I stood on my balcony, looking out over the large yard and the forrest that sat on my father's property. It was twilight, and I was alone. Bo was off catching mice and other small rodents for dinner, leaving me alone in the house.

There was no meeting tonight, but Father was hosting a dinner for the families of Death Eaters. I'd told him that I wasn't feeling too well, and that I'd rather stay in my room that night. He'd begrudgingly agreed to let me miss.

We'd been getting along better now since we'd both calmed down and silently agreed to let the past be the past.

The wind was blowing my hair gently, and it smelled like Autumn outside. I closed my eyes, listening to the sounds; the wolves in the forrest, the leaves blowing on the cracked concrete below, dried and crinkling, dead. I loved the Fall.

I heard my door open and someone walked across the room towards me, then tap gently on the wooden frame of the double doors that led to my balcony.

I turned around and looked up into those icy crystal eyes that haunted me. "Draco, hi..." A small smile found its way to my lips. I couldn't help it.

He was grinning at me as he came and leaned on the railing next to me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just...thinking...."

"About what?" He turned towards me, leaning on the rail sideways, his eyes curious.

"Life, what's after it..."

"Like after death?"

I nodded and turned to look back out as I was before. "And what we're supposed to accomplish while we're here..." I turned my head a little so I could see him.

He looked deep in thought. "I'm not sure. We're here to work for you father...." His tone was a little apprehensive, like he wasn't very sure.

"You sound about as confident in that answer as I feel..."

He nodded some, looking out with me.

"What's happening in our world? Why are we so unsure of all of this?" My eyes widened some and I stiffened, standing up. "Why am I even talking like this, and to you about it? My father would kill you if he felt unsure about our duties."

He blinked at my quick change of moods and looked at me, studying me. Something shone in his eyes-hurt?-but I couldn't tell. "What, you don't trust me?"

"I don't trust anyone," I replied with a sour laugh.

"Come on, Layla. We've known each other for months."

"That doesn't mean anything. It can take a lifetime to build trust with someone."

I went to turn away but he grabbed my hand. "Give me a chance."

I stared. "What....chance?" What was he asking me? What chance did he need or want?

"A chance....." He stroked my hand with his thumb and brought it to his lips to kiss it, and I froze in shock.

Quickly, I shook it off and pulled my hand back and went back into my room.

"What?" he said, following me. I wished he'd just stay away. I'd been getting over it.

"You're living in a fantasy."

"How am I living in a fantasy?"

"There is nothing between us. It was physical. It was one time. Now, it's nothing." It was making me ache to say it to him, to not just jump on him and tell him I'd give him a thousand chances. But I couldn't. I had to keep my distance. Being with him made me stupid and irresponsible and silly. I wouldn't let myself fall anymore.

He looked me over, his eyes burning into mine, as if he were searching, reading my soul, trying to find out what I really meant behind what I was saying. "Is that how you really feel?"

I looked down, pulling at a few of the beads that dangled of the edge of my corset, staying silent for a few moments.

"It's...how I have to feel..." I finally whispered. Automatically, I'd wished I hadn't said anything at all.

"It could work." He was across my room in a few strides, my hand in one of his, the other forcing me to look up into his beautiful face. "It could work."

I pulled away from him. "How do you figure?"

"I...I don't know. But it could, Layla, it could." He sounded like he was almost pleading with me, his voice desperate for me to understand.

I understood, but I couldn't let him know that. "You have no plans for your future, other than being a henchman to my father. You know nothing of the real world outside of your school and here."

"I'll figure it out," he pled.

I sighed, turning from him. "Draco..."

"What?"

"You need to go." I couldn't stand it. Any longer and I'd be back where I started and we'd both be dead. I looked back at him over my shoulder, and saw his face fall some. "Now."

His eyes went cold as he looked at me, a look similar to the one my father often wore when he was angry about something. "Fine. Miss Riddle," he said with an exaggerated bow. He stood and swept out of my room, his jaw set and his face blank.

