Starlight Starbright

These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.

"It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our heart." K.T. Jong.

Chapter 7

Johnny left the city lights and headed into the clear star filled night. He had already made the quick phone call before leaving to confirm that his sweet little cabin was available. It usually wasn't a problem since most folks didn't like being out that remote. It was about a two hour drive but he didn't mind, it was quiet and peaceful. The turn to find the cabin was tricky especially so in the dark. He slowed down as he watched for the tree with the 'no trespassing' sign on it. The headlights caught the bright orange reflective sign indicating that he should turn almost catching him off guard. The road up to the cabin was about 4 miles, fairly treacherous at the least. He had been here a couple of times so he knew to take the small dirt road slow. At least he knew he was on the right path.

There were no lights waiting on him when he reached the end of the path, only the age's old hitching post in front of the home. He pulled up and left his lights on so he could get the cabin opened up. Stepping inside he walked over to the kitchen table and picked up the lantern. Reaching into his pocket he took out a lighter and lit the kerosene laden wick. It wasn't much light but it would help him get the generator going. After getting the power up he worked on unloading the Rover. The kitchen was then fairly well stocked for the next few days and he fixed his bedding throwing on the extra blankets that were on the quilt rack at the end of it. It was much colder up here than in the city and the night air was already seeping into his weary bones.

Next on the agenda was to get a fire going. Up here in the mountains it was considered a lifesaver for the cold winter nights. There wasn't any snow on the ground yet but that didn't take away the bitter chill that was in the air. Going outside he checked the winter stockpile finding it very adequate for his few days here alone. Loading up his arms he went back in making a nice stack next to the fireplace. Starting a good campfire was nothing to Johnny and within minutes the flame was spreading across the tender sending out the warmth that his body was now craving. Babying the small flames until they were high in the fireplace he tossed on a couple of good dry logs and got up to go to the kitchen.

He knew it was the middle of the night pretty much but his stomach still growled letting him know that he had neglected that part of his care since breakfast that morning at the station. Did they even have breakfast? He couldn't remember anymore. That morning seemed a hundred days away now. Too worn out now to get very creative he fixed a bowl of cereal and headed to the couch. Crawling under the oversized down blanket his mind kept wandering back to Amanda.

She was a stuck image in his mind with it vacillating between the accident with her blonde hair, captivating eyes and warm smile. Clouded over with the image of her dying body in the bed, so pale as he watched her fade away before his eyes. Her words raged in his mind, 'sorry'. Why was she telling him she was sorry? He was the one that was supposed to be trained and have all those mighty assessment skills. It was obvious he missed something so what was she sorry for?

Despite the fact that his body was exhausted his mind just wouldn't turn itself off. He simply lay on the couch and watched the flames dance and the hot embers glow. When he wasn't expecting it sleep took him into the land of troubled dreams.

Roy tossed and turned and he actually found himself hoping for an alarm. Anything that would help him get through this night. His worry over Johnny was only accented by the obnoxious snoring that was now occurring in his bed, occupied by Dwyer. He gave up and sat on the edge of his bed slipping his feet into his turn out boots, pulled up his pants and headed for the kitchen. Looking at the clock he groaned, 4 more hours before he could leave and go to Johnny's place.

"Can't sleep either?"

Roy jumped at the voice and turned to find Mike standing behind him. "No, thought I'd get a glass of milk."

The engineer opened up the fridge and poured himself a glass of milk then sat down at the table with Roy. Roy watched him, "I know why I'm up but why are you up? You usually don't have insomnia do you?"

Mike just shook his head, "No but after today it's hard to get much rest." Mike stopped for a minute and took a long drink, downing half the glass in one breath. "Roy?"

Roy looked up again to find a furrowed brow and worried expression, "Yea?"

"Is Johnny going to be okay through all this? I mean is he gonna lose his job?"

Taking a deep breath Roy leaned back, slumping in the chair, "I don't know Mike, I just don't know."

Amy and Bobby pulled up to the curb and parked the car. Looking at her husband she knew there was still anger in him for what had happened despite her reassurances even Dr. Brackett's words to support her. Taking his arm she leaned over to him. "I don't know why but it's like Amanda's tell me to do this. I have to let him know."

The man just nodded, "I'll wait here." He looked into her deep blue eyes, "Take your time. I love you."

With a kiss and a squeeze she emerged from the car and stood in front of the large brick building. Station 51.

Roy looked up to see Hank stick his head into the dayroom, "Roy, can I see you in my office." Roy moaned slightly looking at the clock. Only 30 minutes to go until he was finally off duty. He had moved from sipping milk, managed to get a small nap in, before nursing a cup of hot coffee to get awake again.

He walked around the corner and into the Captains office when he stopped dead in his tracks. Looking at the woman standing in front of him almost seemed like a cruel joke. He looked back to Hank and could see that he had already been through the same jolt.

"Roy, this is Amy Starlight, Amanda's twin sister."

