Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.

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A/N - I had a review for the last chapter I couldn't reply to so am answering the question here. No. Bella has not told the Cullen's what Edward said to her when he left. She hasn't really talked to them much about their leaving four years ago. She sees their pain and joy at seeing her and is happy to see them, to not be alone in the darkness that remains after losing Luc and her daughter. Carlisle and Esme were parents to her and right now she is just tired and sad and while she is still hurt by what happened she put it behind her long ago and is relieved to sink into the comfort and love they are offering. What she is going through is impossibly hard and dealing with the betrayal of Edward four years ago is just to much for her now. That is not to say they will not learn of it or that she will not express her pain and anger eventually, who knows. Well I do but wait and read. lol. Thanks for the review.

BPOV

I sank into the buttery leather of Carlisle's Mercedes. The flight had been short but the crying baby had been hard for me. Babies were hard for me. My own would have been born sometime right around now. In my dreams, I'd see Luc dancing to soft jazz with our baby girl in his arms, her hair was soft brown like mine, her eyes dark as his, he'd be humming gently as he rocked her and look over at me with that slightly crooked smile and say 'Come dance with me cher. I just want to hold you a while'. I always woke up crying from these dreams. I hadn't even known she'd been a girl until the doctor had told me I'd lost my daughter in the attack. Remy, Luc's best friend, fellow detective and foster brother had held me while I'd cried for hours over my sweet little girl who I would never get the joy of meeting.

"Did you tell Emmett and Rosalie I was coming?"

"Yes. They are both very excited." Esme smiled back at me. "Are you feeling alright after the flight? Would you like to stop and eat somewhere? The house is three hours outside Toronto."

"I'm fine for now thank you Esme."

As usual with a vampire driving, the three-hour drive was complete in just under two and a half.

"Oh." Esme's happy exclamation startled me into looking up and out the windshield to see the beautiful mansion nestled into the surrounding woods.

"What?"

"We have visitors." She smiled back at me, "That's Jasper's truck."

The anxiety her first three words caused was eased by her second. It would be nice to see Jasper.

"His control will not be an issue Bella, nor will his coven's if they are with him."

"I'm sure it won't." I agreed with Carlisle easily.

"Alice!" Esme gasped, everything about her exuding happiness.

I looked back to the mansion as saw the tiny shape of my best friend on the front steps.

Carlisle pulled to a stop and I slowly got out of the car. Alice was standing in front of me in an instant but stopped a foot short seeming to hesitate.

"I'm so sorry Bella." Her golden eyes welled with tears, "I should have been watching out for you. I should never have left you."

I hugged her, breathing in her sweet scent, still so familiar after almost four years. "Alice." I breathed. "I missed you."

"I missed you to. So much." She was shaking and I knew she was sobbing so I gently rubbed her back as I held her.

Finally, she stepped away, venom still in her eyes and one hand still holding mine, "As soon as I had the vision that Carlisle had found you and was bringing you home I got on a flight. I saw it and I still can't believe you're here with us."

"Still can't quite believe it myself." I told her honestly.

"Bella." I turned to see Emmett waiting, watching me with sad eyes, his arms twitched and as soon as I smiled at him they opened. I flung myself at him and he laughed, lifting me in a bear hug that only Emmett could really give.

Finally, he set me on my feet, "I missed you so much. I'll never leave you again. I hacked into every system I could think of the last six months. I can't believe we found you by accident."

"I missed you to Bear. So very much." I hugged him again.

"Bella?" At the tentative, almost shy voice, I turned to see Rosalie, venom in her eyes. If any doubt about Esme's words existed about Rosalie missing me, they went out the window as I looked at her now.

I stepped away from Emmett and hugged her. "I missed you to Rosalie."

"Rose" She replied, her breath catching and the word coming out shaky. "Family calls me Rose."

I bit back the tears swimming in my eyes and stepped back to smile at her, "Rose." I nodded.

"I'm sorry Bella."

I shook my head at her, "You were always honest and I think trying to protect me in your way." I swallowed to fight back a fresh wave of tears, "Thank you for that."

She nodded and sniffled and Emmett wrapped an arm tightly around her in comfort.

I looked to the porch where three vampires had come out of the house and now stood watching us.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and push back all of the emotions the reunion was causing and took a step towards them smiling.

"Hello Jasper." I smiled to him and turned to the two vampires beside him, "You must be his coven, I'm Bell." The Cullen's might still call me Bella but I had gotten used to the way the people I knew in New Orleans had shortened it. Remy had started it saying he was too lazy to say the ah sound, to me it sounded right coming from their accent.

"Peter, and this is my mate Charlotte." The nearly Emmett sized vampire stepped slowly off the porch as though not to scare me though he'd seen the others move vampire fast near me only seconds before. His eyes shone bright red but oddly, they didn't shine with that threatening glint of James, Victoria and Laurent.

I smiled at him and held out my hand, "It's very nice to meet you."

He shook my hand gently and his mate came forward when I held mine out to her as well. She had the same bright, yet oddly unthreatening red eyes. I turned back to Jasper, still standing on the porch, not entirely sure what to say.

