"Mortal Friends, Mortal Foes"

Episode 2

"Pearls Before Swine"

by Ironbear and Richard Caine

Starring:

Elisha Dushku as "Faith"

Anthony Stewart Head as "Rupert Giles"

Nicholas Brendan as "Alexander 'Xander' Harris"

Charisma Carpenter as "Cordelia Chase"

Alyson Hannigan as "Willow Rosenberg"

Seth Green as "Daniel 'Oz' Osbourne"

Sarah Michlle Gellar as "Buffy Summers"

Co-Starring:

Danny Strong as "Jonathan Levinson"

Armin Shimerman as "Principal R. Snyder"

Luke Perry as "Oliver Pike"

Glenn Quinn as "Allen Francis Doyle"

Guest Starring:

Persia White as "Aura"; Raina Simone Moore as "Tamara"; Mercedes McNab as "Harmony Kendall"; Elizabeth Anne Allen as "Amy Madison"; Blake Swendson as "Michael Czajak"; Danielle Fishell as "Stacey Morrison"; Price Jackson as "Blayne Moll"; Larry Bagby II as "Larry Blaisdell"; Fab Filippo as "Scott Hope"; Brian Gross as "Tor Hauer"; Jennifer Sky as "Heidi Barrie"; Lucinda Jenney as "Janice"

Lou Diamond Phillips as "Dacascos"; Donnie Yen as "Ice"; Ron Perlman as "Benedikt Lohse"; Karel Roden as "Rhoden"

Markus Redmond as "Boneheaded Demon"; Tony Todd as "Vyasa Demon"; Lori Petty as "Punk Girl Vampire"

and

George Takei as "Mr. Hideyoshi"

"My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers." - Woody Allen

Chapter 1: I Must Say That Your Concerns (about my happiness) -

Tuesday September 15, 1998; Biology Classroom 132, Sunnydale High School, 7:50 A.M.

Only Tuesday, and it had already been a long week, Xander Harris reflected. Bad enough that the school year had opened not only with him inadvertently initiating open warfare with the 'Toole Brigade, but that was followed with a sentient spell that devoured a man through the most insidious means any teenage male could imagine. But now... to top all of that, now he was stuck with Senior Biology as a first class. All thing considered, he'd rather have the youth sucking computer avatar - at least she was sexy. The only solace was that this was one of the few classes he shared with Willow, Cordelia, and Oz.

Or at least he would be sharing it with Willow and Cordelia if they were here yet. He hadn't seen either of the two girls when he hit campus at eight, and usually both of them were already there by at least seven thirtyish: Willow to get some extra study time and chat with Giles; Cordelia to get in some early social networking. He himself wasn't exactly the earliest guy in the morning, normally, but at this point the delay was beginning to worry him. They were about to pass through 'on time' and 'fashionably late' any minute now.

Possibly they were already there and he'd find them waiting on him. If he managed to make it upstairs and to the classroom before last bell... which was starting to look a bit iffy.

Coming around the hallway corner leading to the stairs up to the sciences classrooms, Xander skidded to a halt upon spotting Amy Madison walking ahead of him. He groaned silently. This wasn't going to be fun, but he figured he'd better get it done while he had a chance.

Clearing his throat, he lengthened his stride to catch up to the young witch. "Hey, Amy? Gotta minute?"

Amy jumped slightly, then turned slowly as he caught up with her. Upon seeing who'd called out to her, her expression went more than slightly frosty. "Harris? What do you want?"

"Uh... " Xander's mind went blank and he stuck his hands in his jacket pockets.

"Well? I'm going to be late for Chem if we stand around too long," she gave him an impatient look.

"Right. Biology, me. I mean, I'm on my way to biology. I'll be late to biology, I mean. Not that I want to be late to biology, but," Xander said. Taking a deep breath, he ran a hand through his hair before sticking it back in his pocket and looking Amy in the eyes. "And I'm really not an idiot even if I am babbling like one. Uh, look, Amy... I wanted to apologize to you for that whole thing last year."

"Thing?" Amy cocked her head, her eyes glittering slightly. "You mean that 'blackmailed me, got me punched out by Buffy, and almost got me killed thing' thing? Or was there some other thing?"

"Uh, yeah, that thing," Xander nodded. "Look. I'm not going to make any excuses here. Not that I could, but I'm not even if I wanted to. Which I don't."

"You're babbling again, Xander," Amy said, smiling.

"Right," Xander said. "I am. Ok, no babbling. I was wrong to do that, and I'm really sorry for doing it and for everything that happened because of it. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I am sorry."

