Hi, this is Lalalu. It's been a while as usual... I'm not satisfied with my writing pace, I thought I had found new inspiration last spring but somehow I lost it. Sorry that I haven't answered any reviews, from now on I probably won't answer them if there isn't anything special like a question or a comment on the contents which I think needs an answer. My annoying personality doesn't allow me to just send a message and be done with it, I have to read it like ten times before I send it and therefore it takes more time than I can afford to give. But that doesn't mean that I'm not grateful for your reviews of course.

Thanks to those who offered to beta-read for me, I didn't have the nerve to ask you now so long after so this chapter isn't beta-read. If there's someone who's still willing and is English speaking, I'll gladly accept any help I can get (or maybe I just should get someone the normal way... but I want someone who likes asucaga preferably).

To everyone who has reviewed: Thank you very much.

Don't be afraid to point out mistakes... this isn't beta-read as above mentioned so there's probably tons of mistakes. But I just wanted upload it, I've been waiting long enough.

02. And Nothing Will Be the Same

You get that feeling, like you are watching the world from outside your body. For an instant you are like some player in a first-person shooter and you are looking at the world like it has nothing to do with you. You look at your hand but it does not feel like it is yours. You look at your brother who is saying something to you. You hear the words but you cannot process the meaning. He looks at you strangely,

'Cagalli, are you listening?' Kira's somewhat annoyed voice suddenly came through bringing her back to reality. She breathed in harshly, she felt dizzy. The myriad of yellow dots danced against the blue sky almost like a kaleidoscope, she thought. On top of that the pale yellow sun. Yellow and blue...

'Eh? What, no sorry, say it again,' she hurried to say as soon as she came back to her senses, unconsciously she smiled.

'Seriously, what's wrong with you today?' he complained.

She looked at him, and she felt sad. It was a grinding sorrow that worked its way through her body, it was running like blood through her veins reaching even the smallest capillary. The feeling which had started this morning, though it briefly disappeared for a while, was now only getting stronger. A kind of feeling she never had experienced before and it made her perplexed. She did not know how to react or what to say to him because she did not know herself what was wrong. Silently the image of him started to get blurred and at first she did not understand why that was either but Kira's concerned voice told her,

'Are you crying?'

'What?' she felt her cheek with her hand and looked at it, it was slightly wet.

'Apparently, hahaha, I don't really know why though," she tried to laugh it away but the worried look on Kira's face did not change.

The air between them was tense and Kira looked like he wanted to say something but was hesitating. Cagalli pretended like she did not notice.

'Maybe you should stay home after all,' he finally said and stopped. She could tell he was serious by the tone of his voice, but she avoided looking him in the eyes. She did not want him to worry about her and besides,

'No way, I'm not staying in all day. When it's finally weekend I don't want to spoil it, especially since I'm not working,' Cagalli replied and kicked at the leaves that were piling on the road beneath the trees.

They were on their way to Archangel, a café they frequently went to, they were meeting their friends there. The air was cold but the sun was still warm, and surrounding them was almost an explosion of colours. It was the ideal autumn day.

It was ironic, she thought, that autumn which signified death in some way would be so spectacular and colourful. It was like nature was giving one last death cry, exploding in extravagance only to disappear. Like a supernova. But, she corrected herself, it was not like nature died for good, in the spring, it would come to life anew. Or more correctly it never died, it was only sleeping.

But for the individual death meant not coming back. There was nothing after you died, she thought as she absentmindedly watched the death struggles of a fly on the window pane at the Archangel. All flies that did not get eaten most likely died from fungus. She wondered how it would be to be eaten alive from the inside, like a fly.

Without exception everyone would die sooner or later it was just surprising it would happen so soon.

–The thought had just turned up in her head, and she had no idea why, because she was not about to die. She was just sitting at their usual café waiting for her brother who was standing at the counter ordering for them.

I

The Archangel was situated in a building from the functionalistic era and even the interior was decorated in the same functional style which was rare to find these days, but the owner had made an effort by going to auctions and antique-shops to find stuff which fitted in. Both Kira and Cagalli had been there so many times they knew the owners, a man by the name of Andrew Waldfeld who had a passionate interest in coffee and design and his wife, Aisha, who took care of the sandwiches and sweets. What was special about the Archangel, besides their exceptionally good coffee, was that they baked their own bread which was really delicious. If something was bad about the place, it would be that it maybe was too small so it could be difficult to get a table and when it was crowded the noise would make it hard to hear what people said. Cagalli had even started working extra there, after school and some weekends, though not this one thankfully. She wondered if she would have been able to do a good job while she was feeling like this.

