Title: Catching the Stars
Pairing: Pike and Henry (from the movie Big Eden)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~ 3400
Summary: The courtship and evolving relationship between Pike and Henry is told in flashbacks after a horrible incident rocks shakes the foundation of everyone who loves them both. (i.e.: The entire town of Big Eden!) (In my universe the last scene of the movie - the dance and kiss - happened a year later at the annual summer picnic.)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Friendship
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.
Warnings: Injection of harsh reality into the idyllic world of Big Eden.
PRESENT
Pike had everything ready two days ahead of time. He had paint for the outside and paint for the inside and lots of rollers and brushes to do the job. Then, on the day the boys were supposed to arrive for their first day of the one hundred and twenty hours of community service, Pike stayed home.
He didn't want the overwhelm them with too much at once. He remembered the looks on their faces the night of the attack and he knew how scared they were. So Jim agreed to get them acclimated to the rules and the tasks to be completed, and Pike would come in around lunchtime to meet them.
Henry stayed home too. His reasons weren't so noble. He just felt better if he kept his eye on Pike right now.
When Henry woke up earlier in the morning, he was surprised to find Pike still with him. It was so rare for Pike to stay in bed after the sun was fully glowing in the sky - unless, of course, they weren't sleeping. "You okay?" Henry asked.
Pike was just staring at the ceiling.
Henry reached to rub one hand across Pike's tummy. "Hey."
"I'm fine." Pike sighed before rolling onto his side to look at Henry. "Just...nervous I guess."
"Understandable."
They just stayed there, face-to-face, with only the sound of Sam's old wall clocking ticking away in the hallway. It was comforting for both of them.
Pike finally broke the spell. "Pancakes?"
They didn't talk for the rest of the morning. Pike made breakfast while Henry started a load of laundry. Every now and then they would cross paths and one of them would skim their fingers on whatever exposed skin they could reach. It was just a way to reassure each other that the silence was okay.
After stuffing themselves with pancakes and cleaning up the kitchen, Pike hopped into the shower while Henry finished folding a basket full of fresh smelling bed sheets. Henry thought about joining him, just to distract him from his thoughts for a bit - but then thought better of it. He figured Pike needed to sort out his feelings more than he needed a soapy hand-job.
By eleven-fifteen they were on their way. Pike drove - nerves were clouding his features and Henry just wanted to go back home and keep him there forever.
Why did I agree to this, again?
When they pulled in front of the store twenty minutes later, Henry was shocked by what he saw. They were so small. One of them looked no older than ten or twelve. The information sheets sent over by the magistrate said that the youngest was fourteen and the oldest was almost sixteen. But to Henry – they just looked like a couple of fresh-faced little kids.
The information sheets also indicated that there were five of them – but only four participated in the actual attack.
So why are there only two here now?
Henry was still sitting in the truck with Pike – who was watching Bird instruct the two boys on the finer points of painting the exterior of a building. Henry tried to assess Pike's facial expression and body language, but he found it impossible. Pike was definitely in his turtle-in-the-shell mode. "I guess we should go over there and introduce ourselves." Henry said in an attempt to get Pike's attention.
Pike nodded – just a little nod, almost imperceptible.
"You okay, Pike?"
Again, he only nodded.
"What's going on in that head of yours?" Henry ran his fingers through thick black hair for emphasis.
Finally Pike turned his head to look at Henry. He looked pensive. "I was just wondering how it will feel to them after they finally know my name."
Henry wasn't expecting that. At. All. But it made perfect sense that Pike would be thinking about it. It's just so perfectly-Pike. "It will be a lot harder to downplay it. It's like naming a pig. If you name a pig it's hard to eat it because it's more like a pet when it has a name."
Pike's brows knitted together. "A pig?"
Henry rolled his eyes playfully. "Yeah. A pig. It's just an analogy. Don't over-think it. All I'm trying to say is that once you have a name you won't be just that guy they kicked around. You'll be a real person with real feelings. They won't be able to downplay what they did."
