Chapter 16 - Honest

It takes what feels like forever (but is probably only three seconds) for my brain to unfreeze itself and think about saying something.

Unfortunately, it takes Lauren even less time than that. She opens her mouth before I can make mine work. "What the hell is going on?"

She and Jess stare at me as I slide off the hood of the Jeep, my bare thighs squeaking against the metal. It feels like I'm short-circuiting, like my brain and my heart are flickering on and off and back on again. I feel the zap of energy in my veins, the chill of pure panic running through them.

This is so very, very bad. This is so very, very the opposite way I wanted them to find out about me and Emmett. How can I start from the beginning when they've just walked into the middle of it?

Jess cocks a hip and blinks. "Okay, am I drunk or is that Emmett McCarty standing next to Posie?"

Mike and Tyler amble up the driveway, stopping a few feet behind the girls. Mike, obviously the designated driver, twirls his keys around his index finger and nods his chin toward Emmett. He steps half in front of me, half next to me with a responding nod. Tyler just raises his eyebrows, looking at us in bemusement. I can feel the discomfort from all of them, knowing they're about to get caught in a firestorm of female dramatics.

Lauren rolls her eyes, crossing her arms. "That's Emmett McCarty."

"And you're drunk," I reply, my gaze making a sweep of Jess' slightly swaying body from head to toe. "Where are your shoes, Stan?"

"How about you tell us what the hell is going on first, Posie?" Lauren demands. "You said you were in for the night. You totally ditched out on the dance without saying goodbye -"

"I said goodbye to Jess and Mike -"

She plows on, undeterred. "- And then you ditched out on Mike's party."

"I didn't want to go to Mike's party."

Mike lets out an indignant noise, but cuts it short when I glare impatiently at him.

"No, you obviously wanted to come back to your empty house so you could be with him." Lauren jabs her finger toward Emmett.

"His name is Emmett," I shoot back. His finger strokes the back of my arm. I feel its meaning loud and clear: relax. But Lauren going on the offensive puts me automatically on the defensive. It's always been like this with us.

"If your parents knew - "

My mouth drops open. "Oh, you're one to talk. Does your mom know that those weekly sleepovers at Jess' house are actually at Tyler's, or should I shed a little light on -"

"You guys -" Jess interrupts, tugging on Lauren's arm and looking distraught.

"You lied, Rosalie," Lauren states, ignoring Jess's attempts at playing peacemaker. She doesn't call me Posie or even Rose. She's not full-naming me or saying it snidely. It's so matter-of-fact, like I'm a stranger, and it stalls me momentarily.

"Yeah." I let out a long, slow breath, steeling myself. "Yes, I lied, and I feel shitty about that, for a lot of reasons." I look over my shoulder at Emmett, hoping he knows that I feel worse about how I made him feel, before I turn back to Jess and Lauren. "But that's one of the reasons I wanted to hang out tomorrow, to talk about this and tell you everything."

Lauren snorts, shaking her head. "That's really easy to say now, when it's too late."

"Let's go, Mallo," Jess says, pulling at Lauren again. It feels like there's a dividing line between us, like it's me against them, and the realization tugs at my chest. "We'll deal with this later, okay? Everyone's hyped up and we're drunk and I really need to find my shoes, man."

"How long have you been lying?" Lauren's eyes drift over me and I cross one ankle over the other, as if that will make me seem more clothed. "This obviously isn't the first time you're spending time together. I know you're not like that."

"It's been a few weeks, just after school started."

"Just after school started?" Jess repeats. She releases her hold on Lauren, her eyes narrowing. "Oh, my god, Rose, that's over a month."

"And here we were feeling sorry for you because Roy was parading Vera around right after you dumped him. Meanwhile, you're sneaking around behind everyone's back."

"I wasn't sneaking," I argue, feeling my blood heat up in my cheeks and my veins. "It's not like that. That's not what Emmett is to me."

"What then, Rosalie?" Lauren throws up her hands, her voice going high. It echoes around the street, seems to bounce off the walls of my house. "You've been hanging out with someone who, excuse me, is kind of random, who we didn't even know you knew. And what, you're in a relationship with him? You're obviously having sex with him."

