Chapter 13 - I Wanna Be Sedated

I try not to squint under the bright stadium lights as I, along with the rest of the "chosen ones" and our dates, dutifully file behind the senior class banner. The team is usually in the locker room during halftime but since it's the Homecoming game, they're all lined up at the perimeter of the field. It's uncomfortable with everyone's eyes on me. It's more attention than I'd ever want. And for what? For just being me? Wearing some crown? I just hope this goes quickly so I can be back in the stands, blending in with the sea of red and white.

I can't see Emmett, can't find him among the line of JV and varsity football players, but I know he's there. I can feel his eyes on me as I hold on to Edward's arm. Shivering in the October night air, Edward leans toward me.

"You okay?"

I nod, but he shrugs out of his varsity jacket anyway, putting it around my shoulders.

And then I find Emmett. Of course, he's known where I've been from the start.

Edward's jacket is all wrong, but it will do for now. It has to. Soon enough I'll be free from all of this.

Edward ducks his head toward me again, his mouth near my ear. "This is so stupid. Do you realize how dumb this is? He should be here with you, not me."

I plaster a fake smile on my face and wave my hand at the crowd, all the while muttering under my breath, "I've got a plan, okay? Besides, Bella's not here and then you'd be alone. I couldn't do that to you, old buddy."

"How selfless," he says dryly, waving his hand over his head at our adoring public as well.

"What can I say? I'm a giver."

Jessica's voice comes over the loud speaker, echoing around the field. "And now, I'd like to present you with the seniors' Homecoming banner! This year's banner was made by Mr. B's 4th period class, designed by Alice Brandon." Alice steps forward and gives a short wave before pulling open the banner, revealing a secret panel that makes it double in size.

"Give it up for the seniors!" Jess crows. She was born for this; she's got her announcer voice going and is getting the crowd riled.

I look around, realizing how many of my classmates are completely in their element at this very moment. Jasper's in his football uniform but he's right there, holding one of the banner corners and beaming down at Alice, who is pressed snugly into his side. I look down the line and see that Lauren's standing proudly next to Tyler, her hands on her hips as she holds her pompoms. Even Edward is grinning ruefully at the crowd.

Roy's a head taller than Vera and catches my eye as I scan the line. The corners of his lips are just slightly turned down. His eyes don't sparkle in the stadium lights.

Maybe he's not in his element either.

I look back to where Emmett is standing and tap my fingers on my lips. He smiles, just enough, before jerking his chin toward the stands as the noise from the banner announcement dies down.

Jess has begun announcing the members of the Homecoming court one by one, referring to us as princes and princesses.

Yeah. I know.

My heart thuds heavily in my chest, not because I want to win or lose, but because I just want this to be over. My name's called and I'm honestly a little surprised Jess doesn't call me Posie, or Lauren Mallo. In this moment, it's who we are, just like she's Stan.

I step forward, forcing the smile on my lips and waving my hand over my head before falling back into place. Surprisingly, the crowd gets louder, the bass drum from the marching band beating in time with my heart when my name is called. I scan the crowd and see Angela standing next to her boyfriend, the percussion section leader, Ben Cheney.

"And the 2010 Homecoming King and Queen are..."

There's an extended dramatic pause and then a shriek from the booth, one that rings clearly through the air, even though Jess (thankfully) doesn't have the microphone on at the moment. She clears her throat, muttering, "Sorry about that, folks."

Her announcer voice is back with her next words. "Our King is, appropriately enough, Royce King."

Shit.

I sort of expect that people still envision us together, even though they know we aren't anymore. We're a packaged deal. Apparently three years is hard to erase in people's minds. Hell, even in Roy's mind, even though I was crystal clear about the break up.

Still...maybe it won't be me.

Please don't say my name. Pleasedon'tsaymyname. I've got the chant going. All the other girls in the line are probably saying the exact opposite.

But then her voice rises with excitement. "And our Queen is Rosalie Hale!" The microphone thunks as she drops it and runs out of the booth.

