Chapter 22: Defiance
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"You don't actually have to do what they tell you," Sura said as she did Lin's hair without being asked. "They don't deserve your effort, anyway."
"But—"
"Let me finish." Sura paused. "Do you want braids or just loose pigtails?"
"If you don't mind," Lin strained her mind, "I think I'd like small hair buns. Like this." She made fists and placed them on the crown of her head near the back on either side.
"Sure." Sura shrugged. "As I was saying, you can rule yourself to some degree if you just stop listening to them. Just delay, find little technicalities."
"But won't they catch me in the act?" Lin asked.
"Not if you walk away," Sura said cheerfully. "I do it all the time." Sura pulled a small mirror she'd smuggled back to the servant's quarters a few months back out of her pocket. "How does you hair look now, Lin?"
"It looks great!" Lin said, turning around to give Sura a hug. "Thanks."
"No problem." Sura returned the hug, remembering that Mai had come to the complex with a very similar style of hair. Had she really come this close to releasing the old Mai? "Let's get out there."
"I'm ready," Lin said, grinning broadly.
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"Clean the floor," said a disinterested old man, handing Lin a bucket full of water.
Lin watched the man steadily as she tipped the bucket over, letting the water spill in a large puddle at her feet. "Clean."
The man looked from Lin to the puddle and back again. "With soap," he added, handing her some.
Lin dropped the soap into the puddle, her eyes never leaving those of the old man.
The man went red in the face. "You will clean this floor!"
Lin turned on her heel and began to walk away.
"You're not done here!" The man chased after her.
"You never said I had to do it now," Lin said mockingly. She was faster than the old man and escaped without much effort. She hugged herself when she realized that nobody was coming for her. It was comforting to feel like someone was there with her, but it was a poor substitute for— someone. Lin wasn't so happy anymore as she tried to think of who that person was. Not a clue. She came out of hiding and cleaned the floor without being asked, drowning out her tears.
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"I'm telling you, she just ran off!" the old man said to a guard. "She insulted me, shirked her duty and—" His eyes lit on the girl. She was doing the job he'd asked her to, but she looked so broken.
"Looks like she's doing her job fine." The guard turned to leave.
The man nodded. "Yes, she is—as you were."
Lin did not react to what was going on around her. She scrubbed the ground harshly. Each scrape was a desperate and futile attempt to drive away growing memories. Painful ones. "Z—," she whispered to herself. "His name sounded like Z— Zu—"
"What are you muttering about?" the old man asked impatiently.
Lin did not look up. Her brush was making trails of wet floor, contrasting with the lighter color of the dirtier floor around it. Focus on this task, she urged her mind. Please, please don't remember. "Zu—," she said again. A second later a wretched cry scraped its way out of her, and she stopped moving her arm. All she could do was tremble with her tears.
"Stop that!" the old man yelled. "You have no reason to cry!"
Lin threw the brush at his head. "Where is Zuko?" she demanded.
"What?" The man was flabbergasted. "Who?"
"Zuko!" Lin's voice was free of the quivering of her tears, steadied by anger.
"I don't know of any Zuko!" the man said, backing away. What violent mood swings this new girl had!
"You'd better!" Lin shouted. "You will either tell me where I am and how I can get to the capital of the Fire Nation, where I live with Zuko, or I will kill you and use your corpse to threaten your superiors!"
The old man's mouth dropped open. "You— you will return to your duties!"
"I will not return to my duties!" Lin snapped. "And you have ten seconds!"
"But—"
"Nine." One step closer.
"You—" A step back.
"Eight." Two steps closer.
"Why—" Two steps back.
"Seven." Hands turned into claws.
"Where—" Torso turned toward safety.
"Six."
The old man tore into a run.
The young woman raced after him.
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Sura was carrying orders from one boss to another. She was surprised to see one of the oldest and meanest bosses tearing down the hallway, screaming about the madwoman who was chasing him.
"She's going to kill me!"
Sura cocked her head. Who was that crazy? Sura cringed.
