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A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. -John Lennon
Last Child of Krypton
Chapter 11- Dolls
Shinji opened his eyes and found himself seated on a train, which was not what he was expecting. He blinked at the harsh red light and sat in silence for a moment, feeling the car buck and sway gently as it rolled over the rails. Through the windows outside he saw only red light. His presence on the train confused him, and he strained to remember how the morning had started. He thought he remembered a strange new Angel, but wan't sure. He thought he remembered a strange striped sphere, the Earth shaking, buildings twisting and sinking into the ground. A great purple hand reaching out to him and the split-second decision to follow it, followed by cold, endless cold and the tearing pull of the vacuum and then a train car in the sunset.
There were three aliens seated across from him. They were yellow.
They were staring at him.
"Uh, hi," he said, blinking. "Who are you?"
"You must listen carefully," said the first alien.
"He does not know the danger," said the second alien.
"He does not know the truth," said the third alien.
"Uh," Shinji stammered. "Okay?"
"Your Continuity is in danger," said the first alien.
"The truth is hidden from him," said the second alien.
"The power is not yet his," said the third alien.
"To live, you must die," said the first alien.
"Three days in shadow, an eternity in light," said the second alien.
"An age of heroes," said the third alien, "thunders into being in your wake."
"I don't understand."
"You need not understand, you need only be." said the first alien.
"Hate from beyond the stars reaches for your world," said the second alien.
"He is in you all," said the third alien.
"There will come signs," said the first alien.
"A man will embrace his shadow," said the second alien.
"On the island of the gods, a champion is chosen," said the third alien.
"Beware the captain of the Lightning," said the first alien.
"Beware the White Riders," said the second alien.
"Beware the broken man," said the third alien.
"What was," said the first alien.
"What is," said the second alien.
"What will be," said the third alien, "If you do not act."
"Bear witness," said the three aliens in unison.
The train was gone. He stood on a beach in soft red light, and started in surprise, falling in the sand. A gigantic face gazed at him from the distance, eyes the size of skyscrapers boring into his own. The face was inhuman, and yet somehow familiar. He heard quiet sobbing and turned to see himself, only younger and slighter, kneeling atop the unmoving form of Asuka, her face and arm heavily bandaged. He was choking her.
"What was," said the first alien.
"What is," said the second alien,
"What may yet be," said the third alien.
Shinji ran towards himself, calling out for the boy to stop. As he neared, the slight, trembling figure released his grip as Asuka brushed his face with her wounded hand and he fell into her chest, sobbing.
"You cannot change this," said the first alien.
"It is fixed," said the second alien.
"Yet it need not be again," said the third alien.
"Again? What do you mean?"
Suddenly he was surrounded, a thousand Shinjis and a thousand Asukas, littering the beach, floating in the red sea, standing in silent judgment over each other, over nothing at all. He realized that they were the same, yet different. Some older, some younger, different costumes, missing limbs, eye patches. None saw the others, none saw him. All of them stood in silent judgment over the weeping boy hunched over the broken girl. All of them winced as she whispered something he couldn't hear, dripping with venom.
"This place waits at the end," said the first alien.
"It looms over you all," said the second alien.
"The choice awaits each of you," said the third alien.
"Is this real?"
"What is real?" said the first alien.
"How do you define real?" said the second alien.
"Nothing is real, all is permitted," said the third alien.
He found himself standing in a field, staring at four identical versions of himself, some older, some younger, all wearing the blue and red and shield. One was on his knees, weeping. The other had sunk to the ground, holding the broken body of Asuka in her plugsuit, like some renaissance statue. The other turned away from the others, his eyes hardened in a glare. One was contemplating a pair of cracked glasses.
"In the beginning there was one," said the first alien.
"Then the one became many," said the second alien.
"As many as stars in the sky," said the third alien.
"All are true," said the first alien.
"All are false," said the second alien.
"All are the same, and yet not the same," said the third alien.
He turned and turned, until he felt a strange sensation, a tugging. Something stared at him from the distance, something that filled him with a cold dread that rolled down his spine like icewater, congealing in his stomach. Something in the stars, something ancient and terrible that stared at him with red, red eyes, full of hate. Images flooded his mind. Far above, something fell, tumbling through panes of glass, shattering them and dragging the shards with it. The object gathered speed, growing a tail like a comet. One of the aliens put a hand on his shoulder.
"There, you must not look."
He shook his head, and found himself back on the train.
"I'm sick of this," he said, standing up. "I came in here to get Asuka out. Where is she?"
"He begins to see," said the first alien.
"She is where she is," said the second alien.
"For you to find her, you must find yourself," said the third alien.
Ignoring her, he walked to the end of the car, rammed his fingers between the doors, and shoved them open, passing into the next car, only to find the three aliens waiting for him again. He clenched his fists.
"It is not for you to free her," said the first alien.
"She must have the will to live," said the second alien.
