Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.

Please review!

I woke up in my bed with the sun rising, the light streaming over my pillow and my stomach growling in protest at my not eating the night before. The last thing I could remember was watching the stars with Jasper.

I went about my morning rituals, showering, dressing and eating; then ran into Jasper on the stairs.

"Charlotte and Peter already left, we can go to town whenever you are ready."

"Thanks Jasper." I smiled at him and ran up to my room to get my things.

He was waiting on the porch and smiled before pulling me easily on his back and running us to the cabin where only one truck remained.

"Where did they go?"

Jasper shrugged as he climbed into the truck, "Didn't ask."

I climbed in beside him and watched him as he drove, "Jasper?"

"Yes?" He flicked his gaze to me and I shifted uncomfortably, he seemed so reserved, so serious today.

"Is everything ok?"

"Fine." He nodded and turned his attention back to the road.

"Did I do something?"

His gaze shot back to me, "No." He frowned, "Why are you upset?" I shrugged and looked away from him. "Bella, I can feel your confusion, disappointment, pain and worry. An interesting cocktail and I'd like to know why you feel like that."

"You seem upset."

He looked surprised again, "I'm sorry."

"I didn't do anything?"

"No." He seemed to hesitate. "You still feel comfortable with me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Bella, I wasn't exaggerating the things I did. Believe it or not I edited the worst parts of the things I took part in."

I reached over and squeezed his arm, "You survived and got out though."

He watched me for a minute before turning his attention back to the road and pulling into a parking lot. "You always surprise me." He told me.

"Is that a good thing?" I asked him unsure.

He sent me a smile, "In this case it is. Come on."

I followed him out of the car and we went into the store.

We spent the morning wandering around and shopping, it was fun to just hang out with him. He was so laid back and fun, the time just flew by as we teased each other and chatted about everything and nothing. I found a beautiful necklace for Char and hung it on her room door handle with a card that read: Char. Its good to have a true friend, thank you for being mine. ~Bella

We went home after he stopped at a diner for me to eat lunch. It was to cold to sit outside, at least for me, so I stayed in the house and read for the afternoon and Jasper suggested cards after I'd eaten supper. We watched scary movies and I went to bed very late. Peter and Char still weren't back the next day so I spent another easy day in Jasper's company. He was teaching me poker but his gift could always tell my hand, even when I wasn't blushing, giggling or frowning at my hand.

It was late the following day that Char came back and life fell into an easy pattern. She had loved the necklace and hugged me tightly, her eyes coated with venom. The next day she had brought home one for me that was almost exactly the same but the stones were a different color, saying we should have one from each other as a mark of our friendship. I couldn't help the moisture in my eyes as I hugged her. I never protested the gift. It had too much meaning, even if it was a tad expensive and she had done too much for me already. We both wore them every day.

The cold weather descended quickly, limiting my outdoor activities but Char didn't seem to mind. The days all blended together and I wasn't quite sure what we did with the time. It went so quickly and yet we didn't exactly do anything. None of us were working, there were no errands but for the one weekly grocery trip that I could no longer go on. It was just to freaking cold to travel via vampire back in the snow. September had become December in the blink of an eye.

"Bella?"

"Yes Char?"

"Peter says company is coming."

"What?" I jumped up from where I was reading on the leather chair by the fire and turned to her in concern.

"No one will hurt you." She told me. "We would never let anyone."

I nodded, "Is it friendly company then?"

She shrugged, "He didn't say who, just that someone was coming tonight." I shifted, uncomfortable as I thought about it. "I swear you will always be safe with us Bella."

"It's not that. It's just…" I met her eyes and knew she would understand, "I'm not ready yet."

"Ready for what?"

I shrugged, "To face the world again. To see them."

"Sugar, Peter would have said if it was a Cullen and they would have called Jasper first, they call and they've all given him ways to contact them. Carlisle and Esme are on their island in South America, Alice is in Paris, Emmett and Rosalie are in Scotland for the holidays and Edward knows not to come here."

