Hi everyone~~! Thank you so much for your kind reviews. ;/; My heart was fluttering after reading each and every one! And so many people added this story to their favorites. I felt so honored. You're all so sweet! ~blows kisses to you all~
It really means a lot to me that something so symbolic, that I hadn't even planned on posting anywhere because it's personal, meant a lot to people. Seriously. T/T
I really hope everyone likes this chapter~ I know it goes so quick but as I said before this story is supposed to be this way. I want to challenge myself and write something short and quick-paced. :3 Oh but my silly little writer's block-it's trying to kill me. D: Literally! T_T Too much dialogue. ;x; Writer's blocks are tough on me. I'm surprised I was even able to finish this…
As I mentioned before Selena has some things that are symbolic for me, or inspired by me. ;/;
Ah, however I am not in love with my best friend irl, though. XD Read between the lines.
And lastly enjoy~!
~Aviditty
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Cross my Heart and Hope to Die
A smile made of sunlight echoed across the quiet, stillness of the quaint but large house. Selena couldn't contain her grin of excitement and nervousness as she clutched her belongings tighter: small footsteps sounding her wake. Entering the wide and open living room she decided to set her belongings on one of the couches that furnished the house. Feeling as if every little noise she made echoed across the house and could be heard, she winched. She needed to be more stealthy and sneaky; she was here without her best friend's consent.
Her heart palpitated against her chest at the thought so she took deep steady breaths to calm down. Diana had approved of it, so it should be okay, right? She, Dallas, and Maddie were off on a camping trip in the mountains. They rented a cabin every year to go and spend some quality family time. However, the middle daughter hadn't wanted to go this year – told her mom she was sick. But that was okay. Demi was the whole reason Selena was here anyways. She hadn't seen her best friend in what seemed forever... Just small texts or tweets occasionally but hardly anything more than that. Selena's stomach twisted into knots as she recalled the reason for the distance. Herself.
She fingered the key gently, an all-knowing reminder of why she was here. To tell her everything. She teetered on her feet before biting her lip and forcing herself to stand still. No use fidgeting. She was going to do it, and she was going to do it tonight.
Tonight, enveloped by the sticky sweet smell of Summer, Selena Marie Gomez was going to make everything alright. Or at least that's what she kept telling herself.
Puffing out her chest and straightening out her back she continued walking along the living room until she reached the grand staircase. Keeping her posture to ease confidence into herself, she ascended the stairs one by one until at last she reached the top. Glancing around she was pleased to see everything as she remembered it. The upstairs hallway branched out into 6 different locations. Diana's bedroom, Maddie's bedroom, Dallas' bedroom, which right alongside it was another hallway which led to a cozy study-like room, a beautiful marble bathroom, and then of course Demi's bedroom.
Demi. She let a soft indescribable noise leave her throat. A cross between a sigh and a squeak perhaps. She wasn't sure. She crossed the long hallway corridor paying special attention to the photographs that dotted the walls. Memories. When she reached the furthest door she hesitated a little pursing her lips.
Should she knock? Should she barge in and surprise Demi? Should she-
Wait. Selena stopped listening to her scattered thoughts for a moment to realize that there was a soft sob from Demi's room. A meek cry that tore Selena's heart into two. Demi…Demi's crying…
Her heart started pounding; without even thinking she tore open the door (which was thankfully unlocked) and stood in the center of the room eyes wide and fearful as she saw Demi.
Held in her hand was a razor stained with blood; little droplets rest on her bed sheets-her arm was completely gashed. Demi starred up at Selena, her eyes red and puffy. She looked tired; exhausted, drained of so much life that she seemed as if she could fall asleep and never wake up.
Silence is loud. Silence can kill. Selena stood there heart pounding loudly against her chest; the beating sound was all she heard as she kept this still frame in time. They just stared at each other, no one blinked, heck she swore they both weren't even breathing. So many unsaid things dying to pour out but Selena couldn't find her voice. Something pulled her towards Demi; like a magnet attracted to a strong force.
She walked softly over to Demi's bedside and took her arm gently in her hands. Tears poured down her face as she shook her head. Look at me Demi. Look at me… The dark haired girls lip quivered at the touch of her best friend. The contact that she thought was lost—gone forever was back in an instant. With a horse voice Demi whispered, "What are you doing here?..."
"Never mind what I'm doing here!" Selena got her voice back as she pulled the girl close to her, gently guiding her off the bed. "We've got to help your arm! You could get infected…"
With quick footsteps Selena ushered Demi into the bathroom, starting up hot water and gently easing her arm into the aqua. The black-haired girl winced and cradled her head into the base of the other girls shoulder. A soft whimper escaped her lips.
