A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and faves and alerts. Yall are pretty awesome. And because yall are awesome, yall get another chapter in less than a week. At least I think it's been less than a week. I could be wrong...Anyway...umm...so yeah.

As usual, IF YOU AREN'T OLD ENOUGH TO LEGALLY BUY A PACK OF CANCER STICKS AND MAKE YOUR LUNGS BLEED BLACK, THEN YOU AREN'T OLD ENOUGH TO READ THIS STORY. SO IF YOU WOULD, KINDLY LEAVE THIS PAGE AND GO FIND SOME PANSY SHIT TO READ, BECAUSE YOU WON'T FIND IT HERE. ONCE AGAIN, I REFUSE TO BE HELD LIABLE FOR ANY CORRUPTION OF YOUR FRAGILE MIND, AND HOLD YOUR PARENTS SOLELY RESPONSIBLE, AS I WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CORRUPTION OF MY THREE BRATTLINGS. (although, my kids like listening to The Beatles, Rolling Stones, and Queen, so how bad could it really be?)Oh, and I don't own Twilight, I'm not that lucky. Anyway, here you go have fun. see you at the bottom.

Chapter 5-Indecency With the Ice Sculpture and Back Seat Make-out Sessions

I spent the rest of my work day in my office picturing Mr. Black in a black suit while rubbing my Fishie against my non-bearded clam.

I really didn't get much work done, unless you consider having a play date with my love box and my Fishie working hard. I left somewhat sweaty, but as far as anyone knew, either my air conditioner was out in my office or I just got in a really good workout.

When I arrived home, I grabbed my pink True Love Honey Bunny rabbit vibrator and headed straight for the shower. I didn't have much time, but what time I did have was plenty to get off once more before getting dressed to go with Jake. I didn't have many black dresses that were modest as Leah had suggested, but I did have something that might work. I just hoped it wouldn't disappoint my date.

I pinned small pieces of my hair back, letting the rest fall in its natural loose curl state. With a little eye makeup to play up the brown and some lip gloss, I was ready with fifteen minutes to spare. Was it a bit weird to be nervous? Hell if I knew, but to kill my nerves, or at least deaden them for a little bit, I took seven not-so-small gulps of Southern Comfort. I hoped it would at least keep me calm until I could completely lose all my worries.

I grabbed a black handbag and black heels before walking down to the lobby of my apartment building and waited. I have no clue why I fixed my hair because true to Washington fashion, it was pouring down outside. When I saw a black stretch limo pull up in front of my building, I almost jizzed myself at the thought of having my way with a my very sexy boss in the back seat with the privacy glass up...or down...I really didn't care.

A man stepped out and met me at the door with an umbrella. "Miss Swan, Mr. Black is waiting for you in the car ma'am. Do you have everything you need?"

He smiled at me and then raked his eyes up and down my body as if he wanted to lick me or bite me. I had seen him before, I thought his name was Mike, but I could be wrong. For argument's sake, I'd think of him as Mike. He was a handsome guy. Not like Jake handsome, but there weren't many that could compare to him.

Mike had a sweet, boy-next-door look about him. Someone you could take home to meet your parents. So not the kind of guy I wanted. I wanted the type of guy that when you took him home, your mother jizzed herself because of how hot he was. I guess it was safe to say that I wanted a guy like Jake. I already knew my mother would jizz herself whenever she saw him. She already had.

I walked with Mike to the car as he carried an umbrella over my head. At least it wouldn't be a total bad hair night for me. Mike opened the door, and I swore I could hear my panties get squishy from the juices that flowed forth. Mr. Black was dashing. Hell, he was hot and I wanted to have my very dirty, very kinky way with him in the back of this limo and forget all about the fundraiser.

He looked at me with hooded eyes as he tried to discreetly, but not so innocently, adjust himself in his pants. "Miss Swan." His voice squeaked like a teenager hitting puberty.

"Mr. Black." I smiled and climbed in the car, trying my best not to expose my almost non-existent g-string to either of the men.

Mike closed the door and made his way around the car. As we pulled away from the curb and into traffic, Mr. Black turned to me.

"I must say Miss Swan, black looks very nice on you."

Not the black I'd like to have on me, but...