"So you're assuming they're downplaying it?" Pike asked.
And that was perfectly-Pike, too.
"I'm just…" Henry wasn't sure how to respond. "Why don't we just get this over with. We'll probably all feel better once we rip off this band-aid."
Once again, Pike simply nodded before they both got out of the truck. When the boys heard the truck door slam, they turned toward the sound and Henry immediately saw fear in their eyes. They each took a step back and tried to stand behind Bird. Jim stepped from the store after hearing the sound of the truck as well. Henry wasn't sure who Jim was trying to comfort in this situation – Pike or the nervous kids.
"Hey Pike. Henry." Jim tipped his baseball cap in greeting. "I want to introduce you to our temporary helpers."
Pike's eyes never left the two boys. Henry understood that the crinkled-forehead-squint was Pike's thinking-face. He would imagine that to a couple of kids who didn't know him, Pike just looked mean. Henry stepped forward so he was a little bit in between Pike and the boys and held out his hand. "Hello boys. My name is Henry Hart."
Each of the boys reached out nervously to shake Henry's hand. They kept a wary eye on Pike. "Hello Mr. Hart."
"You can just call me Henry." He nodded in the direction of Pike. "This is Pike Dexter. He owns this place, but I guess you already know that." He tried not to say it with bitterness…but he didn't quite pull it off.
"You two got a name?" Pike suddenly spoke.
The kids could barely look him in the eye and they literally shrank from hearing Pike's voice. "I'm Dillan. This is Eddy." They sound so damn young. Henry was shocked that the kids cowering behind Bird were capable of doing the kind of damage Pike had endured.
"Where're the others?" Pike asked in a tone that was hard to decipher.
Both boys looked at Jim, almost begging to be rescued. Jim took it upon himself to be the go-between. "Well…Pike…it seems that when kids their age are required to do community service, they have to have their parents agree to the terms. It seems that only these two boys were allowed to serve their hours here. The others are picking up garbage on Highway 200."
Pike's eyes were still trained on the boys. Henry was starting to feel a little sorry for them – which surprised him.
"Why didn't you try to get out of it, too." Pike got straight to the point. The boys just looked at the ground and shrugged. Pike's face softened a bit. "It takes courage to face your mistakes head on."
That got the boys attention. They looked at Pike through boyish lashes. "I'm going to make sandwiches. Are you guys hungry?"
"I sure am!" Bird said with his usual eagerness for anything that wasn't related to actual work.
Jim added, "I think that would be nice, Pike."
The boys had yet to speak. "Are you boys going to answer the question?" Pike asked. He didn't sound mad or irritated or in any way put out – he was simply asking.
They both nodded, still looking unsure of the situation. The one named Dillan said, "Thank you, Mr. Dexter."
"My name is Pike." He answered before turning around to go into the store. "And you're welcome."
Henry was trying to make sense of the exchange. Pike didn't appear angry, but he wasn't being overly friendly either. He didn't appear to be nervous, but he certainly wasn't at ease. Henry decided that there was no right or wrong way to feel in this situation. It was just going to have to work itself out. He was just relieved that he wasn't the only one feeling awkward about it. He pointed to the crate full of paint supplies next to a pyramid of paint cans. "Why don't you boys get the windows taped up before lunch. You can start painting after you eat."
They had planned out the three weeks or so that the boys would be working around the store. First on the list was painting the outside of the building. Pike had been meaning to do it for a long time. Once that was done, the boys would paint the inside. There were still many places where the repaired walls were bare drywall. If there was any time left after those two big jobs were done, Pike would send the boys to help Grace and Dean with anything they may need around the school and lumber yard.
That was the plan anyway. Since none of them had ever done this before - it was just a guess as to how much of the work could get done in the short time the boys were to be with them.
