The pastor gave him a strange look before backing up, but obviously, he wasn't done with his upcoming sermon, "Even you can't stand yourself, why are you even here anymore." The tall man's statements seemed childish at first, but soon it hit Logan. He had to have created the voices somehow and why would he create a voice that didn't like him unless somewhere he felt the same way.
Then a different voice rose up, "No, don't listen to him Logan, he doesn't know you and he never will."
The man behind him smiled a little before advancing forward back to where he stood in the first place, "Hah, I probably know you better than you know yourself Logan Mitchell; son of Kevin and Lucinda Mitchell, Baptist, socially awkward, strange, Homosexual." Logan starred at him in disbelief, he had never really met this man before, but for some reason, the camp was rushing back to him fast.
"How do you know this," Logan asked quietly before something hit him like a bullet, "Shut up and listen to the man pansy; he's obviously the only one besides me trying to help you here." "No Logan, don't do it, step far away from the ledge and try to find Kendall. He'll know what to do, find him," "I'm so fucking tired of you with all your bullshit. He doesn't need to find Kendall, he needs to forget Kendall."
"He's right," the pastor responded, "You need to forget about Kendall and go far away; get out of this town and away from my family. Forever. Just go away." And then it all made sense. Logan knew from what Kendall had told him that his dad was the preacher at the local church. The very same church that had sponsored the camp that Logan lost his mind at. And he knew the head pastor from the sponsoring church was the head of the camp too. And since Logan was a, stand-out, case, he was sure they read over his file many times. This man had obviously been thinking about the brunette a lot.
"NO! he's not right, and you're not right because Kendall loves me and, and, well," "Kendall would never want you to hurt yourself honey, that's what you're looking for." "Yeah," Logan agreed with the higher pitched voice, "Yeah, because your son, Kendall Knight, loves me." Logan smiled in triumph at the man who was seemingly disgusted by his presence.
"He doesn't love you because you're pathetic; look at yourself and were you are right now. Don't you think if he loved you he'd be talking you off the ledge?"
"Well, he was fighting with Jo the last time I saw him, and, and, I ran away before he could realize I was gone, so, yeah, he's just taking a long time." "We both know you're lying to yourself with that, he's just moved on. Because who would honestly look for you." "Shut up, no one asked for your opinion," "Yeah," "Why don't you both just go away. Okay, just do it Logan, just get rid of yourself to silence that other bitch. If for anything, give me peace from all your wining and crying." It was the first time the voice was ever frank with the brunette, which Logan found quite bizarre.
"Just do it; Just finish yourself off so this world won't have too," the Pastor had decided to back off a little, even if he wasn't finished, cause he realized that the petite teen could do this all himself.
"You know he's absolutely right, everyone in this life has started this process for you, but they've all been waiting for you to finish it. Just do it, make everyone proud for once and don't be such a fuck up. Just take one step forward." "No, don't" "Do it, do it do it do it," "NO, step away at this very instant," "Do it fag, do it do it do it," "Don't listen to him Logan, No, step away now," "Fuck her, do it do it do it do it do it," "Shut Up!" Logan shouted while bumping around, stumbling on rocks on the very edge of the small cliff he was on, "Shut Up Forever," and with his hands embedded in his hair, he tossed himself into the cold water, the sweet relief of death quickly coming to over take him soon.
The Pastor watched in horror as he succeeded, because the petite teen had in the end done it, he'd gotten rid of himself. And in all honesty, the man of god really didn't have blood on his hands; he was just voicing an honest opinion. But somewhere deep in his heart, he questioned if this was truly god's intention. What god would ever want to see someone die for embracing who they were? But, the boy was a godless fag; he had to remind himself of that always. He had done it for his son and one day, his reward in heaven would be bountiful. But as he walked back into the church to the sounds of floundering and chokes from the stream, he truly considered if there was a god. Because what god would want to hurt his own creation?
Kendall knew the woods well enough to be able to navigate them fast, but staying on a trail made it a whole lot harder. Especially a wishy-washy trail like Logan's where the only clues were light footsteps and disturbed dust. But when Kendall found the blood, the fear instantly set in with him. Why was Logan bleeding? Kendall started to race forwards when he heard the sound of the rushing stream and he saw were the path ended. Right on the edge of where the stream met the land.
"NO," he shouted, running over to the water, "no, no, no, it can't be happening like this, just, no." Desperately, he started to search to see if the brunette had gone into it and that's when he started to hear light gasping from a distance.
"Paddle Logan, Paddle faster, you can do it, just remember what you've learned about it, just stay above the water." "Let go, slip down into the water and let go and forget, forget about it all, just forget." Logan's voice was changing pitches like it always did when the voices emerged and it scared Kendall to the core. He knew that what Jo had done had affected his boyfriend, but he knew that it wouldn't have led to this. Something else had to have happened, he just wasn't sure what, but when he heard the loud gasp and then nothing, he started to run to find the petite teen and then he saw him, fighting himself on whether to stay under or not. "You didn't even try."
Kendall dove in, doing his best to find the beautiful boy, but immediately, Logan started to swim away from him. Then he'd stop and go the other way towards him. Then he'd swim in the opposite direction again, obviously so torn that he was losing himself and so the blonde started to go faster. Faster for his Life because the brunette was the only one keeping him alive in the first place. He wasn't going to let the only thing that mattered any more die. It wouldn't happen like this. Finally, after a long indecision on the other teen's part, Kendall caught up to him and immediately wrapped him arms around the petite brunette so he couldn't get away.
