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Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you. - Sven Goran Eriksson

Last Child of Krypton

Chapter 12- Can You Read My Mind

Shinj Ikari stood alone in the forest of the dead, the sun at his back and the wind in his hair. Around him black aluminum poles teemed, standing in their endless thousands in mute witness to the horror that was Second Impact. He could listen to a dozen lectures, watch a hundred documentaries, see picture after picture, but none affected him so much as this. Stretching out like bare stalks of harvested crops, the waist high poles covered the surrounding hills in every direction, filling the limits of a normal man's sight. It took a great deal of effort on his part to find the one that he sought.

YUI IKARI

His mother had not died in the Impact. If she had, he would never have been born. He stood and stared and fought, fought as hard as he could, and found the bonds of memory stronger than the toughest steel, ever resisting him. No matter how hard he concentrated on that name he could not remember her face, and so a tear flowed down his face, the tear of a living god for times lost. His hands clenched as he heard the VTOL transport approaching. He did not look as it crossed the periphery of his vision, setting down in the fields to his left, spraying him with hot air and a cloud of thin, red dust like dried blood.

"It's been a while," Gendo Ikari said as he approached, composed as ever, impenetrable behind reflective glasses.

"Years," Shinji said tersely, thrusting his hands in his pockets. "There are no pictures?"

"None. I destroyed them all."

"Why? Why would you do that? I forgive you for sending me away. I forgive you for ignoring me. I don't care. Why did you take her face away from me?"

"I keep what I need of her in my heart. That is enough for now."

"You threatened Asuka. I don't like that."

Shinji faced him, stared through his glasses, right through his skull. He didn't blink, he didn't back down, he didn't move.

"Do you think you can change fate?"

"Yes," Shinji said.

"I see," Gendo said, and turned away. Shinji watched him walk up the ramp into the VTOL, watched it take off. It flew away and faded into the midday sky and Shinji turned to leave his mother's empty grave.

SSSSS

"There's still time," Kozo said, looking over his shoulder at Shinji walking away from the grave, a tiny moving figure among the vast field of monuments.

"No," Gendo replied without turning to him, "Time is the one thing we no longer have."

SSSSS

"I'm home," Shinji said as he entered the apartment. No one greeted him in reply.

In the living room, Asuka sat on the couch, playing a video game on Misato's television. The soft afternoon light softened the harsh flashing of the screen on her face as she concentrated on the screen. She jumped a little when she noticed him.

"You're home," she said, turning back to the game. "Misato has that wedding tonight. She already called and said don't wait up."

He nodded and went to drop his bag in his room, then emerged with a deep sigh. "I have to do her laundry again. I'll make dinner when I get back."

"I asked her to give you the night off," she said, torqueing the controller in her hand as if it would affect the game.

"Thanks, I guess," he called back from the kitchen. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"Come here."

He walked out into the living room. She eyed him the entire time. She turned off the game console and pulled her legs under her and leaned against the back of the couch, studying him. She drummed her fingers against her head for a moment, and her eyes narrowed.

"Sit down."

He sat down next to her and folded his hands in his lap. "Yeah?"

She looked at him a moment longer. "Kiss me."

"What? Why?"

She shrugged. "I'm bored. It'll pass the time. Wait, what do you mean why? I say 'kiss me' and you say why?"

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "It's just that I've, uh, you know, never…"

She smirked. "Oh. I see. Close your eyes."

He blinked in confusion, then did as she said, pressing his eyes shut. He felt the warmth as he drew near, felt her hot breath play across his skin, but the contact didn't come. He opened an eye. "What?"

"These will get in the way," she said, and gingerly pulled his glasses away from his face, folded them, and set them on her lap.

She closed her eyes and he closed his again, and she rested her hand on his neck, drawing him in, tilting his head just a bit. They were close, very close, and then it happened. Her lips touched his, warm and moist and tasting ever so slightly of strawberries from the lip gloss she wore, open just a touch so that he could taste her breath, feel it mingle with hers. He shuddered, his belly muscles contracting involuntarily.

Gingerly, without opening his eyes, he put an arm around her and drew her into a second, deeper kiss, longer and harder. She shifted her weight onto him and he put his other arm around her waist to support her, and soon she was only his lap, her head above his, holding his chin with both hands. She drew back again and fell against him onto his shoulder and breathed a soft sigh under his chin.

"Wow," he said.

"Wow," she smiled.

"Asuka?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you wait here a minute? I need to show you something."

She looked up at him, but said nothing, sliding off his lap into the couch. He rose, a little less steadily than he expected, and went to his room. He closed the screen door behind him, stooped to the lowest drawer of his little nightstand, and pulled it open. Stuffed behind a few rolled up socks was the one thing he'd kept hidden here since he arrived in Tokyo-3. He pulled the old cigar box out and took it into the living room, and sat down beside her.

"One day when I was little, I was chased by some bullies," he said, holding the box in his lap. "When I got home, the teacher I lived with took me out to the shed behind our little house and showed me this." He took a deep breath. "When I was very young, my mother… she was gone, and my father sent me away to live with an old teacher of hers. She left this to him, for me."