Jess' gaze bounces between Emmett and me and back again. You are? she mouths, wide-eyed.

I let out a huff and turn back to Lauren, who's standing there with her arms crossed and a superior look on her face. It sets my teeth on edge. "That's the big reason. That's the reason right there I didn't say anything, because of what you just said and the look on your face right now."

She flinches, her angry mask slipping for just a second before she goes all indignant on me again. "Oh, so you anticipated this? How Miss Cleo of you."

My heart is hurting inside of my chest but I keep my face neutral. I'm fired up and all too aware of how different this conversation feels emotionally from the one I had with Jacob. Because, unlike him, I actually care about these people.

"I've known you all my life, Lauren, and I know how you react to things. I wasn't exactly looking forward to this conversation, for obvious reasons."

Lauren rolls her eyes but stays surprisingly quiet, waiting for me to explain myself.

"I mean, at first it was new and I didn't know what we were, so I didn't say anything. I didn't know how to bring it up, you know? And I thought you'd think it was too soon after Roy, especially after everything you said about him and Vera. Then, you were so dismissive of Emmett when he held the door for us last week in class...I don't know, that attitude you threw just turned me off even more." I take a deep breath. "But the longer I went without telling you guys, the worse I felt and...I never meant to hide it, okay? I was going to tell you tomorrow."

"It's not even about him, Rosalie, it's about us. No, you know what? It's about you. You lied. You made it so much worse than it needed to be." Realization dawns on Lauren's face and she shakes her head, laughing dryly. "God, you were defending him last week and I thought it was so random. Like, who is this guy to her compared to us? Guess it makes sense now, doesn't it?"

"Lauren -"

She snorts. "Whatever. I don't want to hear it."

Grabbing on to Jess' arm, she turns on her heel. They start making their way back to Tyler and Mike, who've both hung back, out of firing range. They've seen us fight before, but this is so obviously different. I try to swallow down the lump in my throat, watching the two of them walk away together, but it's stuck there.

I've felt the loss of them slowly over the past few months, felt us slipping away from each other in tiny increments, but this is so much bigger, too sudden. I never wanted it to be like this between us. And I know that as soon as they're in that car, they'll be talking about it. We've had more post-fight dissections than I care to think about. Only this time, it will be without me. About me, which simultaneously pisses me off and makes me feel sick, because they'll get it all wrong.

"Hold up. You're not even going to listen to her?" Emmett speaks up suddenly. I feel one warm hand one curl around my hip and I lean into him, let him support my weight.

Lauren looks over her shoulder. "Excuse me? You don't know anything about us." I swear her voice shakes, but her expression is indifferent, so cold. Jess looks a little green. I'm not sure if it's because of what just happened, or if the booze is finally catching up to her.

"I do know Rose is your best friend and she's trying to talk to you here," Emmett replies, his hand tightening on my hip. "Yeah, she messed up, but she's owning up to it. She's trying to make it right. You don't even want to listen to her."

Jess extracts herself from Lauren's grip and goes to Mike, burrowing into his side. He looks over his shoulder at me with a grimace, and then walks his girlfriend back to the Beemer parked crookedly along the curb.

Lauren simply shrugs, backing down the driveway. Tyler takes her hand, pulling her gently, farther and farther away. "Guess she should have thought of that before."

She says the words to Emmett, but she's staring right at me. Tyler whispers something to her. I can only hear the hum of his voice, not the words, but whatever he says makes her eyebrows crash together. She turns suddenly and storms down the driveway with him, yanking her hand away when he tries to take it again.

I watch them leave, watch the tail lights of Mike's car take off down the street and then disappear as they turn the corner.

Everything goes quiet. I don't move. Can't. Not until Emmett reels me into him and then I rest my cheek against his chest, my eyes closing automatically. His arms wrap around me tightly, securely, and I feel my body go limp with exhaustion and what feels oddly like relief. At least now they know. I just didn't want it to be like this.