Amy nodded. "You know, before I accept that, I want you to know: I'm really pissed off at you. We've been friends for how many years? Grade school and junior high? You, me, and Willow? And you couldn't even just ask me to do something for you and give me a chance to say 'yes', 'no', or 'fuck off', but went straight for the blackmail?" She sighed, shaking her head, "That really kind of hurt, Xander."

"I know," Xander said miserably, deflating a bit. "I was hurting so bad I wasn't thinking straight. And that's not really an excuse. I shouldn't have done it."

"Yup." Amy rolled her eyes, sighing. "Ok, I forgive you. Apology accepted. But don't do something like that to me again, ok?"

"Huh? You do?" Xander blinked. "And right: I won't. I'm not even going to get mixed up in doing magic ever again if I can help it." He gave her a lopsided grin, "Does that mean you're not mad at me any more?"

"No, I'm still pissed off at you," Amy said, grinning back. "Just means I forgive you." First bell for classes rang and they both jumped.

Xander fell in next to her as Amy headed up the stairs. "I'll walk you to Chem," he said. "And then I'll get the evil eye from the new teacher as I try to slide into Biology after second bell."

................................................

Not quite after second bell, but just before. Close to late and not-quite-late aren't the same things, Xander reflected as he slid into his seat. "So," Xander said, turning in his seat and looking over to Oz. "How's things?"

"Good," Oz said. Xander frowned.

"You know, you're a real hard guy to have a conversation with," Xander commented with a sigh.

"Comes with being laconic," Oz said with a shrug. Still facing forward, Oz then made a series of completely unprecedented facial expressions, his jaw falling open slightly.

"What?" Xander asked with a raised eyebrow. "Did the Ghosts of Biology Past just show up to berate you for your lack of verbiage?"

"Look," Oz said, raising an arm to point towards the front.

Xander turned around in his chair and blinked. He blinked again. "My god," his own jaw dropping slightly.

Cordelia stood by the door to the classroom with Willow standing next to, and slightly behind her. Possibly Willow. Or maybe Willow's identical, elegant and beautiful looking twin. Possibly even Willow's identical evil twin, except Xander kind of doubted that an evil twin could manage looking quite that terrified. Willow's - or the Willow-twin's - hair was brushed until it glowed and swept back slightly, hanging loose. An open dark green vest over a rust wrap around skirt with a complementary pale cream blouse not only complemented her coloring but also the lines of her body. A multi-hued rust, red, and brown scarf at her throat matched and accentuated the skirt and set off the green of the vest. Extremely understated cosmetics highlighted the green eyes and shape of her face. Willow's shy posture did nothing to detract from the stunning effect.

Xander had never before seen the range of actual expressions that were playing across Oz's features. Goodness knows his own jaw was a little slack. A quick glance around the Biology lab told him that he and Oz weren't the only ones.

"I told you," Cordelia said as second bell rang, gently guiding Willow towards their group's lab table and into a seat next to Oz. She leaned over conspiratorially and grinned like a shark, winking at Xander. "It was worth it for that alone, wasn't it?"

"Wow," Xander said. "Oz broke an expression. Several of them even." He grinned, "Looking very good, Willster."

Willow still had her head down, but with very small, satisfied smirk on her face now. She looked up walked over to Oz and gave him a quick peck on the cheek with a smile and sat down in her seat with a satisfied squeaking sound. Cordelia had her own proprietary smile set in place as she sat down next to Xander. Xander could see Cordelia's professional touch there: after all he'd been dragged away and had it inflicted upon him. Xander grinned and shook his head.

"That's my girls," Xander remarked casually as they settled into their desks. He gave Cordelia a mock worried look, "That is our Willow, right? You didn't trade her in on Willow 2.0?"

Willow shot him a wounded look, and Cordelia thumped him on the arm solidly. "Now, be nice. Jerk."

"Sorry," Xander said, rubbing his arm and wincing. "So," Xander said, giving Willow an apologetic look. "How about we just go back to getting into fistfights with monsters? Or maybe being life sucked by computerized sex fiends? It's got be less painful than Biology."

"And miss a chance to listen to you whine like a fourteen year old girl?" Cordelia responded, arranging her books with her usual grace. She turned her thousand watt smile on him. "Not likely."

"I do not whine like a fourteen year old girl, I'll have you know," Xander shot back, huffing himself up in pride. "More like an eight year old girl. But still: biology. I have to remind you, I have issues."

