I'll Follow You Home – A Zutara Story.
Meeoko
Summary : Sequel to 'Eventualities Are Inevitable'. After being captured by a group of Fire Nation radicals and uncovering a secret plot to destroy the Avatar Cycle, Zuko and Katara must work together to find a way to stop the Sila Vatra before Sozin's Comet arrives.
Spoilers : Puppet Master, Day Of Black Sun part 1 and 2, Western Air Temple, Fire Bending Masters and Boiling Rock part 1 and 2.
Author's Note : Okay, so I felt majorly guilty for making you guys wait so long for the last few chapters. So I stayed up into the early hours writing another chapter. Two in one day! Are you lucky, children?
This one is a little more action-packed than the previous (well, quite a bit more, actually), so hopefully you'll enjoy it. I know how much you all love your romance and angst.
I actually wrote this entire chapter whilst listening to the song 'Into the Fire' by Thirteen Senses. It is an incredible song! Honestly, if you listen to it whilst reading this, I bet you that the words will have more impact.
I have also added a new poll to my profile involving this song and a possible song-fic in the works. Go help me out and vote on it (though it's recommended that you actually listen to the song before you vote).
Anyway – on with the chapter!
Katara felt herself twitching. Something was making a noise inside her room and it was slowly beginning to wake her up. She felt surprisingly warm. Had somebody put a blanket over her in the night?
She could hear it again, the mumbling. And there was something else. A strange scratching noise, like a rat would make when it was chewing on wood.
Five more minutes, mom.
But the noises continued and slowly grew a little louder. It took Katara a moment to fully register where she was. No, she wasn't in the South Pole anymore. She was somewhere else.
Slowly, facts began to register in her mind and she forced herself to wake up. Though she was half asleep and a little disoriented, Katara knew perfectly well that the noises she was hearing weren't a good sign. Perhaps it was a dream.
"Not hers. Not hers."
Katara felt herself beginning to rouse from sleep. She knew that voice. It was somebody she knew. Somebody she cared about.
"Not hers. No! Have mine. Take mine instead."
The voice was growing louder. Slowly forcing herself into a sitting position, Katara tried not to sink back into the lulling warmth of her bed and forget about the strange voice. She couldn't. It was someone she knew. They sounded as if they were in pain. She could smell something burning.
"Not her face! No, stop! Please!"
The scraping noise suddenly grew a little shriller, though the voice that accompanied it was far louder. Katara felt her memory jog into place and her eyes flew open. She wasn't in the South Pole and this wasn't a dream! She was in the Earth Kingdom!
"Don't take her face!" the voice screamed, growing more and more frantic with each passing second. "I'll do anything! Please!"
"Zuko."
Katara was wide awake in a instant. Everything fell into place again. The voice. The pained, desperate, agonizing voice – was Zuko!
Not again! Not more nightmares...
She darted her head back and forth in the darkness, searching for her spark-rocks. She couldn't see Zuko anywhere! Everything was so dark, Katara couldn't distinguish one shadow from the next.
"Call it off, Ozai!" Zuko screamed, his terrifying cries piercing through the very walls and right through her heart. "Make it stop! Please!"
The scraping noise came again, only this time it was louder and drawn out over a long and horrible moment. Katara fumbled in the darkness, touching the edge of the spark-rocks with her hand. The bottom of her stomach seemed to fall out from underneath her. She had a horrifying feeling that she knew what exactly was making the scraping noise!
"Not again." she chanted to herself as she grabbed hold of a candle wick, striking the spark rocks together. "Not again, Zuko. Not again. Wake up!"
"You already took half of my face!" Zuko bellowed, utterly shattering the silence around them. "Why take hers too?"
Katara could hear people moving about around the inn. Some were complaining and banging on the walls, but the majority were beginning to stir and panic. If Zuko made himself known too well, then the Earth Kingdom people would surely kill him! If they knew that he was the Fire Nation Prince, Katara didn't know what they'd do to him!
"Zuko, wake up!" she called pitifully, trying anything to snap him out of his terrifying trance. "It's just a dream! It's a dream! Zuko, wake up!"
Clashing the rocks together, a spark burst forward and caught the wick. It spread down the candle and slowly began to catch. The room slowly filtered with light and Katara could finally make his shadow out in the dim light. He was hunched over the writing desk in the corner of the room, clearly asleep, and shaking fiercely. He was covered in sweat and she could see the steam beginning to rise upwards from his body. But that wasn't what scared her. She had been right. Katara had found the source of the scratching noises.