"It'll be okay, Ro," Emmett says quietly. His warm breath tickles my hair and I press myself closer, needing to feel him, needing to find that calm he always provides.

I don't believe him, but I nod anyway, because I want to. Or maybe I need to.

And then I burst into tears.

xoxo

The late morning sun filters into my room. I blink, trying to clear the sleep from my mind and when I do, I feel the heavy lead weight that has settled into my stomach. My hand sweeps the bed next to me and I find my phone, but not Emmett. I knew he'd be gone but I'm still disappointed.

Pressing the button on my phone, I pull up the message icon and tap out a message to Lauren and Jessica.

Are you guys coming over or should we meet up somewhere?

Now all I can do is wait.

Emmett came back inside last night, climbed into my bed and promised to stay until I fell asleep. We didn't speak. He just held me against him and pressed his lips to my head while I used him for every source of comfort and light and hope he could provide. Eventually my body and mind relaxed, mainly from exhaustion, and I drifted away.

I can hear my parents moving around the house and the weight gets even heavier, knowing that they'll ask me about last night. I don't want to rehash any of it with them. I know I can't avoid them all day, though, so I make my way down the steps, put on my mask and talk to them like nothing happened instead of everything.

I don't hear from Jess and Lauren all day, even though I send multiple texts. My emotions are all over the map, jumping from sad (I should have said something earlier to prevent this) to pissed (Who are they to judge me? This just goes to show I was right) to indignant (If anything, I should be the one upset here, not them) and back again.

In the middle of the afternoon, I invite Emmett over. He meets my dad, who gives him a too-hard handshake and the third degree until he discovers that Emmett's as big a Titans fan as he is. Emmett's mom's family is from Tennessee and since my dad went to Vanderbilt, they spend the good portion of an hour talking about sports and the South. My mom throws me a wink over Dad's shoulder at one point, which Emmett catches out of the corner of his eye. His dimples flash at me, and I resist the urge to laugh; he knows he's so in.

Later, in my room (with the door cracked open - guess he's not that in), Emmett handles me with kid gloves, kissing me longer and holding me tighter. He whispers in my ear that he wants to help fix the shit storm that is my friendship with Lauren and Jess right now, to make it better, but I know that as much as he wants to help, this is all me. So I whisper back that he is helping me, being here and supporting me. In the past when I had a falling-out with Lauren and Jess, I was alone.

I'm not anymore.

At the end of the day, I send one last text, asking them to meet at the elementary school playground. It's where we sorted out one of our major fights when we were eleven, when a cute counselor from camp, whom both Jess and Lauren were crushing on, gave me a lanyard he made. They were convinced that I was somehow making the moves on this older guy (who was all of sixteen and had no interest in any of us) and refused to speak to me. Actually, Lauren refused to speak to me. Jess mediated the playground parley. Apparently some things never change.

Of course, then I really had nothing to apologize for. Now I do, and I have, but it's not enough. Maybe it never will be.

About two hours after I send the playground text, I get a message back from Jess. She's always the one who can't stay away, and I know she'll probably be more forgiving than Lauren. It's how it always goes. I know they've been talking, either on the phone or in person, but I don't know what's been said. I imagine it's not good with the short reply I get back.

Not yet.

I fall asleep listening to "Fake Plastic Trees," one lyric repeating itself over and over in my head, echoing there:

If I could be who you wanted all the time.

xoxo

Monday morning isn't a welcome one. I feel that weight getting heavier, weighing me down so that my feet drag with every step I take. The feeling of dread is worse than any test anxiety I've ever had. I know what I did was wrong, even if I did have my reasons for it. But their reaction, no matter how much I anticipated and imagined it, hurts more than I could have predicted.

Plus, there's the fact that Homecoming is still fresh on everyone's mind. I walk into school to find that the paper has a picture of Lauren and Jess hugging me at Friday's game, while I had tears in my eyes, as the lead story. Angela told me that they were planning on pushing this edition so they could get pictures from Friday night's game in, but that the dance would be highlighted in next week's. I know there's more to come. Looking at the picture brings more tears to my eyes, and while the reason is different now, anyone who doesn't know me thinks it's for the same. I expect something, anything, from the students who see me. Other than congratulations and people pointing at the paper, giving me fist bumps and high fives, it's quiet.

