Part Four: The Temptress

Chapter Twenty-six

Several months passed. Demeter's wounds healed—on the outside, at least. She still jumped at the slightest sound, her mouth forming a perfect little O of horror. Her bright green eyes contantly darted about, always looking for impending danger. She would cry at night, like I used to do. We switched roles—now it was my turn to curl up next to her, whispering words of comfort in her ears. Nobody saw this. Nobody saw how gentle and kind I was with her. They did not see a compassionate cat. All they saw was a wild feline with a penchant for partying.

Perhaps I was to blame for this misconception—after Demeter returned home, I lost myself in my old ways, staying out all hours of the night, returning in the early morning hours with my fur out of place and my eyes bleary from lack of sleep. This only added fuel to Jennyanydot's flames against me.

One day, she had landed a particularly scathing comment. I stalked away, inwardly fuming. Ususally I was able to handle her barbs with a quick reference to Skimble, which would throw her into a hurt silence. But I was not up to it today.

As I was walking across the yard, silently cursing Jenny in a thousand different ways, Cassandra called out to me, "Bombalurina, you old whore, what are you up to this fine day?"

I whirled around and hissed at her. She stepped back, obviously taken aback by my unprovoked anger. "Whore" was an affection term between us—we were seductive outsiders and had been labeled as such. We thought it was all a grand joke—we usually laughed about it. But not today.

Realizing that she didn't deserve the brunt of my anger, I sighed, "Sorry, Cass. I'm just a little touchy today."

"I'll say," she smiled amusedly. That was her way of granting forgiveness. She motioned to the spot beside her with her tail, "Come. Tell me all about it."

"Everyone thinks I'm a good-for-nothing slut," I sat down wearily.

"Surely not everyone," Cassandra was still amused. "They think you're good for something."

I saw the mischievous twinkle in her dark eyes and I couldn't help but smile.

"You know what I mean."

Cassandra stretched, arching her sleek back, "Perhaps you are being a tad dramatic, darling."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, my voice taking on a defensive edge. Cassandra seemed to intentionally ignore my threatening gaze, but her voice never lost its lilting cheeriness, "Bomba, darling, you know you have a tendency to get worked up over things that really aren't that important."

"Name one time," I challenged. If Cassandra was perplexed, she didn't show it, "Well, I can't think of one right off, darling, but you can ask anyone. You do."

I sat back angrily, even though I knew she was right.

"Besides," Cass sniffed. "Why do you care what Jenny thinks?"

"How'd you know it was Jenny?"

Cassandra laughed prettily, rolling her eyes, "How could I not? Everyone knows that cat has got it out for you. I really think it is a misguided attempt to take out her anger for the Glamour Cat."

"Ugh, Bast," I rolled my eyes. "Can't I go a single day without being compared to that infernal cat?"

Cassandra shrugged, "I'm just telling you what I know. I overheard Jellyorum talking to Munkustrap about it. Apparently, when Jenny was younger, she and Grizabella both liked the same young tom."

"Lemme guess," I said wryly. "Grizabella got her tom."

Cassandra smiled smugly, "We always do, don't we?"

"That's still no excuse for hating me," I replied. Cassandra shrugged, "It's excuse enough for Jenny."

I sighed. She was right. It may seem irrational to the rest of us, but it made perfect sense to Jennyanydots—and that's all that mattered. Cassandra smiled warmly, giving me an affection push, "Now, go on, you old whore. You're making me look bad."

I just grinned and made my way back to my human house. Cass always knew just what to say to make me smile again.

~*~

Apparently, Jennyanydot's crazed suspicions were beginning to have an effect upon the other cats. I came in early one morning, stumbling around in the cold light of dawn before stretching out on the couch. Demeter sat up, her green eyes filled with concern.

"Bombie," she said, stepping forward timidly. "Perhaps you shouldn't stay out so late. What will the others think?"

I laughed prettily and told her exactly what the others could do with their opinions, at which she recoiled in shock. I then felt the need to defend myself, "So I like to dance! I can go out and dance all night if I want to—I'm a grown queen, for Bast's sake! What's so wrong with that?"

"Nothing," Dem admitted quietly. "It's just that, oh—you know how Jenny is. She's always saying things she shouldn't."

"Yes," I replied, arching my eyebrow in amusement. "I know."

