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JPOV

She was amazing. I couldn't describe it. I had known she was special in Forks. The little that I knew her, I had seen something, felt it in her emotions, she was unique and beautiful. I felt bad for suggesting we kill her in the beginning. It hadn't taken me long to see she was special, her life meant something. I wasn't sure what but I knew she was special. Every time I felt the purity, the beauty and the strength of her emotions, I could feel how special she was. She was worth it. I told her so in Phoenix. I knew then that if I had to become the demon I used to be to keep her safe, I would, she was worth it. Alice saw and it scared her. I scared her and still she loved me, she believed in me. Her faith and love gave me strength. Alice was special. She always had been and I loved her but I knew that for Bella I would still become the thing Alice feared. I would keep the girl safe. Edward couldn't. He refused to embrace any part of his vampire side. Vampires existed much like animals at times. We lived through instincts. Fucking, fighting and feeding. Edward was a virgin, his fight or flight was set strictly on flight and he fought every instinct to feed. Bella was his singer and he fought the instinct to feed, he pushed himself to go longer and longer without drinking. The only thing making him hunt as often as he was now was his fight for control near Bella. No. Edward couldn't keep her safe. Not from our kind. But I could. The demon in me could keep her safe from any threat.

Any threat but me.

Her eighteenth birthday had taught me that.

A paper cut and I had ruined everything. The smell of her blood, so sweet, so intoxicating. I wanted to put her finger in my mouth and lick up the droplets of heaven being wasted on the rug. Then a wave of blood lust hit me and I had to have her. I had to taste the blood before another got to her. It came at me in stronger waves and I ran at her. The blood would be mine. She was mine. Only mine. No one else could have her. I wouldn't let them taste that sweet nectar, that translucent skin, no one but me would hold her, touch her, take her.

I saw red when Edward shoved her back. Instantly more of her blood scent filled the air. The waves of blood lust assaulted me. I wasn't sure whether to attack the threats around me or go straight for the sweet smelling blood. Emotions were assailing me and I wasn't sure which were mine anymore. She was special. That was the most prevalent feeling. Over the blood lust and confusion, something in me screamed that she was special, she was worth it. I let Emmett force me outside. The clean air hit me as the blood lust of the others faded. I began to run. What had I done? I still hated myself for it. I had tried to attack her. She was special, worth becoming a monster for. After the summer, over which she spent almost every day here in our home, I knew it more than I had the previous spring. Bella was special and I had almost taken her life. I had wanted her blood, wanted her more than anything. I'd wanted to burn Edward for touching her, she was mine, he'd thrown her into a glass table, spilled that sweet smelling nectar, wasted it. She was to precious to waste. My thoughts were confusing. The blood lust tinged them and under it was something else. Something I was afraid to analyze. Instead, I focused on my failure. I had nearly slipped again, not just to drink from a human but to drink Bella. Alice loved her, Edward loved her, they all did. I could feel it, I basked in it whenever she was around. I basked in all of her emotions. She was pure, she was good, she was special. I wanted to protect her but I had almost ended her.

Edward made us leave her. His lust that day had nearly consumed us both. He tried to blame me but I knew, as he knew, that he had been focused on me partly to defend his prey. He had wanted her blood more than anything. He broke her heart though and she wanted nothing to do with any of us. We could do that for her. Leave her alone. I had nearly killed her. Why would she want me near her?

It hurt Alice the most. She went to see Bella one day. She was sitting in a chair looking out the window, not moving. It broke Alice's heart. Esme sobbed at the loss of her daughter. Emmett moped. I'd never seen him to quiet and withdrawn. Rosalie was angry at Edward. He had brought her into our lives and Emmett had loved her. How could he have done this to them, to Bella? He should have left her alone from the beginning. Rosalie also missed Bella's emotions. She was so open, she always tried no matter how bitchy Rose was to her, Bella was always kind and made Rose feel happy. The truth only I knew was that Rose liked Bella. I could feel it in her emotions.

The emotional turmoil was too much. Under their personal shit was pity, sadness and a bitterness that I had caused it all. Every time I looked at Alice I felt guilty. She was so sad. She didn't have a trace of anger or blame for me though. Seeing me made her sad. Everything made her sad. Bella was her best friend, her sister and Bella didn't want to even see her. Edward had told us. Bella wanted a clean break. She didn't want to have to be afraid of a paper cut, especially not when she was so clumsy.