I walk through the halls feeling utterly alone, my two best friends nowhere to be found. It's clear that while they haven't told anyone else about Emmett and me, they aren't ready to talk to me either. When I get to my locker, they're not there. I have a feeling they won't show up. I rest my forehead against it for a minute, just wishing I knew what to do.

The answer comes from a surprising source.

There's a gentle thwack on my head and I look up to find Mike, once again with the rolled up newspaper.

"Chin up, Posie, they'll come around," he says. A small but encouraging smile tugs at his lips as he leans toward me. "Hell, I've already forgiven you for ditching my party. Emmett's a good guy. Bring him around sometime, okay?"

Before I can respond, he slips away, disappearing into the stream of students. I suppose he's not looking for an answer from me. I'm not sure I'd know what to say to him if he did.

I open my locker and root around for my Calc book, trying not to think about how weird this is. I don't think I'd mind being on my own if there wasn't this dark cloud hanging over me, but the silence feels heavy, Jess and Lauren's absence so conspicuous.

There's no one at Emmett's locker, either. I keep looking, expecting him - or any of them - to materialize and save me from my social exile, but everyone apparently has better places to be. Em and I texted this morning (in bed, warm under the covers, at the breakfast table, up until I climbed into my car), but I haven't heard from him since I got here. And for the first time in...god, forever, I feel alone. Not lonely, because I've felt that plenty of times, even surrounded by my friends. Really alone.

But suddenly I feel fingertips ghost along the small of my back, feel a whoosh of cool air move my ponytail. When I look over my shoulder, Emmett's right there, flashing dimples and white teeth and soft eyes at me as he moves past me toward his locker. I'm pretty sure he's doing it out of habit, touching me and then moving on, because we've been playing that game for a month now.

We don't need to do that anymore, though, so my hand shoots out to grab his before he can get too far away from me. He stops, his smile getting bigger, so warm, and he backtracks until he's standing just a few inches away.

I give him a pointed look. He widens his eyes back, going for innocence but landing somewhere closer to impishness. "Good morning."

"Good morning to you," he replies, leaning against the locker next to me. He's wearing his usual uniform of jeans and a hoodie, old beat-up Chucks on his feet. I love the familiarity of him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I think I'm going to my locker." He scratches his head, tilting it playfully when I roll my eyes. "I heard that's where people keep books to learn with. Thought I'd check it out."

"Your sarcasm is precious, McCarty."

"It adds a little something to my charm, I think."

"It's something, all right," I mutter. I duck my head back in my locker. "Wait for me?"

"Always." His fingers curl around the door and I look back over my shoulder, run my finger over the first joint on each of his. I can see his eyes through the metal slats and I can tell, even without seeing the rest of his face, that he's smiling.

The first warning bell rings just as I slam my locker shut. We start walking, side by side, and my hand slips so easily into his. He looks down at our fingers intertwined and then right in my eyes and I feel like I can breathe for the first time since I got here.

Not everything is bad. Even with everything that's going on with Jess and Lauren, I keep remembering what happened between me and Emmett on Saturday night, what we did and what we said. And now, walking down the hall with him, I easily ignore the whispers and the stares. This feels good. Better than good. It feels right.

"You okay?" he murmurs, squeezing my hand. If he's uncomfortable with the attention, he doesn't show it, which just makes me love him more. Besides, this is short-lived. Someone will break up or hook up by the end of the week and Emmett and I will be old news. Such are the laws of high school.

"I am now," I reply sincerely. I can't help scanning the crowd for Lauren and Jess, though. I have no idea where they are.

When Emmett delivers me to my homeroom, the hallway is nearly empty. "You're going to be late for class."

He waves me off, dropping a quick kiss on my forehead. "I have Goff. She loves me. I'll just throw her the dimples and call it a day."

"Do I have to worry about losing you to Mrs. Goff?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

His mouth twists up thoughtfully. "I don't know, those cat sweaters are pretty sexy."