"Oh come on Xander," Willow opined, opening a notebook that was already covered in indecipherable Willow-script. "Mr. Hideyoshi isn't bad at all. Just because our previous biology teacher tried to seduce and then eat you is no reason to hold the entire field in contempt."

"Call me paranoid," Xander said with a frown, "But one experience with nearly being decapitated by a woman is enough for me."

"And you're still dating Cordelia?" Willow asked. She almost looked startled that the zinger had come from her own lips. Cordelia shot Willow a completely scandalized look, her eyes narrowing.

Conversation at that point died down as Mr. Hideyoshi walked in from the biology storeroom with a calm confidence. He was a relatively handsome man, with just a touch of gray at his temples. Today he was dressed in what Xander had begun to realize was his usual attire of a suit coat and slacks. Obviously a fan of the sport coats, on this occasion he was wearing an expensive looking tan number with a subdued tie. Somewhere within his brain, Xander felt a horrible awareness begin to jell: Cordelia must be rubbing off on him if he bothered to notice another man's fashion sense.

Hideyoshi pulled up short at his desk, depositing a book and several folders on it, and removing a sheaf of papers from one. Straightening his tie, he walked around the table as was his habit. Pulling to a stop directly in front of his desk, he turned a cool and scornful gaze on the drowsy juvenile population of room 132. He frowned to himself and adjusted his cuff-links with a stern gesture, before picking up the sheaf of papers and, moving around the room, passed out the results of the previous Friday's pop quizzes.

Back at his desk, he straightened his tie again, folding his arms over his chest. "I see that we are all at least somewhat awake this morning," Hideyoshi said in an acid tone. "Very well. We will begin with last night's reading on mammalian behavioral psychology. Mr. Harris, tell me if you will, what is it that our textbook believes separates a thinking man from a beast?"

"Our ability to craft the industrial grade food product that is the Twinkie?" Xander offered. Cordelia shot him a steel melting gaze, shaking her head, and Xander relented slightly. "Just kidding there. Well, less specifically, I guess the uh... capacity for reflection?"

"Hmm," Hideyoshi nodded. "This is true, and a sadly precise retelling of what our textbook said. Miss Rosenberg?"

"Isn't it the diversification of our neural functions?" Willow asked, lowering her hand tentatively. "The synaptic patterns that allow us to do things no other animal can?"

"Closer Ms. Rosenberg," Hideyoshi said. Willow tilted her head to the side inquisitively as he tweaked the cuff-link on his left arm. "More than any other thing, it is the ability to discern and organize our minds and to communicate concepts. The ability that we most commonly call 'language'. It is this facility that separates us from what some would call 'the lower animals'. Some have poetically named the song or the word as being the beginning of Creation. I am not certain that this is a false or even misleading allegory as far as human development is concerned."

Willow seemed slightly miffed by the response, but the rest of the class seemed to pass without any further incident. At least, Xander wasn't called on more than usual, and he managed to get by with more-or-less textbook responses on the few times he was. However, he did notice that Willow and Aura must not have found Mr. Hideyoshi's class as boring and bland as he did. In contrast to their early drowsy attention, both of the girls seemed to become raptly absorbed as the class droned by. Not that that was out of character for Willow, but Xander had never really considered Aura to have much of an interest in science, much less a "rapt" one.

In contrast to her fixed attention on Hideyoshi's lecture, Willow also seemed to become more and more fidgety as the time passed. While normally a bit hyper, Willow usually wasn't quite as prone to chewing on her pencil between note taking, grooming her hair with her fingers, or bouncing softly in her seat while tapping her fingers on the table. At least not to the degree that Xander seemed to be noticing - she usually tended to bounce when she was excited over a research project or new discovery, not over what was - for Willow - fairly basic science material. Of course, on reflection, Xander mused that he tended to spend a lot of time in science classes dozing with his eyes open and his chin propped in his hand, so it's possible he may have just not noticed before...

Aura... while Xander would rather be tortured than admit it, he'd spent quite a bit of late grade school and junior high watching the attractive black Corette. While he wouldn't classify Aura as "hot" in the same sense as Cordelia, Buffy, or Faith, he had always thought that she was extremely pretty. Plus, she'd always seemed a bit nicer and classier than the rest of Cordelia's cronies. She'd figured in more than a few of his bored classroom fantasies over the years. In all of his years of Aura watching, he couldn't remember ever seeing her wriggle, period, much less wriggle in her class seat. He also couldn't recall ever seeing her fix a teacher - any teacher - with an expression he'd be tempted to describe as almost "fawning" or "adoring".