"I'm so very sorry Bella."

I could feel the regret, self-loathing and pain rolling over him.

I walked up the steps to stand in front of him, meeting his glowing red eyes I reached out and touched his cheek, my eyes never leaving his, "There is nothing for you to be sorry for. It was never your fault." I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around his slender waist, focusing on feelings of sincerity "I never blamed you Jazz, not for Edward leaving, not for trying to attack me and not for Victoria hunting me. None of it was your fault."

His cool arms wrapped around me and hugged me to his cold body so gently it was like he thought I was made of the finest crystal and yet there was security in his hold, I felt safe. It wasn't a feeling I was accustomed to anymore, perhaps I never really had been.

He stepped back and looked down into my eyes again, his own slightly brighter with venom, "You aren't afraid, not of Pete and Char, not of me and you mean it, you really just, forgive me."

I shook my head, pulling my lower lip between my teeth to stop from crying before telling him again. "There is nothing to forgive, it was never your fault, none of it and I know you wouldn't hurt me, not on purpose, not without six vampires pumping you with blood lust on top of your own, one of those whose singer was the one bleeding." I felt a tear slip past my control, "You wouldn't hurt me Jazz and you wouldn't bring someone here you thought would either. I trust you and never, ever blamed you, not for any of it."

His cold finger reached out to brush away the tear that had fallen, "You still amaze me." He told me softly, "You always did. The purity and strength of your emotions, your acceptance and love of us, it's unlike anything I've ever witnessed."

I smiled a watery smile at him, "I've always been an odd one."

"A special one." He smiled back. Finally, our eyes broke contact as he looked over to Esme and Carlisle, "I hope you don't mind the intrusion. Alice called and we invited ourselves for a visit."

"You are always welcome Jasper. You know that." Esme beamed at him and came over to hug him tightly.

We moved into the house and Alice took my hand, "Rose and I did up a room for you. We aren't as good as Esme but I think you'll like it."

"You think?" I smiled at her, "Didn't you look to see?"

She shook her head, looking away sadly, "Sometimes I don't see the right thing."

I squeezed her hand, "Yes you do." She looked back at me venom in her eyes again, "You once told me I had a happy future." She looked like she was holding back sobs. "Everything happens for a reason Alice, good and bad, even if we don't understand the why part. I truly believe that. Maybe I have to but I also believe that whatever fate has in store for me," I felt tears burn trails down my cheeks, "my future is happy. My sister said so and I don't ever bet against her."

Alice pulled me into a hug sobbing gently against my shoulder, "I didn't see in time to save you, to save them. I didn't even see the others."

"You can't see everything and sometimes the future changes but the core of it, the plan fate has, it doesn't alter, we just take a new path towards it." We cried against each other for a minute before I pulled back to look in her eyes, "Have faith in your gift Alice, I do, I always have. It has its limitations and its fallibilities but it shows the different paths towards our fate. It is a great gift if we are wise enough to understand it."

She smiled at me and pulled me into another quick hug, "Let's go see your room then" she nodded smiling, "because you are going to like it."

I grinned back at her and wiped the tears from my cheeks, "Lead the way sis." I followed Alice up the steps but half way up I noticed it was just the two of us and stopped to call back down, "Aren't you coming Rose?" Alice had said she had helped and I wanted to hold onto our good start outside.

She was standing next to me in the next instant smiling warmly, "Of course."

We caught up with Alice who was waiting far to patiently, for the Alice I remembered to be waiting, and then walked the rest of the way up the steps, "That's my room and that door leads up to the attic where Jasper's room is. Esme and Carlisle are on the second floor, Rose, Emmett, Peter and Charlotte are all in the basement, it's nicely sound proofed." Alice told me, "This one we made up for you."

She pushed open the door and I was stunned. The walls were crème colored where they were visible. There was a large widow seat in one corner and French doors opening onto a balcony along one wall that was largely windows, on the other wall next to the corner window seat was a fireplace with two comfortable looking chairs in front of it, a small round table between them. The opposite wall held a dark wood four-poster bed with a matching dark wood nightstand on either side and white sheers in each corner. The rest of the walls were made of white shelves filled with hundreds of books.

I gasped and stepped into the stunning room, "This is for me?"

"You like it right?" Rosalie sounded nervous, "You used to love books."

I nodded, "I still do and I love this room." I turned to grin at them both.

"I know it's not your favorite part but come see the closet." Alice beamed at me, a trace of her old bouncing excited self back in her voice and movement.

I nodded and she led me to a door I hadn't noticed, she pushed it open and I found a large closet with shelves and drawers and rows of hanging space, it was the size of a small room, the size of my bedroom at the Inn in Maine really. At the end of the closet was a door that opened into a bathroom larger that the closet with a claw-foot tub, separate waterfall steam shower, a sink with counter space and a mirrored vanity with a little chair to do my makeup and hair at.

"I want to try that shower." I told her, "and that tub looks perfect to soak and read in." I hugged them both, "everything is perfect."

Alice bounced a little, "We can unpack your things together and see what else you need."