Dem smiled a little at this, "And the way you look at the toms…the way you prance around, like—"

"Like the Glamour Cat?" I supplied icily. Dem's green eyes flew open in shock, "No! I wasn't going to say that."

"But you were thinking it." I challenged. Dem drooped her head in shame. She was such an awful liar. Finally she said, in a voice that was barely a whisper, "You know I would never say that, Bombie. You know. But that is what Jenny says. And the cats all listen to Jenny—all the elders, and the little ones. Pretty soon they'll all be calling you that."

"I've been called worse," I shrugged. Dem shook her head sadly, "Bombie, I just don't understand. Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" I asked defiantly. "Flirting with all the toms? Destroying my reputation?"

Usually, Dem would back down, once she saw the flames in my eyes. But this time, she did not. She took a step forward—a bold move for Dem, "I don't care about that! I don't care about the toms or the little games you play with them. I'm talking about staying out all hours of the night, coming in stumbling and so far gone you can't remember the night before! Can't you see it, Bombalurina? You are destroying your life! You had a chance to start over, to be anyone or anything you wanted in this Tribe. And now all you seem to focus on destroying yourself."

I turned away, knowing she was right. My tendencies had become very self-destructive. Dem kept hammering away at my armor, "How long will you go on like this, Bombalurina? You can't live like this forever. What about when you decide to settle down, have kits—"

"That won't be a problem," I replied coolly. Dem rolled her eyes, "You say that now, but you may change your mind."

"Dem," I said quietly, turning to face her once more. "Even if I do change my mind, it won't change anything. I can't have kits."

"Why not?" Dem sat back, slightly perplexed. I looked away for a moment.

Suddenly, she knew, "Oh."

She sat down beside me, her timid and quiet nature returning. Finally, she spoke, her voice cracked with tears, "I'm sorry, Bom. I didn't know."

I nodded, silently forgiving her. "I know. No one knows. No one but you and me."

After a thoughtful pause, Dem spoke again, her voice holding a small note of hopefulness, "Well, atleast you don't have to worry about getting pregnant. You can fool around all you want."

I laughed at this, turning to look at her in mild disbelief, "Were you not just lecturing me against that?"

Dem gave a small smile, "Gimme a break. I'm trying to cheer you up."

I just shook my head, a wry grin on my face. Demeter patted my back softly, lulling me to sleep. She stroked my head, humming a gentle tune. Despite my wicked ways, Demeter still loved me with the steadfast devotion of a sister. It was a wonderful feeling, knowing that no matter what, this cat would always be in my corner.

A small voice tugged at my conscience, Unless she finds out about Munkustrap.

~*~

Now that my secret about Macavity was out, Tugger struggled to find another way to keep me quiet—even after I swore never to tell his embarrassing little secret. I felt that he had proven himself after fighting off a few hundred hench-rats during the raid on Macavity's warehouse. Eventually, we called it even and spent our time stealing each other's spotlight, playing a million different mind games and secretly loving every minute of it.

Mungojerrie had joined the Jellicles. A few weeks later, he returned with a collar and another half-grown kitten. Her name was Rumpleteaser and she was as cute as a button. I was scared to death of her.

I never felt threatened by any of the older cats. Demeter was never a problem—she always had a very low self-esteem which made her a perfect balance to my own grandiose sense of self-worth. I was never afraid of any of the toms—not even mighty Munkustrap or his aged father. They were males and could be easily manipulated by my charms. No, the cat who worried me the most was none other than Rumpleteaser. That clownish cat! It may seem ridiculous, but I was never wrong about such things. Underneath that flighty and boisterous exterior lay a cool and calculating queen with a sense of determination, who would not think twice about tearing someone down. Even when she was smiling, I could see those yellow-green eyes taking in everything, storing away every detail for later diabolical use. No, this seemingly harmless feline had something up her sleeve…and it was not one of her usual pranks. Rumpleteaser was up to something sinister.

I couldn't figure out what it was, exactly, but I knew it was something big. I knew it also involved me, for she would often look at me in the oddest fashion—a mixture of disdain, curiosity, admiration and pure hatred on her cute features. She would study me intently from a distance, as if she were trying to piece together the puzzle that was Bombalurina. I found it off-setting at first—never had a queen watched me like that. Sure, the toms stared all the time, but the queens usually never gave me the time of day. Eventually I just accepted the fact that poor little Teaser was an odd one and went along my flirtatious way.