Oh Spirits, no! Zuko, what have you done to yourself?
The voices outside the walls of their room began to get a little louder. Katara panicked. Nobody could see Zuko like this! It would give them away in an instant! His back was practically smoking!
"You'll pay! I'll make you pay! I'll make you regret ever having had a son!"
"Zuko, wake up!"
Gathering up some of the bedsheets in her hands, Katara ran over towards Zuko. She wrapped the sheets tightly around her hands, remembering the last time she had dared to touch Zuko after one of his nightmares.
"Call it off!"
Ignoring the intense heat that was coming through the fabric of the sheets protecting her hands, Katara grabbed at Zuko's shoulders, feeling the panic rising up inside her like the tide. A hiss of steam rose from her touch and hit her in the face. She blinked through it, trying desperately to get him to wake up! If somebody came through the door and saw them now, they were doomed!
"Zuko!" she called, desperately, tugging him back with all her might. "Wake up!"
Commanding all of the strength that she could muster, Katara pulled back as forcefully as she could manage. Jolting awake with a startled cry, Zuko fell backwards from the chair he had been sitting in, with the momentum of Katara's push sending him down even harder. He hit the floor, landing on his back and he gasped, looking up at the ceiling with clouded eyes.
"Zuko!" Katara breathed, feeling herself growing dizzy. "Zuko, look at me. Wake up! Look at me, Zuko. Look at me."
For a moment, he simply lay there, looking up at the ceiling, desperately trying to regain his breath. He was drenched in cold sweat, which was evaporating rapidly from his body and into the air. His hair was stuck to his neck and around his eyes and he kept looking around wildly, as if to confirm that he was safe. But not once did he look at her.
"It's okay now, Zuko." Katara breathed as softly as she could manage, trying to calm him as much as she was trying to calm herself. "You're safe. You were just dreaming again."
"Katara..." his eyes were wide with panic, but he still wouldn't look at her.
At that moment, there was a loud ripping sound. Katara jumped, looking in the direction of the noise, determined to keep Zuko from harm. They couldn't be imprisoned now! Not when they were so close!
But she let out a sigh of relief when she saw that it was Toph and Suki, who had forcibly sliced open the screen doors to their room with one of Suki's fans. They were both dressed in their night clothes and looked utterly terrified.
"Cover the door!" Katara demanded, lowering her voice as much as she could. Hopefully, now that the commotion had died down, nobody would stir up any trouble. "Quick! Before someone see's him!"
Toph didn't need to be asked twice. Stomping once on the floor and extending a palm outward, she crushed together the lengthy copper bathtub in a separate section of the room and immediately flattened it out again, pinning it over the door frame to act as a metal barrier to prying eyes.
"Is Sparky okay?" the young Earth Bender asked, looking groggy and tired, but rigid with terror. "He having another nightmare? Man, it must have been bad! It sounded like he was getting the crud beaten outta him!"
But her questions were greeted by silence. Zuko still stared up at the ceiling with clouded eyes, his breathing ragged, but slowly returning to normal.
"Katara?" Toph asked, her voice a little uncertain from the sudden silence. "What's going on? Is something burning?"
But the young Earth Bender was met by silence yet again. Katara could feel herself shaking, sitting over Zuko with the singed and blackened blankets still wrapped around her fingers.
This has to stop. He can't go on like this.
"Katara..." Suki mumbled slowly, she had turned white when she had looked down at Zuko's hands. "K-Katara...what has he done to himself?"
The sound of loud whispers broke through the walls. Praying to La that they wouldn't be discovered, Katara forced herself to swallow. She could feel bile rising up in her throat, though she willed herself not to vomit.
"I can't believe he's done this." she whispered to herself sadly.
Why won't he just let down his walls? Why won't he let anyone else in?
"What?" Toph's voice became panicked. Katara knew just how much she cared for Zuko. "What's he done? Katara, what's happened?"
"I-I need water." Katara replied, feeling herself tremble as she looked down at Zuko's hands. "Suki, will you pour some into a bowl for me from the basin?"
Unable to hold back any longer, Toph rushed over from her position by the door. Her confident visage had immediately vanished. Before she could get too close, Katara shot out an arm to stop her from touching him.
"Toph, don't touch him!"
The poor girl's unseeing eyes had immediately widened in horror.
"What? Why? Is he that bad? What did he do-"
"No, Toph, it's okay." Katara soothed, trying to keep her from losing her mind, immediately feeling guilty for snapping at her. "He's okay, I promise. But I just don't want you touching him yet. Do you remember what happened when I touched him the last time he had a nightmare?"