"That sounds great Alice." I smiled at her and followed her into my room where Emmett was just setting my bag down.

"Why did you only bring one of her bags up?" Rosalie asked him.

"It's all I have." I told her shyly.

Alice bounced, "More shopping."

I laughed, "Yeah, right, more shopping."

We unpacked my things together; I had half casual outfits from working the last six months at the inn and the other half was my skinny jeans and stilettos outfits from New Orleans.

While Alice went through my clothes and Rose examined my small case of make up, I carefully took my precious things out of my purse.

I always wore the lapis ring my mother had given me for my sixteenth birthday and the four-leaf clover charm necklace Charlie gave me one Christmas. I also still wore my wedding ring and a bracelet Paul had given me for graduation. The rest of my treasures, the rest of my past and all that I had left of the people I loved was in this over sized slouchy purse Remy had bought me for Christmas last year. Mostly they were photos, my only reminders. The first was a photo from when I was living in Arizona with my mother, it was of me and my mom in Sedona with the red mountains behind us, I was fifteen at the time and we were both grinning identical smiles one arm slung around each other. The second was a dream catcher Jake had given me. The third a framed photo of Charlie and I from not long after I'd first moved to Forks. Then came a photo of the pack taken by Billy. I was sitting in Paul's lap next to Sam and Emily, the rest of the pack surrounding us; the sun was just setting and the bonfire just starting. Next was one of just Paul and I, Jared had taken it one afternoon at the cliff's, Paul was in cargo shorts and I was in a bikini, he had me in his arms, bent back just a little as he bent to kiss my neck, neither of us aware of the camera. After this were my wedding photos with Luc, it was three photos in one frame, I was in a strapless white dress with a sweetheart top and empire waist that floated to mid thigh and four and a half inch stilettos. Still taller than me with the shoes, Luc was behind me, his arms wrapped around me, one hand splayed across my stomach both of us smiling at Remy behind the camera. The one next to it showed us in the same position but Luc had bent to kiss my shoulder, my head tilted a little to give him access. The third was the same shot again but I had turned partly in his arms and we were kissing. We had only learned about the baby and Luc subsequently proposed five days previously. Remy had let it slip that Luc had bought the ring almost two months before and been stressing about the perfect moment to ask. The final item was a tiny bootie Luc had bought for me two days after we found out I was pregnant. Jourdain stitched in green on it. My engagement ring had been tied with the little green ribbon when he'd given it to me.

I was crying as I looked over my special keepsakes. I felt cold arms surround me from either side and my sisters hugged me while I cried. Once I was calm again, I sniffled and wiped at my eyes, Rosalie got up and reappeared in a second with a tissue from the bathroom, grateful I used it to wipe up my face.

"I stole this one from your house one day. It was the only part of my past I had nothing to keep from, Edward had taken everything." I told them pulling a photo from behind the one with Renee; it was of the Cullen family. Carlisle stood with Esme, one arm around her waist as they leaned gently towards each other. A little behind them to their right stood Alice with Jasper, she stood turned slightly towards him, her hand on his chest, a bright smile on her delicate features, the top of her head only reaching his chin. He stood straight, his face unsmiling, one arm wrapped around her, his hand resting gently on the small of her back. One the other side of Esme and Carlisle was Rose and Emmett; they were standing turned into each other, the camera forgotten in each other's eyes. Beside and a little behind them Edward stood alone shoulders slightly hunched and hands in his pockets his expression was not tense like Jaspers but he was unsmiling, brooding almost. Behind them was only snow and ice.

"It was from about a year before we met you, right before we moved to Forks." Alice told me, "We stopped in Alaska to visit the Denali's and Carmen suggested a new family photo."

Rose picked it up with the other photos and moved to the fireplace. She displayed them all carefully. "I'll get you a frame for ours or we can take a new one if you like." She came back over to me and with infinite care, as though it would crumble to dust at the slightest pressure, she lifted the baby bootie from my lap and set it on the nightstand. Then she took the dream catcher and dug her finger into the top of the bed frame, making a hole to tie the dream catcher there.

I got up and hugged her, crying again. "Thank you."

"Do you know what you'd have named him?" Alice whispered.

"Her." I sniffled, "The doctor said it was a daughter I lost. Her name was Esme" my voice broke, "Esme Carlie Jourdain." I sat back on the bed looking at the little bootie, "I wanted her to always know she was loved, I wanted her to grow up to be as warm and loving as Esme. Do you know Esme even means loved? It's a French name, which fits for Luc to since his family had a French background. Carlie means free but its for Charlie and Carlisle, I wanted her to be compassionate, smart, strong and brave like them." My voice cracked as I spoke, "Esme Carlie Jourdain. My baby girl." Both girls had wrapped their arms around me again as I cried and they dry sobbed. I pulled a silver coin out of my pocket, "Remy had it made right after Luc and I agreed on the names," I showed it to them, Esme Carlie engraved on one side Charles Cullen on the other. They might have left me but Esme and Carlisle had made a huge impact on my life, they had taught me about the kind of parent I wanted to be, the kind of life and family I wanted to give my child.

