow snuck up behind Sonic, who was now battling Knuckles, and kicked his legs out from under him, stealing the pies. Knuckles, who had started a diving attack, missed and landed right on Rouge, his face in the middle of the splattered cream pie filling. As they disentangled themselves with fiery eyes, Shadow hurled the rest of the pies, hitting them in the face.
Everyone was now so mad at Shadow that the room was filling up with steam from ears. With a roar, they all lunged for him simultaneously, but Shadow got out of the way with Chaos Control, appearing back at the house.
"Cheese!" he called randomly as he disappeared, a bright flash masking his vanishing act.
Knuckles started for Sonic, but the blue blur blew by. (Say that five times fast, why don't ya.)
"I guess I just don't understand the laydeez," Sonic scowled despondently as he departed. "Who would have thought they'd be so upset…"
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Rouge asked, after they'd cleaned up.
"Well, I'm just wondering if you've ever… thought about any other guys while you were with me," Knuckles squirmed.
"No… why do you ask?"
"Well, something Eggman said-"
THWACK!
"You thought I would go out with Eggman?"
"Well, you see-" BAM. "I-"
"Get out of here, Knuckles!" she shrieked, driving him out of the house. "Come back when you're ready to be mature!"
As he trudged homeward, Knuckles pined over his horrible day. He had been plastered with pie, Rouge was angry with him, and… well, actually that was it. But he had something to settle with those two vile hedgehogs! Seething, he stumbled in the door to see Sonic attacking Shadow.
The echidna shrugged and joined in with gusto, but the distraction allowed Shadow to retreat across the room.
"Why are you fighting?" asked Knuckles, temporarily forgetting his bloodlust.
"That- that faker- pictures, tabloids, media circus- Rouge and Knuckles and me and I'll rip him limb from limb- pictures, shame to my name- kill, tear, bite- he and his ! camera, I'll rip his face off- faker, kill firstborn- fresh meat!" spat Sonic incoherently, lunging at Shadow. The gleefully smirking Ultimate Lifeform teleported away, so that Sonic smashed into a wall.
"WHAT HAPPENED!" shouted Knuckles with great force, injecting 4 grams of big-game tranquilizers into Sonic's neck.
"Well, during your little pie excitement back there," Shadow explained in great detail, the corners of his lips several feet apart as he shook with mirth, "I took the liberty of taking several photos which I could sell to the press."
"I remember the last time you got us in the papers!" howled Knuckles, furiously punching a wall. "You said Sonic was a virgin, way back in the first chapter!" At the mention of this scandal, Sonic somehow overcome the lethal amount of tranquilizers and slammed Shadow in the face with the force of a wrecking ball. The black hedgehog flew partly through a wall, stuck. He wormed his way out, grumbling under his breath.
"Show me the paper!" commanded Knuckles wrathfully. Shadow dropped the newspaper, which had inexplicably been released ten seconds after they received the photos (and in the middle of the evening), and dashed off. Knuckles grabbed the paper and spluttered with abhorrent rage.
DEVIANT BEHAVIOR
AN INSIDER REPORTS THE FURRY ROMANCES
"WHAT?" shrieked Knuckles, plowing through the paper. There were several photos. One was of Knuckles falling onto Rouge's most padded area. Then there was a photo of Rouge absolutely covered in cream. Next, it showed Knuckles with cream all over his face and very close to Rouge. Finally, it showed Sonic, Knuckles and Rouge just before they all banged their heads. To Knuckles' horror, it looked as if they were all about to kiss each other.
"Read the article!" urged Sonic madly.
Knuckles did…
For a long time, Sonic, Knuckles and Rouge were some of our greatest heroes. Rouge assisted our government in covert operations. Knuckles guarded the most powerful gemstone on Earth. And Sonic received many trophies for doing nothing. But when they hit hard times, these three furries were forced to indulge in risqué behavior.
"They had no choice but to make out with each other and splatter each other with delicious cream," said Shadow the Hedgehog, whose identity will remain secret in the interest of anonymity… oh wait. "It was the only way for them to get by. Inflation, taxes, government spending, hippies and budgeting had all forced them to make money however they can. So they sold me the photos of their escapades, which I sold to the paper."
Was it all a money-grubbing cash plan? Have some of our favorite heroes resorted to such cheap trickery to garner a quick buck? Or do they just bear so much love for each other that…
Knuckles glared at the 'pie cream' photos. To his shock, it appeared as if Knuckles was trying to lick the cream off of Rouge. He threw the paper against the wall, where it left a large stain mark and shattered into many pieces (?).
"SHADOW!" he howled feverishly to the skies.
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So what will they do now that Shadow has ruined their reputations? RSVP (review sil vous please).