They say time makes pain go away or easier to cope with whether that is true only a person who has experienced true pain can answer that question. Would it not be better just to forget? Forget the pain of losing the one you loved? Forget the pain of rejection and abandonment? How is it possible for people to just carry on with their lives with the burden of so many different emotions?
Tears filled Castiel closed eyes escaping leaving a trail of dried salty residue past his temple and eventually falling on to the ground.
"Cas! … Cas! Can you hear me?" he thought he might be dreaming, his attempt to escape reality and the harshness of Earth. He wanted nothing more than to be able to fall into an endless sleep. A place he could be happy just him, his memories of his Mother and Gabriel. "Cas!" but the voice calling his name seemed to be getting clearer at each passing moment, stronger pulling him from his thoughts. "Cas!" slowly he opened his eyes momentarily blinded by the new light rising to the sky, until it cleared and he saw a vast array of colours so sharp, so beautiful he did not want the moment to go. "Cas!" as he sat up a figure took form he squinted trying to make out who it was. "Cas thank God I found you!"
Dean had been looking for him? Why? From where he sat he took in Dean appearance. His face tired and exhausted, hair damp from being caught in the rain. "What are you doing here?" his voice cracked under the pressure of disuse. "Why are you here? Get away I do not want you here!" he stood up shakily his legs protesting as he moved back. "Please! Go away, leave me alone!" he wanted to run away, escape reality and leave everyone behind even if they did care for him. "Cas, calm down okay. Everyone's really worried about you."
All Castiel could do was shake his head in disbelief as he took a step back. "Impossible! If everyone cared about me why are they so interested in my life? What have I done to them to deserve taunting? Answer me that Dean!" Dean stood still not a single muscle moving, his head held up in front of him. "I escaped my Father's abuse for a place where people insist on digging up my past!"
He waited for an answer, an explanation except Dean said nothing, his face stunned. "Why can't people just leave me alone?" a sob escaped Castiel's lips as he fell to the floor. He wrapped his arms around his legs, his face hidden by his knees. Each sob made his shoulder heave and chest ache. "Cas, if I said I understood, would you think I was lying?" he heard Dean move cautiously and sit down. "Because I know that pain you're feeling." He felt Dean touch his hair gently. "When I lost my Mom, people would always ask me if I was okay. And I would say 'yes' pure and simply because I wanted them to stop asking me." His fingers stroked at Castiel's hair for a moment, in the hopes he would lift his head. "Cas, what you went through is something not even I can relate to. But I know the feelings of losing both parents. I would've done exactly what you did but I couldn't leave Sammy, he's has to live with the fact he'll never meet his Mom or even his Dad properly." As if something clicked inside Castiel's heart he lifted his head. "The Dad that I knew for the first four years of my life left the moment my Mom died." Castiel hands shook as he lifted one to touch Dean's face. Castiel's lips twitched as more tears fell, tears for Dean and his pain. "And I'm guessing it's was the same for you?" he could only nod, although in reality his Father had in some form cared about him no one could fully understand how he had changed his attitude towards his Youngest Son.
Could it be blamed on grief and mourning? Or the possibility of resentment and jealousy to the affection his Wife had given his Youngest Son, and leaving the three Eldest to their own devices. Castiel could always remember hoping his Father would pat him on the back or praise him. Yet he was cold and distant, he would hid away only to be found by his Mother who would sit by him stroking his face and hair whispering. "You're Father does care, he is just not very good at showing it." Of course as a child he had believed her but thinking now was there a hint of doubt in her voice?
He could recall every argument his Parents would have about him, his Mother yelling at his Father for being a cold and heartless bastard. "He is your son as well! Stop thinking that book is going to give you the answers! Because it won't!" soon the arguments would die down, resulting in his Father leaving the house and slamming the front door.
Was it his fault his Mother got ill? He would question ever since the day his Mother came back with the results, she sat all the four of them down and explained what the Doctor had said. Gabriel clutched Castiel close while Michael and Raphael said nothing. It was not until the day their Mother had passed did Raphael had found Castiel hiding in his usual place, he had looked his Little Brother in the eyes. "Your are poison Castiel, you turned Mother and Father against each other. Caused the cancer to take her. Behind those innocent blue eyes is a Demon which no amount of praying can vanquish and Father saw that the moment you were born."
Each memory triggered more emotion inside Castiel it poured out of his entire body. Fresh tears of anguish tore from him. "Dean am I a Demon?" Dean took both of his hands in his, his fingers stroking the skin until something red caught his eye. Without making any sudden movements he pulled up the sleeve of the jacket. "Do Demons bleed?" at some point Castiel had dug his nails into his skin repeatedly trying to find a release. "Cas, do Demons bleed?" Castiel shook his head. "Only when the body is going through immense trauma."
"Okay, and do they know emotion? Grief, sadness or happiness?"
"They live to cause those emotions..." Before he realised Castiel had answered his own question as Dean checked over the fresh marks on his forearms, the blood had dried as the wound started the process of clotting and healing. "I don't believe in God, Heaven or Hell but I do know that you're as human as they come Cas. That guy you call your Dad is nothing more than a sperm donor. No one has the right to blame and punish someone when a loved one dies."
They sat in silence until a chilling wind blew past them; Castiel shuddered against the coldness sweeping his body. Dean automatically took of his jacket and placed it around Castiel shoulders, he burrowed into the warmth and scent of Dean which now surrounding him. "The sunrise is so beautiful." Castiel lay back on the ground his eyes fixated on the sky. "I do not remember the last time I watched a sunrise." Dean shifted so they lay side by side neither not particular sure what to say. "We have all the time in the world Cas, I'm not going anywhere." For the first time in a long time Castiel felt peace as he closed his eyes, out of instinct he reached out for Dean before falling into a deep sleep and missing the sunrise.
A/N: I really have no idea what to say... Yet again I'm speechless
But thank you for the reviews and hugs!