~*~

After Demeter's kidnapping, I frequently had moments of sorrow, in which I would think of my past—from my birth to my relationship with Macavity. I was suddenly ashamed of what I had become. My life was nothing but a string of mottled messes, a never ending parade of bad choices and even worse consequences. I wanted to start over, to create an entirely new life. But to do that, I would have to leave the Jellicles. They would never let me overcome the stigma that my reputation had become. The mold had been cast, and I was no longer allowed to break it.

I wanted to disappear entirely into another life. Then I realized that I could have another life—if Old Deuteronomy chose me to go to the Heaviside Layer. A year had almost passed—the Jellicle Ball was only a few months away, and Old Deuteronomy was already viewing the petitions for Heaviside Rebirth. I went to him, hoping against hope that he would hear my plea.

Of course, he did not understand my desire to leave this earth long before my time.

"Bombalurina," Old Deuteronomy was confused. "But you are still young. Why on earth would you want to waste a perfectly good life? You only have two left."

I looked down at the floor in shame and despair, "Sir, the life I have lived is not worth living. I have no parents, I have no children. I have no mate, nor could I ever become a mate to anyone. I cannot have kittens. I am treated as a cautionary tale, a silver-tongued harlot. What more can I expect but more suffering and pain? Shall I wander about this junkyard until my beauty fades, so that I can be tossed away like a withered rose? No, sir, I wish to go now—when everyone still sees me as beautiful. While the toms still desire me and the queens still envy me. I wish to go out while my flame is still bright."

With this last line, I finally found the courage to look into Deuteronomy's face. He smiled warmly at me, "Perhaps, my child, your life has not been as horrible as you think."

I stared at him in disbelief. Noting my expression, he wrapped his arm around me, "Tell me, have you ever known true love?"

It took me a moment, but suddenly, all the memories of Macavity flooded my soul, etching a soft smile on my lips, "Yes, I have."

"And have you known true happiness and joy?"

I remembered the months before my kits were born. Nefertiti's gentle mothering ways. Mac's smile. Demeter's kindness after finding me on the street. Jellyorum's love. My days as a kit, playing in the garden with Dem and my walk home with Alonzo.

"Yes." I felt my smile grow. Deuteronomy smiled warmly, "Then, my child, you have had a blessed life. Very few cats are so lucky to have found such things."

I looked at him, my eyes still filled with hopeless tears, "But Deuteronomy, all that good cannot out-do the bad. There has been so much pain in my life."

"With great joy comes great pain," he reminded me. "If you had been given the choice, would you have given up those moments of joy just to avoid the moments of pain?"

"No," I answered immediately, without hesitation. Slowly I was beginning to realize the wisdom of Old Deuteronomy's words.

"As for your reputation," he continued. "That is what you make it. Perhaps the cats do not think so cruelly of you."

I shook my head at this; I could not believe that. Deuteronomy added with a smile, "And your beauty is not everything."

"It defines who I am." I replied, standing up straight so that he could see me at my finest. He gave an amused smile, "Perhaps you should look to inner beauty."

"But all I have is outer beauty," I said honestly. "There is nothing beautiful about this battered soul of mine."

Old Deuteronomy smiled, gently wrapping his arm around me, "It is flawed, which makes it mortal, and that is beautiful. There is a difference between perfection and beauty, Bombalurina. One exists and the other does not."

I nodded, bowing my head in defeat. I knew Old Deuteronomy would not consider—much less approve—my petition for rebirth.

"Bombalurina," Old Deuteronomy said softly, lifting my chin so that my eyes met his dark kind ones. "Remember the good, not the bad. You will see that you have much to be thankful for. Things always have a way of looking up, but only if you let them."

I smiled, fighting back the tears that threatened to flood my eyes. Perhaps I was just looking at my life from the wrong angle. I had known love, and passion; I felt the gentle warmth of motherhood, the strong pull of friendship. I had known great pain, but I had also experienced great joy. Perhaps my life was still worth living.

During this time, no one but Old Deuteronomy knew about my doubt or self-loathing. For whenever the others were around, I was the proud and beautiful Bombalurina, the scarlet queen with the Cheshire cat grin. I seemed on top of the world, and loving every minute of it. If only they could have seen the real me.