I felt the bed shift as they pulled away and stood, then Esme had pulled me up into her arms and I felt Carlisle hug us both. When we all pulled away, I was exhausted from all the emotion and travel.

"Sleep." Esme led me to the bed and I lay down, she took the coin from my hand and laid it gently next to the bootie before kissing my forehead, "Welcome home my daughter."

I slipped into the darkness of a deep dreamless sleep and although it was only late afternoon when I lay down, I didn't wake again until the sun was rising.

I crept to the bathroom and stripped out of my leggings and the long sweater I hadn't bothered to change out of the day before and climbed into the shower. The water pressure was perfect and all my muscles relaxed under the spray. It was the best shower I could remember taking, pure heaven.

I dressed in skinny jeans and a loose sweater and slipped barefoot out of my room. As soon as my foot hit the last step Esme was standing in front of me, "You must be starving. I heard you wake and made you breakfast. I'm a bit rusty from not practicing the last four years but it looks right." She led me over to the kitchen where a plate of strawberry French toast was waiting with a fresh cup of coffee and orange juice.

I ate while Esme hovered. As soon as I finished my last bite she whisked away my plate, "Do you want anything else? I can make more."

"No thank you," I smiled at her, "that was more than enough."

"Bella?"

I turned at Rosalie's voice; it was still a little tentative, and very un-Rosalie like.

"Yes Rose?"

"I, well, I hope you don't mind." She pulled her hands from behind her back and held out a photo frame; only it wasn't really, more like a memory box. Inside the little coin was pinned on the side that said Esme Carlie, the little bootie with the green Jourdain stitching pinned on the left just below it, next to it was a copy of my wedding photo, Luc and I looking straight ahead, his hand splayed across my stomach, both of us grinning. Underneath all of it in beautiful script, was a small message. My precious daughter Esme Carlie Jourdain, though I never held you in my arms or kissed your beautiful brow, though I never saw your eyes or heard your laugh, I loved you. Rest in peace my little angel. You will live forever in my heart.

I wept over the frame, carefully setting it aside to hug Rosalie, "Thank you Rose."

She hugged me back tightly. "I went to have it done while you slept and added the bootie and coin while you ate breakfast. The pins wont damage the coin or bootie at all."

We went up to my room to place it on the mantle with all my other special memories.

"Are these all the photos you kept?" Esme asked looking over each one.

"Remy has a small box of other things, these are just the ones that I couldn't bear leaving without." I told her running my finger gently over the glass protecting the little bootie.

Alice came in looking shy, "Bella?"

"Alice?" I smiled at her.

"Would you like to go shopping with Rose and I in Toronto today?"

"Sure. I need a few things."

Her smile grew at my answer, her eyes dancing and she fluttered out of the room calling over her shoulder in a way I remembered from before, "Hurry then, we only have so much time, we have to get on the road right away." I laughed before hugging Esme and grabbing my bag. Mostly, Alice seemed sad and unsure of herself now in a way she had never shown before and each small trace of the excited joyful pixie I had known previously made me so happy.

The day passed quickly and I came home exhausted, Esme plied me with a delicious chicken pasta dish and then I fell asleep on the couch as we settled into a movie.

The next day Emmett claimed me and we played Mario Brothers on the Wii and watched comedies all day. Rosalie painted my nails and toes and started a debate, mostly with herself since I wasn't much help, about what kind of car I should get since I would need one living here. I was pleasantly surprised when most of the names had classic in front. I liked cars with character, like my old truck. She knew me better than I had thought she would.

The next morning I spent the morning with Esme in her garden. It was peaceful and nice. After lunch I spent the afternoon reading with Carlisle in his study as we discussed various topics from what I wanted to do in the future to books we liked, I told him about working in the bar and the various characters I came across there and he told me funny stories from working in different hospitals over the years.

Except the hours I slept, I was never alone, each of them making time to spend with me, hovering in case I needed or wanted anything or as though if at least one of them couldn't see me, I might disappear. Everyday for a week I spent surrounded by them all, except Jasper and his family. I'd have thought they left but I saw his truck during the day and when we curled up to watch a movie at night, he and his family would silently join us, sitting on the edges, together but separate from us.

I had been there nine days when I decided I wanted to spend this one with the Whitlock's. I ate my breakfast and looked up at Esme, "Is Charlotte here?"

Esme looked at me surprised and nodded.

A voice sounded behind me a moment after, making me jump. "Yes?"

"Charlotte." I spun around, hand over my chest.

She smiled at me, "Sorry."

"What are you doing today?"

She tilted her head, observing me in thought, "Nothing special, why?"

"I was wondering if you'd go out with me for a walk. I haven't had the chance to get to know you and Peter at all."

She looked surprised and hesitant, her eyes shooting to Esme quickly before returning to me, "Of course."

"It's ok if you don't want to."

"No." She smiled at me, "I'd like that, very much." I felt the sincerity of her words and grinned back at her.

"Ok, so I'll just finish up and we can leave in half an hour?"

She nodded and then hesitated again before disappearing.