Before I knew what was happening, his lips came crashing down on mine and he had his hand riding up my thigh. I really needed to get that damn brain-to-mouth filter working again. It had been out of commission for too long now. Not that I was complaining, but still.

My legs seemed to have a mind of their own, because they happily wrapped around his waist and pulled him down on top of me completely until I felt his jack hammer pushing against my love box.

His tongue was in my mouth, wrestling for my submission, but not caring at all when I dominated. His left hand slid further up my right thigh as I ground myself against him, not in the least bit coming across like a horny hooker. It didn't matter that I had already gotten off four times today to this man; I was up for it again.

His right hand reached up and roughly massaged my left breast through my dress. I'm pretty sure he felt my nipple go as hard as steel through the material. Very whorish moans kept escaping me, and there wasn't a damn thing I could or was willing to do to stop them.

He bucked that massive pocket rocket against me, and I almost came all over him. His soft fingertips slid over my barely there panties, and then were suddenly gone. His tongue made a hasty exit from my mouth and he sat back in his seat while releasing a very audible growl from his chest.

Okay, what the fuck? We were almost there!

Mr. Black pierced me with his gaze as he tried to gain control of his breathing. I was completely lost. One minute he's hot, the next, he's cold. Seriously? He could have touched them if really wanted to!

"By the end of tonight, I will know what you have on under there." He adjusted himself in his pants openly, not caring that I knew what he was doing. I tried to make sense of my hair and what was going on.

"Why wait? You can always just look now," I offered. Sure, it was kind of forward, but who was I kidding? If he offered me a ride on that Clydesdale he was hiding in those pants, I would have jumped on it.

He chuckled before responding. "As much as I would love to, we have an event to go to. And if I started, I wouldn't stop. How much have you had to drink already?"

I had totally forgotten that I had those gulps at home. Huh. Seems it worked.

"Um, not much, just a couple of swallows. Why?" I wasn't a heavy drinker most of the time. Usually just enough to get the edge off, and never alone. It was always in a social setting, so this was kind of new for me.

"Just asking. Keep in mind, although we're here to have fun, we're also still working. You'll limit your alcohol intake while you're here, or you will not be attending another function such as this. Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

The car pulled to a stop and Jake moved towards the door, but didn't open it. Mike was quick to hop out and open the door for us instead. We were let out on the side of the building, which was fine with me. I wasn't really into making grand appearances, not yet anyway.

I followed Jake out of the car, grabbing hold of the hand he offered me. His hands were too soft to me. If he had any kind of flaw, it was this. They weren't like a baby's ass or anything; they just weren't covered in calluses. It wasn't a big deal, but I always felt men should have some ruggedness about them. He probably never had to work a day in his life, other than shuffling papers and bossing people around.

"I'll have to leave you alone while I make a speech, but other than that, feel free to hang around. I'd love to see the look on Baker's face when he gets a load of you in that dress. And then have to eat his fucking heart out when he realizes you're mine." Mr. Black whispered to me as he led me through a side entrance into the venue.

I'm yours? Interesting choice of words there, Mr. Black.

The place was lovely. It had a 40's feel to everything, from the mohair booths that overlooked the dance floor to the soft music that was playing as background music. I wasn't much for the 40's, but the music didn't really seem to bother me. That was more than likely due to the alcohol running through my system. My head was starting to get a little fuzzy, but nothing I couldn't work through.

If I had to guess, I'd say it was Billie Holiday, but that was just a guess.

"This is Billie Holiday. Have you ever heard of her?" Jake bent his head down towards me and whispered in my ear. Woohoo! Point for Bella! I did a mental fist punch. Or at least I hoped it was a mental one.

"Yes, I have in fact heard of her. Although, the first time I heard the name, I thought it was a guy, and possibly a trannie, 'cause you don't find many girls these days named Billie." I do believe the SoCo was beginning to kick in.

"Oh fuck. You don't usually drink do you?" Jake pulled me back into a darkened doorway. I just giggled and shook my head to the negative. "Dammit Bella, you better not make an ass of yourself tonight. I mean it. This account is on the line. Don't drink anymore tonight, do you hear me?" He was holding onto both of my arms and shaking me gently, but firmly.