"What do you mean he knows not to come here?" She looked away, "Char?"

"Peter told me Jasper didn't handle the situation in Ontario very well. He warned Edward that he'd better stay far from the Whitlock family, far from you, for a very long time."

"That was sweet of him."

She shot me a look, "Sugar, warnings from the Major are not usually sweet."

"Not for Edward I imagine but it was sweet of him to care."

She shook her head, "You are the strangest person I've ever met." She murmured.

"Char?"

"Jasper told us he told you about his change, about Maria and the Southern Wars a while back."

I nodded, "I didn't think it was right to talk about behind his back, even if you were there and I didn't want to ask you about your time unless you wanted to talk to me about it. I wasn't trying to hide that I knew about how you came into this life."

"I know Sugar." She smiled at me, "I also know that your attitude towards me didn't change one whit. Not to any of us."

"Why would it?"

"I killed people Bella. Not bad people but all people, men, women and children."

"You had no choice."

She sighed and shook her head, "Sugar, when Peter and I escaped, when the Major let us go, we didn't stop feeding the way we always had. For a long time we fed on whoever smelled the best. It wasn't until after Jasper's depression began that we began to change the way we hunted our prey, it began as a way to help him. We thought the emotions of his victims were getting to him because he was opening up his own emotions and if the people were already dying or were evil then he wouldn't feel so bad. It didn't work and he still left us but it had caused Peter and I to think about things, about who we were and the type of people we wanted to be. We're vampires, mostly we see humans as your Polar Bears would see a seal; they are our prey. Our enjoyment of interacting with them and joining in on their activities, like gambling, dancing and the like grew with time and was made possible through our growing human conscious's but it took time and often we somewhat look down on them."

"So I would be a pet or something?"

"Special Bella." She told me intently, "You are very special, to all of us. I love you like a true sister."

"I love you to Char."

"Would you consider it?"

"Consider what?"

"Being a Whitlock."

My last name was the last tie I had to Luc and while part of me wanted to let go of everything, a small part of me still held on to that. I wasn't sure what to say to her, so I teased her instead, "You want to adopt me? How sweet."

"Jasper" Was her only response.

"You want Jasper to adopt me?" I laughed.

"I want him to bite you." Her quiet words shocked me and I stared at her.

"You want Jasper to change me?"

She nodded and bit her lip, "I know the Cullen's were talking about it but everything happened before they could bring it up. You could still choose them if you wanted to." She added the last while avoiding looking at me.

"Charlotte?"

She sighed and met my eyes, "I'm sorry. It's not fair to ask you for this. I told you when we came here, I'm selfish, I don't want to lose my friend and you are more than that now, you're my sister."

I bit back tears but smiled at her, "It's not selfish Char. I don't want to lose you either. I'm so tired of losing the people I love most."

"He'd be able to stop Bella. Jasper hasn't only changed Peter and I, he changed several over the years with Maria. We are the only ones that lived past the initial year but there were others. I know it was a long time ago but he'd still be able to stop."

"I trust him."

"So you'll think about it then and until then we won't pressure you." She nodded as though to end the discussion, then turned immediately back to what we had previously been talking about. "So the guest coming tonight will not bother you, we'll all protect you if it turns out they are less than friendly."

I nodded, "Ok, Char. I trust you."

That night I went to bed without the promised visitor arriving but he was there when I woke up. He was a slightly disheveled looking nomad with bright red eyes, longish black hair and a slightly sinister smile.

"Good Morning." I greeted him. He nodded and watched me as I went into the kitchen to get a pop tart. After I ate, I went back up to my room, something about him bothered me a little bit but I knew as long as Jasper, Peter and Char were here, I was safe.

"You ok Sugar?" Char came into my room an hour later.

"Fine." I shrugged sitting up, "Who is the visitor?"

"He's a nomad from Spain passing through. We've never met him before."

"Where is he?"

"Talking with Jasper and Peter" She told me, "I think he is looking for something, I don't know but Peter asked me to come check on you."