To be honest, I don't think I've seen Jessica Stanley run in her life. But she's flying down those bleachers like a bat out of hell. I let out a shocked giggle. It's all I can focus on at the moment. I feel like I'm suspended in time, everything moving around me at a normal speed, while I move in slow motion.

The sophomore class president makes her way over to me and pins the crown on my head haphazardly. I'm frozen, so I don't think to crouch down to help her. I feel a tug on Edward's jacket and it slides off my shoulders so the sash can take its place. Flowers are thrust into my arms and I take them, cradling them in my arms. I'm just going through the motions, something I haven't done in a few weeks. It feels foreign, more so than before because I'm out of practice. Roy is at my side in an instant, smiling broadly, as if appearing out of thin air. His arm brushes mine and I smell his cologne, familiar, a little too strong. I want to grab onto Edward's sleeve to keep him there, like some sort of wall between me and Roy, but he falls back.

Emmett is even further back, standing on the sidelines. Shit, I hate this. This is exactly who I'm supposed to be. This is also exactly who I no longer want to be.

Stan comes running across the field toward me, grabbing Mallo along the way. They throw their arms around my neck, pressing kisses to my cheek.

I'm surrounded by people. I know that I'm supposed to be something other than numb. There are tears in my eyes, which I'm sure the girls think are tears of happiness. So I just keep smiling, reminding myself that soon enough, this too shall pass, and I'll finally be able to live my own truth.

Twenty-four hours, I tell myself, feeling the combs of the crown digging into my scalp. It makes me think of that Ramones song - twenty twenty twenty-four hours to go, I wanna be sedated. It's so fitting to this situation that I start to laugh. I press my cheek against Lauren's hair, my shoulders shaking. She won't let go of me, but that's okay because I can hide a little this way.

My eyes slide up to the stands. I see my parents near the front, sitting next to Esme and Carlisle. The smile on my mom's face is huge, so proud. My dad catches my eye and waves, and then pulls out his phone. Now that they've caught this moment in my history, I'm sure they'll go back home so my mom can hang out with Eric and my dad can hang out in his study with his work and blueprints. They know I'll be otherwise occupied all night, especially after my big win.

Jess yanks on my wrist, pulling me out of Lauren's suffocating embrace and shakes me a little bit. I'm still laughing and tearful, kind of manic. She must mistake it for shock and excitement, because she lets out a little squeal, yelling "I knew you'd win!" She hugs me again, rocking me back and forth.

They can be excited for me, I guess.

I get swept up in the crowd as we all drift off the field so the band can entertain the crowd for the rest of halftime. I look over my shoulder one last time, trying to get another look at Emmett to see what he's doing, what he might be thinking, but find myself looking up at Roy instead.

"Congrats, Posie," he says. His crown is perfectly straight on top of his head. Somehow it looks even more ridiculous that way.

"You, too," I murmur before whipping back around and letting Lauren and Jess drag me back toward the stands, up to where my parents are waiting. Edward's already there with Carlisle and Esme.

The glimmer of triumph I saw in Roy's eyes unsettles me. Then I remember the age-old Homecoming tradition: the King and Queen's dance.

Shit. I'm going to have to dance with Roy tomorrow night. Shit, and Emmett's going watch it happen. As if the night could get anymore horrible and awkward. Maybe I can slip the DJ a hundred so he won't play anything remotely romantic.

People call out their congratulations, and I nod and try to smile, but I doubt I fake it well. Now that the numbness is wearing off, I feel a dull ache in my temples. I'm not sure if it's from the crown or from what it represents.

Hurry hurry hurry, before I go insane, I sing silently, and the smile is back. I think it's too late for the insane part, but at least I can fake it better this way.

My mom is waiting with open arms when I get to her. She hugs me tightly, whispering, "You looked gorgeous out there." I wonder if she's remembering her moment of glory on this very field years ago. Homecoming Queens run in the family now.

My dad kisses my temple, enveloping me in a hug. He smells like aftershave and cigars. He and Carlisle probably indulged before the game. "Good girl. We're so proud of you."