"But he's okay, right?" she asked again nervously.
"Yeah. He's alright. He's going to be fine." Katara cleared her throat, feeling it slowly closing up. She was still a little shocked from the horrifying awakening she had had.
The Earth Bender visibly relaxed, her small shoulders sagging as she let out a relieved sigh. Her hair was dishevelled and untidy from the sudden activity. She rubbed her fingers over her blind eyes and took in a deep breath.
"Sparky, you scared me there for a minute."
But Zuko didn't reply. He didn't even look at the young Earth Bender that he had come to love as a sister. In fact, he did nothing. With the same blank and glassy eyes, he looked up at the ceiling, breathing in and out until it slowed to a more regular pattern.
"Sparky?"
But once again, Toph was left unanswered. Katara could see Zuko's eyes shimmering as he looked up at the ceiling. His good eye was red and puffy, though Katara expected that any tears he'd shed had long since evaporated.
"Katara...I can smell it." The usually confident and certain Earth Bender now sounded small and scared, like a kitten mewing for its mother. "That's the same smell that was all over him...when he nearly died."
Placing a gentle hand on Toph's shoulder, Katara tried to get herself to concentrate. She needed to think carefully about how she was going to heal Zuko's fingers. She tried to keep herself composed in front of her young friend, though she still felt a bit shaken and unsteady.
Why won't he speak to us? It's like he doesn't even know we're here anymore.
Suki came to sit down beside Katara, a jug of water in hand. Too deep in thought to even nod in thanks, Katara automatically bent the water over her hand, forming a glistening blue glove. Despite her worry, she forced herself to think clearly. Taking in a deep breath, Katara thought only of the water and of her patient. Zuko needed her now, though he wouldn never admit it himself.
When she released the breath, the water began to glow a radiant, vibrant blue.
"It's okay, Toph." Suki explained, sensing that Katara wasn't quite up to the task. "He's not going to die, I promise you. It's nothing serious. It's just a bit of a...problem."
And it certainly was. Katara surveyed the damage, wondering exactly where to start. The wound itself was minimal, it was just how he had gotten the wound that made her very skin crawl.
"How big a problem?" Toph asked cautiously.
Katara swallowed and took a deep breath. She knew that Suki wouldn't be able to answer this question for her. Only a healer could really explain the extent of damage brought about by a wound. She had to speak incredibly slowly, though it was more for her own benefit than for Toph's. Katara's mind was in an entirely different mind-set. She was a healer now, first and foremost. Even to talk or think temporarily lost her her concentration.
"It's his fingers, Toph." she answered. Her tone sounded mechanical, as if all of the emotion inside her had temporarily stopped, or frozen. "He's damaged his fingers."
"His fingers? How did he..." Toph trailed off, sounding even more cautious and a little shaken. Katara could see her bottom lip trembling. "I think you're gonna have to walk me through this one, Katara."
Letting out a frustrated puff of air, Katara tried to get a better look at Zuko's hands without touching him. She knew that if she did, it was likely that she'd get burnt.
"When I woke up, I could hear this scratching noise." she began, analysing her patient as she did so. "I hoped that he wasn't doing what I thought he was, but unfortunately, the fates didn't play in my favour. Or his."
She looked down at Zuko sadly, rubbing at her temples with her free hand.
"He fell asleep on the desk. He's...he was scratching into the wood. He's bled them pretty raw. The nails are bent backwards and there's a lot of splinters"
Toph shrugged, cocking her head to the side.
"Well, sure it's a little gross, but nothing too bad, right? You can heal that, can't you?"
Katara nodded. It was only then that she realised that the Earth Bender couldn't actually see her, so she spoke instead, before Toph mistook the silence for bad news.
"Yes, I can. But he's made things a little more complicated."
Taking up her water-gloved hand once again, Katara closed her eyes. She would have to do it one finger at a time. Forcing herself to concentrate and block out everything else, Katara let the water slide over Zuko's forefinger, using it as a guide into the muscles, veins and tendons.
"Okay, can you at least tell me what's going on?" she heard Toph whisper to Suki quietly. "What's Katara on about when she says 'complicated'?"
Using the push and pull of the water, Katara began to work at the underside of the skin. The slivers of tendon and muscle slowly began to knit back together. There was a sickening crunch, and Zuko's fingernail was forced back into its original place.
This could take a while.