I finished my breakfast and cleaned up my dishes then went upstairs to brush my teeth and grab my jacket. I slipped into my Uggs and went down to meet her. She was waiting at the foot of the stairs looking nervous.

"Ready?" I asked.

She nodded and sent me a small smile, "yes. Peter and Jasper went…" Her voice trailed off.

"Hunting?"

She nodded, "Ok, well shall we?" I motioned to the door and we walked out. We walked for a good ten minutes in silence. "Are you alright Charlotte? You didn't have to come with me if you are uncomfortable."

"No," she shook her head and smiled at me, "Just surprised."

"Why?"

"You really aren't afraid of us at all are you?" She asked instead of giving an answer.

I shook my head, "I trust Jasper, so I trust you."

"We kill people."

"Innocent people?" I asked her looking into the woods around us.

"No. Well some, the ones who are dying, slow and painful, we kill them quick and painless before we feed. Mostly its criminals."

"Men like the ones who killed my husband." I bit back tears, "And my daughter."

"Yes." She answered softly, "Men just like that."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Saving someone else's husband and child, avenging those of us who will never know justice, not hurting innocent people." She stopped and turned me to her, her hand gentle on my arm as she moved very slowly to pull me into a hug.

"I wish my meal avenged you." She whispered.

We stood like that a minute before she gently stepped away and we continued to walk. "I think about it like polar bears." I told her.

"Polar bears?"

"Polar bears eat seals and seals eat fish. Animals are the fish; people the seals and vampires the polar bears. People only like to believe we are at the top of the food chain but you guys are. It's the cycle of life, one predator hunting another. Only it's more like a wolf eating a dog, similar species but not the same."

She laughed, "That's an interesting way of looking at it."

"Thanks I think." I sent her a small smile. "Where is your accent from?"

"Texas. Different part than Jasper and Peter though."

"All of you are from Texas?"

"Different parts of her but yes, Maria recruited us all there over the decades."

"Maria?"

"Jasper's maker." She answered quietly, "He'd have to tell you about that though."

"Who made you?"

"Jasper." She smiled at me, "Jasper made me and Peter. Though Pete came first by quite a few decades."

"How old are you? Well, were you, I mean?"

She giggled, "Now I am, let's see here about ninety three and I was nineteen when I was turned." Peter was changed at twenty-one about thirty five years before me making him one hundred and thirty."

"Wow. You look good for older than my grandmother." I smiled at her. Then thought about something, "Wait, so Jasper is older than the other Cullen's if he made both you and Peter."

"Sugar Jasper was turned at just past twenty back in 1863."

"Jasper is over a hundred and sixty five years old?"

She nodded, "He was turned during the civil war, the youngest Major in the Confederate Army, he even added almost two years to his age to join up so he was promoted even younger than they thought."

"Where in Texas are you from?"

"Place called Fair Oaks, near San Antonio."

"What about Peter?"

"Cattle ranch town call Amarillo."

"Do you miss it?"

"Texas?" She shook her head, "Lot of bad memories there."

"Yeah." I agreed softly, "I know how that feels."

"I reckon you do sugar."

"Do you remember before you were changed?"

"Some but not much I'm afraid. I remember that I had a sister, she was just married and moved out east with her husband but I loved the heat and open land and didn't ever want to leave. My daddy, he was a horseman, he raised us girls on his own, I could ride as good as any man but he made sure I knew proper ways of a lady to, we'd sit out on the porch in the evening, and I'd sing while he whittled. He wasn't an overly affectionate man but I remember always knowing he loved me, he expressed it in other ways like fixing a saddle strap before anyone else saw it was wearing or asking my opinion about the horses."

"My father was like that to. Unassuming and quiet but he got up early to put chains on my truck tires when it was icy and gave me pepper spray. We never talked much but it's the little things that had so much more meaning than words could."

"That's it exactly." She smiled at me.

"Is it only the three of you or do you have more family somewhere?"

She shook her head, "Just us three Whitlock's though we've a nomad friend here and there."

"You aren't nomads?"

"Not really. I suppose we are a little more nomadic than the Cullen's but we have a few steady homes in remote areas and just travel a bit to get our meals. Other times we live more nomadically and spend a year or two in a city before moving to the next one."

"Where is your favorite?"

"City?"

"Or remote home."

"My favorite cities are the ones that don't sleep, Vegas, New York, London, no one really notices if we aren't out in the day. My favorite home is in the Rockies, a long way from any kind of civilization and mighty hard to get to as a human but Peter's is our Nevada home. It reminds him of home before the change and all the bad memories Texas holds for us now and it's only a short run to Vegas and all the amusements we can find there."

"What about Jasper?"

She smiled softly, Jasper prefers the country to the city, he finds more peace without the constant assault of emotions; he's never seen our house in the Rockies since he was with the Cullen's when Pete and I got it but I know he'll love it. Now though I think his favorite is the Montana home. With its valley's of rolling hills almost as far as the eye can see and a huge lake, beside the house is backed by mountains that seem almost to rise up out of the water."

"It sounds beautiful."

"It is." She smiled at me. "All our remote homes are very remote, as though no humans had ever stepped foot there. It's peaceful and we don't ever have to hide."