"I'm fi…" My words were cut off at a loud crash downstairs. Char disappeared and I ran to the windows to see Jasper walking calmly off the porch. Peter was standing there crouched and Charlotte came up behind him, putting her hand on his back. The nomad was crouched in a fighting stance and I watched as Jasper just walked calmly towards him. The nomad must have said something because I heard a terrifying roar come from Jasper and the nomad dropped to his knees trembling. His eyes were darting about wildly, his head shooting from side to side, then to Peter and Char before looking back to Jasper and I imagined speaking again. Jasper just shook his head and walked up to the man before tearing his head off. I gasped, my hand going to my mouth and I saw Jasper turn to look up at me; his eyes black and his expression hard. He dropped the head and took off into the woods.

Char came up a moment later. "Our guest is leaving."

"Leaving? He has no head."

She shrugged, "Fused back on."

"Gross." I made a face and Charlotte laughed, huge, gut wrenching belly laughs. "Char?" I questioned her.

"You know all about our pasts, you know about the humans and vampires we've killed, that when we leave here we go to drink blood, human blood and you just saw Jasper rip someone's head off but it's the reattachment capabilities that freaks you out." She was still giggling.

"Hey everyone has their ick factor, bodily reattachment is mine." I told her unable to hold back a grin.

She let out another giggle and I couldn't help but join in. Once we were calm, I turned to her, "Hey Char?"

"Hmm?" She replied still smiling.

My next words pulled it from her face, "What happened?"

"There are certain things you don't do in the vampire world, coveting or insulting a mate is one of them. Peter is not a forgiving man. A comment was made about me and he lost his temper and threw him through a window."

"So why did Jasper rip his head off?"

"I told you Bella, threats from Jasper aren't sweet."

"Warnings, you said warnings from Jasper aren't sweet. It's not the same as a threat which tends to be worse but what I meant was if it was about you why was Jasper the angry one?"

"I'm his sister, born from his venom and he is the head of our coven so to an extent I am his responsibility."

"There's more."

"He made a comment about you. Jasper gave him a little warning. He made a comment about me and Pete threw him through the window. Idiot chose to make another comment about you and Jasper gave him a proper warning with his gift and then made his point leaving the nomad with the threat of a lot worse if they crossed paths again."

"What did he say?"

"He said you were a pretty little pet. Jasper told him you were not a pet and were off limits so he turned his attention to me." She looked down at her hands; "He said the scars ruined me so he could see why they had you to play with."

"Char!" I gasped and jumped up running into her arms, "Don't you dare even consider giving weight to his words; you are beautiful, inside and out. Your scars show how strong you are, how much you've overcome, they are part of you and every part of you is beautiful and good. He was just jealous that they had someone like you, so strong and smart that you survived and he was alone and had no hopes of ever getting a mate so beautiful and perfect."

She hugged me tightly, "Thank you Bella."

"I'm glad Jasper ripped his head off." I told her fiercely.

She laughed and hugged me again, "You still amaze me all the time Bella."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm weird, I know."

She laughed again, "Special Bella, you're very special."

"So' he's reattached" I made another face making her giggle again "his head, and left. Good Riddance. Where did Jasper go?"

She looked away, "I don't think he meant for you to see him like that."

"Why was he so angry? He seemed mostly calm when he first stepped off the porch."

"The Major is scariest when he pulls on that cold, calm mask. Stupid fuck, growled at him and said Peter overreacted, he wouldn't want me but he'd like a taste of your body and blood." I was pretty sure she'd edited a little but I got the idea. "The Cullen's might have talked it out but most vampires respond more to actions. The nomad knows he is no match for Jasper and wont return."

"So why is he upset he defended us?"

She sighed, "I think he's upset he might have scared you."

"A vampire had his head ripped off of course it scared me, not that Jasper could or would do it but that he needed to. The last thing I need is a sadistic vampire attempting to hunt me down and kill me or the few people left alive that I care about."