I shut the door behind him and heaved a great sigh, my head falling against the wood with a loud 'thud'.

I hated being me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next evening I went down to Father's study and knocked lightly on the door. "Father?"

"Come in, Layla," he called. He didn't sound too displeased about anything.

I pushed the door open lightly and slipped inside, shutting the heavy oak door gently behind me. I walked up to the side of his desk and gave him a small bow of my head in respect. (I was at least trying.) "How are you, Father?"

"Well. Yourself?" He didn't look around at me from his work. I didn't know what he was doing, and I didn't ask.

"Troubled," I answered honestly.

"About what, my pet?" He continued to pour over his open books.

I took a deep breath. "Do you intend me to be single for my whole life?"

He stopped and slowly turned to look at me. His face showed a minimal trace of shock. "Why are you asking me this?"

I sat down in one of the high-backed chairs and pulled my legs up to my chest, resting my chin on them. "I don't know...I'm lonesome here all by myself." I looked up at him, my head slightly cocked to the side. "I may not want love, but I want a companion. You had Mom..."

He sighed some as he regarded me. "When I find someone suitable then you will have your companion."

I quirked my eyebrow at him. "Is there really anyone suitable enough in your eyes out there?"

"Possibly," came my short answer.

So much for that matter, on to my next plea.

I sighed a little and got up, going to his side and sitting on my knees at his feet. "Father, I adore you, I do." I took his cool hand in mine as I gazed up at him. "But I want to do more for you. I want to go out on raids with you, with your loyalists, to meet more of your followers...."

"Layla, absolutely not. My enemies, the Ministry...they could use you against me if they knew of you."

"Father," I said reasonably. "You know as well as I that I am better than half of those mutts you have working for you combined."

His lips pulled up into a small grin. "This is true, my child."

I smiled brightly at him. "I want to be out there, fighting, for you, Father. I'd gladly give my life for the Cause."

He raised his hand and laid it on my head, his gaze distant as he thought about it. After a few seconds, his eyes dropped to mine as I watched hopefully. "I'll give you my answer tomorrow." He pulled me up to kiss my forehead. "Goodnight."

I stood up and smiled at him. "Goodnight, Father," I responded quietly, kissing his cheek and leaving his study.

I went up to my room and took a quick shower before I plucked one of my spell books off of the shelf and lay down across my bed, reading it.

It was one from when I was a lot younger, and I'd written in it, and drawn pictures to accompany the spells. I felt my eye lids growing heavy and eventually I fell asleep, my book open across my chest.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The following morning I woke up to the light streaming in my through my curtains. I groaned a little and flopped over, stretching and yawing. I finally sat up and saw a bulky package at the edge of my bed.

I yawned again and pulled it towards me, plucking off the tag and flipping it over.

To my Dearest Daughter was scrawled in green ink in my father's small calligraphy.

I smiled a little and pulled on the string, snapping it and pulled the paper off.

A mass of soft material rolled out into my lap and I gasped, standing up and holding up the robes. They were beautiful, black and emerald green. I pulled them on over my night dress and they fit me perfectly, as they should, hugging all of my curve like they were designed just for me. I smiled some. Knowing Father, these were actually crafted just for me and were not just some hand-me-downs. I looked in my mirror and gasped.

I ran out of my room and down the hall and stairs, slipping some in my bare feet, and into my father's study without knocking.

"Father!!" I cried, running into him and hugging him.

He chuckled some as he patted my head. "You like them, then?"

I pulled back, nodding enthusiastically. "Yes, oh yes! I love them! They're perfect! Thank you so much!"

He nodded. "You're most welcome. We have a meeting tomorrow, and I want you there, in a seat with the rest of us. I also want you to come along this weekend for our raid."

My eyes went wide and I knew they were shining with excitement. "Oh...Father!!" I hugged him again.

He seemed a little surprised that I was hugging him again and he hugged me back gently.