"You know that, uh...that burning smell you were talking about, Toph?" Suki whispered back, averting her gaze entirely from the healing display in front of her. Clearly, Suki wouldn't be the best person to have healing you in a bad situation. She was slowly turning from deathly white, to a sickening shade of green.
"Yeaaah?" Toph replied, waving her hand slowly, emphasizing her impatience.
"You know what it...ugh, gross! You know what it is, don't you?"
Now it was Toph who was beginning to look a little green. She knew perfectly well what the smell was.
"Yeah. But I thought you said it was his fingers? You never said anything about burns."
Katara could feel the water working its way alongside the inner flesh. She expanded it ever so slightly, so that the skin on Zuko's finger bulged outwards. With the small expanding droplets of water, she carefully began to push outwards, removing the splinters lodged in his skin and underneath the fingernails.
"No, but.." Suki sounded a little slurred. Katara hoped to the Spirits that she wasn't going to vomit! "Katara told me what...what tends to happen when Zuko has-uh, has nightmares."
Toph clutched at her stomach and made a sickly, gruesome face, though Katara doubted that it would really phase her all that much.
"Oh man. He heats up. He heats up a lot!" Turning her head in Suki's direction, Toph made waving motions with her fingers, probably to signify blistering skin. "So you mean...he burnt his fingers in place and cut them up to pieces?"
A dull thud brought Katara out of her healing trance and she snapped her head up in the direction of the noise. Rolling her eyes and letting out a frustrated breath, she fought the urge to Water Whip Toph with the healing water. Suki lay on her back with her head lolling and her eyes rolled back in her head.
"Toph!" Katara snapped. "Did you have to do that?"
The Earth Bender shrugged, though Katara knew she was feeling smug about it.
"How was I supposed to know that the oh-so-great Kyoshi Warriors are squeamish?" she smirked, holding her palms upwards. "Plus, I thought Sparky might want some entertainment to snap him out of it."
When Katara glared at her, Toph quickly looked down at the floor, looking as guilty as sin.
"Okay, okay! My bad."
Sighing, Katara waved a hand over Zuko's eyes. She got no response. He simply lay there, staring up at the ceiling with empty eyes.
You'd never even know he was alive if he weren't breathing.
"What's wrong with you, Zuko?" she whispered to herself, fighting the urge to touch his face. She had only just finished healing all of his burn wounds - she didn't want to have to do her own set as well!
Katara could feel tears peaking behind her eyelids. It had taken almost an hour, but she had healed him. Not once had he uttered a sound or moved an inch. She didn't understand why he wouldn't wake up!
He said my name. He said my name and then he was gone. I should have pulled him back.
Busying herself with any minimal tasks she could, Katara tried to keep herself calm. If only he would snap out of it! After Zuko's wounded fingers had been tended to, Katara had asked Toph to remove the metal door guarding them inside the room.
She had made her way towards the landlord's room.
Though it was barely an hour past dawn, he was wide awake, most likely disturbed by the commotion that Zuko's screaming had caused. Without even looking the man in the face, Katara managed to hand over enough money to pay for the damage. It would have been minimal if she hadn't asked Toph to use the rather expensive copper bath tub as a door.
She scraped the money together, which unfortunately, meant they had to sell their last three Emu-Horses. Her entire body was rigid with fear the entire time and she could feel herself tightening up like a coil. She half expected the landlord to call out for the guard or to open a door and have Azula standing on the other side. But he didn't.
"Are you alright, my dear?" he asked kindly, though she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.
What?
"Yes, I'm fine." she mumbled, a little taken aback. "I just wanted to apologise for this morning, and to thank you for your hospitality."
The old man looked down at her sadly. His large black moustache hid most of his mouth, but Katara was almost certain that he was smiling at her.
"Don't worry, my dear. The guard will be hearing nothing from me. Just make sure that you get that friend of yours patched up."
Katara looked up at the man, feeling a little dumbstruck. At the most, she had expected the landlord to be angry with them, maybe even a bit aggressive. But kindness and compassion? She had not expected that at all!
"I...we will." she stammered stupidly, feeling herself brimming over again. "I'll make sure he gets through."
Walking back down the corridor towards her room, even Katara couldn't help but stretch a small smile when the landlord called after her.
"And you tell that young Metal Bender friend of yours that if she plans to keep on redecorating, then she can bleedin' well buy her own house!"
Suki had woken up, after Katara had ordered Toph to sit and fan her as punishment for making her faint in the first place. She looked a little pale, but she was doing alright.