~*~

One evening, as Demeter and I were preparing to return home, a small black and white kit entered the junkyard. He wore a bowtie.

"How strange," Demeter commented, watching the half-grown kit with curious eyes.

"Yes," I replied, my voice low and breathless. I was filled with an odd sensation—usually I was not attracted to younger cats.

"What business do you have here?" Old Deuteronomy looked down at the cat.

"I wish to become a Jellicle," he stated simply. Old Deuteronomy smiled softly at this, "Do you even know what it means to be a Jellicle?"

"Feline, fearless, faithful and true," the black and white cat replied without hesitation. Dem and I exchanged looks of mild disbelief. This cat obviously knew someone who was a Jellicle.

"How did you find this place?" Old Deuteronomy asked.

"I just followed my feet," the kitten said, as if that was supposed to clear up everything.

"No one told you the way?" Old Deuteronomy was incredulous. The kitten shook his head; his face so open and honest that I knew he must be telling the truth.

" 'ello," Teaser appeared out of nowhere. She noticed the newcomer, "Wot is this?"

"Some new kit wants to join the tribe," Demeter whispered, not bothering to look at Teaser. Her gaze remained fixed on the black and white stranger.

I, however, took the time to look down disdainfully at Teaser, who had weaseled her way between me and Dem and was now really too close for comfort. She just smiled hopefully back up at me. I looked away wordlessly. She was so cute when she smiled; it was hard to stay angry.

"Ole Dee's not gunna le'im stay, is 'e?" Teaser leaned forward curiously, her head cocked to one side.

I shrugged, "Who knows? Old Deuteronomy has let in some pretty strange characters."

I of course was referring to her, and Teaser knew that. Still she shot back "Yeah, tha's wot Oi hear'em say 'bout yew."

I snarled silently, letting my teeth show. Teaser took a step back, a look of fear in her wide eyes. Demeter, who was too busy listening to Old Deuteronomy, did not witness this exchange.

Old Deuteronomy took the stranger aside and began to speak with him in low tones—too low for us to hear. I grabbed Teaser, pushing her towards the two toms, "Go listen in on them, Teaser!"

"Wot?" she hissed in low whisper. "OI'm a thief, not a spy!"

Demeter shot her a disapproving look. Teaser quickly amended her statement, "A recoverin' thief."

Demeter could not help but smile at this. Teaser flashed a quick devil-may-care grin and disappeared into the junkyard. A few moments later, I could see the white tips of her ears peering from a nearby pile of junk. She was eavesdropping—and from the way her little ears twittered in excitement, she was picking up on some very interesting things.

"What are you two up to?" Munkustrap appeared behind us. Dem and I jumped, quickly sputtering, "N-nothing. Nothing. What makes you think we're up to something?"

Munku gave us a doubtful look. Then he noticed the stranger, "Who's that?"

"That's what we're trying to find out." I replied, crossing my eyes and looking at the stranger with renewed interest. Munku turned to Dem with a smile, "Demeter, it's good to see that you are feeling better. I've missed seeing you on my morning walks."

Demeter blushed at this, the white fur on her cheek turning a beautiful pink hue. "Thank you, Munkustrap; that's very kind of you."

He nodded and went about his business.

"Thank you, Munkustrap; that's very kind of you," I mimicked Demeter's plaintive voice. She cuffed me on the ear, "What was I supposed to say? I missed you too, let's do the mating dance?"

"That would be a start," I smirked. "And a whole lot better than thank you."

She rolled her eyes at this, grinning the whole time. Teaser reappeared, " 'e's in. Ole Dee's le'in 'im stay."

"What?" Demeter turned back to the two distant toms in shock. "Just like that, he's in?"

"Not egzac'ly," Teaser replied. " e's 'ere on troil-basis. Ya know, ta see if e's cut out ta be a Jellicle."

Dem and I nodded in understanding. Teaser shook her head, a wry grin on her face, "An' wai'll you see wha' 'e can do."

"What do you mean?" Demeter turned to Teaser quizzically. Teaser just smiled and shook her head, "Y'afta see it to believe it."

~*~

"Let's take the long way home," Demeter suggested suddenly, turning in the opposite direction. "Past the wharfs."