The whole situation was strange, because normally she was not the type of person who liked to brood on things, on the contrary she usually even ignored problems she actually had. And now she was thinking about death. It was almost as she was expecting it to happen, soon. But it was just a thought that had appeared in her mind, it was not like she accepted it. No, she would not die, she did not want to die, she was not going to let that happen. At least not now, because obviously it would happen someday but then she would be old and have children and grand-children. No matter what, she made a silent resolution.

Kira came back to their table, and soon their friends came too and she was released from the thoughts invading her mind. It was Lacus, Miriallia, Sai, Tolle who had the time to come this time. Lacus and Miriallia asked if she had come home safely last night, and she answered that as they could see she was sitting right there. Especially Lacus had been worried to let Cagalli go home by herself since it had gotten pretty late. But Cagalli had insisted to go. Now she secretly thought that maybe it had not been such a good idea after all. But at the same time it was strange that she suddenly had changed opinion as nothing had happened. And Lacus was the worrying kind. It was alright to be careful but you could not let it rule your life was Cagalli's opinion.

They differed there, Lacus was definitely not the reckless type and Cagalli was definitely not the cautious type. Maybe Cagalli did things that were rash but to her sometimes Lacus could be overly cautious to the point of being boring. And Cagalli did not like boring. But for some reason they were good friends anyway, perhaps not the kind of friends that confided in each other and told the other their inner secrets but still good friends. At least that was how they had become, maybe it was different before but she could not remember particularly well.

True was that they had been friends for a long time, since first grade. Maybe it was just out of habit, since they also had been in the same class for the whole time. Lately though, she felt as they were drifting apart and she did not know what to do about it, but she guessed that what people did eventually. It had become more and more obvious that rather than being Cagalli's friend Lacus would become her brother's girlfriend, which honestly did feel sad in a way.

She tried to stay focused at the conversation, but as her mind began drifting it became increasingly difficult. She began to think about things she did not want to think about and the voices turned to an incoherent murmur and she started to feel dizzy. But she did not want to worry the others, especially not Kira who already seemed to keep an eye on her, so she pinched herself hard, and it helped. The voices became distinct and she could hear they were talking about a new video game, she knew about it; she had wanted to play it too.

She noticed that her hand felt wet and when she looked down at it she saw that her hand had become completely red, she realised it was blood. She must have hurt herself somehow. And rather severely as she could feel how blood was pouring out rapidly. The first ridiculous reaction she got was that thank God she was wearing black jeans; the blood would be difficult to spot even if she stained them. She was a bit shocked but she managed to take a couple of napkins from the table and wrapped her hand in them without anybody noticing. She excused herself and hurried to the restroom, luckily it was empty and she quickly snuck in and locked the door.

She looked at her hand, the napkins had become soaked in blood. It looked pretty bad, but for some reason she managed to keep her cool. After throwing the napkins into the toilet she put her hand under the faucet and started to rinse off the blood, since almost nothing of it had started to coagulate it was easy though unfortunately the bleeding did not stop.

Almost with objective clarity she examined her hand and noticed that the actual wound was very small and she concluded it must have come from when she pinched herself. But, the question was, why she started bleeding oceans from a little scratch like this. As she had suspected before something was clearly wrong, something was happening to her but she had no idea what it was.

Or could it be some kind of illness? At first it had not occurred to her because she never had any illness in her life, no, she had been unusually healthy. While Kira had chicken pox, mumps, whopping cough she had been spared from the usual childhood diseases. Of course she had colds now and then but that was about it. But this was different, from all of that. She knew she probably should go to the hospital just to be safe but it was something she wanted to avoid if she could. And finally she made the decision that if she had not gotten any better by tomorrow she would go to the hospital. But, she realised as she looked at her hand and how blood was gushing forth, a plaster would not be nearly enough for this. She needed some kind of bandage that would put pressure on it.