"It's all okay Kisses, It's all gonna be alright," Kendall whispered, paddling them both back over to a ledge were they could resurface.
"No, let me go, just let him die. Let the fucker die," Logan shouted, making Kendall wince with pain over anyone ever wanting his Coco hurt like that, especial his Coco himself. There was silence while Logan fought himself, but not once did Kendall ever hear his real voice. And the blonde started to ponder if Logan had really died that day after all.
Kendall pulled the fit filled brunette onto the shore, both dripping wet when Logan started to snarl at him in pure anger, something that made the blonde want to die. "He's gone, you hear me, he's gone forever and there's nothing you could ever do about that."
"Just shut up," Kendall said quietly while holding Logan incase he tried anything.
"He died in that stream, go check for yourself, you'll find him there, because he drowned like everything else," To Kendall, this wasn't Logan, this was simply the voice and from that point forward, that's all he'd address the brunette's personality by.
"Why do you care, you wanted him dead in the first fucking place," Kendall replied to the only person that he genuinely loved, or rather, the shell of him.
"Because it hurts you; because you're the fucking reason it's taken this long in the first place to get here and now that I've won, I want you to know just how worthless you are. You know what, he loved you, and now he's gone and you never said it back. Hear me, you were such a pussy, you never said it and now it's too late. That's how worthless you are. Because you're worthless without him." The voice revealed something to Kendall that he'd been trying to keep from himself still. That in a world without Logan, he had no real place.
"You want to see how much this hurts me," Kendall said after wiping tears away quickly so the voice wouldn't see, "you can feel it with me."
And Kendall did something that horrified himself. He punched Logan square in the face, but it wasn't Logan. He had to remind himself that who it was was that god forsaken voice that horrified him. Because Logan was dead. And this mockery that was the brunette needed to simply disappear. So he did it again. And again. And again. And then he got up and kicked him hard in the side, flipping the voice over. And he kicked him in the back when he was on his side. But the boy turned over smiling with blood staining his face.
He spit out blood at Kendall before shouting, "Come on, do it, I want to watch. Kill me. Push me in and watch me drown. I won't fight the current. Logan did and look what happened to him. Kill me now so I can watch you die as well."
Kendall honestly considered it for a moment when he came up with a better punishment for who had killed his Kisses, "No, no, killing you would be much. to. Merciful. No, I'm going to send you away to the one place you hated the most." The blonde wiped the blood off his face before repining the voice down and calling nine-one-one on his phone quickly, "Hello, 911, we have an emergency here at the First Baptist Church of Jackson, yeah that one. A mental patient has, well, um, lost it. I need your help to get him back to safety." There was buzzing on the other end before Kendall concluded with, "Thank you," and hung up. "You're going back to that hospital where they're gonna baby you and patronize you worse than before."
"NO!" the voice howled violently, "You no good-mother fucker, how dare you do this to me, not after I won. NO. Let me go. I'll kill you. I'll find a way. I'll kill you just like I killed him. Let me g-," Kendall got down to a sitting position on him and with all his strength, he punched the voice out. He could hear it, it hit so hard, and finally, he saw the voice slip into darkness. His eyes shuttered to a close and his bruised face laid there while Kendall carefully got off of him.
And then the blonde started to cry; he started to cry hard, wiping tears away as fast as possible while trying to hold in chest crushing sobs, but he just couldn't. And he looked at the only person he could ever love and he realized that he was gone. And the blonde could try to hurt his killer all he wanted, but in the end, the killer was the brunette himself. And every time he hurt the boy, he felt a piece of himself die. So simply, while waves of pain hit him like steady bullets, he wrapped his arms around Logan and held him close for the very last time. He held him and rocked him and sang to him and kissed his cheeks and cried on him and did his best to try to act like nothing had happened. He just wasn't ready to accept it. But then, the ambulance lights appeared in the distance and he picked up the small boy. Kendall studied every part of him and just cried, knowing that he had lost anything that really mattered. So while the EMS people quickly ran out and loaded the sleeping Logan onto a stretcher, Kendall merely blankly starred forward into the distance. When the ambulance driver had said something to him, he had just nodded and went on blank, because something had changed inside him. Something integral. For, like months ago with a very different boy, something inside of Kendall Knight broke with Logan Mitchell's passing.
His spirit.
His will.
His Heart.
His Sanity.
For in that instant of passing, Kendall had seemingly died himself.
Author's Note: NOT THE BIG TIME DEATH! Had to get that out. Anyways, I've only cried at two chapters of any of my own stories; Chapter 12 of LiM and this one. I've had horrible things happen in my stories, but this is always the hardest. But, because I can't really cope with Logan's possible death yet, I have to give up a the possible ending and just tell you so you don't leave me; *Spoiler* Logan may not be fully gone. The Voice has lied before. We have three more chapters. Don't jump off that chair yet; just read and see. The night is always darkest before the dawn; don't quit on me yet, it gets better. Kurt even said it. Luv ya (even if you don't particularly love me right now). XoXo.