"Do you ever get lonely or bored out there?"

She smiled sadly, "Sometimes but then we just go to the city for a bit or visit a friend if we can pin them down. It's better now that Jasper is home again, we missed him."

"Why? Didn't he and Alice stay with you at all? Or did they?"

She shrugged, "It was hard for him, staying on that diet, it's good for him, evens his emotional intake but its not natural and he needed to square himself with himself more than force himself to be someone he wasn't. It was and still is a struggle for him to balance himself."

"I understand the diet thing but what about in the remote places?"

"He'd visit us there sometimes, stay a while but the Pixie don't much care for the quiet and remote and we were never close so it was hard on Jasper. He'd come alone while she was off on her own but the visits were short and I think more difficult since he was alone in the diet, even out there where its almost as if nothing but the three of us exists."

"Is anything easy for him?"

She stopped and met my eyes, "No sugar, there's not to much that's been easy in Jasper's existence. He told me he was amazed by the strength of your emotions, how good and pure they are, how full of love, acceptance and light you are even after the dark of the world dragged you through the wringer. I've always been amazed at that in him. He's been to a hell most can't imagine, he's suffered more than would break any other and struggled for longer than most can truly comprehend. He doesn't see it but Jasper is a good soul, he's warm and loving, loyal and honorable." The pure love and sincere sadness in her voice broke my heart.

We started walking again and after a minute she spoke more, "He saved my life you know, back in the beginning. Peter and I both are alive because of him, several times over. He's still got old values of honor and loyalty."

"Charlotte?"

She glanced over and sent me a small smile; "He still blames himself for leaving you alone with Victoria out there. Blames himself for the Cullen's leaving you, for being weak and causing Edward to leave you."

"I wish I could some how make him understand it wasn't his fault."

"I don't know that anything but time and love can."

"Is that why he stays away? Not because it's hard to be around the human but because he feels guilty?"

She nodded, "Partly. Not that it is hard to be near you, though you do smell delicious, the blood we drink sates our thirst in a way animal blood never can so resisting is easier."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," she thought about it, "I'm not sure but from what I know about it, I suppose it's similar to two women being faced with a brownie. The first girl is on a diet and eats only salad, then finds herself faced with a fresh brownie on a plate in front of her and she's craving it so badly. The second woman next to her eats how she likes in moderation, some salad, some steak and some chocolate, the brownie placed in front of her might look good but its easy to resist because she has such treats all the time."

I giggled, "That sounds like a really good example and makes sense."

"Thank you. Now I imagine you want a brownie."

"Wouldn't mind one," I agreed.

"Shall we turn out of the woods and head towards town then. I believe you will need lunch at some point and I am sure we can find a brownie somewhere."

"Brownies are dessert not lunch."

"Why?"

I shrugged, "I don't know but you know what, a brownie for lunch sounds good."

She laughed, "Alright then, a brownie for lunch it is."

"How long are you staying?"

She shrugged, "Pete says we can't leave yet but Jasper doesn't want to crowd you."

"Not that I want you to leave because I really don't but why does Peter say you can't go yet?" I asked as we crossed the street.

"He doesn't know." She answered with a sigh, "He just says we should be here for something or something hasn't happened yet that should."

"Does he have visions or something?"

"No, he just sort of knows stuff sometimes. It pops into his head, this certainty of something. This time it's that we should be here just now."

"So he'll just be going along with you and all of a sudden he'll think, I have to buy a Popsicle and drag you to buy one even though you don't eat?"

"Yes, exactly." She laughed nodding, "We'll go buy the Popsicle, but then as we leave the store we'll see a little girl get dragged into a van by a child rapist and hello dinner. He also might sit up from where we are lounging and look at me and say companies coming and then he'll think a bit and say something like, Jasper will be here at sunset or a nomad looking for a fight is coming from the east. He doesn't get all the information in a movie or picture like Alice, its just like he's always known it and just remembered it or gets a strong feeling telling him we need to be somewhere or do something."

"Strange but very cool. What does Alice say? Is there a reason she thinks you might need to be here?"

She shrugged, "We didn't ask but Alice would have said if she'd seen something for us to worry about. She's much calmer than she used to be and much more careful about her visions, she doesn't seem to jump to conclusions or try to manipulate events like she once did but she wouldn't keep anything important to herself."

"You like her more than you used to?"

"I never didn't like her, we just weren't the type to be close; nothing much in common I suppose. I think she has grown up a bit but even though her over excitement could be excessive it's sad to see her so unsure of herself now."

"Yeah, I don't like that either."

"Rosalie has changed for the better in some ways as well but like Alice she seems to take less enjoyment out of small things."

"What about Emmett or Esme and Carlisle?"

"I don't know them well, Peter and I came on occasion to visit Jasper but we mainly stayed to ourselves."

"General opinion." I persisted.

"Emmett seems a little more serious, less quick with a boisterous joke. Esme watches you, her eyes filled with a sadness I can't quite understand, Carlisle does it to sometimes, its almost like they are afraid you might disappear and they are trying to memorize you before it happens."

