A/N: I watched Provenance a few times before writing this and then I watched the end a couple more for good measure. I know first person is really hit or miss, but I wanted to give you something that was more than just a regurgitation of what was on the show. I hope I succeeded...

Many thanks to stephaniew being an extra set of eyes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

Chapter 4: Sarah

I try to justify it to him. To point out that I'm standing here, living and breathing. That I'm not his girlfriend. That I didn't die. That he saved me. That I'm not afraid of taking anything he has to give me.

But he just looks at me with those puppy-like eyes. Eyes that make me long to drag him up to my room. To protect him and keep him safe. To hold him close and heal him. Because he just looks so...lost. Broken. Defeated.

I ask if he'll come back and see me again, but even as the promise tumbles from his lips I know the answer. This will be the only time I ever see him.

Things are awkward as I walk him to the door. He's stiff and I'd give anything to ease his tension. I think about my wish. A kiss. I think about the handful of times I could have made it happen. How I could have demanded it as payment for the provenances. How I could have stolen it when he told me to make a wish in the first place while we were waiting for Dean. How it would have been so easy to pull his lips down to mine as he lay over me on the hardwood floor of Eleanor's living room.

As the latch clicks into place and I lean against the gallery door, I know I've missed my moment. That I should've taken the chance, been the woman my mother would have wanted me to be. That I should've grabbed Sam Winchester and kissed the living daylights out of him.

But wishes only get you so far. You have to be willing to take action.

~ ~ ~ ~ Supernatural ~ ~ ~ ~

I hate good byes. More than that I hate Dean for leaving me to face Sarah. That he picked up on her little cue and left us alone.

I hear her tell me that I'm not cursed, that she made it through. That she's here because of me. But what sticks in my head is the thought that she wouldn't have been anywhere near that house if I hadn't let her in - that she could have died because of me.

What she doesn't say is that I need to forgive myself and let go. She doesn't know the whole story. Maybe if she did she wouldn't be so kind, so understanding. Maybe she'd be content to let me walk out the door without another thought.

She's almost shy when she asks if I'll come back. At that point, what am I supposed to say? No? That the last thing a girl like her needs is to be around a guy like me - someone who leaves things broken or worse in his wake?

So, I smile because she's smiling. I tell her of course I'll come back. I lie the way I've watched Dean lie. It just feels right to give her that for some reason. And the thing is, I can almost let myself believe it...because who knows? Maybe I will see her again. It could happen, right? Someday?

It's awkward when she walks me out. It's awkward because, for the first time since Jess, I feel something other than empty. I like this girl. But I need the ache. I need the pain of losing Jessica to keep me from the pain of losing someone else.

I want to hug her, but I know I shouldn't. We walk side by side to the door and I continue through it. I won't look back. I can't.

I'm halfway to the car when Dean's words ring in my ears asking if this is what Jess would have wanted for me. And he's right. She wouldn't have wanted this at all. She wouldn't have wanted me to feel so cold.

In a few long strides, I'm back. I pound on the glass. When she opens the door, her eyes are shining. I kiss her, greedily taking everything her candy-coated lips offer. I revel in feeling something...everything.

When we part, her fingers creep up my chest and curl around my neck. She pulls my mouth back down to hers. The kiss she gives me makes me feel alive. Free. Like maybe, finally, I can move on.

Next up: Heart's Madison.