I placed my hands on his chest and smoothed them down to the bulge in his pants. I smiled up at him as I rubbed him through the thin material.

"I hear you go commando. Care to show me? How exactly do you get it to fit in underwear anyway? It's like, super long, and really thick, and I'm sure you can't wear tighty whiteys with something like that 'cause it'd be poking your own backdoor, and yeah that hurts. And if you wore boxers, wouldn't the legs sorta cut off circulation at some point, seeing as it goes like half way down your leg?" I continued to pet the trouser snake.

"Damn, Leah. Why did you do this shit to me tonight?" He cursed under his breath. "Bella, please. For the love of all things holy, don't open your mouth tonight. Please. Let me do all the talking. Pretend you're a deaf mute or something. Just don't talk, okay."

I pretended to zip my lips and throw away the key, but giggles flitted through anyway.

"Fuck." My hands were pushed away as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and proceeded to grumble out some not so nice choice words to someone who seemed dumber than a box of rocks. Even in my slightly inebriated state I knew he was calling Quil. This was going to get really interesting because I wasn't sure I wouldn't proposition both of them after this fundraiser. Does that make me sound like a whore? Most definitely. But I couldn't care less.

"Bella, listen to me. Quil is on his way to come and keep you company while I get up there and talk. As soon as that is done, we're going to leave, okay? It will be over in about an hour, so just keep quiet and keep your hands to yourself until then, got it?" He had his lovely almost girly hands on my shoulders and was bent down looking me in the eye.

"Sir! Yes, sir!" I mocked him with a salute and giggled like a school girl who just got caught gawking at her crush. Jake mumbled some more colorful words I chose not to hear. He walked me down a hall towards the area where people were starting to gather. The music was loud, or maybe it was just the liquor making it seem that way.

"Why is everything so loud? When is Quil getting here? O-M-G you can see that lady's nips about to pop out of her dress. I thought Leah said to dress modest. She looks like she's getting ready to start her shift on the corner out front!" I may have been a little loud because said top buster gave me a disapproving look and walked away. Mr. Black grabbed me by my arm and ushered me to a booth where Quil was sitting and flirting with a waitress.

When I was rudely, but still kinda hotly, shoved into the booth across from him, Quil's eyes left the waitress, saw me, and turned into huge saucers.

"Dude, she cleans up well. What's on under there? I bet it looks even better." Quil looked me up and down and licked his lips. I'm not sure exactly what Jake did when he sat down next to me, but Quil doubled over the table mumbling something about his coin purse losing the ability to make change.

A waitress came by to take our drink orders and Jake ordered for all of us. Water. Fun. It tasted so much like...water. It was sort of refreshing, but after having a few mouthfuls of the amber liquid at home, I wanted more. Almost like a vampire drinking blood for the first time. I didn't want to stop.

I didn't say much, I just sat there unabashedly rubbing Jake's ginormous peen. He kept swatting my hand away, but he couldn't deny that I had some effect on him. Before I had even touched him, I could see it straining in his pants. He groaned a few times, and at one point grabbed my hand, but didn't push it away. Instead, he wrapped his hand over mine, and had them both gripping and rubbing up and down that nice piece of machinery he called a cock.

Quil was busy watching the other people around us, making comments here and there where Jake would offer some sort of response. But he wasn't paying us too much attention. Maybe he knew what was happening but didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

After a while, Jake got up from the table, claiming he had to go mingle, but not before he instructed Quil to not let me up from the table under any circumstances. I think I heard him say something about sitting on me and stuffing my mouth with a dinner roll if deemed necessary, but I couldn't be sure.

Quil seemed to be talking to the same waitress from earlier and Jake was M.I.A. from what I could tell, so I decided to make my way over to a table that was covered with finger foods. I had no clue why they needed it since dinner was being served, but then again, I had never been to a fundraiser like this before. Maybe rich people liked lots to choose from.

A waiter passed by with a tray of drinks, and since Jake wasn't in the vicinity, I decided to grab one. I turned back towards the table of never ending food, and took a drink of the red, fruity liquid. That was when I saw them: three giant statues of ice. The first was of the famous Venus de Milo, the second was Venus and Mars, who had a leaf covering his tiny willie, and the third was a statue of Mars in his war get-up minus a covering over his tally whacker. I'm not sure how he got any with that thing. I wasn't sure if the tip would even reach in, no matter how much of a grower he was. Maybe most of the length had just melted off already?