Selena gently ran her hand along Demi's back trying to soothe her as she began putting Neosporin on the tattered arm. Gently she gathered adhesive bandages and wrapped them along the limb. After she was all fixed up they exited the bathroom and reassumed their position on her bed. Demi curled up like a small child and Selena sat in front of her like a mother hen.
"Does your arm…-are the bandages too tight?" A soft whisper escaped the brunette as her eyes searched Demi's.
"No they're fine. T-thank you…" Demi's voice cracked and she looked as it tears were about to escape. Her eyes were engraved with so many questions, as if she spoke all them aloud. But she needed one answer, and she needed it now.
"Why are you here?..."
A void of emotion filled the black-haired girl's voice. So much left unsaid, so much needed to flood out for both of them.
"I thought….I thought you hated me…" She glanced at Selena's hands which were fidgeting nervously as Demi spoke. "You've been avoiding me…"
Selena's heart ached and throbbed with the secrets she kept buried for so long. Let it out…
"I…." Everything she had previously played in her head was gone. The thoughts, the words that consumed them, gone. Forgotten. Her mind was blank. "I'm sorry…I….Everything…"
Her mind was frantic and she couldn't think of coherent response, only to ask a question in return. "Why…Why were you cutting yourself…? I…I thought." She gently touched Demi's shoulder which was tense at the touch. "I thought you stopped…"
Demi sighed, slightly irritated because Selena hadn't answered her question, but she assumed it would be saved for later. She trailed circles on her comforter before beginning to speak. "I had stopped but then…I started again. …Joe broke up with me…about a month ago."
A dull ache settled in Selena's chest. She knew. She read the articles, and saw the Twitter updates…she knew everything. She just chose to act like it didn't exist; she thought that would make things easier but in reality it made it ten times worse.
"I thought he was in love with me but he was just using me for publicity! I started blaming myself." Tears started cascading down her cheek which Selena responded my gently brushing them away. Demi's eyes narrowed and she tensed glaring at the other girl. "I needed someone to be my savior; my antidote to get me by. You—Selena! But you weren't there for me!"
Selena embraced the other girl tightly intertwining her hands in Demi's beautiful black locks of hair. The other girl tensed and tried to pull away but Selena held her tighter and gently whispered soothing words into her ear. "Nothing I can say will ever make a difference. I made a huge mistake…I…was only thinking of myself, how it would affect me, and not how it would affect you…But please believe me when I say I am so sorry. I love you so much….I never meant to hurt you." She let her head rest on the other girls shoulder. "I…was selfish. I was only thinking of myself."
She pulled away for just a moment to get a good look at the other girl. Her beautiful face, her soft lips, the way her skin shined in the sunlight, her breathtaking aura…The beautiful girl she adored so much.
"Demi…" She searched the raven-haired girl's face looking for attentiveness in her eyes. "I need to tell you something. Something…that might make you scared. It might make you hate me….Even still, please…I'm begging you. Just listen to this story the whole way through…Please. I can explain everything. After I'm done you can say all you like. Just please…"
Selena wasn't sure she ever pleaded as much as she had until now. Chocolate eyes met chocolate eyes and a small approving nod came from Demi. Tell me everything.
"I love you so much…I always will. I know I probably ruined the friendship we had and it will never be the same but even still…I wish to gain some of it back if I can. I want to pick up the pieces. I want to fix everything."
She held Demi's hand, gently using her thumb to caress the soft tan flesh. Demi stared at her with the utmost attentativeness willing her to speak.
"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met Demi. No one on this planet can compare to you. No one. You are flawless…not in the sense that you're perfect because no one ever is, but you are to me. Even your flaws I love…" She held the girl's palm open and traced patterns on the flesh. It helped ease her nervousness and kept the thoughts in a row as she spoke these confessions to the black-haired girl. "I'm sorry about what happened with Joe. It was cruel and inhumane to use you like that. You deserve better then that….you deserve someone who will love you unconditionally no matter what."
Her heart hammered against her chest; like a drum solo playing for her love. She took the hand of Demi's she held and placed it over her chest, pressing it firmly against the material of her t-shirt. "You feel that? My heart….it adores you Demi. I adore you."
Selena's face got red but she spoke with passion and truth. "You say you're not beautiful… Gosh, Demi you are so wrong. Don't you realize how sexy you are? How unbelievably gorgeous you are? How you make my heart flutter anytime you're near? Do you understand, Demi?"