Cordelia caught his eye part way through the lecture as well. While "Cordelia as girlfriend" - or even as "friend" - was still kind of a new thought to him, he had known her for over a decade by now and had spent a lot of boring classes together observing her. And fantasizing about... 'Ok, kill that line of thought, Xan - back to business,' Xander painfully wrenched his mind back up to gutter level. Cordelia's normal mode, even in classes that bored her, was to alternate between briskly taking notes, filing her nails, abstractedly reading her textbook, and primping surreptitiously for whatever males were paying attention to her at the time. Quietly sinking into her seat - almost slumping in it - fidgeting, and casting frequent covert glances at the clock as though she were counting down the minutes to escape were not typical Cordelia behaviors. The slumping alone was almost an alarm signal: "bad posture" ranked somewhere in the Cordelia Chase list of venal personal sins right up there with chipped nails and split ends, and just below "knock off labels". The lack of note taking was nearly as bad: Cordelia would rather be fed to the Hellmouth Beast than admit it, but her grades would mark almost anyone else as a "school brain".

His boredom with Hideyoshi's droning voice banished by his curiosity over his girlfriend's oddities, Xander began to glance surreptitiously around the room checking out the other students. School science nerds riveted to the teacher with rapt attention, pens moving rapidly over organized notebooks: check. Nothing odd there. Various jocks either looking bored and dazed, or snoozing quietly, or joking with their buddies whenever Hideyoshi's attention was elsewhere: check. In-betweener kids doing variants both between bouts of clock watching: check. Oz...

Huh. Oz's expression was almost odd. Especially for Oz. Rather than quietly and studiously making notes while reading his book, the small guitarist was watching Hideyoshi intently with a very slight crease between his eyebrows, and an almost disquieted air about him. 'Note to self,' Xander thought. 'You've spent too much time around Willow. Never, ever let it become known that you managed to use the word disquieted properly in a sentence.'

Catching Xander's eye upon him, Oz gave him a very slight shrug, then glanced at Willow and met Xander's eyes again, raising his eyebrows slightly. Xander returned the shrug and spread his hands slightly in a 'heck if I know' gesture. Oz nodded fractionally and went back to studying the biology teacher.

The only student who didn't seem to be bored to irritation or oddly antsy was the last person he'd been expecting to see acting uncharacteristically.

In contrast to her usual habit of feigning interest while hiding comics behind her textbook, Heidi Barrie lounged relaxed and very still in her seat next to her lab table partner, head cocked and her eyes on the teacher. Almost unnaturally still, especially compared to the fidgety teen next to her. Like many of the other class females, Heidi watched Hideyoshi with a rapt attention, only with a subtle difference to it that Xander couldn't quite put his finger on. As if sensing his eyes on her, Heidi turned her head slowly and met his gaze across the room and Xander's neck hairs bristled sightly when the similarity struck home for him.

Heidi was wearing the same lazy, indifferent, and dispassionate gaze of a lioness studying potential prey that Buffy, Faith, or vamp-Shelia wore when watching something they hadn't quite yet classed as a dangerous enemy, but weren't ruling it out...

Catching his eye, Heidi closed one of hers in a slow and deliberate wink and made a kissing moue with her lips at him, then smiled lazily and returned to studying Hideyoshi. Xander felt his ears grow slightly hot and her wrenched his eyes back to the front of the room, flushing and shifting uncomfortably in his seat. 'Ok, that got way too much of a Faith-like reaction from me for my comfort zone, too,' Xander thought. 'Note to self: do not encourage the Principal eating girl to think you're visually flirting with her. Especially not while dating Cordelia.'

'Ok, so maybe there's something in the well dressed older Asian male thing that I'm not seeing here,' Xander thought. 'Gotta admit, up until I started this growing up thing, I haven't spent that much time awake in classes, but I'd think I'd have noticed if every girl in class had ever been fixated on any other male teacher, right?' Just to check his theory, Xander pushed a pencil off the table and cut his eyes toward the back of the room while swiveling in his chair to bend to recover it. Larry Blaisdell didn't seem to be overly fascinated with Hideyoshi: in contrast to his female Biology partner, Larry sat drowsily leaned back in his seat, his head slowly nodding forward only to jerk upright after a bit. With a mental nod to himself, Xander sat back up and idly tapped the pencil on his book. 'Ok, check: the gay football player doesn't seem to be soaking up the Hideyoshi hotness,' he mused. 'So it's either a girl thing I wouldn't understand, or I'm hallucinating the whole weirdness bit. Spidey-sense malfunction, must get that checked.'