"Thanks," I say, because it probably wouldn't be polite to ask, "why?"

As expected, they make their exit when the third quarter starts, with Esme and Carlisle close behind. Jess and Lauren are next to me, chattering away, so I turn to Edward while they're distracted.

"Are you guys hanging out at your house later?" I'm hoping I can sneak away from Mike's, at least see Emmett for a few minutes so I can step out of this role I've had to play all night.

Edward grimaces, shaking his head. "Charlotte's having a party at her house. A lot of the football players are going and Em said he'd go, so we're all going to drop by." My heart constricts at his words. I don't want Emmett at Charlotte's house any more than I want myself at Mike's. As if reading my mind, he continues, "You'll be at Newton's?"

I nod, adjusting my crown. It's really starting to hurt now. "Can you tell him to text me? Maybe we can..." I trail off when Jess gets too close, raising my eyebrows at Edward so he knows what I mean.

"I'm sure you can..." he trails off, too, deliberately, and laughs as I smack his arm. My sigh must sound as sad as I feel, because he nudges me with his elbow. "If you're worried about Char or any of those girls, don't, okay? He'll be thinking about you the whole time, Ro."

"I'm not worried about that," I reply truthfully, although I hate the thought of them being around him when I won't. Or can't. "I just hate doing this."

"You don't have to do this," he reminds me.

I roll my eyes. Like I'm not already aware that I've made this far more complicated than it should have been. "I won't be doing this after Homecoming."

He nods, looking unconvinced.

"Get it done, boys!" Jess screams in my ear, then lets out a whoop just to make sure I'm good and deaf.

I can't help but take her message and internalize it. Get it done, Rosalie. Get it done.

xoxo

The crown stays on my head, even after we get to Mike's house, and even though the combs hurt. The little fake jewels keep getting caught on other people's hair when they come over to congratulate me, leaning in because the music's loud and I can't hear them over the thumping bass.

I want to rip it off my head, toss it in the pool. Or maybe pass it off to one of the more wanting, grateful girls, the ones who keep casting lingering looks at it (Lauren included). But I'm supposed to want this, and it's easier to keep it on my head than to tell people why I'm taking it off. Because I know they'll ask.

Still, the longer I keep it on, the more I think I might not be able to get it off at the end of the night. It's digging in, deeper and deeper. It feels like it's defining who and what I am. It feels as fake as the sparkling gems glued to the stupid thing.

"It looks pretty real," Jess says at one point, squinting at me.

Lauren rolls her eyes, reaching up to adjust the crown on my head. One of the teeth in my comb stabs at my scalp and I wince. "Totally fake."

Jess shrugs and points at herself. "Totally drunk."

Get it done, I remind myself. It's my new mantra. It gets me through a Solo cup-full of beer, through Jess and Lauren parading me around Mike's backyard and singing every song they can think of that has the word "queen" in it, sometimes changing the lyrics completely. I tune out fully when they start belting out "Dancing Queen."

And Roy's somehow always lurking nearby with Vera huddled next to him, looking uncomfortable and unsure. He managed to ditch his crown somewhere along the way, and there's one tuft of hair that's sticking straight up. Every time I look at him, my eyes zero in on it. It makes him look young, boyish and weirdly vulnerable.

He tries to approach me once, but I shake my head and Jess and Lauren surround me again, their arms going around my waist.

I think about Emmett the whole time, wondering if he's having fun at Charlotte's party, if he's thinking about me, too. Finally around midnight, I decide I've had enough. It's stupid to be here when I just want to be with him.

As if he hears me, my phone vibrates with a text. Leaving Char's now – it's lame. Still at Mike's?

Leaving. Pick me up at the corner of Valerie? I type back with one hand.

On my way.

I feel instantly lighter and exhale quietly, stuffing my phone back into my back pocket.

"I'm out, girls," I say, handing Jess my beer and giving Lauren a quick peck on the cheek.

