Sonic Insanity

Hey, guys! This chapter is written by my friend/associate, who wishes to be anonymous. Enjoy and review!

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Chapter 90: It's not a shoe store and drinking games (optional).

Note: I do not own anything. If I did I would sing.

To make a long story short, the war that occurred was annoying. But to make it longer, here is an explanation in full detail.

"So that is how we should proceed," Shadow said. He then pivoted his head to Knuckles. "What is your report?"

"We have a position in a cave," Knuckles said.

"We know that," said Shadow.

"We are undermanned and in dire need of weapons."

"No shit Knuckles! Are you in MENSA?"

"We haven't seen the sun in two days," he continued. At this point, a smirk began to show on Knuckles' face.

"We know that! We were here," yelled Shadow, his eyes going bloodshot.

"Eggman is attacking us and," he paused when he saw Tails about to enter the room, "Tails sucks."

"WE KNOW!" Exploded Sonic. He was getting really annoyed. He had one bullet in his gun. At this point he considered an accidental discharge at someone's face. A minute later he decided to go with Knuckles instead of Shadow.

"We are in a cave."

"You already said that!" yelled Shadow.

"This is not Eggman's base."

"I am two seconds from," started Shadow, but soon started to mumble.

Sonic began to point his gun at Shadow again. He would then steal his gun and kill Knuckles. Pure genius.

"We only have a Russian speaking robot on our side who also has an Italian accent called Pablo." At this point, Knuckles began to silently chuckle at Shadow's rage.

"We know! That is all we have been hearing for the past week!" yelled Shadow.

"Anyway," started Knuckles again.

"Hey guys!" said Tails, carrying a deformed volleyball. "Using the remaining bits of sand and toilet paper and parts from Pablo, I 'Macguyvered' us a bomb!"

"Shut up Tails," said Knuckles, breaking from character. "No one likes you. Now, let's attack!"

"Listen Tails," said Sonic, attempting to soften the blow, "we are under armed, undermanned, proceeding into the conflict with no strategy, and will be facing likely death. What possible use could we have for a bomb?" With that he turned around and began to charge with Shadow and Knuckles.

"But it has an onboard camera and wheels. You could use it as a lookout, or a transport, or you know, MAYBE A BOMB!" Tails then began to yell in slurs.

"Shut up Tails!" said Knuckles.

Tails sighed. He looked at Pablo.

"How are you doing Pablo?"

Tails got a reply that, if translated, would roughly say "Yo mamma so fat, Eggman said 'Damn!'"

"Thanks. I'm glad to see someone shows respect." Said Tails, who could obviously not understand Russian.

"Yo mamma so dumb, she thinks a Slim Jim is a supplement."

"You are a good friend," said the oblivious Tails.

Meanwhile, at Eggman's base

There were only two recruits: Metal Sonic and Scourge (who was a green hedgehog).

"Looks like Eggman hasn't returned yet." Said Metal Sonic. He turned to Scourge, who was picking daises in front of the base. "Get back in the base!"

"Are you kidding? I may have to pull rank on you."

"No you don't. Besides I was here first and you don't know how to wield weapons. I also was promoted to captain."

"No, your old captain died and you are just a recruit. The last time I checked, that makes your rank a recruit with a dead captain."

"And what are you" said Metal Sonic.

"I am a super de duper ultra green medical private first class."

If Metal Sonic's voice could change tone, it would be enraged. However, it remained monotone. "Is that even a rank?"

"Thanks to years of writing and begging to command, it is now!" smirked Scourge.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away… OK, more like feet.

Sonic and Knuckles were arguing. No surprise there. However, the subject they were arguing about was even stranger.

"We should trade in the tank for a Jeep," said Knuckles, who was wearing his custom made armor, if by that you mean golden chains.

"Why would we want to do that?" yelled Sonic, "We don't even have a tank. You idiot!"

"Well, you can't pick up chicks in a tank," said Knuckles as if it was obvious. "A jeep is customizable."

"You do realize we are in a war," said Sonic, but he was ignored.

"Besides, now I can price it to all those chicks who said 'not even if you were the last echidna on earth.' Well, I may not be the last echidna on earth, but I am an echidna with a tricked out Jeep!" said Knuckles, clearly ignoring Sonic. "If we chip in we can get some spinners and hydraulics. Maybe a few SUB."

"Why are you worried about getting chicks? It isn't like the world was destroyed or anything."

"What about Alaska?" butted in Tails.

"Shut up Tails. Nobody likes you. Go home," said Knuckles.

Back at Eggman's base

"I have a question," said Scourge.

"What is it!" said Metal Sonic. If he could express himself, he would sound depressed.

"Why are we here?"

"It is one of life's greatest mysteries. Is there a plan out there for all of us? Is there a superior being watching every move we make? I don't know, but it keeps me up at night," said a hippie. Metal Sonic promptly shot him.

"I meant why are we here helping Eggman," said Scourge. (AN: This is the biggest Red vs. Blue rip-off I have ever witnessed. The rest of the chapter is awesome, but seriously…)

"Because he pays well."

"His last check bounced."

"That was because me."

"Well, we are the only recruits he has that can actually do more things then die."