The bell ringing startled all of them, and Mr. Hideyoshi's drone cut off suddenly. Willow was up and gathering her books and notes together even before the last ring. Shoving everything into her book-pack, she headed out with scarcely more than a backward glance and an absent looking smile, Oz following her with a bemused expression. Heidi, who still had a significant percentage of Xander's split attention got smoothly to her feet and walked out just a little bit faster than her normal lazy prowl. Aura, Xander noticed, bounced almost happily up from her seat and up to the front of the room to engage Hideyoshi in animated chatter. 'Bounced?' Xander blinked, shaking his head slightly. 'Aura just bounced up to the teacher's desk?!?'

Cordelia gave a startled looking blink, just sitting momentarily, watching out of the corner of her eye as the rest of the class filed out. Eventually it was just the two of them sitting there. Xander looked at her expectantly, and Cordelia shook her head.

"Sorry," she said, "I was feeling a little off right there." She gathered her books and notebook, and stood, giving a slight shake of her head.

"I'll say," Xander said. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Cordelia stated, looking a bit distracted. Turning towards the door, Cordelia looked for a moment as though she was about to bolt out. Xander took her by the elbow, slowing her as the two of them walked out of the classroom. 'Ok, and that's weird too,' went through his mind. 'Cordelia Chase strides, prowls, or runs. Flees elegantly in terror screaming, maybe. But she does not bolt. Bolting is for lesser mortals...' As they passed through the doorway, Cordelia looked down both ends of the hall with an intense focus. Xander frowned, watching her. "You seem... I dunno. Quiet today."

"Guess I just don't feel much like talking for some reason," Cordelia gave an uncomfortable looking shrug, her eyes down. She shook herself slightly and gave him a wan version of the thousand watt smile. "Get going dweeb. I'll see you at lunch." She leaned up to him and gave him an almost shy peck on the cheek and a quick nuzzle, then headed off abruptly.

"Yes ma'am," Xander said with a sharp salute. "Lunch it is."

It took him six yards down the hall to realize that she hadn't once verbally assaulted him. Not only that, but a shy Cordelia kiss? That's like Faith with no sexual innuendo. 'That settles it,' Xander thought. 'The natural order of the Universe has left the building.'

Was it really too much to ask for a whole week's break between weirdnesses?

................................................

Tuesday September 15, 1998; Sunnydale High School Library, 11:30 A.M.

Peeking his head out into the main hallway leading to the library, Jonathan Levinson slowly let out a pent up breath he hadn't realized he was holding. So far, an apparently clear coast. No Jack O'Toole. No gathering of weirdos or strange Ferengi like Principals. Most especially, no immediate evidence of Faith. Over the course of the past week, he'd noticed several times that she tended to hang out in the vicinity of the library, and after Monday's events, he knew darned well she wasn't your average student. 'Not average' in the same way that the oddly absent Buffy Summers wasn't 'average'. And her casually friendly conversation with Mr. Giles suggesting that she had a similar relation to the forbidding Brit as Buffy and her friends had meant that Giles was on the 'avoid list' for him as well.

Not that he was really avoiding Faith, precisely. Not in the strictest sense of the word 'avoiding', anyway. He just really didn't want to bump into her until she'd had a chance to cool down a lot more. So, definitely no avoiding going on here. Just 'not wanting to run into her' type non-avoidance. Any five foot five inch girl who could casually toss Jack O'Toole several yards on his rear and then just as casually knock him cold with one punch wasn't someone to push your luck with. Jonathan felt a broad grin stretch across his face as he slid out of the side corridor and up to the library doors. Never mind how funny Jack had looked sprawled unconscious on the Quad walkway.

Likewise, he wasn't really avoiding avoiding Xander Harris or Daniel Osbourne, either. He just had a healthy suspicion that they probably hadn't kept the information, disks, and program notes they'd gotten from him regarding Rochelle's creation to themselves. All in all, he just thought it best to keep a low profile around them and the rather intimidating British librarian they hung out with in their little supernatural crime fighting group for awhile. Like, until after Graduation, maybe.

Rising up slightly on his toes, Jonathan looked carefully through the porthole windows of the main doors, searching the interior. Ok, so far, so good. No Faith sprawled at one of the back tables reading one of the weird librarian's books. No weird librarian at the desk. No 'Scooby Gang' arrayed around one of the big tables researching, err... whatever they researched in here.

Taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders, Jonathan nodded decisively and quietly opened the door, slipping in once it was ajar enough to admit him. Letting it close softly behind himself, he eased carefully across the main floor to the stairs leading up to the stacks, and then slid in between the rows of shelves, letting out the breath he'd been holding. Ok, if he was real lucky, he could grab the books for his economics paper and quietly drop off his return books and slip out before Mr. Giles came out of his office. He'd worry abut explaining why his latest reference books had no check out stamp when or if it came up.

Fifteen minutes of browsing later, he added one last reference to the stack under his arm, frowning at the shelves. Ok, so they were missing a couple of titles he'd hoped for. He had located most of what he wanted, and he was pretty sure he could find the other two Hayek compilations at the Sunnydale Public Library. About to head to the end of the stacks and make his way down, he froze upon hearing the library's main doors open. Footsteps clicked across the floor loudly, heading to the main desk rather than up toward the stacks, causing him to roll his eyes and mutter under his breath.

Taking a quick peek around the edge of the shelves, he saw the pretty exchange student from Cordelia's posse crossing the lower floor. The sound of the door to the library office opening and shutting cut short his appreciative view of the Caribbean girl's rear and he pulled back into the shelves hastily, his eyes widening. Aw, crap. Closing his eyes, he leaned back to wait, thumping his head against a shelf softly. Maybe she'd find whatever quickly and Mr. Giles would go back into his office.

Jonathan's luck wasn't that good, apparently. After a few moments he heard Tamara's voice say a cheery "Hello, Mr. Giles."

"Why, hello, err, ah, Tamira, is it?"

"Close enough. Tamara, actually. Tamara St. Marins," followed by a laugh.

"Ah. Quite. My apologies," Giles said. Jonathan could picture him giving her a faintly embarrassed look while polishing his glasses. "Err, what can I do for you today?"

"Could you maybe point me to where you keep copies of Conrad's 'Heart of Darkness'? I looked through the shelves earlier and couldn't find it." Ok, so there were worse things to be stuck listening to, Jonathan reflected. Not only a very pretty girl, but she had a real pretty accent. Nicer than most of the Cordettes, too. And she evidently read something other than Cosmo. Cool.

"Hrrmm." There was a pause from the librarian at that. "I'm trying to recall if that's among the new orders I've gotten in recently. It wasn't among our previous selection, I don't believe."

"Could you check, maybe? It'd save me a trip to the main library."

"Most certainly. It should only take a few minutes." Pause. "That's rather an unusual assignment for this school's curriculum, is it not?"

"Not really assigned reading so much. More like second week Homework Hell." There was a pause and a tinkling laugh, "Probably going to be a lot of us coming in looking for materials this week. I think every teacher at SHS is assigning reports and essays of some type this week so far."

"Ah. Well, I must admit it shall be unusual to see actual students within this part of the building." Pause. "Give me a few minutes, and I'll check my lists to see if we have that volume, and where it might be located."

"Sure. I'll wait."

Upon hearing the man's footsteps head toward and into the rear office, Jonathan decided this was probably his best possible chance to slip out unnoticed. Bracing himself, he casually exited the stacks and walked as quickly and quietly as he could down the stairs to the main floor. Throwing a quick glance at the office door, he sidled up to the counter and quietly set his history book next to the Returns section, only to have Menger's 'Principles of Economics' and Mises' 'Human Action' slide out of the stack under his arm and thump loudly to the floor. Jonathan froze with a decidedly 'deer in the headlights' expression as Tamara jumped, turning towards him in a startled fashion.

"Yow! Didn't even see you there," she said. She knelt gracefully to pick up one of the volumes as Jonathan went to recover the other one.

"Uh. Yeah," Jonathan gave her a wan smile. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

"No prob. Here," she handed him the economics book, standing. Jonathan replaced it carefully in his stack and stood as well. "Mises, huh?" Tamara asked.

"Huh?" Jonathan blinked, wrenching his gaze upwards. Bizarrely, he heard Faith's voice going through his mind, saying, 'Try keeping the eyes above chest level sometimes'. He shook his head slightly. Having a vivid visual and textural memory of a naked Rochelle in his mind's eye was not helping any. "Uh, yeah. I mean, uh, Mises. Advanced college prep class - I'm doing an, uh, economics paper." Jonathan kicked himself mentally for sounding like a dork.

"Well, yeah. If it were a history paper, you'd be way off," Tamara's observation drew a sharp glance from Jonathan, but instead of dismissive contempt, her voice and expression only held mild amusement.