"Always disappearing these days," Lauren grouses, stealing my beer from Jess. Jess lets out an indignant squeak and then waves at Mike across the backyard, making a drinking motion with her hand.

I leave them to it, walk away from Mike's party, from his yard, away from all the people there. And finally, finally I pull the crown off my head and take a deep breath. My scalp tingles and my head aches a little, but I feel good for the first time tonight.

And when I see Emmett's Jeep idling at the corner, I feel better than good. I pick my pace up to a jog and fling open the door, hopping in. Music is wafting softly out of the speakers and it's warm, like he's been blasting the heat.

He smiles this really quiet smile and I lean forward as he does the same, until our faces are close, our noses and mouths almost touching.

"Hey."

"Hey," I whisper back, not wanting to disrupt the blissful quiet that surrounds us. My ears are still ringing from all of the voices and the music at Mike's party.

His gaze goes down to my crown in my lap and then bounces back up to my face, his grin widening. "Congratulations."

"For what? Do you say that to every girl who gets in your car?" I tease.

He laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and I reach up to trace them with my finger. "It's a pretty big deal."

I sigh when he brushes his lips across mine. "Can we just...not talk about anything related to Homecoming?"

I feel more than see him nod. We kiss again, and then one more time, longer, before he pulls back and then shifts into first gear.

I lean my head against the headrest and close my eyes, my hand over his on the gearshift. When we get to my house, he parks in the driveway and gets out, circling to my side to open the door for me. I can see the light on in the living room, which means my parents are still up and moving around.

So instead of going to the door, I pull him to the side of the house, yanking on his hand when he hesitates and throws a glance at the lit-up window.

"C'mere, it's fine," I whisper. "Just a few minutes."

The worry melts from his face, replaced with a wicked half-grin. His hands are heavy on my hips as he gently pushes me back against the siding. I can feel each ridge of the planks digging into my back. His front and mine press together and his knee nudges in between mine, resting there. We start out slow, soft nips and kisses, but soon our mouths are moving at a frenetic pace, making up for lost time, unable to get enough of each other. Lips, jaws, neck. We continue like this, fast and slow, forever and not long enough, until Emmett pulls back, breathless. His lips are puffy from being pressed against my skin, from my teeth.

"I'd say I'm sorry for that, but I'm not."

I exhale shakily. "Then don't say it, because I'm sure as hell not."

He leans his forehead against mine, and his eyes are heavy with a mix of emotions I can't quite figure out in the darkness. "Soon," he murmurs.

I don't have to ask him what that means, because I already know. Tomorrow, all of this will be over. That one word is a promise of everything to come after that. And so I repeat it back to him, promise it, too.

"Soon."

xoxo

Saturday morning brings some clarity; I've managed to sleep off the surreal feeling that followed me all night. I've found that to be my way, though. The morning after a long night brings perspective, a chance to reflect and realize how things that seemed like the end of the world... aren't.

As soon as I wake up, I look over and see my crown sitting on the dresser, perched on top of the pillow that Mom left for me with a note saying how I've far surpassed the expectations she and my dad had envisioned.

I spend the morning at my volunteering gig for the DAR, the whole time thinking about those kisses and that promise, about Emmett. Maybe tonight won't be so terrible after all. Maybe everything has been leading up to this moment and being Homecoming Queen is weirdly appropriate. It's almost like I'm coming home to myself.

I see Emmett's gram as I'm walking past the bingo room and she waves and winks. Her smile reminds me of Emmett's, and I feel a little pang in my chest. I can't wait to see him tonight.

God, I can't wait to see him in a suit tonight.

On the way to the parking lot, I pass by the ballroom, stopping when I see that it's been decked out with round tables, flowers, balloons and a dance floor. I ask Siobhan, one of the event coordinators, what's going on, and she looks at me like I'm crazy.

"The gala's tonight." I stare at her blankly. "You know, the fundraiser? For breast cancer?"

I try to pick through my memory, but nothing rings a bell. "Does my mom know about it?" I ask finally, which I know is a stupid question as soon as it's out of my mouth.