After a month, Alice finally set me free. She called Peter and told me to go stay with them. I loved her, I wanted to take care of her but once again she was taking care of me. My beautiful Alice, my happy pixie who never blamed me for being a demon, I would miss her. She was right though. Alice was always right. It was time to stop pretending. It had almost killed Bella. I wasn't this man. Alice promised me I'd never have to be that demon again and I believed her, I never doubted her but I wasn't this guy either. I was a vampire. I needed to stop pretending and just be. It was a precarious balance but over the next three years I felt better than I had before. I wasn't pretending anymore. Not with anything. Alice was still my light in the dark. My best friend. I could always count on her. I was home now though, back with my brother and sister. It was where I belonged. I mixed my diet eating criminals and animals alike. My control grew as I simply relaxed. I'd always been on edge before, always afraid to slip. Now that I wasn't afraid of slipping, the blood lust was actually lower.

I was still close with the Cullen's. Except Edward. I reminded him of his own weakness. Or what he saw as his weakness. He wanted to blame me but we both knew I wasn't why he'd left her. I let him hate me though. He was hurting without her. He loved her. I could feel it the few times I saw him since. Mostly he stayed away too. He tracked Victoria. He was a shit tracker but I'd warned him she might be a danger to Bella. Her and Laurent both should be watched. It wasn't my place though. Edward made that clear.

Then came the visit to them that changed everything again. Alice had a vision of Bella. She was in danger. We had respected her wish for us not to be in her life but we couldn't let anything happen to her. We loved her. I also owed her. I had tried to kill her. I had failed Carlisle, failed Bella, I wouldn't do so again.

With Bella's return to our life I was amazed again with the purity and strength of her emotions. Under all of them was a note of sadness that broke my heart. She was special. Bella had always been special. She hadn't deserved to suffer. I would live another hundred years as Maria's demon, drowning in the pain, sorrow, hate and evil of all those emotions if I could somehow undo it all. If I could just bring them all back and reverse her pain. So much of which was my fault. I should have gone after Victoria and Laurent. I had known. I'd told Edward. Why hadn't he listened? He said he'd take care of it. I knew he wouldn't. He was a bad tracker and when he found Victoria what? He wasn't a fighter. I was. I was the soldier. I was the one who could protect her. I had failed her. She was special, she was worth becoming the demon again. I had known it from that first summer. I had let my fear of my own messed up emotions rule me. I had continued to drown my own instincts in fear of what I used to be and she'd suffered for it. Bella. Her suffering was my fault. I knew she was special. Knew I needed to protect her. I'd failed her. Failed Carlisle. Failed Alice. Failed Bella.

Bella didn't blame me. She wouldn't let me atone for my sins. Her affection was pure. She truly felt there was no need for my apologies. She did not fear me or hate me. There were no negative emotions at all when she looked at me, nothing but that soul deep sorrow that lay under all her emotions. Even my eyes, Peter and Charlotte's eyes, they didn't phase her. She trusted them, she trusted me, I just couldn't understand how or why.

We gave her space anyways. I didn't want to crowd her.

"Jasper?"

"Carlisle." I smiled at my adopted father/brother figure.

"How is she doing?" He looked worriedly through the trees towards the house.

"Well." I told him honestly, "She's sad but doing remarkably well all things considered."

"She seems happy though doesn't she? Happy to be here with us? You don't think she'll leave? Or ask us to leave again? I don't know that we could give her that again. She suffered so much. I should have been there. I know she wanted us to leave her alone but how can I risk her going through more pain alone?"

"She's… content here."

"Content?"

"Happiness and sadness are an odd blend. The sadness is always there but so is the affection for all of you. I think in time she will be happy again. I can feel it there, not as often as any of us would like but it takes time. Like you said, she's been through a lot."

"Esme wants to turn her."

"Esme does?"

"We all do." He sighed. "I know she's not sick or dying but she could be. Being without her for four years was hard. I don't want to lose her forever. Bella is…"

"Special." I supplied.

He nodded, "She's my daughter." I could feel the love and sadness welling up in him. "It's different. Edward was my first friend in this life. Esme is my mate. You are more like a younger brother than a son, you've always been so strong and in charge of your own life. You've never needed me or Esme. Never needed a parent to love and guide you. I know this life isn't the right one for you Jasper and it's not my place to judge you but I look at you for strength and guidance, maybe more than you ever looked to me."

"Me?" I was surprised. I had always felt like I was the most troubling to him. I had failed him as a son. Why would he look to me for anything?