I made my way over to admire the sculptures, noting that the nipples of Venus were now running down to her love box. I bet Mars wished he could lick that up. Quil startled me with a smack on the ass. I jumped and spilled some of the wonderfully delicious concoction on Venus. It was running down her face, onto her neck.

"Hey, Swan. Hold my drink for me for a minute will ya? I'm gonna go...do something. Don't get in any trouble while I'm away. I'll be just a minute." I grabbed his drink as he shoved it towards me and walked away. I felt horrible that I had spilled my drink on the ice sculpture and was afraid I'd ruined it.

I heard everyone begin to clap and then things grew quiet as a woman began to speak. She was introducing someone, and if I had to guess, it was the man of the hour, Mr. Baker. He began making a speech about some sort of art his grandson had been working on, and how it had taken him months to get as close as he could to the real deal. I tuned out everything as I tried to figure out what I was going to do about the reddened statue.

There were moments in life when I wished my brain would kick in before my body reacted in certain situations. It was in times like these when I wished I wasn't my mother's daughter. She was the only other person I could see doing what I was doing. Without thinking and clutching two glasses in my hands with nowhere to set them down, I leaned into Venus and began licking my drink from her naked frozen breast. It was rather cold, and that might be why I couldn't get my tongue to move after a while. It was stuck. And there was nothing I could really do about it. I was fucked, especially if Jake ever saw me. On the other hand, having never sucked on a woman's breast before, it was strangely arousing. I mean, for being ice and all.

After about a minute of trying to breathe hot breath onto the boob in my mouth, Quil came over and asked why I was sucking on some statue's tit. After flailing around for a few seconds, I had no answer, partly because I couldn't form words, and partly because I really had no idea why I was doing it.

Oh, that's right, I'm a moron.

"Okay Bella. I'm gonna blow on your tongue, and you blow too, and we'll see if we can't get you undone. Damn, why didn't Jake tell you to stay away from these statues? They're the reason everyone is here. Man, he's gonna kill me."

We both began to blow on my tongue - man was that weird - but we weren't getting anywhere. At one point, Quil suggested licking my tongue to warm it up, thinking that could possibly get me unstuck, but I managed to get a "Un-ugh" out.

"Okay, look Bella, this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go ask that hot waitress for some warm water. Keep blowing on your tongue, and I'll be right back." Before I could try to protest, he was gone. I blew and blew, but my jaw was starting to hurt from being held open for so long.

As soon as he came back, things got really bad. Lights were dimmed when I heard someone mention Venus and her lover. There was a spot light placed over the sculptures and all attention turned to us as Quil began pouring the warmed water down my face.

Once my tongue was free, Quil grabbed me by my arm and dragged me into the hallway that Jake had pulled me into earlier.

I could hear footsteps following us and knew exactly who it was before I heard the sexy velvet voice of my very pissed off boss.

"What the fuck was that? Why the hell were you licking that damn ice sculpture, and how did you manage to get your tongue stuck?" We turned as he fixed his gaze of daggers on Quil. "Didn't I tell you to watch her? Where the fuck were you?"

"Umm...her boob tasted kind of salty. Maybe too much chlorine in the water..." I didn't know what else to say. Clearly the moron in me was still very present. Jake's glare moved from Quil to me.

"You know, I don't know why I even ask for a response. But this isn't even your fault. It's my own. I never should have agreed to this in the first place. Let's just go. Quil, do you think you can somehow manage to salvage this fuckery you two have caused?"

"Jake, look I'm really sorry. See, there was this girl, and-" Jake cut him off.

"Look, I really don't give a shit about your excuses. Just fix it." With that, I was ushered out of the venue and put into the back of Mike's limo again. Jake climbed in behind me and slammed the door before Mike could shut it. He seemed to get the point and hurried around to the front of the car, taking off and sending me crashing into the seat.