"Sweetie, your mom helped plan it," she replies, patting my shoulder and breezing away, picking up a vase of peonies as she goes.

I walk to my car, wondering if my mom forgot to tell me, or if she did tell me and I was too busy rushing out the door to listen. It seems like I've been doing that a lot lately.

After my volunteer gig, I stop by the salon to get the standard manicure/pedicure. With everything that's been going on, I've forgotten to make an appointment and I'm not sure they'll even be able to fit me in with all of the standing appointments. But somehow, my mom's usual girl is able to squeeze me in.

When I walk in the door, the house is quiet. The only one who greets me is Eric. He follows me up the stairs, directly on my heels, and proceeds to shadow me the rest of the afternoon. I almost step on him multiple times and he yaps at me like I'm in his way. I sit on my bed and take a moment to answer texts from Lauren and Jess, who are at the salon together. Eric stands next to me, placing his paw on my arm like he, too, has something to text. The final straw is when he attempts to follow me into the bathroom. That's where I draw the line, shutting the door in his face.

In my extra long shower, I let the water pour over my head like rain. I run over scenarios in my mind, dreaming of what Emmett will look like and how we'll look at each other. And then I think about Roy, what he'll say, what he might do. I know our dance will be one of the first of the evening. I'm nervous for how things will play out, especially since he seems hell-bent on trying to "win me back." I'm not a prize to be won. But at least it will be done and over and I can move on with my life.

Eric is waiting outside the door when I emerge, the steam pouring out behind me. Quickly, I flip the fan on and close the door so the smoke detector doesn't falsely trip, like it's known to do. Eric glares at me before picking up right where he left off. The low murmur of my parents' voices drift from behind their closed door, and I call out my hellos before shutting myself away in my own room.

This part of my routine I could do with my eyes closed. Plug in the curling iron and let it heat while blow-drying my hair. Lay out my dress, undergarments, shoes, blah blah blah. Some of the girls will probably be at the salon, getting their hair done along with their nails. In the past, I'd be right there next to them, because it was what we were supposed to do, and back then, it was what I wanted to do. Now, I'd rather do it myself. Primping is always a time for me to be alone, dreaming up scenarios and getting things in order.

I'm just finishing my hair when there's a knock at my door.

"Rosalie, sweetie, do you have my diamond bracelet in here? I think I loaned it to you around Prom time and never got it back." My mom floats into my room, already dressed in her own formal gown, her hair pinned tightly into a French twist.

"Which one? You have like, five of them, Mom."

She raises an eyebrow. "How do you not know which one you borrowed?"

"How do you not know which one I borrowed?" I shoot back, but I already know the answer. It's because she has like, five of them.

She gives me an expectant smile that's just frosty enough to let me know I'm toeing the line. I sigh quietly, padding over to my jewelry box. I pull out the drawer and dig around a bit until I see the bracelet twinkling up at me. It's delicate and dotted with equally delicate diamonds.

I turn around, holding it up. "Here it is."

She's standing in front of the mirror now, with my crown in her hands. She holds it over her head, letting it hover just above her hair, but places it back on its silly little pillow before holding out her wrist. I fasten the bracelet, tugging slightly to make sure the clasp has caught. Doing a graceful twirl, she holds her arms up and raises her eyebrows. "What do you think? Too small?"

"No, it's good. You look fantastic," I say, earnestly.

"Well, hurry up and get ready. We need to get to the Mallorys' a little early since all the adults are going to the gala. Let me know if you need help with anything," she says, gesturing to the crown.

She starts walking out of the room but turns in the doorway. "Oh, and I'm not sure what's happening after the gala just yet. It's supposed to go late. We might just stay at the hotel nearby because you know how Daddy is after just a few drinks." She raises an eyebrow. "You have plans for after the dance, right? Headed to the Newtons'?"

I answer vaguely. "Yeah, I have plans."

She thinks nothing of it. "Wonderful. Maybe you could just stay with Jessica or Lauren so you're not alone in the house by yourself."