She did her best to wipe up the mess she had caused, blood mixed with water had splashed on the tiles and the floor. The crimson shade had turned into watery, soft red. Accented against the white made the walls easy to clean, the blood on the floor was harder to see but she managed at least to wipe away most of it. Reasonably satisfied she left the restroom pressing her wound with a bunch of paper towels and with the faint smell of iron still there.

'Andy,' she said when she reached the counter.

'Cagalli, what's up?' the reply came in Andrew Waldfeld's usual jovial tone.

'Do you have any bandage?'

'Well, in the back. Why, did you hurt yourself?' he looked at her now with concern, noticing her hand.

'Yeah, you could say that," Cagalli smiled weakly.

'Aisha!'

'What is it Andy?'

'Cagalli needs help, do you know where the first aid kit is?'

'Of course, come on Cagalli,' Aisha said and Cagalli was about to follow her into the staff room when Kira who seemed to have noticed something was happening came up to them,

'Cagalli, what's wrong?' he asked looking both worried and a little bit angry.

'Nothing, I seem to have cut myself on something when I didn't notice, Aisha will help so don't worry.'

'That's right, leave big sister to me!' Aisha winked at him.

'Well, alright…' Kira reluctantly agreed.

It was a little awkward sitting, watching while Aisha wrapped the bandage around her hand.

'It seems like it still bleeds a lot, what happened?' Aisha asked her.

'I don't really know, I just sat there and the next minute it started bleeding.'

'…Hmm, that sounds pretty odd, maybe you should go to the hospital?'

'I will, if it doesn't get any better…'

'Make sure you do, is that clear Cagalli? If it really is something, the sooner the better.'

'I know,' she assured her.

With her left hand tightly wrapped in bandage she thanked Aisha and Andy and not really looking forward to have to explain what had happened she went out to the others again. Aisha and Andy looked concerned but she ignored them.

'Hi guys,' she said smiling faintly as she came to their table.

'Is something wrong?' Lacus asked concernedly looking at the rather obvious bandaged hand.

'It seems like I cut myself, I can't remember when though… And, well… I feel a little tired, maybe I've caught a cold or something…' She nervously fiddled with the newly bandaged hand.

'You want to go home?' Miriallia asked, which was right on the mark

'…Yeah, maybe that's best. I probably just need some rest anyway,' she mumbled grateful for Miriallia's insight.

'Do you want us to come with you?' Lacus asked, which wasn't right on the mark. Even if she just was being thoughtful, she said the thing Cagalli least of all wanted to hear right now.

'No, that's all right. I mean, it not that far and I'm not sick to the point I'll faint or anything,'

'…I'll come with you anyway,' Kira said and got up from his chair, though she could tell it was not without reluctance.

'You're totally overreacting, you don't think I can manage to get home on my own? It's in the middle of the day for crying out loud. And I'm not a little baby, we're twins and thus the same age, or have you forgotten that?'

'I know that! …It's just that…' Kira hesitated.

'It's just that, what?' she pressed.

'I don't know,' he confessed.

She sensed he was about to admit defeat and give in so she continued, 'No, you don't know, because there is no reason to worry, and there's nothing you can do anyway.'

Instinctively she knew what she said was true, he could not help her, it was of course unclear with what, but still it was true.

'Let her do what she wants, Kira, anyway if something happens she can just call you?' Sai, unexpectedly came to her support.

'Exactly, and there's no reason why you should go home just because I've caught a cold when there's nothing wrong with you, or is there?'

'Mm…' he seemed to ponder this, probably he really did not want to go home with Lacus here and everything.

'Well, with that settled can I finally go home now?' she said sarcastically.

'I hope we'll see you at school on Monday at least, take care,' Miriallia said.

'Take care Cagalli, and make sure to rest and get well soon,' Lacus said.

The others also said goodbye, and so did Kira albeit unwillingly.

Exhausted for several reasons she begun the walk that should take about half an hour home.

'The weather today really is fantastic…' she said aloud to herself. And ordinarily she would be enjoying this to the fullest right now if it was not for the strange mood she was in and now to add further to her misery, the wound that refused to stop bleeding.

Finally at home, she opened the door and entered the familiar entrance to the house where she and her family lived in. She took off her shoes and quietly said, 'I'm home,' and was about to go straight to her room but was interrupted by her mother who peeked into the hallway from the kitchen.