Seeing as most of the alcohol wore off about the time I got stuck to a nude, melting statue of ice, I could tell I was in for a world of trouble. I snuck a glance at Jake, and sure enough, got poked in the eyes with the daggers he was throwing my way with his menacing glare.

I chose not to speak, mostly because the only thing I could come up with was asking if I would finally get to see the peen I had been feeling all over earlier. It just didn't seem appropriate at the time. What happened next was rather unexpected, but I was happy to not be too drunk to enjoy it.

Jake came across the seat and grabbed a handful of my hair, twisting it around his hand and pulling it back, so that he had better access to my neck. He began placing hot, wet kisses along my throat and up to my jaw, before tongue fucking my mouth like a mad man.

His hands made their way up my thighs and pushed my dress up around my waist, exposing my barely there panties to him. He let out a groan as he fingered the string holding them on.

"As pissed as I am at you, it was fucking hot seeing you with your mouth on another woman like that. And I did promise I would find out what these looked like." He ran a finger down along the thin line of my G-string while he continued to kiss my jaw and neck, down to my collarbone and across the swell of my breasts. My legs, thinking for themselves as always, wrapped around his waist and pulled him down on top of me. Thank Christ Himself for thin material, because I could feel every ridge of his manhood against my lady bits.

He pulled the top of my dress down, and I heard a rip, but I didn't care. I had been waiting for a moment like this since Phoenix, and I was not about to let some torn, Gossip Girl wannabe dress get in the way of that want.

He groaned when he realized I had gone braless to the event, and hastily began suckling away at my nipple, occasionally biting ever so softly. One of his hands reached around and found my bare ass while the other hand pressed between our bodies and began rubbing me. I bucked against his hand before he removed it and let go of my ass.

I pulled back slightly to look at him, but he was looking down to where his fingers were hooked in my g-string. His eyes made their way back up my body, and came to rest on mine. His were a darker brown, almost an onyx, and man they made me want to jizz all over his lap.

He snuck a finger into the side of my panties and ran it down my slit. My body quivered at his touch. He groaned when he realized I was bare. Score one for Team Bella!

Just as it seemed he was going to pop a finger in and get a feel of my pie, the car came to a stop and Mike hopped out of the car. We rushed to get our clothes situated and still looked like two teenagers getting it on in the backseat when Mike opened the door. He gave me a knowing smile as I exited and made my way into my apartment building without saying another word to Mr. Icy Hot.

I went straight to my room that night, but didn't finish what he had started. Instead, I took a shower - a cold one - before putting on my favorite Wonder Woman cami and panty set. I crashed on the couch watching an old Green Acres episode on T.V. There was nothing else on.

When I woke up, I rushed to get ready for work. I didn't want to be late, and I kind of wanted to talk to Mr. Black about what had happened the night before. I pulled part of my hair back into a clip, letting most of it fall down my back in loose waves. The only thing I seemed to be able to find to wear were my dark gray slacks and a bright red button up shirt. I slipped on my black pumps and made it down to my car with little time to spare. Makeup could be applied on the way there or in the restroom once I clocked in.

When I got into my car, the engine wouldn't turn over. I had no time for this bullshit this morning, so I hailed a cab with the top half of my shirt undone. Funny, the old lady across the street had been waiting longer than I had, but the cab passed her up, made a u-turn, and came back to my side of the street.

I buttoned my top and proceeded to put on some makeup on the way to the office as the perv in the front seat asked if I could open my top just a little bit. His voice was strained and sounded like he was going through puberty, and I'm not totally sure I was supposed to hear him.

I figured I'd have some fun with him, so I leaned forward on the seat and pressed my boobs together, causing them to pop a button undone, while I continued to add way too damn much lip gloss. That is probably a really bad thing to do since the guy wasn't paying much attention to the road and almost caused a pile-up.

When we reached our destination, I reached into my purse to grab my wallet, but the cabbie said it was no charge. I suppose the near-death experience was worth a free ride and record timing.

I ran through the lobby, noting that we had a new temp at the reception desk. Huh. I guess Blondie wasn't going to last after all. I wondered if Paul sunk his claws into her. The thought didn't last long because when I made it to the elevator, I was greeted by my very handsome, very oh-so-doable boss.