"Mmm," I reply noncommittally. I'm pretty sure they'll be otherwise occupied with Mike and Tyler. And hopefully, I'll be otherwise occupied with Emmett. Maybe alone. The thought of that possibility makes my face go hot.

"I'll give you your privacy so you can get dressed, darling," she says, sweeping out the door. "I can't wait to see."

The door closes softly behind her and I turn the volume up on my iHome. Makeup's next because my dress doesn't have to go over my head. I try not to think too hard about what could happen later with Emmett, but notice that my hand shakes minutely when I apply my eyeliner.

Soon I find myself stepping into my dress, shimmying it up my body, before twisting to slide up the zipper and thread the hook through the eye. Tilting my chin, I look in the mirror. My hair is perfectly curled; all that it needs now is the jeweled crown resting on top of it.

I hesitate.

My phone lights up and I wander over, grateful for the distraction. I assume it's another one of the million texts I've been getting from Jess and Lauren.

It's Emmett. You're beautiful.

My lips pull into a smile as I type, You can't even see me.

The response is immediate, the screen still lit up from before. Don't have to. I know. See you later.

I can't wait, I respond. It's what I'm looking forward to most, seeing him.

I set my phone on my dresser and grab the crown, twirling it around in my hand before heading out of my room. As I make my way down the stairs, a smile lingers on my lips.

"Mom, can you help me with this?" I ask, wandering into the kitchen. She and my dad are there, standing at the island. She steps forward eagerly and I catch my dad's eye over her shoulder while she pins it into my hair. He grins with a wink. He's handsome regardless, with bright blue eyes and his blonde hair going gray at the temples, but he looks especially distinguished in his tux.

"My beautiful girls," he states when she finishes and drapes an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. I'm sure we look picture-perfect.

"Oh!" I extract myself from my mom's grip, hitching my thumb over my shoulder. "I need to grab my camera."

"Hurry, Rose, we've got to get going," my dad calls after me.

"I'll meet you at the car," I call back, taking the stairs as fast as my heels will carry me. I may not be overly excited about tonight's festivities, but I still want my camera with me to capture the moments that matter. Maybe I'll look back on them someday, years from now, and remember who I am in those shots - a girl who's learning how to stand on her own.

We take my mom's Jaguar and I settle back into the buttery leather seats, watching the scenery pass us by during the short drive to Lauren's house. I'm starting to feel the buzz of anticipation, that same feeling I've always gotten for special events like this. I can't help the little zip of nervous excitement that dances up my spine when we pull into the driveway. Jess and Lauren are outside, waving at Mike and Tyler, who've just pulled up in Mike's black BMW. I'm a little surprised to see that the boys are already here, considering we're usually alone for the first half hour.

But I guess that just shows that things are changing with them, or maybe with all of us, too. Maybe it's subconscious, but it's happening.

When they catch sight of me, Lauren starts dancing in place, her blonde curls bobbing around her shoulders. I see that Jess has decided to go strapless, despite Lauren's earlier warning. I wonder if that's why she's not bouncing around, too.

"There's our beautiful queen!" Lauren crows, arms spread wide, as I get out of the car. She's wearing a short, pale pink strapless dress that brings out the flush in her cheeks. She looks beautiful. Tyler must think so, too, because he can't keep his eyes (or hands) off her.

"All hail Queen Hale!" Jess adds for good measure, ruffling the full skirt of her purple dress. Hers is almost as short as Lauren's, which is saying something, and kind of unlike her. I'm sure it has something to do with the reaction she gets from Mike; his jaw seems to have unhinged itself permanently. I hear my dad ask my mom if they've been drinking and I roll my eyes. He should be used to their antics after knowing them for so long.

"Am I going to have to deal with these jokes all night long?" I ask when I get to them.

"Yes," Mike answers. "Yes, you will."

"Awesome," I mutter, but I can't help smiling. They're a little ridiculous and over-the-top with all of this, but this is how they've always been, and their excitement is infectious.