I shake my head with a laugh and when he throws me the dimples, I stretch up on my tiptoes. Goff isn't the only one who can't resist them. My hand goes around the back of his neck and I place a soft kiss on each one, then one right on his mouth. It's quick, but it feels important somehow, because I don't care who sees. I don't care who knows.

I think about his smile, that sweet blush on his cheeks as he walks away, and I know it's what will get me through the rest of this day.

No matter what else happens, I have him, and I know that's real.

xoxo

"So, Bella..."

"So, Alice..."

I'm standing at my locker on Tuesday before lunch; the girls are at 346, speaking in abnormally loud voices.

"I was thinking about getting my Etsy shop up and running soon. What do you think about that?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm so indecisive. Maybe I should ask my Magic Eight Ball, just to be certain," Bella replies. I peek through the slats of my locker and watch her throwing glances toward me while tracing the lock on the locker immediately in front of her. "I wonder what the others would think..."

It's completely obvious that the volume of the conversation is for my benefit. I find myself smiling inwardly, but try to keep a straight face.

"Well, I know Jasper fully encourages it. Of course, he always encourages me."

Bella chimes in, "And Edward would be on board, clearly, because he said as much yesterday at lunch."

Alice slams the locker door and I listen as she spins the combination once. "Emmett was strangely missing from lunch yesterday." She and Bella widen their eyes in mock wonder before she continues, "But I texted him and he said that I should check with his girlfriend before doing it. Isn't it cute that they refer to each other as girlfriend and boyfr -"

I peek my head around my locker, grinning as I interrupt with, "Okay, enough. I get it."

They both lift their heads, blinking innocently. "Oh, hello, Rosalie!" Alice trills.

"Fancy meeting you here," Bella adds. I can see the Moleskine I gave her on top of the pile of books hugged to her chest.

"Mmhmm, fancy," I echo. "Sorry I stole Emmett away from you at lunch yesterday." Not really, though. I couldn't deal with lunch at school and he seemed to know it without me having to say anything. "We went to visit his Gram and then..." I trail off with a shrug.

Then we had a little repeat of what happened last time in his Jeep on the side of the road. Thankfully, this time neither of us was late getting to English class. It was a little awkward when we walked into the classroom together, though, with all eyes on us.

Alice lowers her voice considerably and looks around, covertly. "Seriously, though. Is this cool? I mean, we know you and Emmett are... out of the closet, or whatever you want to call it, but -"

"But we didn't want to cause any problems since we know your friends are -"

They're talking over each other, and it doesn't escape my notice that they're finishing each other's sentences, cutting one another off in order to make me feel comfortable. "B, I don't think we're supposed to know. Emmett just let it slip when he was talking to Edward yesterday-"

"Girls, stop. It's cool." A quick nod of the head and a smile quiets them. "Seriously, all of it. The fact that you know about... my drama," I roll my eyes, "the Etsy thing, everything is cool. You should get moving with the site, Alice. I'd love to help with setting it up."

"We just don't want to create more problems for you right now, Ro," Alice says quietly. Her eyes are no longer on me but rather are looking over my shoulder. I turn to see Lauren slowly walking down the hall, her hand entwined with Tyler's. He's talking but she's not listening. She's just staring at me.

At us.

Actually, it's more of a glare.

I turn back to Alice and Bella, both of them looking anywhere but at Lauren. I can still feel her watching us. "Trust me when I say that you're not the ones making problems for me right now, Al," I say in a low voice, my smile fading. "I'm sad they're acting this way but don't hold up the Etsy site because you think Jess and Lauren are going to be... upset, or whatever. They'll be that way either way, until I can work it out with them."

"Okay, cool. We'll be at Edward's on Thursday for 'the launch,'" she says, employing the use of air quotes. I only wish Jasper were here to see her. "You know, if you're free and interested. I'm hoping to generate word-of-mouth interest, too, so if there's anyone you want to pass the link on to, I'm going to print up little cards."

"So enterprising!" I giggle as she preens. "I'll be there," I affirm, feeling the smile coming back again.