"Uh, that's just embarrassing." she mumbled, taking a sip from the cup of water that Katara produced. "A Kyoshi Warrior. The Earth Kingdom's own Woman Warrior leader – fainting!"
"Yep." Toph smirked, doing little to help Suki's confidence. "You're a pansy alright."
If she was expecting for a sympathetic pat on the back from Toph, then Suki was asking the wrong person.
Katara began pacing back and forth, looking down at Zuko and back again. She passed by the writing desk where Zuko had fallen asleep and had to avert her eyes from the deep and bloodied claw marks scratched into it.
Zuko, wake up. Please, just snap out of it. What's wrong with you?
Anxiously playing with her hair, Katara felt the eyes of the other two girls following her as she paced around. Why was it that neither of them seemed to be worrying like she was? Didn't they care whether he woke up or nor?
"Katara, sit down." Toph ordered from her place on the bed. "You're gonna wear a hole in the floor."
Beginning to feel anger sparking inside her, Katara bit back a retort. Why wouldn't they understand? Why didn't they feel like she did?
"Katara, she's right." Suki said, her voice soft. "You're going to work yourself up over nothing if you go on like this."
As Suki's words came to her and her slow-moving mind was able to distinguish between them, Katara felt her eyes snap open. She stopped pacing.
"Nothing?" she repeated, unable to believe her friend's words. "You call this 'nothing', Suki?"
The Kyoshi Warrior frowned and looked at her through confused eyes. Was there something that they knew and she didn't?
"He hasn't woken up since I got him to stop screaming!" Katara continued, feeling her voice growing a little unstable. "I can't get a single response out of him, even though he's perfectly fine! All he does is stare up at the ceiling like that! It's already past dawn and we have to set sail for the Fire Sage's Temple today! Please, tell me - how is that 'nothing', Suki?"
Suki seemed to cower a little bit under the forceful gaze that Katara was throwing at her. She knew that she should feel guilty for snapping at Suki. None of this was her fault, and she was only trying to help. But her worry and rage seemed to have a stronger hold over her.
This won't bring Zuko back!
"Do you actually know what it is he's doing, Katara?" Suki asked cautiously, as she raised an eyebrow.
For a moment, Katara thought that she saw Zuko twitch, but when she looked back, she saw that it was nothing. He still remained motionless, with glassy, empty eyes still staring blankly up at the ceiling.
"No, Suki." Katara answered with a sigh. "That's the whole point! None of us know what he's doing."
Toph slapped her forehead on the edge of the bed and let out a groan.
"Princess! Why do you do this to me?"
Looking backwards and forwards between Toph and Suki with a concerned frown on her face, Katara tried not to let herself get dizzy. Maybe she should lie down.
"What?" she replied lamely. "Toph, what are you talking about?"
Suki had cradled her face in her hands and was rubbing at her eyelids. There was large, dark circles ringing them. Katara felt much the same, though she was used to it by now. After joining with the Avatar in the first place, sleep had really just become a fleeting memory.
"I thought you knew, Katara." Suki let out a sigh as she spoke. "We both thought that you were just waiting."
"Well, I am." Katara stammered irritably. "There isn't anything else we can do, is there?"
"Well, technically, no." Suki yawned, placing her hand over her mouth. "But I just thought-"
"What do you mean technically?" Katara butt in, analysing the Kyoshi Warrior. She knew that she was just being spiteful to poor Suki and that she should apologise, but her worry always seemed to win over in the end.
"Geez, Katara." Toph mumbled, rolling her sightless eyes. "I thought you'd know this stuff. Your brother's a warrior, after all."
"What's that got to do with anything?" she snapped back helplessly, just wishing that somebody would answer her question.
"It has everything to do with it." Suki said calmly, looking over at Zuko, who still had not moved an inch. "Many warriors are trained to do it, for the purposes of self preservation. I've been taught the same way too."
Toph let a puff of air escape her lips, with a sly grin stuck to her face.
"Sure, Suki. I guess that's why you chose to faint earlier, instead of just going into the Warrior's Will."
Suki pouted, looking grouchy at the mention of her panic earlier that morning. She was about to retaliate, when Katara seized the chance first. She was intent on learning more, if she could. Anything that could help snap Zuko back to the real world.
"Warrior's Will?" she repeated, certain that she had heard the term somewhere else before. "What's that? Is that what Zuko's doing?"
"Yup." Toph nodded, spreading out on the bed. "That's why we weren't all worried about him. He's gonna be fine."
"The Warrior's Will is known by many things over the world." Suki continued. "I think it's called the Preservation State, where you live, Katara."
