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BPOV

It had been six months since I had lost my husband and child; I was working in a small town in Maine. After I had left Forks, I wanted a place the opposite of everything Forks and La Push were, I had found a new life in New Orleans. After leaving there, I wanted the opposite of it. I couldn't be anywhere that reminded me of Luc. I ended up in a tiny town in Maine with less than a thousand residents called Winter Harbor. I worked at a small family owned inn where room and board were included with some spending money as pay.

I had rented a room and the older lady who ran the place had sat with me over tea after I'd broken down when her granddaughter came over to me and asked if I had any kids for her to play with during my stay. Emma had come over and hugged me, shooing her granddaughter out to the garden and I'd explained everything to her. She'd offered me a place to stay for a while and a job. I suppose the place was a lot like Forks in the way that all small towns are alike but it felt different to me to. It was far enough from both places, both sets of tragic memories.

I was just finished doing some baking when I heard the bell on the door ring and went to welcome the new guests Emma had said we were expecting. My heart stopped the moment I saw who it was.

"Bella?" Esme gasped.

Carlisle turned from the shelves he was examining at her exclamation. "Bella." He stepped forward and then seemed to catch himself. He swallowed and I could see venom pooling in his eyes as they were in Esme's.

Neither of them seemed capable of saying more than my name, they just stood preternaturally still.

"Welcome to Emma's." I stepped to the desk fighting back the swell of emotions and flipped open the reservation book, everything was done by hand, "I don't see a Cullen reservation but we do have rooms available."

Carlisle seemed to recover first. "It would be booked under McCarty, a gift from my son." His voice seemed to shake.

"Yes, we were expecting a McCarty." I forced a smiled and looked back up at him, "You're here for three days?" He nodded.

"Bella," Esme's voice sounded desolate.

I looked over to her, "It's beautiful here. You'll enjoy the garden." I smiled sadly at her. "It's almost as beautiful as yours."

"Thank you."

"You've been well? All of you?"

She nodded, "Mostly."

"Mostly?" My heart began to beat a little faster.

"Perhaps we could speak over coffee?" Carlisle suggested.

"Right." I sent him a wry smile and he sent one back. I bit my lower lip but nodded, "Let me just get you checked in. We can take a walk. I'll show you the gardens." I willed myself not to cry.

"That would be lovely." Esme spoke, her voice gentle and low.

I handed them the form to fill out and took Carlisle's credit card. Once the official things had been taken care of, I had calmed myself a little.

"I'll show you to your room." Carlisle picked up their bag and I led them to the suite they had reserved. "Once you are settled in just come downstairs and I'll take a break. I just need to speak with Emma. Let her know I'm going."

"Of course." Carlisle nodded. Esme was wringing her hands. I wanted to hug her; instead, I turned and walked out of the room.

I hurried to the laundry room where Emma was ironing, "The guests arrived."

"Oh good, did you take them upstairs? Did they need anything?"

"Yes and no."

"Do they seem like a nice couple?"

"Very." I hesitated. "I know them."

She turned, surprised, "They're from New Orleans?"

I shook my head, "Forks, from before I moved to New Orleans. Do you mind if I take off for a bit? I offered to show them the gardens but" I blinked back tears, "there is a lot of history there and a lot of catching up I think."

"Of course dear. It's so quiet during the week. You go on and go, you work more than anyone."

"All the baking is done, it's just cooling."

"Such a good girl. Go on now, take the day off, god knows I owe you several you are always here helping out." Emma hugged me and then gently pushed me out the door. I went back upstairs and took a few deep breaths.

Carlisle and Esme were already in the reception area waiting for me.

I sent them a small smile, "This way." I led them out through the back and off the porch where we wandered the garden. It was some time before either of them spoke.

"I'm so sorry Bella."

"Carlisle?"

"For leaving." Esme said sadly.

"You were respecting your son's wishes, I can understand that."

"You're our daughter to." Esme's eyes filled with venom and her voice shook, "We should have stayed with you."

I took a breath but wasn't sure what to say, a part of me was angry with them but anger took so much energy. I just didn't have it in me. I was too sad. Life was to short for grudges. They had left me, I had loved them and they had broken me when they left but it had been nothing, a paper cut compared to the soul deep pain of losing my husband and child. What could I possibly say to them? They had hurt me but it was long ago, I wasn't that girl anymore. It just wasn't in me to hate them. I'd have chosen my child too and Edward had been theirs for a century, my baby hadn't even been born yet. "How are the others?" I asked instead.