Roy's mind was spinning, first that he was looking into the face that had wreaked havoc in their lives in the last 24hrs. But with his worry about Johnny he didn't know if he could take her anger and hostility right now.

But he looked into her face and saw something he didn't expect. Peace. She didn't look angry, her expression was soft, her eyes full of compassion and concern. "It's nice to meet you Roy. I understand you are John Gage's partner?"

"Yes I am." Roy managed to stammer out.

"My husband and I are heading back home this morning. I wanted to stop by and tell Mr. Gage something but I understand he isn't here."

Roy felt a sudden protective side come out, "No, he's not."

"I'm very sorry to hear that. I told your Captain here that Amanda talked to me the whole day off and on yesterday about what had happened, how she felt fine after the accident, and how she snuck off before Mr. Gage told her too. You see Amanda not, or wasn't the most responsible young woman. Being brash and irresponsible was something that she was struggling to overcome." She paced the room as she talked. "You see I was on the phone with her when she dropped it."

Both Hank and Roy looked at each other.

"I knew she was hurt but I couldn't get her to call anyone or see the doctor. She told me she was worried about the fireman that tried to help her. She was very sorry about leaving and her last words to me were to not blame him."

Again Hank and Roy looked at each other, this time feeling their own pangs of guilt for having any doubts on their friend.

"Last night in a dream Amanda talked to me again. She wants him to know it's not his fault. Even Dr. Brackett said it wasn't his fault. He did a test that told him Amanda took too much aspirin when she was hurting, that's why she bled too much. Can you please make sure that Mr. Gage knows what happened? I don't think Amanda will rest well until she is sure she didn't hurt him any."

Roy walked up to her and took her hands; his eyes were red and teary, "Thank you for coming here. I'm going to see Johnny this morning and I will make sure he knows."

"Thank you. I can see you are good people and that Amanda was lucky to have you with her at the end." With that she reached up and hugged Roy.

The two men said goodbye to her and sat down in the office, drained and still amazed.

Roy started to get up when Hank spoke up, "Uh Roy?"

He turned back when he reached the door, "I think we have a problem."

Roy looked at his Captain, who was holding a small manila envelope in his hands. He watched him open it and spill the contents out onto the desktop. It was Johnny's fire badge, name tag and paramedic pin.

"Shit." Was all Roy could get out.

Hank looked up, "The squad is 10-8 immediately until the next shift arrives. Call me when you get to his apartment."

Roy could see the alarm in his Captains eyes making his own dread growing in his stomach quicken. Without another word Roy ran into the locker room and out the door.

Day one of Johnny's self declared solitude started off with him stoking the fire to keep it going. He felt the desperate need for some fresh air so after bundling up warm he headed out for a stroll around the cabin. He liked to know his surroundings well in case something happened. There was an area map inside the cabin that gave him a general lay of the land to get him started. Each time he had come he had headed off in a different direction. This time he headed north east. Somewhere a few miles ahead was a ranger's station. Buck, that owned the cabin told him it was usually shut down in the winter and only occasionally checked on.

The sun coming in through the tall trees was warming him up pretty quickly as he shed a layer at a time, shoving it into his backpack. He was following a run down, so called trail that was now mostly covered with natures camouflage. Moving down it he left it undisturbed knowing that he would have no trouble finding his way back. About lunch time he sat down in a small clearing and opened up a bag of trail mix he had brought with him. His stomach still growled with hunger pangs but he just didn't feel like eating much. Leaning back on a log he closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

Opening his eyes and jumping to his feet in a split second his heart was pounding loud enough to drown out a klaxon. But he heard it.

Looking in all directions, his senses stretching to find anyone, anything that could have made a noise. But unless the chipmunk running across the downed tree across from him had learned how to talk he was alone.

"Great, now I'm going to hear her for the next 5 days," he grumbled. Well, maybe that was his penance he decided. To repeatedly see her die, awake and in his dreams.

Roy pulled up to the apartment scanning the parking lot for Johnny's Rover. Seeing it gone changed his worry into mild panic. Taking the stairs to his apartment three at a time he stood before his door and banged on it. Pretty much oblivious to the early morning hours and the noise he was making he was taken by surprise when the door next to him opened.

"You looking for Johnny?" It was a young woman, about mid 20's, in a robe and barefooted.

"Yea, I'm Roy, his partner at work."

"Yea, well he's not there. I saw him loading up his truck and head out about nine last night."

"Damn. Thanks." Roy started sifting through his keychain and found the key he needed. Johnny had given him a key a long time ago. Making his way into the apartment he went straight to the hall closet.

Yep, all his camping gear was gone. Johnny could be anywhere by now Roy realized as he sat on the couch. The coffee table was littered with papers but Roy couldn't find anything that would give him a clue as to where his best friend had gone. Picking up the phone he called Hank at home to update him, and then headed home himself to decide what to do next.