"Hey, you." I thought I said it in my best sexy voice, but undoubtedly I was wrong.

"Miss Swan." He didn't even look at me.

"Umm...okay." I frowned. Here was the cold side again. Yay.

Not really.

The rest of the ride was silent and not a little awkward. When the doors opened, I tried to catch him, but he just walked away from me.

I don't think so Sweet Cheeks.

"Jake." No answer. I followed him towards our offices and past the cubicles where people were sharing meaningless office gossip.

"Can I get my panties back from last night? I really like those pair, and even though it was so hot watching you take them off of me with your teeth, I kinda want them back." Everyone grew quiet as he turned around to face me. He was pissed. There was no other way to describe it, but he was beyond infuriated.

"Miss Swan, my office. Now." So now I have your attention.

"Sure thing, Jakey." I walked past him and lightly tapped him on the cheek, while he stood frozen from his rage.

I went in his office and sat on the couch, throwing my legs up and kicking off my shoes. I heard him yell to get back to work before he came storming into his office, looking to...i don't know...either ravage my body or kill me?

"Miss Swan, what the hell is wrong with you? Have you no class? No decency? What did you think you would accomplish by making a speech like that?"

"Hi, lover. Good morning to you, too."

"One more outburst like that and I'll suspend you for a week without pay. Do you understand? After what you did last night and then this...this bullshit, you're lucky to still have a job. You just better hope that Quil was able to save our asses. Now hurry up, we have to go meet with him and the others to see how it all turned out."

"Wait, I wanted to talk to you about last night, that's the only reason I said what I did. If you weren't walking around this morning with a stick up your ass, then I wouldn't have done that. Am I sorry? Umm...no. Not at all. What's your deal? You're all over me one minute, and then completely fucking cold to me the next. I know you want me. You know you want me. So what the fuck is the problem?"

My phone started ringing, and I looked down at it to see that it was Edward calling. I wasn't about to answer for him. I wanted some damn answers, and he wasn't going to interrupt the process of me getting said answers. I hit Ignore, but not before getting a strange look from Jake.

"Miss Swan, we're going to be late. Can you please put your phone away? We'll talk about this some other time. Now, come." His tone was harsh, but it still made my panties wet. I really wished my body would stop having that reaction to him, especially in a time like this. My mind wanted to stay mad, but my body wanted to kick off my heels and launch myself at him, pinning him against the wall, or the desk, or the floor, or the couch or just..somewhere! Anywhere! I wasn't being picky.

"No. We're gonna talk about this now. What's your deal? Is it really that you don't want to get involved with people around the office? Do you like playing games with people? I don't get you at all Jake. And all this back and forth is starting to really get old."

"Bella, please. Not. Right. Now." I was about to go crazy white girl on his ass for not answering me, but Quil decided to knock on his door at that moment. My phone began going off again, but I just hit Ignore once again. Edward's timing was as bad as Quil's.

"Hey, are you two love birds gonna join us, or are you gonna hang out in here and make the next generation of Alpha PR?"

"Can you just give us a moment, seeing how once again you have the worst fucking timing ever?" My annoyance was evident, but it didn't deter his stupidity in the least.

"Oh, just starting. Mind if I watch? I want to compare our techniques." The look on his face was like a kid just unleashed in a candy store. Or a grown man about to watch live porn.

"Quil, will you get the fuck out already?" Jake glared at him, but he didn't seem to notice much. I wondered how many times he had been dropped on his head as a baby.

"Well, actually, I just wanted to let you know that there's no reason for a meeting. Last ni-" Jake cut him off.

"What do you mean no reason for a meeting? Did we lose the account?" He glared at me.

"Well if you'd let me finish, Hot Head, I'd tell you. Geez, so damn quick to assume. You know, you keep assuming things, you're only making an ass out of you and me."

"Can you just get on with it?" Jake was getting even more frustrated. I was getting wetter. My phone began ringing again, and I was about to run out of the office to curse this jackhole out, but I really wanted to hear what Quil had to say about last night.