It was more of a statement to get her point across, rather than a question. She quickly continued before Demi could answer. "The softness of your lips, the locks of your hair, your gorgeous frame, your intense eyes, your breathtaking heart…It sets my heart aflame and melts it into a puddle of mush. I'm in love with you Demi. More than a friend, more than I ever should be."
She smiled weakly up at Demi to catch her expression. Pure concentration. Selena continued on. "I…I tried to force the feelings away but they wouldn't leave me. The more I tried, the more they fought until I couldn't deny it any longer. I am in love with you. That's why I've been avoiding you for this past year." Her face flushed in shame as she glanced downward towards Demi's hand which was now resting on her lap. "I thought if I slowly let myself out of your life; stopped talking to you, avoiding your phone calls, not responding to texts…then things would be better for the both of us…I assumed my feelings would falter and dissipate as our relations got severed but it was the complete opposite; they got much stronger. I would lie in bed at night thinking about you, wondering how you were, my heart aching to hold you in my arms. I'd stalk your Twitter to see what you were up to and I'd think about you constantly."
A shaky sigh escaped her throat and she started shaking lightly, the emotional impact of this secret was now escaping her. It flooded like a desert after a big rainstorm.
"After awhile I realized the severity of my mistake. It did not help-it only made it 100 times worse. I had spoke with your mother these past few weeks asking about you. She told me you were depressed and lethargic—you hadn't even wanted to go on the yearly camping trip! I then decided to come visit you as a surprise; your mom okayed it ahead of time. I thought it'd be a good idea; I told myself I'd tell you everything."
She bit her lip and kept focusing on Demi's hand. She was scared at what the girl's reaction was. Did she hate her? Was she upset? What was she thinking?
"I…I'm sorry for waiting so long to tell you. This secret's been locked inside for awhile now. No one knows but you." She closed her eyes as if protecting herself from the impact she might receive. "I understand if you hate me, or never want to be my friend again. You can call me names and say mean things. You can tear me out of your life forever. You can expose this to the media, I don't care. I-I just…I needed to tell you. I-"
A soft loving embrace made of pure warmth enveloped Selena. She was overcome by a feeling of love and acceptance as well as the sweet smell of Demi. Vanilla perfume. Demi's touch was gentle as she ran soothing strokes along the other girls back. Locked in this embrace she was overcome with a feeling of nirvana. Make this last forever…
"Thank you." Demi burrowed her head into the crook of Selena's neck which caused the other girl to flush even more then she already was. "Thank you from the bottom of my heart. The fact that you had so much courage to tell me….it means a lot to me. You could have told me sooner…" She stared intently into Selena's eyes as she ran her fingers through her chocolate locks. "I'm your best friend. I love you no matter what and I accept you for who you are. Please…don't ever be afraid to tell me anything."
Selena smiled that gorgeous smile she had and nodded. "I'll remember that. I…want to repair our friendship even if things don't go back exactly the way they were before."
Demi's eyes twinkled like a star beaming brightly. "I don't think it will ever be the same. I think…it will become even better then before. I'll feel even closer to you all the same." She touched the girl's cheek and smiled. "You really meant all that, though? Everything? You have a crush on me?"
Selena nodded and smiled lightly. "Cross my heart and hope to die."
Small silence filled the room as they stared at each other lost in thought. The nervousness and excitement of finally seeing Demi after so long, the sorrowful scene with Demi cutting, the heartfelt confession, and everything else that tied together this eventful night. Almost overwhelmed by all the events happening, Selena's eyes fluttered gently. Demi took notice and gently shown concern with her eyes.
"This was an eventful night, so many things have happened, and it's left us both drained. I know it's only 10 but I think going to bed sounds like a good option. We've…accomplished a lot tonight, and it's a lot to take in." She gently guided Selena down into the covers and eased herself in. Tucking them both in she faced Selena and smiled tenderly melting the brunette's heart. She took the girls hand and spoke in a soft tone. "Let's take this one day at a time and see how things go. I'm sure we'll get our unbreakable friendship back slowly but surely…even stronger then before I bet."
Selena smiled warmly at Demi and nodded, squeezing her hand softly. "Sleep tight my beautiful best friend." Inching her way over she lightly kissed her on the forehead.
"Love you, Sel." A soft simple reply, but it made her heart flutter anyways. Reaching over she turned off the bedside lamp and snuggled further into the covers breathing in Demi's scent. She was sure only seconds had passed before she fell into a deep content sleep; her heart was able to rest easy tonight.
Thank you God…For giving me the strength I needed to finally let it all out…