"Just shut up there." Said Metal Sonic. He was getting really tired. He could also sense a rant about to start.

"We could leave and split up his jobs. All he did was yell at us and insult us constantly."

"Because he is the only one who does those chores."

"How about this? You can yell at me and I can insult you."

"Get inside NOW!" yelled Metal Sonic.

"That's what yo mamma said last night."

"Shut up, numbskull."

"You are so stupid, you think Mega Man X is a porn star." Scourge turned to speak to Metal Sonic. "This system is great. We should have thought of this months ago."

Meanwhile, thousands of feet away…

"Here is the plan. We go in a line from least to most important, starting with Shadow and ending with me," said Sonic, "We will charge the fortress, take everyone hostage, and kill the least important person. Understand? Good. Come on meat-shields, let's win me a victory."

"First of all, no," said Shadow. "Do you even know how many have died with that previous strategy?"

"Yes," replied Sonic, grinning proudly. He then became serious. "Remember soldier, your death will not go in vain! Unless of course we lose. Then it will."

"Secondly," said Shadow, "why am I first in line?"

"You're special," lied Sonic.

"Finally, why didn't we take that bomb?"

"Because" said Sonic, puffing out his chest, "real men don't kill people with bombs or other vital supplies. Real men snipe them while they go to sleep!"

"Why would they be asleep, you cretin? It's broad daylight!"

"How about this," interjected Knuckles, forestalling an argument. "We go in and shoot a bunch and then drink the remaining 6-pack!"

"Fine," pouted Sonic.

They got up there at the base about to take up position, when…

100 feet away at Eggman's base

"Enemy!" yelled Metal Sonic.

"You suck, Metal!" insulted Scourge. He then realized it was not directed at him and ran to the turret.

Meanwhile, on the other side…

"Shit!" yelled Shadow. The three ran to cover.

"Don't worry," yelled Knuckles over the gunfire. "It can't last forever."

Later

"You know how you said a turret guarding a base can't have unlimited ammo?" said Shadow over the gunfire.

"Yeah…"

"You lied."

"Quickly, Shadow. Take the bullets. You can handle it. Be like 50 cent."

"Sonic, he lives in Vermont. Why would I want to be like him?"

"It is better then Jersey," said Knuckles.

"Jersey is better then death."

"Screw this. I'm taking them out." With that, Knuckles took out the guards and got up to the cannon. He jammed it, temporarily stopping the fire.

"Nice one!" said Shadow. He began to walk up.

Then Knuckles tripped while sitting, causing the turret to be non-jammed.

"Holy crap!" said Sonic. He didn't believe what was happening. Shadow had been shot. "You just shot Shadow, you team-killing redneck!" He ran up to him. "Shadow. Are you all right?"

"I just got shot, you cracker!" yelled Shadow.

"Oh, right."

"Sonic" said Shadow weakly.

"Yes Shadow?"

"I always hated you the most," said Shadow. With that he died.

"No!" yelled everyone for some reason.

At that moment, Shadow woke up. He was in his tire hot tub with hundreds playing volleyball in Knuckles' room. Nothing could be that bad. Even he and Sonic were getting along. Was it all a dream?

Then Knuckles barged in, guns blasting.

"Run!" yelled Sonic. Nearly everyone took cover or jumped out a window. Shadow and Sonic ran behind a piece of rubble from the ceiling that somehow fell in due to a toothpick. Next to them were two people: a girl named Jade, and a groupie.

"We need to make a negotiation personnel," said Sonic. "I nominate the groupie and Jade."

"Second it," said Shadow.

Now, to make a redundant story shorter, the groupie got shot in the head and the four essential members drank the rest of the keg.

Optional (AN: I believe this applies to the whole story. Note: Mecha Scorpion does not subsidize alcohol consumption)

Here are rules for the drinking game: when Sonic fights, drink. When pop culture is stated, drink thrice. (AN: This means three times in some obscure Hylian dialect) When a 'your mom' joke is said, finish your drink. When you read a dialogue like this, drink until you have to go to AA.

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AN: Well, I feared the worst, but this chapter was actually really funny! On the sad side, I have something I wish to express here. PAY ATTENTION!

The next chapter will probably be the last of this story. It's been a long journey, full of trials and tribulations. I really appreciated you guys and I read every single review. Let me give a few shout-outs to the kids who really helped me along the way-

Justin Time

(aka He Who Wrote This Chapter)

Tweedle Dumbass

Crimson Nightshade

Dynamic Chaos

A God Of Irony

Sour Schuyler

Clan rHrn

Uhyeahitsteamdark

There is no pen name

ANYONE ELSE I MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN


And the incomparable HEADWATER DADDY

I would end it on this chapter, but I feel like I owe it to you guys to write an ending one myself. I had a great time writing this story, but toward the end it felt more like an obligation and I lost my enthusiasm. I may write another Sonic story, probably not another Sonic Insanity one at least for a long while. If I do a sequel, I'll write something in this story about it, so you guys will get the story alerts.

Anyway, I'm sorry to quit it, but now is kind of a lull in the interest and I think it's the best time. Thanks a lot for all your support over the many months.

In closing, I could have done it without you guys… but I wouldn't have.