"She must free herself," said the third alien.
Shinji ignored them, heading for the next car.
SSSSS
Asuka opened her eyes. She remembered screaming, clingy cold seeping through her limbs as the Eva was absorbed into the inky darkness, Misato shouting something at her. All that seemed distant, foggy, like her head was full of cotton. She shook her head, and saw that she was in a dimly lit train. She looked around, wondering how she'd arrived there, and froze when she saw herself sitting next to her.
Six years old, the Asuka sitting opposite her clutched the headless body of a teddy bear, staring back at her with reddened, tear stained eyes. Asuka sank into the seat, trying to slide up the wall behind her. Her heart began to pound, and her chest clenched.
"Who are you?"
"I am the Asuka Langley Soryu in the mind of Asuka Langley Soryu," the little girl whispered, "the one who lives for the admiration of others."
"I don't understand," Asuka edged away from the little girl, who stared straight ahead without looking at her.
"You are driven by a need to be accepted, to be praised and loved, but you are also afraid," the girl replied, squeezing the teddy bear more tightly.
Something flashed in her mind. An electrical cord, looped into a noose. A doll. A ceiling fan. Darkness.
She clutched her head. "No. Stop it."
"You are afraid if you allow others into your heart, you will betray Mama."
"I said shut up!" Asuka screamed, kicking at the girl.
Her foot passed through the little girl who slowly turned to face her. Her eyes were buttons, and her mouth was sewn shut with yarn, blood trickling from her lips. It flowed more freely when her wounded face twisted into a smile.
"Die with me, Asuka."
SSSSS
Shinji ran to the other end of the car as he heard Asuka screamed, wound up, and punched the doors as hard as he could. To his horror, he bounced back, his knuckles bleeding from the impact. His jaw dropped in shock, and he rounded on the three yellow aliens, seated in the middle of the car.
"Why can't I open this door?"
"She is afraid of you," said the first alien.
"She is afraid of herself," said the second alien.
"You can open the door," said the third alien. "You can do anything."
He looked down at his bleeding hands. He could do anything? He reached for the door again, tugged at it, pounded on the metal, but it bent and warped under his hands, refusing to budge. Asuka screamed again, long and loud, a gurgling cry of agony.
"Stop it! Stop it! Go away!"
"Asuka! Asuka listen to me, I'm here!"
"No!" she screamed back, "You won't do anything! You won't help me! You won't even hold me!"
"Do you see?" said the first alien.
"Do you see?" said the second alien.
"He does not see," said the third alien.
"I don't want to die!"
"Asuka, listen to me, you have to let me in. I'm here, I want to help you. Open the doors."
"I can't! It won't let me! Leave me alone!"
"Damn it, no! You have to let me in! I can get us out!"
In frustration, he punched the door again. The metal bent inwards, the opaque windows cracking into a hundred shards, but the doors did not fall. Panting, he turned to the three aliens.
"She is beginning to believe," they said in unison.
"Asuka, I don't want you to die," he pleaded, "I want to help you. I want to hold you. Just let me in."
"I can't," she said, more weakly this time. "It won't let me. Just let me die."
"No!" he grabbed the doors, "No! No!"
He pulled on the metal and it gave just a bit more, parting enough for her to see. Asuka lay on the floor, an extension cord wrapped around her neck, tied into a crude noose. Some thing like a monstrous raggedy-ann doll held the other end, looped through one of the hanging handles that swung from the roof of the train. The thing hugged the cord with stumpy felt arms and plodded along the seats on stump felt legs, pulling on the noose, drawing it tighter. Asuka's neck began to lift from the floor and she choked, her eyes widening.
"Asuka," he cried, "I'm right here. Look at me."
She turned her head slightly, her unfocused gaze falling on him. The doll gave a tiny, angry grunt and slid back a few paces. The cord slackened, and Asuka drew a rattling, agonized breath, color flooding back into her face.
"Shinji? Why are you dressed up like Superman?"
"Asuka, listen to me. I can't get through the doors unless you let me. It's trying to keep me out."
"Why should I bother," she sobbed, "You'll just leave me. Everyone leaves me."
"I won't."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
The doors gave a bit more. He could reach into the other car, reach for her. "I'm almost there. Come on, Asuka. I'm right here."
She sat up a little, and the doll screamed in fury, a tiny sound that nevertheless filled the cabin. It broke into a run, dragging the cord along with it. The noose around her neck jerked and yanked her upright and her gurgling scream died off in a hoarse rattle. Her eyes flew wide and she flailed, reaching for him. With a final grunt of effort he shoved the doors aside, ran into the room and scooped her up. A twist of his wrist snapped the cord and she threw her arms around his neck.
"You came for me," she said, "you came for me."
"I'm here."
The doll trotted up to them. "You can't have her, not-lilim," it snarled, "She is mine."