My parents slip past me, my mom putting a cool hand on my shoulder. "You kids look fantastic."

"Thanks, Mrs. Hale, you do, too," Lauren replies with a smile. Tyler's hand is creeping dangerously low on her back and she discreetly smacks it away, then full-out glares at him as my parents head inside.

We make our way inside, too, after Jess, Lauren and I exchange hugs. There are dark clouds dotting the horizon and the chill in the air is picking up. I'm wrapped up in a coat, but I can see the goosebumps on Jess and Lauren's arms.

Edward shows up with Esme and Carlisle a few minutes later. He acts appropriately date-like, telling me I look beautiful and greeting everyone. Mike and Tyler seem especially happy to see him, maybe because they rarely get to. He's doing his man of the people thing, talking and joking, but he takes his phone out every two minutes, texting Bella. I can feel my phone burning a hole through the clutch tucked under my arm and I wish I had the freedom to do the same. But who would I be texting? Everyone I want is here, as far as they know.

We take pictures on the stairs, in the yard, by the cars, in the street and anywhere else someone randomly comes up with ("Hey! Let's do one by that tree. Not that tree, the other tree."). We take pictures in every combination possible: parents and kids, girls, guys, dates, and so on and so forth until each and every single option of posed pictures are exhausted. I secretly take a picture of Edward texting, figuring I can email it to Bella later on to make her smile.

Finally, after all of the pictures, we all pile into separate cars and make our way to our next destinations for the evening. Originally we'd discussed renting a limo or party bus, but thankfully, the logistics of it didn't work out. It will make for an easier getaway later on. Our parents are off to the gala; we're headed to The Silverwater Cafe for dinner before the dance. It's a bit of a trek since there really aren't any fancy restaurants directly in the area, but since it's a special event, we don't mind the drive.

Once Edward and I are settled in the car, I send a quick text to Emmett. I let him know where we're going and that we'll probably get to the dance in a couple of hours. My thumb hovers over the "send" on my screen, and then think twice, adding, I can't wait to see you later.

I toss my phone back into my purse and lean back, careful not to crush my hair against the headrest. I shift once and then twice, trying to get comfortable, but it's no use. The seat of the car is pulled up too much for my liking, or to my legs' liking, for that matter. I reach to the side and play with the buttons, wiggling in my seat. Edward gives me an amused, questioning glance.

"This seat has contoured itself to Bella's shape. I'm just trying to get it to accept me."

He shoots me a look and mutters, "By giving it a chair dance? Oh, if Em could see you now."

"Soon enough," I tease dryly. "I'll be shaking my ass all over the dance floor tonight."

"Shake ya ass, show me what you're working with?" He's mocking me, throwing my words from a few weeks ago back at me. I smile, thinking about that conversation in his driveway, about his surprise when I told him I'd just been at Emmett's house. It was the first time I'd known that this thing between Emmett and me was as special to him as it was to me.

So fucking special, I think now. My smile gets bigger.

"Christ, Cullen," I tease back. "Whitest boy version of that I've ever heard."

He laughs, and then turns up the radio. We settle into a comfortable silence.

Well, for a while.

The silence slides from comfortable to...weird. Neither of us is talking, but Edward keeps glancing at me out of the corner of his eye while he's driving. At first I figure I'll just wait, although I'm wondering what's going on, that he'll eventually say something. But the side glances continue and he's not saying anything, until finally I can't take it. "What, Edward? What? You're giving me a complex here."

He doesn't say anything for another moment. Now I'm really getting nervous. I start to say something else, but he cuts me off. "Relax, Ro. I'm just trying to figure out how to word this."

"Well, the fact that you're practicing in your head doesn't exactly inspire confidence, Ed."

He stops at a light and turns his head so he's fully facing me. "It's just..." He squints thoughtfully over my shoulder before fixing me with a pointed look. "Just enjoy this time with everyone while you can, that's all."

"Oh, like that doesn't sound ominous?" I roll my eyes and he rolls his mockingly. "What does that even mean?"