"These are my mother's glasses." he touched the folded frames in her lap, "I found them in here."

He opened the box. Inside was the glasses case and the little scrap of cloth, blue, with that symbol on it. Asuka picked it up and held it in her hands, confused. "This looks like…"

He picked up the bundled object beside the glasses case and unwrapped it, so she could see. The crystal played with the light, spreading a hundred tiny points around the room like stars. She ran her finger over it, staring at it in awe, her own reflection split and refracted a thousand ways.

"I think this will work," he said. "Take my hand and hold the crystal."

She took hold of one end and took his hand in the other, and he let the cloth fall away, exposing the surface to his touch. His fingers played across the surface, brushing lightly against hers, and the crystal began to hum, pulsing with an inner light that filled the room with the bright, cool tones of mid-day.

They were in a room. Asuka looked down and squeaked and almost let go, drawing closer to Shinji; they sat on nothing but air. She looked around, confused. They were in a crowded workshop, surrounded by machinery and lab benches, themselves covered with ornate, complex tools of strange design. The room was dominated by a ten foot long, silvery rocket. A man bent over it, fiddling with its innards through an open panel in the forward section. He sighed deeply and turned around.

"Are you seeing this?" Asuka said softly.

Shinji nodded. "He can't hear us. It's a recording. Watch."

The man was tall, his lined face crowned by salt-and-pepper black hair, his eyes a deep, piercing blue. He wore a sort of tunic over a black bodysuit, and clasped his hands behind his back.

"If you are seeing this," he said, "than my last experiment has been a success. I am your father. The vessel you see behind me carried a powerful, semi-organic supercomputer to your world, where it made it contact with your birth mother and offered her the opportunity to carry to term a hybrid of our two species."

"My name is Jor-El. I come from the planet Krypton. Our world is dying. Our sun, Rao, will go supernova at any moment- perhaps a day, perhaps a year. Radiation from the dying star has rendered our population infertile. There will be no more children born on Krypton. Our ruling Science Council has forbidden us from leaving the planet, for fear of contaminating other races with our knowledge, culture and technology. We believe that other beings must evolve and thrive on their own."

"I disagree with this ruling, but I was overridden. I have constructed this probe in secret, in defiance of our laws, so that after our race has been extinguished, we may live on. I believe that we, as an enlightened and powerful race, have a responsibility to aid others and uplift them from their suffering. I have carefully scanned all worlds within range of this experimental hyperdrive and identified those in greatest need. I have chosen a world called Earth, in a distant spiral arm of our galaxy. The people there are in grave danger. Their world is threatened by powerful, non-native beings. Its people cry out for justice, for a champion."

"My wife, Lara, passed away not long ago from cancer caused by the radiation. If we had a son, we would have named him Kal-El. Though you have been raised among human beings, my child, you are not one of them. The yellow sun of Earth and its low gravity will grant you abilities far beyond those of your peers. Use them wisely. Those who share your world are beset by ignorance and strife, but they are a good people, my child, they wish to be. It is for this reason, their capacity for good, that I have sent them you: The last child of Krypton."

The vision faded as abruptly as it began, leaving them seated on Misato's cough. Asuka's mouth worked silently for a moment, her eyes wide. She dropped the crystal as if it were on fire and jumped up, backing away from Shinji. He recoiled in surprise.

"Asuka, what-"

"I knew it! Why didn't you tell me? Don't you trust me? Who else knows, huh? Misato? Toji?"

"No," he said, "No, no one else. I never told anyone else. Kaji knew-"

"Kaji?"

He put his hands up in a gesture of contrition. "He knew before you got here, Asuka. He confronted me, after the plane. I was… I was scared."

"Scared? What the hell do you have to be scared of? You can't be hurt!"

"I… I was scared of this." he said, turning his head from her.

"What?" she demanded, "What? Huh? What's so scary?"

"I… I was afraid if I told you, you wouldn't see me when you look at me anymore. You'd see somebody I'm not."

"What do you mean?" she snapped, edging closer.

"I'm not Superman. I'm just Shinji," he said, his voice cracking, "I'm Shinji Ikari. I grew up at my uncle's house. I miss my mother. I hate school. The other things… they're things I do, they're not who I am. I don't want to be famous. I don't care if people take my picture or whatever. I just don't want anybody to be hurt."

"Oh," she planted her fists on her hips, "is that it? Poor Asuka can't take care of herself, I'll fly in and save her? Is that it?"

"I… I'm sorry," he whispered. "It's not that, I… I like you."

She stared at him for a minute, her fists quivering at her sides.

"The chocolate," she said, "Where did you get the chocolate?"

He blinked. "What?"

"The chocolates," she said, "you bought me a box of chocolates. Where did you get them?"

"I… Germany. I bought them in Germany."

She edged closer to him. "Why?"

"You were so sad. I just wanted you to feel better. I wanted to see you smile."

"You mean that, don't you? You really do. The last Angel, the train, that really was you, wasn't it?"

He nodded.

"Why? You flew into that thing, what, to come after me? You could have died. Why would you do that? How could you be so stupid?"