I hear Emmett and the guys making their way down the hall. The three of them approach, boisterous and boy-like, each of them saying hello to us before quieting down, murmuring a special hello to his significant other.

"Nice," Emmett whispers as he dips his head down. I raise my face to him.

"What is?" I ask, even though I already know.

His lips find mine and he kisses me before he speaks again. "Finally having you."

We both smile and straighten, preparing for the next event: lunch. I have a feeling we won't be able to sneak away two days in a row, so I have to figure out what I'm going to do, where I'm going to sit.

God, it really shouldn't be this complicated.

They're conversing around me, Alice telling everyone about the site and what things she plans to lead off with. I pull away, figuring I can take a minute to put myself together.

"I'm going to swing by the bathroom."

They all nod. I know that wherever I sit, they'll be understanding, which can't be said for Lauren and Jess. I have a feeling they'll be mad at me no matter where I go or what I do.

The bathroom near the cafeteria is quiet when I swing open the door. I walk to the nearest sink and place my hands on the edge of it, just staring at the mirror for a minute to breathe. My mind races with possible scenarios that could happen at lunch, but it doesn't prepare itself for what actually does happen.

Lauren pushes the door open with what seems like all of her force. It bangs against the doorstop, causing it to make that annoying sputtering noise, the same noise I'm pretty sure my heart is making inside my chest.

"So we're just that easily replaced, huh?"

I catch her eye in the mirror, my eyes narrowing. My voice bounces against the tile walls. "Excuse me?"

"I saw you with Alice and Bella in the hallway," she replies. Her arms are crossed over her chest, her nostrils flared. "What, did Edward give you tips on how to ditch your old friends for new ones at Homecoming or something? He'd know a lot about that."

I whirl around, mirroring her pose. "Hey, speaking of ditching, where have you been for the past two days? Or did you just not get my texts?"

"I got them," she says, like she doesn't give a shit.

My hands shoot out, palms up to the ceiling. "And?" I exclaim, because I most definitely do give a shit.

"And what?" Everything about her screams judgment - the way her hip juts out, her narrowed eyes, even how her lips press together into a thin line. "I saw everything, Rosalie, and I can put the rest of the pieces together. Anything else you have to tell me is just excuses."

"What are you talking about, excuses? I've been honest about -"

"About what, Rosalie?" she shoots back, finally losing the indifferent attitude. Her face contorts into an angry glare. "What exactly have you been honest about? I'm dying to know. You sure as hell weren't honest about Emmett. And the more I think about it, the more pissed off I get, because you lied about Roy, too. I had to hear from Tyler that you guys broke up, and you just let me and Jess believe that he was the one who broke up with you."

"I did tell you, because you guys wouldn't just let it go. I didn't give a shit, Mallo! If he wanted to save face by telling the world he broke up with me, then fine. What did it matter if I did it or if he did it?"

The door creaks open and we both whirl toward it. The girl coming in, a freaked-looking freshman with large eyes that get even bigger when she sees what she's walked into, stops short.

"It's occupied," Lauren and I snap in unison, but the door swings shut before we even finish our sentence.

Lauren turns her glare on me, and I glare back. I'm annoyed that she thought to say it, too. It started when she, Jess and I locked ourselves into Tyler's bathroom during his 13th birthday party. It was right before Lauren and he got together and he'd been paying special attention to Mike's cousin Maggie all afternoon, who was older and gorgeous and visiting from Seattle. Every time someone would knock on the door, Jess and I would yell out "it's occupied!" while Lauren cried and ranted. Over the years, it became an inside joke, something we'd shout out when we wanted it to be just three of us, no interruptions.

"It does matter," Lauren continues, breaking me out of the memory. "You were together for three years. Three years, and then all of a sudden you're done without talking to us about it. It came completely out of left field, like you were happy and then you weren't."

"It wasn't out of left field for me."

"Well, it was for us." She pauses and then adds snidely, "And Roy, apparently."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know I needed to ask your permission before I made decisions about my life," I shoot back, just as snide.

"What the hell else are best friends for?"