Jonathan found himself chuckling uncomfortably. "Well, yeah. Unless it was like, history of economics maybe."

"Hah." Tamara shook her head, "At Sunnydale? Only if you want a blank look and an 'F' from the world history prof."

"Heh. Mr. Jorgens doesn't look much outside of the textbook, does he?" Jonathan ventured a genuine smile. A soft throat clearing drew him abruptly out of contemplation of Tamara's lips and the long, elegant line of her neck and back to reality. Ooops...

"Ms. St. Marins? We do have it. Unfortunately, it hasn't been shelved yet. If you don't mind waiting some additional minutes, I can retrieve it for you from the 'to be shelved' stacks," Mr. Giles interjected. "Why, hello, Mr. Levinson," Mr. Giles favored Jonathan with a distinctly unamused glance. It suddenly occurred to Jonathan that he'd forgotten about a perfectly good escape route through the doors behind the stacks that would have prevented this entire confrontation... Rats.

"Mr. Giles!" Jonathan said in a bright voice. "Err, just returning the books that I borrowed for my computer project. See? Everything is in mint - well as close to mint as you find here - condition. Now I'll leave these here and just be..." he trailed off at Giles' completely humorless stare and ending in a squeak: "...staying right here?"

"Good choice, Mr. Levinson," Mr. Giles said, dryly. "I would actually appreciate that. I have a few things I believe we might discuss." He turned his attention to the Cordette, his voice and expression softening in mid turn. "Give me a few moments, Ms. St. Marins, and I'll retrieve your volume for you."

"Sure," Tamara said. "I'll keep err... " she looked at Jonathan.

"Jonathan," he managed.

"Right. I'll keep Jonathan company."

"Quite. I shall be back directly, then," Giles said. With that, he went around the counter, heading toward the book carts, leaving them alone for the moment.

"So, what'd you do? Dog ear a collector's edition of Shakespeare before returning it?" Tamara asked.

"Uh... " Jonathan shook his head. 'I helped two other idiots conjure a living computer dating simulation that infested the school mainframe and killed several people via extreme sexually induced aging,' flitted through his brain. While it was an impressive display of technical skill, he somehow doubted that ranked very high on the list of 'ways to impress girls and get dates'. Shaking his head, he shrugged slightly, "Something like that," he said.

"Ah." Tamara's lips twitched. "So... you're up for summary execution then. Been nice knowing you." Jonathan gulped, swallowing hard.

"I hope not?" Jonathan's eyes widened.

"Here you go," Giles called out as he came back around the counter. He stamped the check out slip on the back cover and extended the still new copy of 'Heart of Darkness' across to Tamara. "I do hope you enjoy this, it's an excellent read. And good luck on your essay."

"Thanks. And I've read it before," Tamara said, nodding. "It was assigned reading at private school in Sint Maartens."

"Really," Mr. Giles reached up to adjust his glasses. "In that case, good luck on your course, then."

"Thanks," she grinned at him. "And don't execute Jonno. Dog earing books really isn't a capitol offense. Laters." Tucking the book under her arm, she turned to head out of the library.

"Take a seat, if you would, Mr. Levinson," Giles said calmly, gesturing to one of the nearby round tables. Suppressing an urge to gulp, Jonathan took a seat and waited patiently. Nervously, but none the less patiently, in the manner of someone awaiting sentence. After a moment spent logging the two history volumes back in, Giles walked around to the other side of the table and sat down across from him. With exacting care, the librarian removed his glasses and began to polish them with a cloth that he drew from his sweater vest while studying the much shorter teen. 'Only Mr. Giles could make a sweater vest intimidating,' Jonathan thought.

After a period of time that just had to be much shorter than it seemed, Mr. Giles sighed gently and replaced his glasses. "I find myself in a rather interesting position, Mr. Levinson," Giles began. "I've recently come into the guardianship of a most interesting young woman that I believe you are acquainted with?" At Jonathan's inquiring look, he stated, "Faith, the young lady who escorted you through the library yesterday."

"Oh, yeah. Uh, I mean, yessir. I err, know Faith," Jonathan said. "Guardianship? That's very noble of you, Mr. Giles," Jonathan offered with an expression that he hoped combined hopeful optimism, vague interest, and a healthily concealed dose of 'wanting to get the hell out of the room alive'.

"Excellent." Giles nodded. "As her guardian, it falls upon me to see to Faith's educational needs, and for a number of reasons, it is inadvisable for her to pursue the normal avenues of attendance at Sunnydale High. Therefore it is incumbent upon me to make other arrangements to pursue those ends."