He stood there for a minute, looking at her. She was inscrutable, her arms crossed beneath her chest. He was stunned by her speed when she slapped him. It actually stung. He touched his cheek in surprise.

He was even more stunned when she knocked the glasses and the box and the crystal to the floor, jumped on him, and locked her lips to his again.

SSSSS

Misato had always been talented at choosing the best time and place to vomit. She leaned one hand against the brick wall of some poor florist's shop and retched, spewing the thin, mucinous puke of someone who has just engaged in the level of drinking that causes others to remark, If a woman drinks like that, and she does not eat, she is going to die. Kaji, in the most universal and widespread signal of love known to man, held her hair and supported her about the waist as she shivered and stumbled, trying to stand up. She fell against his shoulder, the spaghetti strap of her black evening gown sliding down her shoulder. He pulled it back up and pressed against her, keeping her from falling.

"I think you overdid it, Katsuragi."

"Of courth I did," she slurred. "I hate weddin's. You know why I hate weddin's?"

"No, Katsuragi, why?" he said. Best to keep her awake.

"'Cause they remind me of how I'm sthtupid," she giggled, poking him in the chest. "Thath why."

"You're not stupid." He sighed.

She started to fall and he grabbed her, stooping to situate her weight on his chest. Sighing, he got an arm under her knees and picked her up. She fell against his chest and sloppily put an arm around his shoulders and her breath stank of bile and booze, almost overpowering her lavender perfume. He grunted as he started to walk, bearing her weight.

"I'm thtupid. I shouldna left."

"No," he said, "I'm stupid. I should have chased you."

At length he came to her apartment block and was able to set her down on her bare feet, her high heels left somewhere along the way. He fished in her pocket for her keys as he helped her up the stairs and opened the apartment, careful not to disturb Asuka and Shinji, who were probably asleep this late at night.

"Are you feeling me up," she giggled.

"Yes, Katsuragi, I'm feeling you up," he sighed as he led her to the bedroom. Once inside he slid the screen door closed behind them and helped her get seated on her futon, helped her shimmy out of her dress, and pulled a nightshirt on over her nakedness. He laid her down on her side and made sure her head was supported in case she vomited again as her breathing slowed and slackened, signaling the onset of sleep.

Stinking of puke and lavender, he stood up and sighed, heading for the door. He thought he heard a giggle from the other side of the apartment and so stealthily slipped down to Shinji's room and slid the door open just a crack, and then pushed it open the rest of the way to find Asuka lying atop Shinji under a blanket on his futon.

"You snuck up on me," Shinji said, "me. How do you do that?"

Asuka giggled, offering him a rare, warm, genuine smile. Kaji almost found himself smiling.

"Two questions. One, are you both wearing underwear?"

"Yes," Asuka said indignantly, "Just what kind of a…"

"Did you… you know?"

"No," Shinji said in that honest, disarming tone of his.

"Are you going to?"

"Not today," Asuka said, resting her head on his chest.

"That's good. I'm going to let this go this time," he smirked, "but I had better not learn of you two pulling this little stunt again. Sleep in your own beds."

"Yes, Dad," Asuka said sarcastically.

"Is Misato okay?" Shinji asked, dodging the subject.

"You're not getting out of this that easy," Kaji smirked, "but she'll be fine. I've seen worse."

"Kaji?" Asuka said. "Will you stay with us?"

"What, you mean in there? That would be kind of weird."

"No," she said, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

"You don't want me to stay for you, do you?"

"No," she said, smirking. "You can't fly."

Kaji blinked. "You told her? I told you not to tell her. I guess she took it better than I expected."

By way of reply, Asuka stuck her tongue out at him.

"Okay," he said, "let's make a deal. I'm going to go in there and I'm going to lie down next to Katsuragi. I should probably make sure she doesn't aspirate anyway. If I wake up in the morning and she asks me to stay, I'll stay. How does that sound?"

"That sounds like a plan." Shinji said.

"Get some sleep, you two," he slid the door closed, "It's a school day tomorrow."

SSSSS

That next day was indeed a school day, and it was on that school day that a most peculiar thing happened, one so peculiar that all who looked upon it took note, although it was a surprise to very few. What happened was that one Shinji Ikari walked into homeroom at the precise same time as one Asuka Langley-Soryu, who happened to be holding his hand. At that moment, even Hikari, who's first thought was to chide them for an infraction against the school rules against public displays of affection, squealed with delight, followed shortly by all hell breaking loose as Toji Suzahara started a cheer that went 'round the classroom, utterly befuddling the poor teacher, who was just going to get to the good part of his lecture on life before Second Impact today.

The mood was so light that even Rei Ayanami favored the world with her small, sad smile, and a certain miss Mari Makinami showed her favor by jumping up and down, which only increased Shinji's favor with the male student body, particularly one Kensuke Aida, whom in her excitement she hugged, his head being at about the level of her chest, which made him very happy. The room was so utterly bereft of discipline that it took five tries for the message from the office to get through on the loudspeaker.

"Toji Suzahara, please report to the main office."

"Aww, what'd I do now?" he grinned.