He took a step back. The doll was getting bigger, and as he watched it double in size, then had to hunch over in the train car, its raggedy hair brushing the ceiling. It stared at him with blank button eyes, breathing on him with hot breath like rotting meat. Asuka whimpered, pressing against him.
"If you want her, you have to go through me."
The thing laughed at him, reaching for them with yarn fingers. It appeared, just like that, just vanished from one spot to the other, appearing behind him. No matter which way he turned, it was there, wrapping its yarn fingers around Asuka's arm, pulling at her. She whimpered soundlessly and tugged at him, feebly resisting the creature as it tried to drag her out of his arms. Its hot breath stank of hospital disinfectant and the cloying, sickly smell of death and disease. Hot tears ran down its face.
"Mama," Asuka sobbed, "mama no, I don't want to go."
Shinji stared into the thing's eyes, and they were not buttons anymore. They were cores.
His eyes narrowed. Heat lanced out.
"Burn."
The doll screamed, catching all at once, its body bursting into flames with a throaty whump that filled the car with smoke. He backed away from it, but the cloying soot swirled in his lungs anyway, until he backed along the wall. Each breath became more difficult, and his lungs burned, pumping the thick air in and out of his lungs. He coughed, and red ichor swirled in front of his face. The world around him wavered.
He glanced through the ruined door.
"What is real?" said the first alien.
"How do you define real?" said the second alien.
"Is this real?" said the third.
He looked around. Of course. None of this made any sense, they weren't on a train car, Asuka was in her Eva, he was… somewhere. None of this was happening. He closed his eyes, concentrating. When he opened them, he was startled to find himself inside the entry plug, Asuka curled up in his embrace, her eyes closed. She took ragged, gasping breaths of clouded, heavy LCL. The Eva around them was dark and silent, the batteries nearly drained. He let out a sigh. Of course it was all a dream. At least in the dream he could save her.
do not be afraid
"Who are you?" Asuka whispered without opening her eyes.
i will take you home
Something around them stirred, and he heard a heartbeat like thunder.
SSSSS
"Misato, this is crazy," Mari demanded from Unit-02's plug, "we can't do this."
"We have no choice," Misato replied, staring at the red Eva and the great shadow beyond, "the Commander has given us orders."
The eyes of the command center focused on her.
"It's not right," the girl replied. "We have to give them a chance. He can get her out. I know he can."
It had been three days, three days of waiting and silence. There was no signal from the umbilical, and on the second day the frayed end of it slid out of the shadow, leaving the Evangelion inside behind. Three days of waiting, three days of silence. Now, the flying wings approached, carrying the bulk of the world's N2 arsenal, ready to drop them into the shadow in desperate hope that it would kill the Angel before it decided to move on Dogma. If it happened to vaporize Unit-01, Asuka, and Superman, the Commander considered that an acceptable loss.
Mari squealed in alarm and Unit-02 jumped back from the edge of the shadow as the spherical three dimensional "shadow" of the hyper-dimensional angle swirled into being, the shadow beneath it rippling wildly, like the sea in a summer storm. One side of the shadow bulged outward, giving the whole thing an egg shape before a purple fist punched through it, followed by Evangelion Unit-01, emerging in a sea of blood like a bizarre parody of birth. The Eva bellowed, jaws open wide, eyes gleaming with hate. With a roar, the Eva fell to the streets below, stumbling into one of the armored support buildings. It slumped after letting out a final ululating bellow.
"Is that what we're piloting?" Mari whispered.
As Unit-02 plodded towards Unit-01, the plug ejected, spiraling outwards. The door opened in a flood of LCL, and Superman stepped out, an unconscious Asuka cradled in his arms. He lighted gently on the ground and started walking towards the oncoming support crew, racing towards him at breakneck speed in Humvees and vans.
The stunned silence in the command center lasted for half a heartbeat before a thunderous cheer erupted all around Misato. She closed her eyes and whispered a prayer of silent thanks. Even Fuyutsuki couldn't help but laugh. The mirth died in this throat when he glanced at Ikari, who sat brooding in silence behind tented hands.
SSSSS
Asuka awoke and sat bolt upright in the hospital bed, looking around frantically. Rei waited patiently beside her, her arms folded on her lap, still in her plug suit. Asuka fixed her gaze on her.
"Where is he?"
"Who?"
"Shinji. He was in the plug with me."
The girl cocked her head to one side, confused. "Shinji was not in the plug with you. You had a dream."
She flopped back in the bed. "I thought he was. I heard his voice."
"Superman was in the plug with you. You must have admitted him after your Eva sank into the Angel."
Asuka let out a long, heavy sigh. "I thought it was him. I really did. I heard his voice."
"You were in a state of shock. I will tell him that you asked for him. The Commander will not let him see you now."
Asuka nodded, ruffling the pillow under her head, and drifted off to sleep, without really meaning to.
Later, in the darkness, her eyes opened wide.
"No way," she whispered.