'Cagalli? You're home already?' she asked surprised.

'Mm, yeah, I feel a bit tired. Maybe I've caught a cold…' she instinctively lied, didn't want her mom to worry either. The same excuse she had told her friends, but of course it was true she was tired. It was just she had a feeling that was not the only problem.

'What happened to your hand?'

Of course she had to notice, well it was kind of eye-catching. And normally Cagalli probably would not care, but now it felt incredibly annoying how everyone would worry about her.

'I cut myself, Aisha helped me with the bandage, it's nothing really.'

It was not only the feeling of abnormality which made her tired, all the explaining something she did not understand herself and the lying made her exhausted. She understood it was out of concern but now that only made it worse. Usually she was not a good liar, people even told her she could not lie, but of course that was not true; she told innocent little lies every day like everybody else and no one seemed to notice or react.

'Anyway, I'm going up to my room now', Cagalli said to end the conversation and started to walk towards the stairs.

I

She must have fallen asleep, she was still a bit groggy when she sat up in her bed in the dark room. Suddenly she froze, she felt a cold gust of wind, and what she saw when she lifted her eyes made her blood chill. It was him, it was the man with the icy green eyes and in the moonlight she could discern an amused glint in them. She became paralysed and she could not take her eyes off him even if she wanted to.

If it was the moonlight or him, the normally cute white curtains and cosy furniture now looked like the perfect setting for a horror movie, or even distorted like in an old Expressionist film.

'How are you feeling princess?' she heard his voice, shaped in concern but its true form was sharp like a razor slitting and poking around in her heart, mixed with that strange kind of amusement that maybe best could be described as sadism. It felt like he was searching inside her trying to find her innermost secrets and if he ever found it, the person she was, she, would disappear. And it scared her to the point she could not breathe. She had to force herself to take a few deep breaths. Calm down, Cagalli. Calm down.

"What are you doing here?!" she asked a little hysterically when she had come over the initial shock, still scared though.

'I bet you feel a little strange no?' he continued completely ignoring her question.

'How do you know that, who are you anyway? If you don't get out of here I'm calling for help.'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you,' he said still smiling but his voice turned colder, more menacing.

Cagalli looked at him silently, she wanted to ask, 'What do you mean by that?' but she was too afraid. Perhaps she did not want to hear the answer.

'If you let anyone know about me, I will be forced to exterminate them.' He must have noticed the silent question in her eyes and he answered it with a dazzling smile which made the actual meaning of what he said hit her even harder. That was of course something he was well aware of and it made him smile even more. He was enjoying it to the fullest.

'E- exterminate?! What do you think people are anyway?!' Cagalli forgot her fear and screamed at him.

'Shh, you're being really loud. Are you sure you want them to hear?'

She froze, it was true he really could kill them, she realised that. And she understood she could not let her family get involved in this.

'I don't care about humans as you should've noticed yesterday… Ah, but you don't remember do you?' He said while he looked about the room. He walked to her desk and let his right hand lazily wander through the things which were placed there. He tried the drawer but it was locked. His hand went directly for the white little box with bunnies on it, he opened it and picked up the key. He looked at her and said amused, 'You really are too predictable. Hiding the key there, even your twin would find it at the first try.'

'How do you know I have a twin?!'

'Let's see what you have here…' he muttered again ignoring her question, 'Maybe something stereotypically teenage girly like a diary?' he sent a wicked glance at her direction.

'Ah, here it is. Well actually you have several here. It's nice that you live up to my expectations so perfectly.'

'Stop it! What are you doing?! Those are mine, you can't read them!!' she desperately protested.

'I know they're yours why else would I bother, and of course I can read them. What are you going to do about it? Stop me?' he chuckled.

And true enough she could just watch in horror as he started to flip through the pages. He was so intimidating she did not dare to move, even if she wanted to run up to him and hit him and snatch the diary away from him.

'Hmm, let's see what we got here…' he muttered before he suddenly broke out into a malicious smile and started to read out loud, 'Dear dairy, sometimes I think that you're my only friend. Sometimes I really hate Lacus, why does she always have to be so perfect all the time? And why is it that every guy I like never even looks at me, but at her? I wish she could just mind her own business and stop bitching all the time…'

'So this is what you really think about your friends? Well, well, I wonder what they would think if they ever found out…' he closed the diary and looked at her.