I let him go and looked up into his face. "I'm going to look up all of the spells I can this week!"

He chuckled again. "Practice well. If you need help, you know where to find me." He held out a small book to me and I took it. "These are some of the spells I created personally when I was your age.

I hugged it close to my chest. "I'll cherish it."

He smiled at me. "Good girl," he said fondly and then turned to go back to his work.

I left the study, my heart as light as a cloud.

The book was small, the size of a small notebook. It was bound in a tough kind of material, maybe a really dried piece of leather, with the initials T.M.R. imprinted on the front at bottom. Tomas Marvolo Riddle....

I got to my room and shut the door, sitting in one of my chairs and reading through it after putting on some normal rather than my pajamas, but putting my robes back on, the feeling of the soft silken lining against me felt comforting. I was being gentle with the book. It wasn't very big, and there weren't just spells in the book. There were potions and poisons and antidotes along with detailed notes on each, as well as on each of the spells. It was fascinating to see what my father had written, what he could do when he was only a little older than I was.

There was a knock on my door and I groaned a little, not wanting to put the book down. They knocked again and I laid the book on my bedside table and went to the door.

I pulled it open and gasped. "Bellatrix!!"

She was grinning at me. "Little Layla!"

I threw my arms around the woman who'd been like a second mother to me (before she'd gotten thrown in prison for torture, of course).

She squeezed me tight. "Oh, I haven't seen you in years! How are you?" She held me out at an arm's length to look me over.

"I'm wonderful! Look at my robes!!" I spun around so she could see, and she grinned at me. "Father's letting me go along this weekend!!"

"That's fantastic, Layla, us girls, fighting side by side." Her tone was absolutely giddy with excitement.

I grinned. "Yes. And, Bella, I'm counting on you to teach me."

She playfully bowed to me. "I am in your service," she grinned, then winked at me, making me laugh.

"I'm really excited. Father's never taken me before."

She grinned as she came farther into my room. "It's amazing, pet. It really is. Oh the rush!" She spun around and fell into a sitting position on my bed. "The rush of seeing the light leave their eyes, of seeing how they know what's coming, yet they can't bring themselves to move, it's unbelievable, like ecstasy...."

I giggled, sitting down with her. This is why I loved her so much. She was as crazy as a bat, yet completely normal, and she had such a passion for serving and obeying my father. She was my role model.

I lay back and stared at the ceiling as she leaned back on her palms. "Is Draco going this weekend?" I asked, not being able to help it.

She looked over and down at me and nodded some. "Yes, he's going." Then she smirked, a facial feature not completely unlike her nephew's. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged, playing it off. "No reason. We're kind-of friends, I guess you'd say."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Young Draco is a very willing and aggressive wizard."

Willing and aggressive. Yeah, that pretty much pegged him, though I assumed she meant it in a different way than I did. "I know," slipped out before I could catch myself.

She laughed a little.

I looked over at her. "Bella, it isn't like that at all. You know my father would kill me." It really wasn't like that. Not anymore, at least.

"I do know."

"Alright then," I said with an air of finality.

She still was looking at me with a sly grin on her lips.

I gave her a look. "I don't like him."

"Alirght," she said like she believed me. Her facial features proved otherwise. "So! What do you want to start with?"

It took me a second to realize she meant which spells I wanted to work on first. "Um..." I sat up and reached to pick up my father's book. I handed it to her and she flipped it over in her hands, then flipped through it. "Do you know any of these?"

She continued to inspect it for a few more moments, then shook her head, her long black hair bouncing slightly. "These are your father's private spells. I've never even seen them. I can help you with others, though," she added, handing me the book back.

I clutched to my chest. "I'll learn these on my own then. Do you mind helping me with others?"

Her eyes lit up. "Of course I don't mind!"

I grinned and jumped up, grabbing my wand and laying my father's book back on the night table.

She got up as well and we headed towards the back doors of the house.