I throw my hands up, even though I want to wrap them around her neck and shake her. "I don't know, to support me? They definitely don't rub their best friend's mistakes in her face. They don't ignore her for days and days and then throw attitude because she's not sitting in a corner, just waiting for them to forgive her."

"Well, you're definitely not doing that." Lauren gives me a fake-sweet smile, and I roll my eyes. "Seems like you've got yourself a great little set-up, Rose."

It's like talking to a brick wall, which is so quintessential Lauren. When she doesn't want to hear the truth, she shuts down. I know we're not going to get anywhere right now, except maybe into a cat fight, and I'm not about to get my favorite shirt dirty.

"You know what? I'm not going to do this with you. I'm so over this shit, Lauren." I shift my bag to the other shoulder and start to back away. "You can come get me when you're ready to discuss this like a normal person."

Her mouth drops open as she takes a step toward me. "Normal person? How about you let me know when you've gotten rid of the pod person that's taken over my best friend? All of a sudden you're dating Emmett McCarty and working on the school paper, ditching out on Mike's parties and acting like winning Homecoming Queen was such a burden, boo fucking hoo. What the hell is going on with you?"

"I'd tell you, but you obviously don't want to want to listen. So when you do, you can come get me. And feel free to pass this message on to Jess, too, since I'm sure you're going to give her the play-by-play anyway."

And with that, I really am done. Turning on my heel, I march toward the door. I'm literally vibrating with anger, my blood boiling, my head swimming with all the things I should have said, want to say, all of the things that she won't want to hear anyway.

"You've changed," she calls after me.

I stop at that, my hand flat on the bathroom door. When I turn around, she's still rooted in the same spot. I see the anger on her face, but I see something else too. I just don't know what it is - fear? Hurt? Maybe both.

I shake my head, trying to keep the anger and push down the sudden sadness I feel. It's easier to be pissed at her, at them, for shutting me out like this. The hurt would be worse. "Things have changed. I'm still me."

We stand like that, her in the middle of the bathroom with her arms crossed, me with one foot out the door, and after a minute I realize that neither of us are going to break. It's always been like this for us, every fight. Only it used to be over who got the best Barbie or the biggest brownie, with Jess in the middle to break the tie. As we get older, the stakes get higher.

They've never felt this high before.

Finally, I push the door open and walk out, leaving Lauren there. When I get to the cafeteria, I know exactly where to go. I catch Jess's eye as I walk in. She frowns, her gaze darting behind me, and then slowly turns in her seat. Mike lays his arm across the back of it and pulls her close. Thankfully, Roy is nowhere to be found. One less pissed-off person to deal with.

I make my way to a different table, a new one, and slip into the empty seat waiting for me. I take a deep breath. The conversation doesn't stop when I sit down, but Edward shoots me a wink and a sympathetic smile as Bella squeezes my knee. Jasper drums his hands on the table to announce my arrival as their "esteemed guest," which makes Alice roll her eyes and huff out teasingly, "Can you behave for a second, Jas? She'll never sit with us again."

And Emmett...Emmett drags my chair closer and kisses my temple when I get close enough to reach. He puts his hand on the back of my neck, his fingers drawing little circles on my skin while he does a disturbingly spot-on impression of Coach Clapp. I know I'll be telling him about what happened in the bathroom later, but for now we don't talk about it, not even when Lauren storms past us. His hand just drifts down to my tensed shoulders, his fingers kneading the tension away.

Yes, things have changed. And even though I still feel a certain heaviness knowing things between me and Jess and Lauren are shittier than ever, I can't find it in me to be sad about that.

You all were wonderfully understanding about where we left off last week - just another reason you're the best! Thanks for continuing to give us love through alerts, favorites, and reviews. We absolutely love them.

Special thanks to Jan for getting this to us even though Mother Nature was unleashing her fury all along the eastern seaboard. That's dedication! We love you, J. And as always, much adoration to JD and Val, who hopped on this train o' crazy early on and have inexplicably stayed. You guys are our caboose. That sounded better in our heads. You know what we mean.

More next week! See you all soon. :)