'No, that's not true, I was just angry at that time! I love Lacus, she's my friend!'

'I wonder if she'd still feel that way about you if she knew…?'

'…You're …not going to show it to …her, are you?' It was hard to get the words out of her mouth, they stuck in her throat, they were suffocating her. He could give that diary to Lacus, and Lacus would read it and, and… That passage was by no means the only place she was writing bad stuff about Lacus. She was on the brink of panicking. Maybe death would be better after all. Maybe…

'Hmm, I may or may not. It all depends…' he said as if he was pondering on the options he had.

'Depends on what?' she asked tiredly.

'First you have to answer my questions.'

'Why? Why are you doing this?' she could not understand, why was he torturing her like this.

'I'll be asking the questions remember? So how are you feeling? Do you feel anything unusual?'

'Why do you ask that?! Have you done something to me?!'

'Hehehe, just answer.'

He did this to humiliate her, no doubt about it. Who was this man? She did not know but her instincts told her he was dangerous. He was not joking.

'There's nothing wrong with me!'

'Really, then what's with the bandage?' he asked her raising a brow.

'N- nothing, I just cut myself. And anyway that's none of your business!'

'Hmm…' he said doubtingly and started to walk towards her. Cagalli panicked and tried to flee out of the room but in an instant he had moved and now stood between her and the door. Silently he locked the door and took the key and put it in his pocket.

'Did you think I was joking when I said I would kill your family if they see me here?' he simply asked.

'No…' she whimpered. She could not hold back the tears any longer. She did not want to show weakness to him by crying but it was impossible not to. What did he want with her? Was he going to rape her? Was he going to kill her?

'That's good because I wasn't. Now be a good girl and show me that hand,' he said and took her hand. He was so near her now she could feel his body heat. He started to gently unwind the bandage. She looked at him but she could not understand what he was thinking about. It did not seem like he was about to rip her clothes off, but you never knew. Maybe he was just going to kill her anyway, and there was nothing she could do about it. She instinctively knew that she could not measure up to this man, even though he seemed thin he radiated some kind of mysterious power. She could feel that blood was still pumping out from the wound, why was he taking it off?

'Aah, this scent… So lovely…' he sighed and closed his lips to the wound and sucked at it hard. In horror she couldn't utter a sound, the lips of a man she had never met before were pressed against her. It felt disgusting how his tongue was moving around against her skin, she could just wish for it to stop.

'Just as I suspected, your blood taste so bitter and delicious, Cagalli…'

'Wha-!'

'Of course I tasted it yesterday, but it's nice to know it wasn't a one time thing… Since one definitely could say you were in an extreme situation then.'

'What are you talking about, I've never met you before in my life?! And how do you know my name?!'

'You have, you just don't remember. Now take a look at that wound.'

She did as she was told, and to her surprise it had closed.

'It's a miracle right? Don't you want to know why you started to bleed like a pig just because of a little scratch like that?' he asked grinning.

'What, do you know what's happened? Do you have anything to do with it?'

'The truth is that you will die, and it's only a matter of days,' he told her simply but cruelly.

But strangely it made sense, and also in a way relieving that this foreboding feeling she had was not all in her head. She was not going crazy. But! She did not want to die. How should she accept something like that? But she felt what he had said was true, so the only option now was to sit down and wait for death to come?

Suddenly she heard his voice again, she had almost forgotten he was there, 'You're taking it pretty well. Or maybe you're in shock?'

'I just thought it made sense,' she confessed quietly.

'Hahaha, you're an interesting human. I think I like you more and more,' he laughed amused, though his laugh didn't feel like a laugh at all, not to Cagalli at least.

'Actually there is another option, I just said that because I wanted to see your reaction,' he said still chuckling.

'A- another option…?' she stuttered.

'I'll give you an offer of a lifetime; you'll be the one to choose whether you live or die.'

'What?!'

'Quiet,' he said and bent down his head against her neck and let his tongue slide along it when she suddenly felt something sharp. It felt like every muscle in her body was stretched, what did he plan to do?

'Cagalli… If you want to live you will have to enter a contract with me,' he whispered in her ear.