"I thought the same about Alice, Rose and Emmett. Esme hovers more than she used to and Carlisle seems to make it a point to sit and talk with me if only for a few minutes everyday. I never noticed them watching me."

"They only do it when you aren't looking."

"Why?"

"Why do they watch you or why have they changed?"

"Why if they loved me this much did they leave? Why did they never come back?"

"I don't know sugar but I know they do love you, very much."

We crossed into the little town and walked down the main road, some people stared and a few others waved though we didn't know anyone, you had to love small towns.

"What do you and Peter do for fun?"

"Well sugar Pete and I are a very physically affectionate pair as most true mates are."

I blushed but laughed, "I meant when you aren't naked."

She laughed to, "Oh, well then we like to go dancing, we like to go running, hiking and swimming, cliff jumping is always fun, we like movies and karaoke and we play games, mostly poker and I love scrabble and Peter loves video games."

"How come he never plays with Emmett?"

"I'm not sure sugar, like I said, mostly we keep to ourselves the few days we'd stopped in to see Jasper. We aren't like them and while they are kind in opening their home to us, we never wanted to push our welcome."

"I think Emmett would like a good challenge and I'd like to see him lose just once." I hinted at her.

"I'll tell Peter." She laughed, "though I must say I'd like to see the same with Peter. Jasper can beat him sometimes when they play but mostly they play team games like Halo."

"Hm." I mused.

"What are you thinking?"

"We'd have to get Rose in on it but I think I'd know a way for them both to lose, though it wouldn't be strictly fair, the loss would be nice to see and funny when to a little, not very good at video games, human girl."

She laughed, "I am already liking this idea and I don't know what it is, I'm in."

We discussed my plot while I ate a large warm brownie and drank coffee.

By the time we left the coffee shop we were both laughing. All the way back she told me funny stories about Peter and Jasper so we were still giddy and giggling when we got back to the house.

"Peter!" I called seeing him sitting in the living room with Jasper. He looked surprised when he looked over but was immediately smiling when he saw his mate with me giggling as well. "I can't believe you were scared of a fish." I laughed.

"Screamed like a little girl to." Charlotte laughed.

"Thing came out of no where." He protested, "Was rubbing right up against me to, most things naturally flee from us, it was unnatural."

Charlotte and I just laughed harder. I went into the room and sank into a chair trying to catch my breath. "Where is everyone?"

"Carlisle is at work, Alice and Esme are hunting and Rose and Emmett are… occupied." Jasper told me.

"Let's go paint those nails sugar, I'll tell you about the time these two fell into an old cave system and a got stuck down there."

"I don't like bats." Jasper growled.

"There were creepy crawlies in there." Peter added.

"Right and the time Peter went hunting with Jasper and the bear he was going after tried to mate him."

I was already cracking up as we walked down the stairs.

"That was traumatizing!" Peter called after us. I could hear Jasper's laughter following us and it made me feel warm inside, I didn't think I'd ever heard it before.

We went into Charlotte's room and a half hour later Rose had joined us, her hair wet from the shower.

Charlotte turned up the music so we could fill her in on our plot. Sound proofing or not we were not taking any chances.

An hour later, we went back upstairs to take down the boys.

"Hey Emmett, let's play Mario Kart."

"Sure Bells!" He bounced up.

"What about you Peter? Charlotte says you're king of the Wii."

"Hah! He couldn't beat me." Emmett laughed.

"It would be to easy Cullen." Peter spared back.

"How about you Jasper?" I turned to him, "Do you know how to play?"

"Sure." He nodded.

"Rose? Char?" I pretended not to know they were only there to help me take down their arrogant mates.

Rose snorted and rolled her eyes, "On your own sister."

"No thanks sugar." Charlotte smiled at me, "But if you beat my mate I'll buy you another brownie lunch."

"Deal." I laughed. "Let's go boys."

Emmett put the game on and handed out controllers. This would only work once since it had to be unexpected.

I played it safe and the boys all out attacked each other. I hid my player behind a wall and focused on Jasper. The girls took this as their cue and began to really think about sex. It hit him in one wave and he cursed, breaking his controller, his guy being taken out almost immediately by Emmett.

He looked over at me and I was unsuccessfully biting back a grin.

"Bella." He growled.

"What?"

Char and Rose giggled behind me and he turned to glare at them.

"What it's not my fault I can't stop thinking about this morning, I never even got to show Emmett my new little French all lace maid-for-you costume."

Emmett spun around, his eyes dark "new what?" he sputtered.

"Yeah and Pete and I haven't had sex in two days, I'm beginning to think I might be losing it. Maybe I should try a costume?"

"I found a great website, they have a sexy cowgirl one you might like or this maid for love see through thing that should definitely get his attention."

While both boys were distracted, I took them out. Jasper was laughing as the screen flashed to announce me winner.

"That was dirty." Jasper laughed.

"Don't come between a girl and her brownie Jazz." I winked at him, "Besides alls fair in love and video games." I laughed.

Both Emmett and Peter were staring from the screen to me and back to their giggling mates.

"Whitlock I do believe we were set up."