I nodded, not really sure where this was leading. She had been acting oddly all day. Naturally, I just assumed it was due to her usual nightmares about Macavity. We reached the wharfs and Demeter sat down on the side walk, not saying a word. I sat beside her, wondering what was up. I could tell she had something important to say.

Demeter looked away, over the grey misted street. I could see the struggle in her eyes, but I didn't say anything. I would let her tell me in her own time.

"I have a confession to make," Demeter said in a voice low and filled with emotion. Oh, sweet rumpus cat, I thought. She knows about me and Munku.

"When I was kidnapped by Macavity…" her voice trailed off and she looked away sadly. Oh, the poor dear! My heart went out to her. I put my arm around her shoulder and held her close, "I know, darling. I know. You don't have to tell me."

"No," she gently pushed me away. "I want to talk about it."

"Okay," I said, steeling myself for what was to come. We had all heard whispers of what Macavity did to poor Demeter when she was taken captive; I remembered all the nights I spent smoothing her matted fur as she cried into my neck, her warm tears staining my fur. I was so shocked and outraged by Macavity's mistreatment of my friend that I bore an unspeakable hatred towards him now. I could forgive him for beating me up and almost choking the life out of me, but I could never forgive him for hurting Dem.

Demeter looked toward the harbor, her voice became emotionless and flat, "It's true; Macavity kidnapped me. But the other…" She tried to form the words, her face contorting under the weight of her conflicting emotions. Finally, she broke, "I wanted the other to happen. I don't know why. It was like I was hypnotized. He really was very sweet to me. And his voice…" She lost herself in memory for a moment before giving a bitter chuckle. She gave me a quick glance and turned away, as if she didn't want to be seen by me. She wrapped her tail around her feet, as if to shield herself, "I suppose you think I'm a horrible cat now. No better than Griddlebone, or Macavity himself."

"No," I said, wanting very desperately to hug her but knowing she wouldn't want me to. "I know exactly how you feel. You see, Dem, there was a time that Macavity and I were very…close."

Demeter turned to look at me, her tear-stained face filled with a mixture of disbelief and relief, "Bombalurina! You and Macavity? Wh-when? How did it happen? Why didn't you tell me?"

I laughed at Demeter's sudden change in attitude, "It was a long time ago. Before you and I were friends again. He didn't have to kidnap me, though. I went along for the ride."

"Why am I not surprised?" Demeter rolled her eyes and laughed to keep from crying tears of relief. "Bombie, you really are the next Grizabella!"

"Gee, thanks," I replied with a laugh, although the comment stung. Demeter would never have meant to hurt me; at this time I was more concerned with making her smile that defending myself against another Glamour Cat comparison.

Still, Dem wasn't finished with her confession.

"It isn't true, you know," Demeter's eyes misted over. "The horrible things they say about Macavity--it just isn't true."

"What do you mean?" I asked, knowing full well what she meant. She gave a deep sigh, "He isn't a monster. He's just an ordinary tom, like Alonzo or Munku. He listens, and understands. He can be kind, and--"

"Gentle," I said, my breath catching at the memory of his touch. I felt that familiar rush of heat, that pull deep within me. No matter how much time or how much hatred passed between us, I would wear Macavity's brand for the rest of my life. "Even when he was hurting you, he was gentle."

Demeter looked at me, her pretty features muddled in confusion, "Yes. He was very gentle."

I gave a soft smile, "I never could explain that. Never. And we were mates for a long time."

She looked at me, "Did you have kits with him?"

I nodded, slightly taken aback by her accuracy. She gave a soft, brokenhearted smile, "I just remember one night, you were tossing in your sleep, calling 'The kits! The kits! Where are the kits?' I knew you must have been a mother once. I just didn't know—"

"That Macavity was the father?" I cut her off with a wry laugh. "Well, stranger things have happened, I'm sure."

"Where are they now?" Demeter was referring to the kits again.

"Gone."

"Your humans gave them away?"

"No," I said bitterly. "They're just gone."

Demeter sat there, quietly realizing the implication. She lightly put her golden paw on top of my fiery red one, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I sniffed, straightening my back and forcing a smile. "Wasn't your fault."

"C'mon," she stood. "Let's go home."

I nodded, smiling softly to myself. For the first time in my life, I had someone who knew all my secrets. I was no longer alone.