The process was carefully spelled out in the information sheets sent by the magistrate. A court appointed chaperone would drive the boys to and from their worksite. They would arrive no later than nine in the morning and leave no earlier than three-thirty in the afternoon. Pike had to sign off on their official court-issued timesheet every day and once the boys had met their required hours, Pike was required to report to the court regarding their performance and behavior. Since they lived so far from Big Eden, they were allowed to stay with an uncle - the one with the pool who lived right outside of town. And since the court appointed chaperone couldn't be a relative, Jim had agreed to do it.
Seemed simple enough.
On paper.
But in real time it seemed to throw Pike off quite a bit. Henry could see it in his face and in his walk and in the way his shoulders hunched from tension. Henry watched Pike pull food from the cold case and walk with heavy steps through the door that eventually led to the old kitchen and he wanted to scream 'I told you so' even though he knew it wasn't fair to even think it.
When Henry finally dared to follow Pike into the back of the store, he had shaken off his own irrational urge to scold his lover and felt fully prepared to play the role of supportive partner. He watched Pike lean against the sink and stare out of the small window above it for several minutes before he cleared his throat to let Pike know he was no longer alone.
"Need any help with lunch?" He asked from the doorway.
Pike's shoulders relaxed at the sound of Henry's voice.
Henry smiled and his chest swelled from knowing he could do that for Pike with five simple words.
Pike spoke without moving. "They're so small."
"Yeah, they are." Henry stayed in the doorway to give PIke some space.
Pike struggled to express himself. "They look so..."
"Innocent?" Henry tried to help him along.
Pike just nodded before he exhaled loudly. He stood still, just thinking, for a few minutes before he asked, "You mind slicing up some pickles?"
Henry took the invitation to move from the doorway. He grabbed the jar of pickles from the counter on the other side of Pike, making sure to lean into his body in the process. "I think I can manage that without burning anything."
Pike smiled and made a noise that wasn't quite a chuckle but definitely close. He bumped Henry with his hip. "I wouldn't be too sure of that."
They sliced and shredded and assembled sandwiches of turkey and cheese without any chatter. Henry looked at Pike and happened to catch his eye. "I get it now, Pike."
Pike quirked an eye brow. He was asking 'get what?' without words.
"After seeing Dillan and Eddy - I get it." Henry explained. "You're doing the right thing."
"We're doing the right thing." Pike corrected.
They continued assembling sandwiches in comfortable silence. Once they had them all stacked on a tray, Pike leaned over just enough to give his love a quick kiss. "Thanks, Henry."
FLASHBACK
It had to be a nightmare because things like this just don't happen in Big Eden.
People didn't steal from each other.
Kids didn't scream 'mother-fucker,' 'fucking fag,' or 'go back to the rez' while they kick a man's head and chest before stomping on every other part of him.
Not in Big Eden.
Not In my own... His outraged thoughts were interrupted by another blow to the head. They were small, but they had a hard kick. Maybe they play soccer or something. The pain was overwhelming and they just - didn't - stop.
Pike was sure that the only thing that would stop them was if he were dead.
And Pike didn't want to die. Especially since he felt like he had just recently started living.
Henry.
It was really the only thing that scared him about the whole thing. What if Henry came in before they left? The thought of it was terrifying.
A well placed kick to the temple brought sweet relief. Everything went dark and he felt nothing. The only image he saw just above the surface of consciousness was Henry's face. The brutal blows faded into the warm, loving touch of Henry. Pike wondered if this is what it felt like to die - and if it was, he was okay with it.
He tried to focus on the image of Henry for as long as possible. It was like a blip of light - almost like when a television is turned off - then everything fell into blackness. But he could still feel the warmth of Henry's hand skimming along his back. Up and down with small, soothing circles. He could almost hear Henry's voice - saying his name softly. It felt like goodbye.
"Pike."
He wasn't ready. He just got everything he ever wanted and he wasn't ready to let it go. It wasn't fair.
"Pike."
I don't want to die.
"Pike. Open up those brown beauties."
Henry watched Pike's eyes flutter open. He looked sad and confused. Handsome. "You okay?"
