Thinking

Oh my god.

What did I just do? Kissing Jacob Black? What's wrong with me?

I'm not totally over Edward yet. I know I have feelings for Jacob. I just don't know how intense those feelings are yet.

I go to the kitchen to make Charlie dinner. I decided to make some turkey and stuffing.

I thought as I worked.

Do I love Jacob?

No of course I don't.

But he did say he loved me.

But Edward had said that he loved me and he left me… twice.

I can't think about this right now. Jake was right. I needed time to heal. I had to be steady and just let time heal me.

This lead me to think of another question.

Should I forgive Edward? I was so happy with him. Should I just forgive and forget?

No. He is dirty. He left me for months and then I went to save him. I risked my life to save him. I thought he loved me.

He does love me, and he said he was sorry.

But… no. He left me and I was healed, and now I learn that he has been cheating on me. I didn't even kiss anybody when he was gone. I had risked losing Jake to save him and he was cheating on me as a distraction.

Worse Tanya is in Denali, and I saw her in Edward's room 3 days ago. Plus Edward was acting weird all the time when he came back.

Saying that he couldn't come over because he was hunting. I remember thinking: He has never hunted this may times before

. So he didn't just cheat on me while we were apart which is already wrong. He was cheating on me when we were together as well.

No, he definitely could not be forgiven for what he had done. I could not take him back as my boyfriend.

But maybe I could take him back as a friend.

He did say he was sorry and he was very sincere despite my rudeness.

He has always been kind to me.

If I took him back as a friend it wouldn't be so tense.

OK I guess he deserves to be my friend if he wants to. I'll at least give him that.

The door slammed disturbing my thoughts. It was Charlie, of course.

"Hey Bells"

"Hey dad"

"Have a good day at work?"

"We didn't really do anything. There haven't been any cases yet."

"So… where's Edward? He coming over tonight?"

Oh. Wow. I didn't realize that I forgot to tell Charlie.

"Um, well dad…I broke it off with him."

"Oh. Why?"

Why? Why would he ask that? He should be the happiest man in the world. He never liked Edward. Now he hears that I broke it off with him and he asks why?

"Umm. That's not the point. The point is that he is now just my friend and that's all so no he is not coming tonight."

"Oh"

"OK"

The room went quiet save for the buzz of the TV.

The timer dinged on the stove making both Charlie and I jump.

"Food's ready" I said timidly

"OK thanks bells" he said as he went to wash his hands.

Dinner was quiet.

Charlie seemed to like his food and had only made a little for me.

As soon as he was done I cleared the table and started the dishwater.

As soon as the dishes were done I took a shower and went to bed.

The next day I woke up with a good feeling. I was happy that I had made the choice to let Edward be my friend.

I ate a quick breakfast, grabbed my keys and opened the door.

I half expected to see Jacob's rabbit in my driveway again , but my truck was the only car there.

As I drove to school I started to worry.

What if Edward had taken my rejection really hard and ran back to Tanya?

What would I do if he took her to school with her. Would I still be able to ask him to be my friend?

I pushed the thought out of my mind.

I got to school a little early as usual. I parked the car and went to English. I saw Edward sitting in the same spot as yesterday. I walked by him and sat right next to him.

"We need to talk"