"James and Victoria didn't know who Jasper was Sugar and under that mask of civility he wasn't just fighting his blood lust but most of his instincts as well. They might not have been so quick to oppose him if they had been aware of who and what he was."

"The God of War and the Bringer of Death."

"Exactly." She nodded, "Jasper is still trying to find balance within himself over the things he's seen and done, the demon and man he has been. He doesn't want you to start to be afraid of him, you know what he has done but to see what he is capable of is something else."

"Well if it was a human man I might say it was excessive but that was a vampire, he can just" I wrinkled my nose in disgust, "reattach himself and be on his way."

She giggled at the face I made, "That really freaks you out."

"It's gross, body parts fusing back together, I can picture an arm wiggling on the ground as a dismembered corpse tried to reassemble itself."

She laughed at my face and words and then the horrified expression on my face when she told me that was sort of what happened which was why the parts needed to be burned.

I tossed a book at her as she laughed.

"Everything ok up here?" Peter asked coming in and smiling at his still giggling mate.

"Peachy." I told him a little sarcastically, "Now get your mate to stop laughing at me."

"He can remove my finger so you can watch it reconnect." She offered giggling while I made fake retching sounds and then began to giggle as well.

He looked from one of us to the other with a confused expression.

"Bella thinks its gross we can fuse a severed body part back on. The blood and killing and being technically dead thing is fine but the reattaching of body parts freaks her out."

"Ok, ok, I told you everyone has their ick point, that is mine. Now the nomad is gone can we just get back to our normal day?"

"Fine." She told me sticking out her tongue.

"I'll need to go into town and get glass to fix that window. You'll need warm clothes downstairs till it's in Bella."

"Ok. I'll come along." Char wiggled her eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes laughing.

"Have fun then, I wont expect you for a while." I told her as she disappeared out the door deliberately brushing against her mate as she went. "I'm going to get a book and stay up here where it's warm today." I went to move past Peter but he stopped me and pulled me into his arms. "Pete?"

"Thank you." He whispered.

"For what?"

"You." He told me with a wink before disappearing after his mate.

I went downstairs to find a new book to read before making tea and going back up to my nice warm attic.

When I went downstairs again I heard movement in Jasper's room. Fear made my heart beat faster at the thought of the nomad coming back.

"Jazz?" I called out.

The door opened and Jasper was standing there, avoiding my gaze, "Yes Bella."

I sighed in relief, "Just checking it was you." I smiled at him. "Peter and Char went to get glass cut for the window and commune with nature." I chuckled. He nodded. "You ok Jasper?" I asked, concerned by his melancholia. I hoped today hadn't brought back to many bad memories for him. Did vampires suffer PTSD?

He watched me for a minute and I knew he was reading my emotions before he nodded, "I'm fine. Are you alright?"

"Me?" I frowned at him, "I'm fine. I was safe up in my room the whole time."

"Bella, what I did…" he wouldn't look at me while he spoke.

"You protected me and defended Char." I told him quietly, "Threatening him was the only way to be sure he knew not to fuck with our family."

"I ripped off his head."

I shrugged, "It'll grow back." I made a face at the mental picture that created, "Ok, that's worse, I think I might be less eww'd by the fusing thing now."

His eyes shot to my face and I could tell he was reading my emotions again. It was the first time the silence between us made me feel awkward and I shifted on my feet. "So um, I was just going to make tea when I heard you in here. I'll let you get back to what you were doing." I hesitated, "You are ok though right? I mean, I don't want you to suffer alone if you're having Maria flashbacks or something."

I seemed to have stunned him again and his eyes shot to my face, "I, uh, I mean." He growled, "Bella you cannot be this calm. You saw me tear a man's head off a couple hours ago."

"A vampire who just fused it back on and ran along his merry way. Besides, you're the empath, if I were freaking out, you would know." I told him rolling my eyes and turning to walk down stairs. Fuck it was cold down there.

Instantly Jasper was handing me a blanket and had lifted me onto the counter. He set about making my tea, not saying anything.

"Jazz?"