"Fine, fine. You must not have gotten any from her last night. You're bitchy today. Anyway, we didn't lose the account. Actually, Mr. Baker's trust fund brat loved what Miss Boob Sucker here was doing to his sculpture. Said he'd love to have her do that at his next event, but I told him that was a one time occurrence. It caught the attention of a lot of people. He said he got a ton of people, well, mostly men but a few women too, wanting him to do sculptures for them now. Dude, there's some really kinky people out there. Can you imagine the things they'd do with sculptures like that? I mean, ice. Really? That would be so...so...cold. But yeah, good job Chesticle Licker, your mouth did wonders for us." Quil winked at me.

For the fourth time my phone went off, and having heard that the event didn't turn into a total disaster, figured I was safe to leave and answer it. I didn't say anything to Jake or Quil as I walked out, and as soon as I was in the hall, opened my phone.

"This had better be something really fucking good Edward, because I'm working and you're fucking with my job here." I made it into my office next door, slamming the door closed behind me.

"What, love, no greetings of passion? No 'Hey, honey, how are you'? That's disappointing, Bella. I was sure you'd be nicer once you found out I was coming to see you." His mocking tone was really making me want to call the porcelain god Ralph, but seeing as I was in my office and nowhere close to a rest room, I'd just have to stomach it.

"What do you want, Edward? I really don't have time for this." I was whining, but I didn't care. I really didn't want to be on the phone with him.

"I was just letting you know that if you don't have those files back to me by this Monday, I'll be paying a visit to Mommy Dearest and letting her know just exactly what it was that you did to get that money for the mortgage, and then I'll be on my way to see you and your boss. I'm sure he'd love to know what kind of person he's employed." Shit.

"I told you already, I can't falsify that many accounts in such a short amount of time Edward. It's just not possible without leaving a paper trail." I gritted through clenched teeth.

"I told you I needed them back quickly. The stakeholders are starting to ask questions, and I'm having to make shit up. But you didn't tell your mother, did you? Would she really care, Bella? Seeing as she is where you learned all your tricks from."

"Shut up about my mother. Not everyone is Susie Fuckin Homemaker like your dear Esme. And leave my boss the fuck out of this. I told you I would need time, and you're either going to give me more, or I just won't do it. I have more than enough money to pay you back now. I don't have time to do my job and deal with your bullshit too."

"I don't want your money, Bella. I'd prefer you on your knees with my dick in your mouth, but since you obviously can't handle my size with your gag reflex, and that's actually what got you in this little predicament, I'll take your professional skills instead."

"Ugghhhh. I didn't gag from your size, Edward. Don't flatter yourself. I gagged because your shrimpy dick tasted like dirty gym socks soaked in vomit." The thought alone made me want to throw up again.

"Say what you will, but we both know different. You couldn't get enough of me." His tone reeked of arrogance. If he only had a clue. I guess all the money the Cullens had wasn't enough to buy him one of those.

"Yeah, just keep tellin' yourself that. Look, I'm done talking to you. I'm at work, and unlike you, I actually have stuff to do. So if you'd be so kind as to leave me the fuck alone, I can get my job done, and get started on yours." I hung up on him, not waiting to hear anymore of his ridiculous bullshit.

Just as I was placing my phone in my desk, my office door flew open and a beyond pissed off Jake stood before me, chest heaving with every breath.

"Who the fuck is Edward, and what the fuck are you falsifying?"

So Mr. Black is an eave's dropper now too. That's just fucking great.

Hope you're not too disappointed. I had fun with this one actually. Reviewers for the last two chapters got a sneak peek at this, one that wasn't posted anywhere else. I hope yall enjoy, and if you ever want to get a teaser, they'll be posted at http:/phasefics(.)com. It's a really cool blog, dedicated to wolf pack fics. Oh, and I have to thank my awesome beta, ynotjacob/fairytale romantic. And she really is an awesome beta who takes all this fuckery and shines it so it no longer stinks like a rotting turd of poo.

EIB and SMI-that's two chapters now, where is my next one? Yes, I'm so calling you out. ;)

OH! Mr. Black says if you want, feel free to follow him on Twitter. It's THA_Mr_Black. And feel free to follow me, it's the same as it is everywhere else . (kennedymommy3) I don't usually have anything good to say, but you might get a good snicker or snort out of my life's sucky moments. I'll shut up now. As always, let me know what you think. -km3-