"Right... " Jonathan nodded carefully. "I understand California has relatively liberal homeschooling policies," he offered. 'And I really wish my parents had taken advantage of them,' he thought...

"Quite so," Mr. Giles said, nodding. He favored Jonathan with a dry smile. "That was exactly the alternative Faith and I had arrived at. As a matter of fact, that is also precisely where we arrive at your participation in this matter," he said.

"M-m-me?" Jonathan blinked. Ok, so not exactly what he'd been expecting. "I mean, me, sir?

"Indeed." Mr. Giles gaze turned more than slightly cold. "It has been brought to my attention that you and several of your classmates were involved in the rather recent activities concerning the, err... shall we say, the cause of the 'electrical incident' associated with the problems plaguing the school's computer equipment last week."

Jonathan gulped nervously, not even bothering to attempt to hide it. "Uh, yes sir. Err," Jonathan stalled out while trying desperately to think of something else to add.

"Given that a rather expensive piece of school property was placed frivolously at risk, not to mention the other collateral effects," Giles continued, ignoring Jonathan's discomfort, "I felt at first as though I would be obligated to take the matter to a higher authority."

Jonathan felt his throat close up. Even though no one would believe stories that the programming construct came to life, the costs for a really damaged server, not to mention the marks that would go into his permanent record caused Jonathan to break out in a cold sweat. Add concepts such as 'computer crime', 'data penetration', and 'communications phreaking' to the list, and it suddenly escalated from a matter of vandalism to being something of more than casual interest to the FBI's computer crime specialists. Every phracker and code cracker of any practical amount of skill was aware of at least the basics of the 414s, Kevin Mitnick, Loyd Blankenship, and the rtm/Bob Morris cases, and the potential for Federal penalties for computer crimes. He suddenly revised his opinion about the advisability of running away to join a Mexican traveling circus upward several notches.

"However," Giles stated in a contemplative voice. "Hearsay is difficult to corroborate as it were, and there is rather a great deal of bother involved with dealing with the authorities in such matters. Additionally, Faith interceded upon your behalf by venturing her considered opinion that while your activities were ill advised, they were motivated more by understandable teenage foolishness than by actual malice."

Jonathan blinked, startled. "F-faith did?" Ok, now that was mind boggling.

"Quite so," Giles said, nodding. Removing his glasses, he set them carefully on the tabletop to one side while rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Given that she stated that she believed that she'd amply impressed upon you the seriousness of your indiscretions and the inadvisability of repeating them... it was Faith's opinion that it was rather unlikely that you'll be tempted to dabble in such forces again?" At Mr. Giles penetrating look, Jonathan nodded so hard he thought he probably looked like one of those bobble-head dolls. "Very well, I see no real need to pursue that further. If you would be willing to do a small service for me, that is."

"Whatever you want," Jonathan blurted, inching back in his chair away from Giles as much as he could without looking completely ridiculous.

With a small smile, Giles replaced his glasses again, and regarded Jonathan over the top of the lenses. "Simply put: I would request and require your assistance in the education of my ward. Most specifically; your services as a tutor for her in whatever subjects she may need advanced assistance in. I believe you generally receive top marks in mathematics, the sciences, and in computers?"

"Um," Jonathan hedged. "Yes, sir, I did... err, I do, I mean. I receive top marks in all of my subjects, actually."

"Capital," Giles said, cutting Jonathan off. "Most excellent. I'm in the process of applying to the School Board for dispensation for Faith to do her studying and research here at the library whilst I am working, in addition to her home studies. I've managed to prevail upon Principal Snyder to allow her on campus in the meantime as long as she proves not to be a disruptive influence," he added. Jonathan boggled momentarily, his brain almost turning inside out at imagining just how that conversation must have gone. He'd have paid to be a fly on the wall for Mr. Giles conversation with the Ferengi...

Giles voice brought Jonathan back out of his reverie with a jerk. "... yesterday, today, and tomorrow Faith and I shall be engaged in testing to discern exactly where her previous education left off, and what her aptitudes and needed areas of study are. As of yesterday's results, she seems to have at least a basic grasp of algebra and an undeveloped talent for mathematics, and seems to be up to at least freshmen level in American History. While we're determining where she stands in literature, reading and comprehension, the sciences, and similar fields of knowledge, I would like for you to begin your tutoring of her with advanced algebra and basics of geometry. Also, possibly assisting her in her World History explorations."

"Yes sir," Jonathan said, nodding. "I think I can do that... "

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