Lin burst into the hallway. "Tell me! You must know!" she shouted.
Sura nearly fell over. "Lin?" she asked. This was the timid girl she'd been getting used to? "Lin!" Sura intercepted Lin.
"No! He's getting away!" Lin cried, trying to push past Sura.
"Don't do something you'll regret, Lin!" Sura said over Lin's animal yells.
"How can I regret anything more than being away from Zuko?" Lin demanded.
Sura froze. "Mai!" she exclaimed, taking a chance.
"What?" Mai asked. Suddenly, she calmed down. "Oh, Agni." She put a hand over her mouth. "I can't believe it." Her eyes met Sura's. "I'm free."
Sura grinned and hugged Mai. "You are free!"
Both girls froze.
"They shouldn't know," they both said at once.
"There she is!" It was the old man again.
Mai and Sura stared.
"Maybe you should run," Sura suggested.
"It won't do any good." Mai looked directly into Sura's eyes. "It's too late."
"She said she was going to kill me and use my body to intimidate the governor!"
Mai rolled her eyes. "I've never killed anyone in my life. Guess I made a strong impression, though."
"What did you want him to tell you?" Sura whispered urgently as the guards approached.
"I wanted him to tell me where Zuko is, but he wouldn't have been able to tell me anyway. Zuko is… on the road." Sudden tears sprang into Mai's eyes.
"You're coming with us, girl! Triple treatment for you!"
Mai stared at the guards through her tears. "Fine," she said. She squeezed Sura's hand before she was led away.
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It was a new voice. The nameless woman was able to pick it out as the third, maybe even the fourth new voice that night. She'd lost track of time long ago. Had it been hours since she'd been brought down to this place, calm and defiant? Why hadn't she struggled, fought, bled before letting them trap her here? All she knew was that it must be night, because each time the voice changed, the two voices would complain to each other about the lateness of the hour. Did they think they were the uncomfortable ones? The woman, who'd forgotten her name, wanted to lash out with a cutting remark that would bring these men to their knees. It would fly from her like a knife, she thought. What she wouldn't give for a knife…
Now the new voice's words invaded her mind. The new voice told her exactly what the others had. She was tired and hungry, and was nearly blind from the circling lantern. All these things left her mentally unstable. She began to tremble. These things must be true. Why would so many people bother to lie to her? She must have been stubborn earlier. How foolish. Why hadn't she realized the futility of being stubborn? She would always be bent into submission. Another fact that the woman accepted that night.
"Repeat the phrases you agree with, Lin Qiang."
A command. "I will, Master." Now she had a name! Lin. She remembered that name distantly. It didn't feel quite right, but she knew it had once referred to her, so she simply accepted it. She had no tolerance for her headache. The light invaded even through her closed eyes. She repeated every phrase, not even noticing how she took the words to heart. Once they were said in her own voice, it was as if she had said it many times before, perhaps all her life. Lin knew from experience that the sooner she accepted the words of this man, the sooner she would be freed. And Lin craved freedom slightly more than she craved an apple and a full day of sleep.
She barely noticed when she was forced to breathe in powder that seemed to drive her mind even further out of focus. After a moment, she remembered all of her instructions perfectly, and they became her own beliefs.
At the voice's command, she parroted back, "When you are afraid, do not defend yourself; scream, run away, and hide." Lin remembered scoffing at this idea. But now it was the most logical thing she could think of.
Distantly, Lin heard someone else enter the room. Words were muttered. Mercifully, the light was put out. Lin smiled and started laughing with manic relief. She did not react to the shouts from the guards to shut up. She was giddy from lack of sleep, prolonged treatment, hunger, and relief. A sharp slap across her face ended her laughter, but did not remove her smile.
"Sleep!" The order was all Lin heard before she succumbed to sweet rest. It didn't matter that she was still strapped into the uncomfortable wooden chair. Her muscles may have been sore, but all Lin cared about was closing her eyes without the intruding pain. She finally had an opportunity to rally her strength. It didn't matter that they weren't feeding her. She could forget everything in sleep.
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