"Well, things are going to change soon, right?" The light turns and he has to look at the road again, so he misses my nod. He darts a glance at me, his expression darkening slightly. "I mean, you are planning on telling them -"

"Yes." I interrupt him with the word and a decisive nod of my head. He sees it this time; one corner of his mouth pulls up. "It needs to happen. I want it to happen. I mean, it's not like I ever set out to hide Emmett from Jess and Lauren and everyone, but I'm sure that's how it looks." I glance at him out of the corner of my eye and he shrugs noncommittally. "And I know Jess and Lauren are going to see it that way, too, but I'm going to make it right. I'm not ashamed of who I am or Emmett is or what we are together, you know? I'm more secure with what we have than I am with almost anything else. I needthem to know, because otherwise they won't know a huge part of me."

I realize as soon as I say the words how true they are and how much more powerful that truth is now that I've shared it out loud. I also know that if anyone would understand, it's Edward.

His responding nod tells me he does, although it's slow, a little hesitant. And then he says, "That's great, Ro. It really is. But, things are going to change. And you can think that you'll be able to balance time between both groups and at first, you'll try. Just know - and I'm speaking from experience here - that it's not that easy. Some people might be resistant."

He's thinking about Bella. I can see by the distant glint in his eyes that he's remembering what it was like when he met her, how things changed for him. Change seems to be a dirty word to my group of friends. There's some unspoken rule that things just don't change. Ever. Or if they do, it's within the confines of the life that somehow got mapped out for us, or maybe by us. We hang out with certain people (read: each other). We wear certain clothes. We sit at a specific table in the lunchroom. Our parents know each other, socialize with one another, belong to the same clubs. We live in the same neighborhood in houses that are just different enough that we don't accidentally pull into the wrong driveway. And that's how it's always been. We've always been so sure of our path.

But Edward took a different one. He was the trailblazer. He fell in love and because it wasn't with me or Jess or Lauren or any of the girls on the short-list of the "right" ones, it wasn't accepted. Because of that, Edward drifted away. He cultivated a new set of friends and a new life. I have to wonder now, knowing that I'm about to do the same thing, if he was scared at all. I wonder if, like me, he decided that it was worth it no matter what changed.

Because things did change. And they have for me, too.

"But they already have," I say, speaking my thoughts out loud. "And they're going to continue. And you know what? I'm ready for it. I've spent so much time thinking about this, Edward, and I think I was resistant to change because I was scared of something else. It's really easy to get stuck, especially in our lives." I throw him a pointed look and he laughs wryly. "What Jacob was saying wasn't entirely unfounded, although he had a real asshole way of saying it."

He laughs again, but stays quiet as he turns into the parking. I take a deep breath. "The blinders are off now, you know? I've got a new perspective now. Emmett is the catalyst, yeah, but this has been a long time coming." I pause and smile softly. "I'm lucky that I have him to encourage it, though."

Edward pulls into a spot and shuts off the ignition. His engine clicks a few times before settling into silence and he shifts in his seat, facing me. "I'm happy that you've reached this point and that you're with Emmett. He's spent way too long watching you from the sidelines. I think he was just waiting for his opportunity."

"He has?" I ask, surprised. He gets quiet and I can tell he's thinking about how much he should or shouldn't say. It's what makes him an A+ friend. "You don't have to say anything."

"Come on, I think we both know he has. But even if he never said a word to me, I can see with my own eyes how the two of you are when you're together. The way he's opened up to you about his life? He doesn't do that with just anyone. It just shows that there's something really special there."

"Jesus, you've got an old soul." I smile at him.

"Oh, I'm at least a hundred and seven, internally," he quips back. We're quiet for a moment and then he looks around the parking lot, spotting Mike's BMW a few spaces over. "We should probably head inside, huh? Come on, Hale. You ready?"

Normally, I'd be reapplying gloss to my lips and checking my hair in the visor mirror, making sure I look perfect. But tonight, right now, I don't. Instead, I grab my camera and purse. "I'm ready."

Ready?

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