Episode 3: The Feasting Event

James J: Well, what a fantastic first event that was!

Al Michaels: I know! I saw it! I can't believe it turned out like that!

John Madden: And I can't believe it's not butter!

Mario: NACHOS!!

Fox: Shut up, everyone.

Everyone in room except staff: WHAT?! What are you doing here?

James J: Ah, yes, I forgot. Star Fox and Slippy will be our two hosts for our talk show, the second portion of these games. Peppy should be here, too, but for some reason he's a bit late...

Sonic: He's probably busy doing barrel rolls! LOLZ!!!!

John and Al: Wait? What about us?

James J: Yeah, you guys are only the commentators for the sports events and games. Sorry. By the way, I think we should have a talk show right now. Let's try it.

A whole talk show set randomly appears, and Fox and Slippy are in suits, at their main desks. There is a table and a chair off to the side.

Fox: Welcome, everyone, to our M & S talk show. I'm your host, Fox McCloud, and here is my co-host, Slippy!

Slippy: I LIEK FLYING!

Fox: Excellent statement. Now, did anyone see the event last night? Anyone? Most of audience raises their hand.

Fox: You, sir, come up here, please. A Teenage kid walks up to the table and sits down.

Slippy: So, how did you think of the event last night?

Fan: It was BEAST!

Fox: Eyes widen in horror No, no, no. Security, get him out of here! He said the B word!

Richard Seymour comes out of nowhere and tackles the fan. Kevin Garnett holds him down, and Chuck Norris just stands in the background, laughing at the fan. The fan is dragged off the set and thrown off the campus.

Fox: Well, that didn't go so well. What did you think, Slippy?

Slippy: I liked when Richard Seymour totally pwned that guy. He deserved it!

Fox: No, the event.

Slippy: Oh... yeah. I liked the part when... they fought.

Fox: You didn't see it at all, did you?

Slippy: Nope.

Fox: Okay. Well, um, I think we've covered everything, plus, we got to see some action from our security guards. But, seriously, Chuck Norris should do something next time. Anyway, I'm Fox!

Slippy: And I'm Slippy!

Fox & Slippy: And we'll see you next time, on the M & S talk show! Laugh track plays.

Fox: The other button, stupid! Applause track plays.

Fox and Slippy pretend to smile.

James J: Well, that was-

Shadow: Oh, not you again. Could you get out of here?

James J: No. I have to introduce the events. Plus, I saved your life, so watch it, buddy.

Shadow: Folds his arms and grumbles

James J: Okay, the next event is... The All You Can Eat Contest! Featuring, none other than... (Oh God...) Mario, and Eggman! Two fatties, going at it!

Mario: Hey, that was an insult! Everyone laughs at Mario. What? What did I say?

James J: Ah, never mind.

Slippy: Hey, why is Thanksgiving an American holiday?

Fox: Because, the Pilgrims were worshipping their God for the excellent harvest they got, given to them by the-

Slippy: No. Thanksgiving is an American holiday because they eat food! That's why everyone loves it!

Fox: Are you trying to make a McDonalds type joke?

Slippy: Uh, well...

Fox: Yeah, do yourself a favor, and don't try to become a comedian.

Later, at 1:28 A.M., where the event was taking place in the dining hall...

Mario: Why do we have to wake up so early?

James J: I don't know. Just shut up and eat the food. I'm surprised we were able to find cameramen who would just tape... eating. It's so disgusting.

Chef: Okay, everyone! Here are the rules. First one to lose, loses!

Mario: Really? Wow, what an amazing concept. I thought you won when you lost.

James J: Please tell me he's joking.

Referee: I don't know why I'm here, but here are the real rules. First one not able to eat any more food, loses!

Eggman: Okay. Well, what're we eating?

James J: You're eating EACH OTHER! dramatic music

Mario & Eggman: NOOOO! HE'S TOO FAT!

Ref: I know, I'm just kidding. You're going to be eating mashed potatoes, corn, pasta, egg sandwiches, bacon, roast beef, and french fries. Ready... Bowls of food are placed in front of each person. Set... GO!