The Preservation State? I remember that! Dad used to tell us that the Southern Water Tribe warriors used it to train their minds. He said that it kept them warm out in a blizzard if their heart was strong enough! And I never believed him...
"It's a state of mind that many warriors teach their pupils." Suki continued. "It is triggered by extreme emotional or physical stress. The Warrior's Will is like a mechanism that Zuko has trained into his body to automatically counteract as a shield. That way, he can reflect on himself and try to achieve a more calming state of mind before coming out again. Many warriors train their mind and their Warrior's Will more than actual, physical training. When you go into that state, everything blocks out. You don't feel pain, or cold. You can't hear or see anything, except what it is you want to see."
Katara frowned, trying to understand exactly what it was that Suki was saying. It all sounded so strange. It reminded her of the time Aang had failed to unlock the seven chakra's, though she wasn't sure why.
"Why do you think he meditates so much?" Suki asked her, rhetorically. "His state of mind must be really strong. I've never seen somebody train themselves so ruthlessly." she placed her head back into her palm, resting it there. "I guess he'd kind of need to though, his family is pretty messed up. It probably takes a lot to deal with it all. It was probably triggered by his nightmare."
"Some nightmare." Katara heard Toph mumble under her breath.
Looking down at Zuko, still laid out on the floor, Katara thought back to the night before. How she had called his name and asked him to come inside from the rain, and how he had remained completely still and silent. She had tried to stay up to wait for him, but sleep had finally caught up with her. Who knew just how many hours Zuko had been out there?
Sometimes it seems like I barely know him.
Toph sat up from her position on the bare mattress, obviously aware that Katara didn't quite understand.
"Okay, Princess, let me break it down a bit more for you. Zuko get's hurt, his head blocks it out. He goes to his happy place until he's calmed down enough to wake up again. Yada yada yada."
Katara couldn't help but wonder exactly what Zuko's happy place was. She knew her own. Sitting beneath the stars in the clearing of the wood, with Zuko's arm wrapped around her and the smell of dew in the air. That was her happy place. She only hoped that Zuko's was peaceful enough to bring him back soon.
"I think he told me something like that once." Katara mused, trying hard to remember. "He said that after he freed Appa from Lake Laogai, he went through some sort of...transformation. His Uncle called it a metamorphosis. He told me that he was out for days on end and that he kept having nightmares, where he saw himself as Aang. Do you think that that was also this...Warrior's Will?"
Suki nodded, stifling a yawn behind her hand.
"Sounds about right to me. Going in and out can be a bit of a dangerous business. You discover things about yourself that you wish you hadn't, if you stay in there for too long. It's sounds like Zuko ended up facing a personal battle, because he was questioning himself. And he didn't like what he saw."
"So we just...wait?" Katara asked a little cautiously, looking again at Zuko's rigid form.
"Fraid so, Sugar Queen." Toph mumbled, letting out a puff of air. "He isn't comin' out until he wants out."
"That might be a while." Suki replied, tiresomely examining her fingernail.
"Yeah." Katara sighed sadly. "It probably will."
Despite her rude awakening, Katara had made as much use of the early start as she could. She thought sadly, that Zuko would be up at around this time anyway, as the sun came up in the sky.
Zuko still hadn't come out from his trance, though Katara, Toph and Suki had waited patiently for another hour. They decided unanimously that they would prepare to set sail to the Fire Sage's Temple, regardless of whether Zuko was conscious to witness it or not. One person was left to stay with him in case he woke up, whilst the other two would attend to any needed business. They would switch occasionally, so that everyone managed to get all of their personal issues done before they departed.
Zuko. Are you ever going to stop? Are you ever going to let me help you?
Katara had been considering all of her options. She wracked her brains, trying to think of a way to loosen Ozai's hold over Zuko. They had of course, tried the same methods before, when Aang was having nightmares, but she very much doubted that a bed made from Koala-Sheep wool would solve Zuko's problems just as easily.
Eventually, she decided. Zuko had said to her once, when he had woken up screaming before, that until Ozai was gone, then nothing would change. Though his callous words still chilled her to the bone, Katara couldn't help but think that he was right. She doubted that Zuko would ever find peace, until Ozai was gone.
Even when he's on the other side of the world, he still manages to cause so much pain and suffering!
Really, there were only two options. Either Zuko's nightmares would disappear on their own, after they had defeated Ozai (she pictured Zuko saying 'if'), or she could try an alternative method. Aang's words came to her suddenly, as she remembered the old Guru who had tried to help Aang to unlock all of his chakra's.