Pike's eyes cleared as he started to pull himself out of deep sleep. Henry watched tears begin to well up as he became more aware of reality. "You were having one of those dreams again."
Pike just nodded and reached for Henry's hand.
"Come here." Henry pulled Pike closer. Pike scooted himself lower in the bed so he could nuzzle himself into Henry's neck. "You're right here where you belong. Everything is going to be okay."
It had been like this every night since Pike came home from the hospital. Every single night - for two weeks. It would start with slight twitching of Pike's long fingers. Within minutes Pike's body trembled while he whimpered quietly. Henry always woke up at the first twitch. He knew to be cautious - gentle touches with lots of space between them. Usually by the time Pike came out of it, he was sweating and breathing a little unevenly. Henry always knew when Pike was completely back by the way he clung to Henry and seemed to try to make himself as small as possible.
Which is what Pike doing now - his sweat dampened face buried into Henry's neck as he tangled his long legs with Henry's. Henry never complained because since the night of the attack, he felt a lot better when Pike was impossibly close.
They hadn't yet talked about them - the dreams. Pike would fall asleep within minutes of settling into Henry's comfortable heat, while Henry stayed awake and worried. Henry didn't push - he knew Pike and sometimes Pike didn't need to talk about his feelings, he just needed to know he was understood - and that was something that came naturally for them, without a lot of dialogue.
So Henry was surprised to hear Pike whispering, "I love you."
He sounded a little lost. "I love you, too." Henry's heart ached for his sweet man. "You okay?" He asked while combing his fingers through Pike's long, dark hair.
Pike kissed Henry's chest before he nuzzled a little more. "I just remember thinking that if you walked in they would hurt you too."
Henry wasn't sure what Pike was talking about - finally - his dreams or his reality. "You mean in your dream?"
"No...yeah...both I guess." Pike looked up at him. "All I remember is that I was so afraid that if you walked into the middle of it, I would have to hurt them – because I couldn't let them hurt you."
And if there was ever an 'oh my god' moment – this was it. Henry had never considered that in a moment when Pike should have been fearing for his own life – he was instead fearing for Henry. He was fearing for the possibility of having to make a choice to hurt a bunch a scared little kids so they wouldn't hurt someone he loves. Henry wasn't even sure how to relate to that feeling – because Henry was pretty sure that he wouldn't think twice before beating the crap of every kid he could get his hands on that night.
But Henry always knew that Pike was a gentler man with nothing but compassion for others in his heart. He was understated in his awareness of everything and everyone around him. Henry felt the rough, hardness of Pike's ugly purple cast against the small of his back, which only reminded him of how incredibly lucky he was to have Pike to love.
"What kind of monster am I?" Pike asked. It was barely a whisper.
"What?" Henry was confused. He smoothed his fingers against Pike's cheek. "What are you talking about?"
Pike looked at him with tortured eyes. "I'd have chosen you. They were so small and I would have hurt them if I had to choose. I'd be lying if I denied it."
How was Henry supposed to deal with that? It was just…so beyond anything he would ever consider even thinking about let alone feeling bad about and here was Pike – so torn up over it that he was having nightmares. "But you didn't have to choose." Henry tried to reassure and knew he was completely missing the boat but he just didn't know what else to do. "You're a good man, Pike Dexter."
"I thought I was dying. And the worst part about it - dying - was leaving you. I'm not ready..."
"You didn't." Henry interrupted. He didn't want to hear the words spoken out loud. "You didn't then and you're not now and I love you."
Pike nodded. He understood. "The best moment in my life was the moment I opened my eyes in that hospital and saw you there."
It was Henry's best moment too but he couldn't get the words past the lump in his throat. He continued to comb Pike's hair with his fingers for a few minutes. "You need to sleep. Rest will get you better quicker."
Pike nodded again before he closed his eyes and relaxed against his pillow. His arm was still wrapped around Henry's waist as if he needed the reassurance that Henry was with him while he slept.
Henry didn't mind - even if the cast felt like a boulder against his ribs - he needed reassurances too.
TBC