"I'm fine Bella. No flashbacks. I promise." He told me, teasing me lightly but I could see something almost unidentifiable in his eyes. A minute later, he handed me a mug, "Go on back upstairs, it's to cold for you until the window is fixed."

"Thanks." I smiled at him and went upstairs.

Char came back and brought me warm soup, apparently even two floors up in the nice warm attic they were worried about me being cold with the broken window because she brought at least three extra blankets with her, two fleece and one furry one.

Peter brought up the scrabble and the four of us played until my eyes started to droop. I noticed a few looks pass between Peter and Jasper but let it go. It was a pleasant evening.

The glass would take four days to arrive and then the store broke it cutting it. The next piece arrived in three days, luckily, it was cut properly, and Jasper and Peter installed it expertly.

I happily moved about the kitchen making tea and went to plop myself down on the sofa. It was good to be out of my attic.

"Hey Pete."

"Yeah?" He answered coming down the stairs at my call though I'd spoken as if he were in the room already. Unlike the Cullen's the Whitlock's rarely pretended to act human just because I was there, they moved at preternaturally quick speeds and would sit still as statues for hours. Usually they spoke at my speed out of respect but that was it so I was even more comfortable with the extra speed, hearing, and strength thing than before.

"Next time there is a dumb nomad visiting can you do me a favor?"

"Sure." He shrugged sitting down as Jasper and Charlotte came into the room as well.

"Can you just rip off his arm or fingers or something instead of shoving him through a window." Charlotte burst out laughing. "What?" I asked her, fighting a smile, "It seems more effective to get him to stop being a dumb fuck and I might go crazy confined to that room."

"You just suggested dismemberment over getting a chill. You might already be crazy." She laughed.

Making me laugh with her, "The cold I can handle the three hovering vampires who wont let me risk getting a chill is what will drive me crazy."

"Fine dismemberment it is." Pete laughed.

I saw Char look away and knew what she was thinking. I'd been thinking about it a lot the last week. If I'd been a vampire, I wouldn't have been cold. I wouldn't have had to be afraid of the nomad coming in the first place. I just wasn't sure I wanted to live forever, not when my parents, Paul, Luc and my Esme Carlie were waiting for me. Paul, I wondered if he'd be angry. Of course, he would be but he'd called me a leach lover to the end and I knew the pack believed I would eventually look to find the Cullen's. My parents would want me to be happy, of that, I was mostly sure. What about my husband and daughter? Would they understand why I never joined them in heaven? Would they always be waiting for me there? Would I be alone and mourning all of the people that I loved, for eternity? I loved Char, Pete and Jazz but could I give up seeing my daughter again to stay with my sister? What about when Jasper found a mate? What if she didn't like me? Why did the idea of Jasper finding a mate hurt so much? Would I be alone? Would finding a mate be a betrayal of Luc and Esme Carlie?

"Bella?" Char's soft voice broke into my thoughts and I realized I had been drifting in my thoughts for a while.

"What's wrong Darlin?" Jasper's voice was low and soft, his Southern drawl was soothing but made me want to cry more.

I met Char's eyes, "I'm going to bed." I whispered. Getting up and going to my room where in my dreams I'd still see Luc dancing slowly with our daughter to slow jazz music and he'd reach his hand out to me and say, "Dance with me cher. I just want to hold you awhile." Or I'd see Paul, he'd be standing at the cliffs of La Push and he'd phase from his silver wolf to the man I had loved to hate and hated to love. "Jump with me." He'd tell me his hand outstretched to me. I would never have those dreams again if I gave up sleeping.

I wasn't sure when I started to cry but as I lay in bed the tears came and I sobbed for all that I had lost. Char slipped into my room and curled onto the bed beside me.

"What's wrong Sugar?"

"I don't want to be alone for eternity." I whispered back.

"You're a Whitlock, you'd never be alone." She whispered back, running her cool fingers over my heated brow and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I'd never get to be with Luc and Esme Carlie."

She held me in her arms as I let myself cry out the pain of missing them. I cried myself to sleep while she hummed gently and held me.