"Mostly every one is good." She smiled sadly at me again.

"There's that mostly again." I teased lightly, though I couldn't keep the sadness from my voice.

"Jasper left us a month after we left Forks, he returned to his coven."

"I didn't know he had one." I breathed, my heart twisted with guilt, it was my fault he had left, he'd blamed himself, I knew he had and hated it. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't any of their faults. Except Edward. He had been looking for a reason to leave. They had loved me but whatever their reasons they had left. They had chosen Edward. It hurt but I couldn't blame them for it. I would have chosen Luc and our baby. Maybe I would even have chosen Paul. Who knew? I wasn't the girl I was when I was with Edward, I wasn't the girl I was with Paul, not even the woman Luc had married. Loving each of them, losing each of them, it had all changed me. I just wasn't the same person anymore.

"Yes." Carlisle smiled sadly, "He had left them to wander a bit when he met Alice and then joined us. They remained close over the years but it was difficult for him to spend any extended time with them while trying to maintain our diet."

"Is he not anymore?" I wasn't sure if I was asking if he wasn't struggling or just wasn't trying.

"He's mixing his diet." Esme informed me. "He kills criminals and the already dying." It seemed as though she was justifying his actions, if to herself or me I wasn't sure.

"As long as he's happy." I told her honestly. I wanted Jasper to be happy. He deserved it. He was a good man. He'd always been a good man and his words at the hotel, so honest and filled with emotion had carried me through, had helped me be strong even when I felt like dying because I wanted to blame myself for all of their pain. So much suffering and death, all because they loved me, my father and Paul, Luc and our baby, a part of me thought it was my fault, they died because they loved me and I wasn't worth it. Then I would hear Jasper's voice whispering in my ear that I was worth it. We knew so little about each other but his words touched my soul in a way few others had. He believed I was worth it, he wouldn't want me to blame myself. I knew he was worth it to and I hated that he blamed himself. Jasper was a good man. He deserved to know someone believed in him, that even now I would not be afraid of him because he was good and beautiful and strong.

"He is or I believe he is." Carlisle nodded. I was glad. I wanted Jasper to be happy. I wanted all of them to be happy. Part of me still loved all of them so much.

"Alice? Has she changed her diet as well?"

Esme looked away as fresh tears filled her eyes.

"Jasper and Alice parted ways when he returned to his own coven." Carlisle informed me. I felt another twist of guilt; I had ruined their relationship. "She spends her time pretty evenly between us and Paris."

"Is she happy?"

"She is not as she used to be but yes she is happy." Carlisle told me, wrapping an arm around Esme in comfort.

"Is it because of Jasper leaving her?" what I really meant was, was it because I had wrecked her life. I had torn apart their family. I made Jasper doubt himself and he had left her. He hadn't made Edward leave, Edward was looking for an excuse, but had I made him leave Alice? Had I stolen her heart from her, caused her the pain Edward had caused me? She had been with Jasper for decades, how much more would it hurt than it did after only the months I had spent with Edward? At least she still had the family. They hadn't left her like they'd left me. Had they left Jasper? Not physically but emotionally maybe. Had they blamed him because I had bled and hurt him? I shouldn't have even been there. It was selfish. I had known it was hard for him. I took away his safe place, his haven away from the blood lust and then I had bled there. Poor Jasper, all that blood lust feeding into him, fueling his own. It wasn't his fault; it had never been his fault. I'd bet he had better control than any of them or he would without suffering theirs on top of is own.

"No." Carlisle smiled at me, reassuring me. "They are still quite close. Jasper has become more at ease with himself, he is not the man she wanted to make him into and they are not true mates but they still love each other. Alice, she came to see that her visions were fallible, more so than she believed, not in just that the future could change with people's decisions but she learned that she could not ensure things she saw happening that were good nor always prevent them when they were bad."

"Rosalie and Emmett are living with us." Esme spoke up.

"Still together and the same?"

Esme looked away again, "None of us are the same." She whispered.

