Starlight Starbright

These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." Harriet Beecher Stowe.

Chapter 8

Roy left Johnny's apartment with dismay. He knew the key to finding his friend was probably there but he hadn't been able to find anything to help. Once home he was greeted by the two smiling faces of Jenny and Chris.

"Hey daddy, guess what we did this morning?"

Roy picked up the bubbling little girl and gave her a big hug, "And what did you do this morning?"

Chris walked up and gave his dad a quick hug, "We made a…"

"Don't tell, you said I could tell!" Jenny demanded as she pried away from Roy's arms.

"Okay fine, geeze, you don't have to bite my head off Jen," Chris said with exaggerated irritation over his over reacting little sister.

Roy moved over to the couch and sat down where he was instantly flanked on both sides by the kids. "Okay, I'm ready, please tell," he said with a smile to Jenny.

Jenny pulled out from her back a large homemade card, complete with glued on noodles and string, "Look, it's a special card for unkle Johnny." Then she tipped her head to the side and stuck out her lower lip. "Mommy said he's feeling sad right now."

Roy felt his own distress renewed but he kept a smile on his face for his adorable daughter. She loved her unkle Johnny as much as she did any other member of her family.

"I'm sure Johnny will love this honey," he said.

"Well, I made him one too dad but I left off the noodles," Chris said with a giggle.

Roy gave them both big hugs as he watched Joanne come in from the living room. She could read the look on Roy's face and knew he was very upset about what had happened.

"Hey you too, breakfast is ready. Go wash your hands and get something to eat."

Jenny and Chris jumped up at the dinner bell and ran off leaving Joanne to move in and sit close to her husband.

"Did you go by Johnny's?"

"Yea, but he's gone Jo. All his camping gear is gone and I don't know where he is."

"You know that Johnny likes to go camping and get away when he's upset about something," she said as she nestled closer to him.

Roy leaned back on the couch and with Jo leaning against his chest as he told her of the last 24hrs. She sat up and wiped the tears from his cheeks knowing that mere words would not comfort him right now. "Give Johnny some time. He will be back for the hearing and we will all be there to support him."

Roy shook his head, he knew she was right. Johnny needed time but something inside was pulling him in a different direction. Something was telling him to find his friend.

Amy moved through her day with quiet deliberation, taking care of the kids while making funeral arrangements for Amanda. She sat at the table warming her hands on a cup of coffee. It was still hard for her to think of her sister as being gone. She wanted to pick up the phone and check on her like she did every day since Amanda ran away from home when she was 17.

"You always knew how to keep everyone on the edge of their seats Amanda. I give you that."

"Who talkin?" She looked up to see Kate, her daughter standing by the table.

"Oh, sorry sweetie. Mommy's just talking to herself," she laughed at the perplexed look on the 2 year olds face.

"Mamma?"

"I was talking to Aunt Mandy," she said with a smile.

"Mandy gone gone?" the little blond tyke crawled into a kitchen chair beside her mom.

"Yes she is baby but when people leave us we keep them in our heart forever. That way we can talk to them whenever we want to. Anytime you need to tell aunt Mandy something, she will listen to you."

Kate smiled at that idea, "Kay. Cookie pease?"

Amy chuckled at her little angel, "How about some breakfast first? Some pancakes?"

That lit up her face with excitement, "Yea!"

Unnerved by the voice in the forest he cut his journey to the ranger's station short and headed back to the cabin. Tending to the little fire renewed its vigor as he stocked it with logs to last a few more hours. He prowled the kitchen knowing that he needed to eat something. In short order he fixed himself some soup and a sandwich and sat at the table alone with his dinner.

As he twirled his spoon in his soup he thought back about that the other day and the accident. It had played through his mind a thousand and one times as he combed over every detail. But now his brain was finally tired. He was ready to give up. He would probably never know what it was he missed and since he couldn't work every patient up to the fullest degree he knew that his decision to quit was the right one. How could he trust his instinct again? It had failed him miserably causing him to fail Amanda.

Putting his plate and bowl in the sink he went back to the fire taking the poker and jabbing it making the embers spark high into the fireplace. The heat of the flames was hot against his face but he stayed close. It seemed no matter how hot he could get it going he never felt warm all the way through. Settling down on the couch he crawled under the covers to push the chill back some more. Grabbing a book he found in the basket by the end table he began to read. It didn't take long until he found sleep.

The next couple of days went past with Johnny in a numb state. He had started to lose track of time only knowing when the sun was up and when it set. During the day he prowled the woods just wanted the distraction to take away the images and thoughts that haunted his nights. He wasn't sure which was worse, staying at the cabin this long alone or the thought of going back to LA, to the faces of his shift mates, to the accusations, and finally to the hearing where they would put a final stamp on his future.

Amy was dressed and heading out the door when her husband stopped her, "Where are you going? You know we have to be at the church in a few hours."

She shook him off with impatience, "I know that Bobby but I need to run this errand real quick." She looked up to see his face was concerned, not upset. "I'm sorry, I promise to be right back ok? I just need to do this first."

Most of the men were in the standard routine of complaining about Chet's choice of menu for lunch but Roy remained quiet. They knew he was worried but unsure how to console the worried fireman.

"Roy, my office please," Hank called around the corner.

"Cap."

"Any word from Johnny yet?"

"Nothing but the hearing isn't until day after tomorrow. He probably won't show up until then."

Roy's concern was clearly evident to the Captain. "Well I just talked to the Chief and there won't be a hearing."

Roy looked up, "What?"

"After the report from Dr. Brackett and the testimony given by Amanda's sister the Chief feels that Johnny did nothing wrong."

Roy was elated, "Cap, that's wonderful." Now, he wanted to find Johnny even more. He knew his friend was grieving in solitude. There had to be a way to find him.

Johnny knew he only had one day left at the cabin and he wanted to spent it outside again. He packed up his backpack with enough rations to get him through the night in case he decided to not come back until the next day. Making sure the fire was safely out he stepped onto the front porch. The morning air was chilly but not unbearable. The snow had remained light and left just a nice covering on the ground.

Johnny was pushing the backpack onto his shoulders when he froze. His eyes had glanced across the front yard area, past his Rover when he saw the tires. Moving his feet forward with trepidation he went and knelt down beside the front tire finding a large slash in it. "What the hell?" A quick glance told him that they had all been cut up.

Before he could stand up he heard the crunch of a footstep behind him. Reacting with catlike reflexes he stayed crouched as he swung around on his feet to lunge towards the figure rapidly approaching him. As his shoulder made impact with the man's midsection he heard the grunt escape but what he didn't realize was the second figure was on the other side. Johnny felt the blow to the side of his head and his body hitting the cold snow covered ground before everything went black.