'C- contract? What kind of contract?' she asked, unable to understand what he was talking about.

'It's pretty simple, I'll keep drinking your blood and you will live as long as I do that,' he smiled broadly showing his long sharp fangs to her.

'Y- you're a vampire?!'

'Obviously,' he answered.

'B- but vampires don't exist!' The fangs were real, but it was too much to just accept it right away. There had to be another explanation, or at least she wanted to protest in some way against something that contradicted what she had believed in and been taught to believe in for all her life.

'Sigh, this is always the most boring part… Obviously vampires exist, it's just that you didn't know about it. Humans are so uncreative… and still you have all your literature and myths of vampires and such.'

'You've actually already been bitten by me,' he continued, 'and the transformation of your body has already begun. The most obvious reaction is that your body's started to produce much more blood. Which essentially means you will die like rat that's eaten rat poison if you don't do something about it. But it isn't enough just to tap your blood, you'll need the enzyme from my saliva or blood in order to survive. If you want a scientific explanation. Or something like that, the truth is that no one really knows exactly what happens. Of course there are other more unscientific parts of it, perhaps what you would call magic for lack of a better word. The contract is sort of a magical contract binding you and me together and the only thing that can cancel it is your death… Or my death of course but that inevitably means you'll die too and not in a pretty way I might add.'

He had said he thought it to be the most boring part but it really looked like he was enjoying this too much, and when he had stopped talking he eyed her closely, not with hostility but with amusement and almost curiosity.

'That's not a choice… You're only mocking me. You've never intended to give me a choice from the beginning,' she said in a flat tone.

'That's not true, like I said it's a simple choice of either becoming my, ahem, companion, or die. You don't know me very well but contrary to you humans I'm not accustomed to lie about matters like these, there's no need to.'

'The way you're doing it is cowardly and unfair!' for a brief moment she forgot what he was and the fear and even started to become angry.

'Who said anything about being fair? I've never had any interest in being fair. It's way too boring. You're right, I've could have done this without letting you decide, but this way is so much more fun don't you think?'

'And besides, it's not like I'm not risking anything by doing this…' he added in such a low voice she wasn't sure what she had heard it. Probably speaking mostly to himself.

Cagalli did not answer, she was too angry to speak.

'Oh, you look angry?' he said in a questioning voice, 'This is marvellous. I just love that temper of yours, it even makes you forget the position you're in right now. You know, I could snap your neck before you even knew what was happening to you. Or I could rip your limbs off one by one.' The tone of his voice showed he was not lying, that he really could do it.

Cagalli paled and she felt the cold sweat starting again, 'B- but you said…'

'So you do trust me, after all? So much that you don't think I will drink your blood, which I have to say some of, if not the best, I've ever tasted, to the last drop right now? Well, I have to say I'm honoured Cagalli…' he said with a dazzling but creepy smile.

She could not answer, he was close, he could kill her now. Maybe he did not lie, maybe he would let her live but what would that mean? She could not even imagine it. She suddenly felt how tired she really was even though her sense screamed it was absolute madness to fall a sleep in front of him. But somewhere she realised it would not matter anyway, probably it was resignation which made her body relax right now. She heard him say something but his voice had become distant and she could not make out the words.

She closed her eyes.

It was hard now, to know what was dream and what was reality.

The mood swings were brutal, one moment she felt better than she had ever felt before even enough to make her forget how bad she had felt a moment ago and then she would plunge right into a dark bottomless pit of fear, forgetting how good she had felt just minutes before.

When she woke up she felt excellent again, but it soon changed when she suddenly remembered about her diaries and she rushed to her desk to check if they were still there but to her dismay they were gone. He had taken them with him that was how it had to be. He was sitting somewhere reading her innermost thoughts and secrets and laughing. She understood now, why she had been so reluctant to tell the truth yesterday and why she did not want to go to the hospital. It was obvious that this illness could not be cured in some ordinary hospital. The feeling of well being came creeping upon her again, it made her nauseous because she knew she should not be feeling well at the moment. But she did, and it was so creepy.

She did not think about the choice she would be forced to make, during the whole Sunday she locked it her way deep inside. But the reason for that was perhaps that she already knew, there had never been a choice for her in the first place. This was resignation.

She woke up too late Monday morning.

The choice was already made.