Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.

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BPOV

I stood in the dying heat of the humid early summer day, the material of my black dress clinging to my skin. I put my hand on the stone slab. Why did everything good in my life always end so terribly?

First, I had lost my first love. He had grown bored with me and left me broken. Then my best friend, I'd wanted to love him but I couldn't. Not like that. I didn't have it in me to give then. He put the pieces of me back together but I wasn't ready to love someone. He hurt me when he left me, then I found out about the wolves and I hurt him. Paul, my angry lover. Jacob saw in his mind not two hours after one of our legendary screaming matches had turned into another kind of screaming match all together. It was just after Charlie had been killed. A nomadic vampire we later learned was a scout for Victoria. He forgave me for hurting him but our friendship never fully recovered. He knew I didn't love Paul, not like that, like he wanted me to love him, the forever kind of love. Paul and I were physical, we fought and we fucked and on some level we understood and supported each other, we were both damaged. Then Victoria came with her army and I buried Paul. I had loved him. It wasn't the same as I had loved Edward or as I loved Jacob, it was raw and physical but it was real. I hadn't fully understood until I'd held him in my arms while he died from the poisonous vampire venom, then I knew, we might not have been meant for forever but I'd have been happy with him, I'd have loved him well all the days of my life and been content in his love for me. It wasn't meant to be, I wasn't his imprint; we were not each others forever love and he died there in my arms tearing another piece away from my tattered heart and soul.

That was when I left Forks. I wanted to go somewhere that was nothing like Forks or Phoenix, somewhere that held no memories so I jumped on a bus going to New Orleans and never looked back. The first person I met there was Luc Jourdain; he was a detective with dark hair and dark eyes, which were haunted by the ugly of the world. He also had a sweet and sexy smile that quirked up a little further on the left because of a small scar on his right upper lip, it made him look mischievous, mysterious and so sexy. I found a job in a bar and Luc and I became friends and then lovers. Loving him was easy, it was so much different than Edward, Jake or Paul and yet it was like loving all of them in one person. He was so smooth and confident like Edward, so sweet, kind and laidback like Jacob and yet he was dark and intense like Paul at the same time. We'd sit and talk for hours, he'd take me for rides on the back of his motorcycle or we wouldn't speak at all, he'd come over and kiss me in that intense way, his eyes dark, haunted and yet on fire. I was surprised how quickly and easily I fell in love with him.

I moved into his place after only a couple months, it was after a homicide occurred two doors down from my building, he moved me in for a few days while they caught the guy and we just fell into living together. I had never lived with a man before. Well, my dad and then Sam and Emily after his death but Paul and I knew what we had would end, it was sex and friendship, one day he would imprint, would have imprinted, and I would have been happy for him.

Luc and I were out with his team when I found out I was pregnant. Luc asked me to marry him. I surprised myself when I said yes. I had never thought of myself as the marriage type but I loved him and I was sure our life would be a good one. I quit the bar and took a part time job at a coffee shop. Luc still worked crazy hours with the homicide department but I wouldn't change him for anything.

We had a small ceremony with a few friends from the bar and his team at the precinct and then we all went out for dinner, it was simple and sweet and exactly what I wanted. I was just over three months pregnant and two months married when I got the call that my mother had died. We'd only spoken twice since Charlie's death.

Luc took the time from work and we took his motorcycle to Texas where she and Phil had apparently moved when he was offered a decent coaching job for a team there. He was better at it than playing I guess because now he was assistant coach for the Texas Rangers and he had been strictly minor league as a player.

We took our time on the ride out and spent a weekend for the funeral and to help him sort out her affairs. He'd had her cremated like she'd wanted.

It was on the way back that my world fell apart again.

When it rained it poured.

Within a year and a half my first love left me, my father was murdered and then my first lover was killed taking out the psychotic bitch trying to kill me. Two years after that and within a couple weeks, I lost my mother, my new husband and the worst thing of all, my unborn child.

I don't know how long I was there but at some point I'd dropped to the ground, tears streaming down my face, my hand still resting on the sun warmed stone of Luc's grave. Remy found me there, lifting me into his arms and carrying me out of the graveyard. I buried my face into his neck and cried. I had been crying since I had woken up in the hospital a week agio and been told my husband and unborn child were dead. They all acted like I should be grateful to be alive. I wasn't. I wanted to be in Luc's arms, dancing slowly to old jazz and dreaming about our baby.