Guru Pathik! That was his name!
If Zuko's nightmares wouldn't stop, even after the war was over (she waved away Zuko's 'if' again), then she would seek out Guru Pathik. Maybe he could help Zuko. Katara knew that it wasn't only the Avatar and ancient Guru's who had chakra's. Normal people and benders did too. But unfortunately, she didn't know enough about them to help Zuko herself.
Katara had met Chit Sang down by the docks that morning to collect the boat that Zuko had bought them the day before. It was terribly small, but looked sturdy enough. And she could always use her bending to speed things up a little.
"What's up with you?" Chit Sang had asked, seeming quite happy himself. "You look like you didn't get a whole lotta sleep last night."
It turned out that Chit Sang had not been woken up by Zuko's screaming at all, despite only being three doors down from theirs. He had slept through the entire incident quite happily!
Lucky for some. She thought to herself as she suppressed a yawn.
By mid morning, they had secured and readied everything that was needed to travel. Suki had gone into the market to buy some food. When Katara returned to her room, Toph was still sitting on her bed, watching Zuko for any signs of change (she had offered to take the first watch).
"Nothing different?" Katara asked sadly, looking at Toph. She had large, dark circles under her eyes.
"Nope." she yawned, stretching her legs as she got off the bed. "But if we're gonna be late for the end of the world because of him, then I'll be more than happy to kick his butt into the boat myself."
Katara smiled as Toph sauntered off to take care of her morning rituals. She was still in her nightclothes, after all. Standing over Zuko and craning her neck, Katara looked down to see if there was any change to his posture or breathing that Toph might have accidentally missed.
No. Nothing...
Katara desperately wished that Zuko would wake up. But it wasn't their mission that concerned her anymore. She was worried. She just wanted him to wake up so that she could take care of him and make sure that he was alright.
"Not that he'd let me." she sighed to herself.
Slumping her shoulders sadly, Katara made to walk over to the bed. She needed to think. Perhaps there was something that she could do to help him. He seemed to have cooled down to his normal temperature again and he was no longer sweating.
But Suki said that he can't feel or hear anything. Does he even know that we're here?
Placing her head in her hands, Katara let out a long and shaky breath. She was nervous. This was something that she had never dealt with before. Suki and Toph seemed to know all about it, but if something went wrong, would Katara even notice? She didn't know the first thing about warriors or mind training! It was rare that she meditated and she had never had cause to learn weapon skills before – her bending had been her sword.
Looking down at the floor, Katara's attention was immediately taken with something else. There was something lying on the floor by the leg of the desk that Zuko had scratched into, almost hidden underneath it. A piece of parchment.
Her curiosity getting the better of her, Katara stood up from the bed and walked towards the desk. The parchment was just inches away from Zuko's feet. She wondered why she hadn't spotted it earlier. She bent down and picked up the piece of parchment from underneath the desk. It was a little crumpled at the edges and was singed in several places. Katara suspected that Zuko had been sleeping on it before having his nightmare.
We're lucky it didn't go up in flames. It could have set the whole place on fire!
She began to unravel it, but immediately stopped when she saw what was written on it. It was addressed to General Iroh. This was Zuko's 'what if' letter. For an entire minute, she battled with her conscience, putting the paper down and then picking it back up again. Katara knew that she shouldn't be reading Zuko's personal letter – they had all agreed not to. But she couldn't help but wonder what he had written down.
Katara hadn't quite finished her own letter yet and imagined just how angry she'd be if somebody else were to read it. But then she realised that, if it was Zuko who read it, then it wouldn't be so bad.
Maybe he thinks the same thing. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I just had one look...
Swallowing her conscience and dismissing it, Katara allowed curiosity to get the best of her. Zuko still did not move, though she would occasionally check to see if he had woken up, just in case he caught her reading his personal letters.
'Uncle. Father,
I've been thinking about what I should write for some time now. Perhaps this is a goodbye, perhaps not. I hope that it becomes a promise. If somehow I don't make it back to you after the coming of Sozin's Comet, then I can at least die knowing that I did something right. You told me once that you studied the cultures of the Water Tribe. Do you know the tale of the Black Ice Blade, Uncle? Because I've come to know it quite well, and I finally think I understand what it all means.
I know that I should tell Katara, but I don't want to give her false hope. Or send her to her death. I think you know what I speak of, Uncle. You were there, after all, on the battlefield. And you knew that they had it all along. But you wanted me to figure it out for myself, didn't you?