"Change does not always come easy to our kind but when it comes it tends to affect us quite thoroughly." Carlisle added just as quietly.

"I'm sorry I tore your family apart." I bit back tears, "I never meant to. I never blamed Jasper, I never" wanted you to leave, but I couldn't say the words. Esme smothered me into a hug at that point anyways.

"You didn't tear our family apart." She insisted, "We did." She was sobbing again, "The moment we left our daughter we tore our family apart."

I hugged her back, crying. Did she really feel that way? Did she think of me as a daughter, as I had thought of her as a mother? Why did she leave if she loved me? Could I blame her for choosing her son of a century over a human girl in her life for only a few months? Could she love me and still have left me? I loved Jake and left him. I left all the pack. I couldn't be there, not after Paul but it wasn't the same. Sam and Emily had taken me in after Charlie's death. They had loved me like a little sister and taken care of me but I had left them. I only spoke to them sometimes but they understood. It was too hard. Everything about La Push reminded me of Paul, my angry warrior lover and every where in Forks I saw Charlie, my quiet, supportive, loving father. It wasn't the same and I didn't understand but I couldn't really blame them. I'd have left Charlie for Edward back then. Stupid girl. I had been a stupid girl. I would have made Charlie feel this pain. No one should ever know what it was to lose a child. Esme should never have known it. She had lost a baby once. How could anyone expect her to go against her son? Even for a human girl she wanted to love like a daughter. She was a good woman put in a horrible position. Edward had done that. Made her choose. It wasn't her fault. Esme had suffered enough. After a moment, I pulled away, wiping at my eyes. "How are you? The two of you?" I sent them a small smile.

"Carlisle works to hard, apparently we both do, that's why Emmett and Rosalie booked us this trip. We thought it was for them because they used McCarty when we heard them planning but it was for us. We've been to three other towns and have one more. It's been nice. I've been antiquing and the ocean air is so nice." Esme seemed to ramble as she visibly pulled herself together.

"Where are you living now?"

"Canada." She smiled at me. "I think you'd like our home there."

"I'm sure I would. You have impeccable taste."

We sat on a bench looking over the water.

"How are you Bella?" Esme asked quietly.

I shrugged and smiled and tried not to cry. "Alright, I suppose. I turned twenty two last week." I wasn't alright. How could I ever be alright again. My baby was gone, stolen from me before I ever even had her. My husband had died three feet from me. I would never see him smile, hear him laugh or dance with him ever again. I wish he had left me like Edward had. I wish Paul had imprinted. It would have been better. So much better for them to just not have loved me anymore but they had loved me, they hadn't chosen to leave me, they'd died. They were truly gone

"I know." Esme smiled, "Happy Birthday."

We were silent a moment longer and then I wasn't sure what made me speak. "You haven't asked about the ring."

Sadness seemed to wrack Esme's entire body as she looked at me but it was Carlisle who spoke, the pain in his voice as noticeable as it was in Esme's slender form. "Alice had a vision." His voice cracked. "We tried to find you but the vision gave her no warning. You had just left New Orleans when we tracked you there. None of us were able to find you after that, though we still have someone looking."

"I'm here." I told him, pointlessly. They had looked for me, tried to save my husband and child. It meant more than I would have thought and I fought fresh tears. They hadn't just forgotten me.

"You are." Esme sobbed, leaning into Carlisle.

I wiped at my own tears, I had to know, "Did she see Charlie? Paul? My mother? Was it only Luc? Did she only see me lose him?" I couldn't stop the flood of tears. Why hadn't she stopped any of it? Had she not seen? Why would she see this and not them?

"We learned of your parents deaths while looking for you. Alice never saw it. She never looked for you. Edward made her swear not to. They fought for a long time about it but he told us he promised you that we would stay away and let you live out your own life without our interference. He told us it was what you wanted, for us to just let you move on and heal from us. This vision just hit her, perhaps because it was your life in danger. We didn't mean to try to interfere in your life but we thought you were going to die. We just wanted to protect you. To save your life."

"I'm still alive." A trace of bitterness laced the pain in my voice.

We sat in silence for a long time and then I got up and walked inside. I went to my room, curled up on my bed and cried. Edward had made them all leave, told them it was what I wanted. How could he have hurt me like that? Hurt them like that? Why?