Athor's Note; I fully intended on this being the last chapter. But then it took on a life of its own. So I give you chapter four, which is not the ending I had in mind at all but I…kind of like it. Next chapter will probably be the end, though, cause I have at least four more ideas I want to get started on. (I saw a picture of Max Adler in that red beret, and imagined it black, like they wear in the army. And now I have an inspiration.) I wouldn't have made it this far without all your lovely reviews. Thank you!
Warnings - OOC, Futurefic, boyonboy sexy times, bad grammar, language….Hopefully I covered it.
Kurt, baby, you can run and hide and not answer your phone, but I will still find a way to talk to you. Call me. Now.
Kurt groaned at his Facebook message from Mercedes. He'd been avoiding his cell and internet since buying the Book. Needless to say, he had many notification and message alerts. Normally he got excited to see that little red bubble. Now he just felt sick.
He closed his laptop without replying to any of them. He'd call Mercedes later, he told himself in an effort to lessen his guilt. When he'd finished reading. That way, he'd have something to talk about. It was Saturday morning, thankfully. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to concentrate at school, and who knew what his poor students would have sang instead of the amazing Broadway mash up he'd spent all year planning?
"I found myself thinking, more than once, that it was actually perfect. I could still be the way I was, and no one had to know. Just be normal the rest of the time, and my reward was the hottest guy I know all but begging for me when we were alone.
But you can only fool yourself so long."
"Like I ever begged," Kurt scoffed, but only half heartedly. The truth was, he had come close several times. And besides, being referred to as the hottest guy Karofsky knew - well, it made him a little less bitchy.
"I remember when I realized I wanted more. It was senior prom. For the second year, I went with Santana. He went with his ex, although he insisted to anyone who asked that they were just friends. We spent part of our night with them, because Santana was friends with their whole singing group."
"And friends-with-benefits to several." Kurt didn't remember being jealous of her at all. Not one bit. Well, unless he was being honest.
"His stupid ex was right there next to him the whole night, and they danced. He was looking at him with those big dreamy eyes, and I wanted to punch someone for it. How could he look at him that way if I was the one he was fooling around with? How could he be normal around that arrogant prick?
That's when it hit me. Kyle wanted normal. He deserved normal. Not mutual moments when no one was around with someone who couldn't even be honest with himself. He needed someone who was just as open and true as he was. He needed someone like that asshole with the gelled up hair."
Kurt laughed to himself. Blaine. He talked Kurt into going to prom with him, only because Kurt didn't want to go alone. Kurt spent the whole night trying not to look at Dave or hate Santana. Later, on the way home, they kissed, and Kurt tried to make himself feel something, but he didn't. Blaine wanted more than just kisses, and while he had a persuasive argument - the good ol' "Baby please, it's prom. It's special. I need you. Baby, Baby." defense - Kurt sent him on his way home, so he'd have time to think about….well, what it meant when a really hot guy wanted to be with you, in public and everything, but you couldn't help wishing he was someone else. Someone who was probably trying to get into that stupid slut's amazing strapless dress, just to convince himself he wasn't into boys.
"I agonized about it all night. I knew this was going to be my whole life, if I didn't come out of the closet. So the next morning, over breakfast, I told my parents."
"Kyle and I didn't have sex after that. We didn't talk. There was a graduation party, but other than a nod we didn't acknowledge each other.
A part of me had thought coming out would make everything magically snap into place. It didn't. While I felt better about my family knowing, I didn't tell anyone at school. There was only a few weeks left until graduation, and I was planning on leaving and never looking back."
Kurt finished the book a few hours later. In the end Karofsky came out to his family and was able to finally drop his shield or some drivel like that. Kurt stared at the author's photo on the last page. Really, it wasn't fair. Karofsky looked exactly as he had in Kurt's dream the night before, right down to the five o'clock shadow. It made his chest ache. Why did he have to be so handsome? If only ten years could have handed him, say, baldness, or a beer gut, or maybe a tragic accident that left half his face under a mask for fear of scaring innocent children.
"Kyle and I didn't have sex after that." He kept focusing on it. "Kyle and I didn't have sex after that." Really? That's not how Kurt remembered it.
The way Kurt remembered it, it was two weeks after prom and a week before graduation. The two weeks had gone by with no word from Dave. Not even a glance in the halls. It had left Kurt feeling even more hollow inside, even though he tried to write it off as anxiety about school ending. Because there was no way he was upset about Dave Karofsky ignoring him. Hell, that's what he wanted for four years right? But every day that went by made it harder and harder to ignore - he missed him.
Which is why, when he headed to his car after school and saw Karofsky leaning against his own truck, which was conveniently parked next to him, he followed him home. And then followed him inside. And upstairs. And into Karofsky's bedroom.
Kurt really, really didn't want to admit to himself that he felt like a puppy just then, overjoyed at the tiniest scrap of attention from his owner. After two weeks, he should have just gone home. Or said something, at least, but neither one of them had said a word so far. Karofsky was just staring at him in that weird intense way that made Kurt incredibly nervous and turned on at the same time.
Slowly, he took a step forward, then another, and one more until he was finally close enough to touch. He licked his lips without thinking about it, and Dave finally, finally leaned in to kiss him. Kurt let out a relieved sigh without meaning to, but the rush hit him and suddenly he was clinging to Dave's neck and trying to get his shirt off. But to his surprise, Dave pushed his hands away. When opened his mouth to ask why, Dave kissed him again, surprisingly sweet this time. One hand worked its way into Kurt's hair, the other stayed on his waist. He kept it slow, making Kurt a little apprehensive. This was just sex. It had always been just sex, fast and desperate and hot, just the two of them getting off.
It wasn't…this gentle pressure and lingering kisses. Dave was supposed to be bending him over the side of the bed, not lowering him down on the pillows and kissing his way down Kurt's chest. Kurt was supposed to be arching his back against a broad chest, not against the mattress when a mouth closed around his cock. And Dave was supposed to jerk him from behind until he came, not pull away when he was close just to kiss him all slow again. It wasn't supposed to take this long to stretch him out and get him ready.
And even though he'd missed it while it was gone, Dave's cock shouldn't have felt so good when it was in him as deep as it could be. And there shouldn't have been more of those kissed while he adjusted, and it should have been fast and precise, not….not like this. He shouldn't have looked into Dave's eyes and lost his breath.
It shouldn't have been what he always imagined sex would be. And he shouldn't have felt so much like saying "I love you" when it was over.
Kurt pulled himself out of yet another flashback to find himself crying. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose and tried not to be upset that Karofsky had apparently forgotten about that afternoon. The one that scared Kurt so much he avoided Karofsky at all costs, all the way until the end of summer when he went to New York.
He had purposely avoided thinking about it this whole time. At the time, he'd assumed it was just a good bye fuck, and it didn't mean anything to Karofsky. Just like it shouldn't have meant anything to him. And obviously it didn't mean anything, or it would have found its way into that stupid book. Stuff like that sells. So why would he leave it out, unless he forgot about it?
Kurt's chest ached at that thought. He tried to block it, but it was still hard to breathe. So instead, he got angry. How could Karofsky had forgotten? He was the one to initiate it. Kurt would have been perfectly fine with not seeing him again, then it would have just been a hot memory. Not….not confusing like it got afterwards.
He seethed, for awhile. And then he got an idea. Pulling his laptop closer, he googled "Address Search."