I don't think I'll ever understand you, Uncle.
It was only a few days ago that I remembered the old legends. That is why the Sila Vatra still practice the old tongue - they intend to keep the legend alive, anew. I don't think any of us could have prepared for something like this.
"An edge to shatter the very air." That was one that will always stay with me, whether I make it back to you or not. I don't think that the Water Tribe could ever have known exactly what they possessed.
I asked her to marry me, Uncle. I don't know what gave me the courage to do so, but I'm glad that I did. Because she accepted! Hopefully, we'll be able to get that far one day, before the end.
Uncle, I want to ask you something. I know that by the time you get this hawk, the comet will be upon us already, but if you reclaim Ba Sing Se, Uncle, I want you to promise me something. If I don't make it back, or if we fail, then please, take care of Katara for me. Don't let Ozai hurt her anymore. It hurts knowing that your own flesh and blood can cause so much anguish and pain. I don't want to be a part of that, Uncle. Not if I can help it. I'm tired of death.
I ask you to do this for me, Uncle, because something tells me that I might not see you again. I'm going to tell Katara in the morning exactly what we have to face. But I know, that if she was ever put in that kind of danger, I would do anything I could to save her. And that is why I don't think that I'll live to see the Avatar bring about peace. I love her, Uncle.
You said to me once that destiny was a funny thing. I didn't believe you then, as I should have, but I do now.
I love you Uncle. I should have told you before, but I didn't. I should have thanked you, but I didn't. So I am forced to do so now, before it is too late. When this reaches you, the comet will be here. Go to Ba Sing Se and reclaim it before the end. Go knowing that I forgive you.
Goodbye Uncle.
Zuko.
Katara stared at Zuko's letter. Her lips parted and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Her heart felt heavy in her chest and she lowered the parchment to her side, simply staring ahead of her for a moment. Her mind worked slowly over the words written in the letter. She found it difficult to process anything.
"I don't want to be a part of that, Uncle. Not if I can help it. I'm tired of death."
"He doesn't think we'll make it." she whispered to herself. "He thinks that this is the end."
"I don't want it to be."
Katara's heart stopped momentarily and she darted her head around to look at Zuko. He hadn't moved and was still staring up at the ceiling, but the life had returned to his eyes again. He was awake!
"Zuko!"
Dropping the parchment to the ground, Katara ran over to him, kneeling by his side and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pressed her cheek to his forehead and he reached up a tender hand to stroke her hair. The blisters and angry red cuts along his fingers had disappeared.
"Zuko, thank La." Katara whispered, wrapping her arms around him as tightly as she dared. His neck was probably still a little tender from Ozai's mark. "They said you'd come back."
"I always do."
Zuko smiled as she laced his fingers between her hair, though his voice betrayed him. Katara could see it in his eyes. He was ready to face defeat. He didn't think that they were going to make it. His eyes told her that he didn't expect to see the war's end.
I won't let him give up. Not again. I'm going to get him through this if it kills me!
But Katara's thoughts were a little too real to comfort her. She wasn't stupid, she well aware of the dangers. But there was one thing that kept Katara going through it all and gave her the strength to hope for more. Him.
"You really scared me." she whispered into his ear, gently kissing his temple.
"Yeah. I've been told I'm good at that." he mumbled back, the small smile disappearing quickly. "I'm sorry, Katara. But I couldn't get it out. I had to get away."
Pulling away from Zuko gently, Katara looked down at him sadly. She knew exactly what he was going to say even before she had asked the question.
"Get away from what, Zuko?"
Eyes still fixed on the ceiling above, Zuko gently took hold of Katara's hand. He kissed the inside of her wrist and looked up at her. She could tell that he didn't want to. When he spoke the two words she had been both expecting and dreading, his gruff and empty voice was barely above a whisper.
"From myself."
Author's Note : Poor Zuko and his bad dreams. Anybody guess what he was dreaming about? It's pretty obvious. And don't ask why I decided to add in the Warrior's Will. I've heard of many things like it in the real world (people who train themselves not to feel pain, or cold so that they can escape inside themselves) and I just thought that it seemed like something Zuko would have learnt to do. He's gotta cope somehow.
Hopefully, this wasn't too angsty. I did try and add in some humour, here and there. But it needed to be done, really. And now, you all get to find out the truth. How exactly the Sila Vatra are going to destroy the Avatar Cycle. Zuko's been doing his homework. Nuff said until next chapter, I'm afraid.