"Yes Cullen, I think you're right."

I tossed Jasper the controller, "Try not to break this one k." I laughed, wiggling my fingers at him in goodbye, the girls following me back out of the room and up to mine, still laughing.

A few hours later I took a book out onto the patio and found Jasper alone.

"Where are Peter and Charlotte?" I asked; the three of them were usually off hiding together.

He looked at me and lifted his brow making me giggle.

"It's not funny." He growled, "Rose and Emmett are at it again to. The basement might be mostly sound proof but vampires can still hear some and walls don't much help me."

I blushed, laughing lightly as he shifted in his seat. "Sorry Major but you were my best weapon to weaken them." He looked at me funny, his eyes darkening. "You ok Jazz?" I asked sitting down next to him.

"I think I'll go for a run." He told me standing. Then he looked back at me, "Or a walk if you like." He nodded to the woods.

I smiled at him, "Do you want me to or do you just not want to leave me alone?"

"I'd like you to." He answered softly.

"Ok." I smiled and set my book on the seat as I stood.

"I guess the whole family has been hovering a bit." He broke the silence a few minutes later.

"A bit?" I laughed lightly, "I don't think I've been alone since I got here but to shower and sleep."

He sent me a smile, "Nah, they check on you a couple times a night."

I laughed and linked my arm with his, "Why am I not surprised."

"Does it bother you?"

"I'm used to more time alone but no. It's been nice seeing them and its almost like I've borrowed your gift sometimes, like I can feel the love and affection coming off them.

"They missed you."

I sighed, "I always missed them to." I tilted my head to face him, "You to."

"Me?" he seemed genuinely surprised.

"I know we weren't close, Edward wouldn't allow it, but you were always there. A silent presence always sending me comfort or confidence, even when you weren't trying I felt more calm when you were near."

His lips quirked up just slightly, "I might not have been sending but I was probably projecting some."

"Why?"

"I was basking?"

"Basking in what?"

"Your emotions. They are so pure and strong, not overwhelming but like the ocean, deep and steady. When you'd just relax, you exuded this perfect peace. It was addictive."

"Are my emotions different now?"

"There is a note of sadness that was never there before. Even when you laugh, its there, a constant part of the deep still waters making up your emotional state."

"Are you happy Jasper?"

He seemed startled by the question, "Mostly."

I sighed and he looked at me in question, "Are we far enough for you now?" I asked looking back in the direction of the house though I couldn't see it through the trees.

"We are, would you like to sit?"

Instead of answering I moved to a comfortable looking spot and sat, he sat with me, calmly and quietly listening to the sounds of the forest.

"Carlisle and Esme said that to."

"What?" He seemed almost surprised I'd broken the comfortable silence.

"Mostly." I sighed, "You were all happy before I came along."

"No." He shook his head, "We were only better at lying to ourselves."

I tilted my head, "What do you mean?"

"Alice and I, we pretended we were happy, pretended we were mates though we both knew it was only companionship. I pretended to be ok with the man I had become, to want the Cullen's life, to be someone else. The others all pretended to be happy but below the surface there was always fractures."

"Do you miss her?"

"We're still good friends. The only thing that's changed is we don't pretend anymore."

"So why are you only mostly happy?"

He sighed, "I'd like what Char and Pete have. I'd like to find peace with the man I was and the man I wish to be. I'd like to atone for my sins." He said the last looking at me.

"Maybe you already have."

He shook his head. "I've done a lot of terrible things throughout my existence Bella. Things I will always regret."

"The past is done, we can't change it, but you're a good man Jasper."

"I failed you."

"Failed me?"

"With Victoria. I should have known, I did know and I didn't protect you."

"No." I bit back tears, "You killed James. You helped save me. You warned Edward Victoria would be back for me, he didn't listen, that's on him, not you."

"I tried to kill you."

"You had six starving vampires bloodlust to battle."

"All the pain you suffered."

"We all suffer Jazz, life's hard and it's often cruel."

"I'm so sorry Darlin."

I lifted my hand and lay it over his jaw, my eyes boring into his maroon ones, "It wasn't your fault."

"They wouldn't have left if I hadn't lost control."

"Yes they would have. Edward would have found another excuse. He was always going to leave me Jasper. You had nothing to do with it."

I pulled my hand back and scooted to sit beside him leaning my head against his shoulder, "I don't want you and your family to hide from me anymore Jazz. I want to get the chance to know you that I didn't before, the chance to know them."

"Ok." He breathed puling my hand through the crook of his arm so I could lean more comfortably into him.

We sat for a long while in the comfortable quiet as the twilight grew. It wasn't until we heard Esme calling my name, or until Jasper did, that we finally moved.

"Esme's calling for you."

I smiled at him, "Ok."

He stood up and held out a hand for me and when I was steady on my feet, he tucked it back around his arm and began walking back towards the house.

"You know I'm going to get you back for this afternoon right?" He asked as the tree's thinned and the yard came into view.

"Sure." I smiled at him. "But it won't change that I beat you." I laughed letting go of his arm and jogging the last few feet to the house where Esme was waiting.