Eggman and Mario dig into the food quietly. Everyone looks away, except for the cameramen, because they can't stop filming. Nobody is in the longue room watching. The whole- Gah, I'm sick of italics! Can't I be normal, like everyone else?

Producer: Ugh... I knew I shouldn't have hired a teenager.

I'm- I mean, I'm 48! I'm not a teenager!

Producer: Just shut up and stay in italics, or people will be confuzed.

Hah, you spelt confused wrong. You're not very smart, are you?

Producer: No, I just typed too fast!

James J: What the heck is going on?

Producer: He's being a nag!

He's bossing me!

James J: First of all, stop arguing. You're ruining the show. Second of all, 1, stop complaining about your job.

1: My name is 1! Don't you think I feel bad about my life?

James J: Stop being a rebel, and use italics. That's a unique tool you have.

1: No!

James J: Security! Get this guy! And get a replacement narrator! Nobody comes at first, but then Chuck Norris runs out of nowhere and slices 1 in half with a turkey and a curtain.

Al Michaels: Well, that was weird, considering that we missed half of this event. At least we have a new narrator. So far, Mario has had 190 bowls of... stuff, and Eggman has had 326, a total landslide lead for Eggman. Both seem to be slowing down, but they're still going. By the way, tomorrow will be a special day. Our first double header day will be tomorrow, so we'll be commentating for 2 events. After a while, there's probably going to be about 3 or 4 events per day, but I'm not the director, so I can't say. Now, back to the event. Mario and Eggman seem to be doing a little trash talk now!

Mario: So, when's dump day for you?

Eggman: Every Friday, now. That Waste Management truck comes, and takes care of it all. It's really nice, seeing as I dispose of a lot of things in 1 week.

Mario: Yeah, we got Mushroom Kingdom Trash Disposement coming every 2 weeks now. They're a new company, but it seems to be coming out nice for them. We also have recycling, too, every 2 weeks.

Eggman: Really? Wow, we still don't have a recycling company yet. No one seems to recycle at all. It's sad. Y'know, one time, I finished a box of donuts, and I was left with a really big box. I couldn't believe-

Ref: Crap, they're not angry for a win. I better get these two really fired up and mad, or else our rates will go way down.

Eggman: ...and I tried torching it, melting it, even nuking it!

Mario: You nuked a donut box?

Eggman: Yeah, but somehow, it still wouldn't get smaller and fit into the trash bucket. So I called the-

Ref: Hey, Mario! Princess Peach is so stupid, Bowser set up his own hotel business, just for her!

Mario: Why you little-

Ref: And Eggman! You're so idiotic, you can't even defeat a 15-year old hedgehog!

Mario & Eggman: Looking murderous That's it. This is going to end, now.

Ref: Yes, I did it. Oh boy, it's gonna get ugly between those two!

Mario & Eggman: YOU MUST DIE!!!!!! They charge towards the Ref.

Ref: AH, NOOOOO! PLEASE! I HAVE A WIFE, AND KIDS!

Mario: And I have a lovely princess who will be waiting to hear what you just said. Chainsaw starts up.

Ref: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Al: Well, the joke's on the ref. Poor guy. Mario and Eggman have both left the table, hungry for revenge. But wait... hold on! The Referee is breaking free of the fight! And he's beating up both of them at once!

Ref: Ha, that's what you get for being so fat! Go to a weight loss camp or something! Mario & Eggman are now just fighting at anything they can reach. The dinner table falls over, and the whole room is in complete chaos.

James J: Ah! This room is too crowded!

John Madden: Wow. I think Mario and Eggman are pretty angry. Wanna go get some coffee?

Al: Sure, but I might get a hot chocolate. I know a really good place downtown. They both leave the studio.

James J: Ah! No! What's going to happen with the event? I'm getting tackled, and- Ow! Get off me! Okay guys, send in those requests, before I break my legs! OW!