He nodded, "You are so strong. You've embraced who you are. It took me a vey long time to be square with myself. To balance my instincts with myself as a man. I know you struggled with it and you chose a different path than I did but your honor and loyalty have always been a strength to me."

"I'm sorry I failed you Carlisle. Failed at this life."

He shook his head, "You never failed me Jasper or failed this life. You chose a different path, not a worse one, just a different one. You are better able to embrace what we are. I try but I am still afraid of it as well. You do not need to atone for what you are or who you are because you are a good man."

"Not as good as you."

"I did not live your life Jasper, if I had, I might not have turned out as honorable, loyal and good as you. We cannot judge ourselves on the lives of others. You are a good man and a good friend, a brother and I hope you always remember you are a member of our family, vegetarian or not, we are, I am, proud of you, proud to call you brother."

I sent him a wave of love and appreciation, "As I am proud to call you my brother." He reminded me of my human older brother, wise and comforting, supportive, loyal, un-judgmental and kind.

He sighed again, "You know Emmett is a son to me in many ways. We are less close than I would like but I've always loved him."

"I know. I always felt it. He knows to."

Carlisle nodded, "Rosalie is a good daughter, she is strong and independent but she hated me for changing her in the beginning. Before Emmett she wished I had just let her die. She and Esme are like sisters. Seeing her happy is a relief but I wonder if I will ever not feel just a little guilty."

"Alice?"

"I miss Alice. So does Esme. She's in Paris more often than with us and even when she is with us, she is not herself really."

"She's still your daughter."

Carlisle nodded, "And I love her and will always be there when she needs me."

"But?"

He shook his head, "Bella is different."

"She's special." I agreed.

"I want to change her. I hate the idea that we might lose her again and I am terrified she will ask us to leave her to her life again."

A troubling thought came to me and I was almost afraid to voice it, "What if she never wanted you to?"

"Jasper?" Carlisle frowned at me, "Edward said… he would lie about that. He wouldn't make us suffer or hurt her like that."

"Not even if he thought it was to protect her?" Carlisle frowned in thought. I didn't want to cause problems for him and Edward. The two were already at odds more than I had ever seen them. "She's here now. We can't change the past Carlisle but she seems happy to move beyond it."

He nodded, "Is it selfish to want to change her?"

I nodded, "Yes but we are selfish creatures both as men and vampires. The important thing isn't our wants being or not being selfish. It's what we do about it."

"Changing her would be selfish. It would be stealing her life."

"Or giving her one." I countered.

"Edward would hate me for it."

I shrugged, "It's not up to him."

"Would you do it?"

"If she asked me, yes." I was surprised at my own ready answer but I knew it was true. I wanted her to be a vampire. To live forever. She was special. A world without her would be somehow less.

"That's it isn't it. Should we ask her? Or is it better to wait until she asks us?"

That I didn't know. "She should be given the choice Carlisle but she's only been back a little while. Maybe we should give her the chance to settle in and heal."

"I'm afraid we'll lose her before we get the chance to change her."

"By her dying or her leaving?"

He looked away, "Both." He sighed and turned back to me. "Bella is my daughter Jasper. I wish I could explain it. I love all of my family but Bella, she's…"

"Special." I repeated.

He nodded, "Yes. Esme feels it too. Bella could be our own. It feels almost like she is."

"How is Esme?"

"The last four years have been hard, the last few months harder. She feels like a failure as a mother. Bella might have told Edward she didn't want us anywhere near her but we could still have watched out for her from a distance. She's our daughter and we left her to the cruelty of the world."

"You thought it was what she wanted." I couldn't bring myself to say it was what she had wanted, not now that the idea had entered my head that maybe it wasn't.

"Teenagers say things they don't mean. They don't always know what they want. We should have gone back. Left her with a way to find us if it was what she wanted."

"You left a trail for her Carlisle."

He felt embarrassed as he looked away, "I didn't think anyone knew about that. I just, I had to know that there was a way, if she ever needed or wanted to, she could find me."

"Esme did it to." I told him. "Even Emmett and Rose made sure they were traceable by her. It was more subtle for them than you and Alice believed she would see if Bella wanted to find her and had a plan set so she could change her if she asked."

"Alice?" He looked surprised.

I nodded, "She wasn't just in Paris. She also bought a home in the Swiss Alps. It's all set up for a new born. Just in case. I asked her once if she still saw Bella as a vampire, if maybe that was why she did it. She shook her head and said it was wishful thinking. That she hoped in building it a vision of Bella would come with the two of them there."

"I'll do better this time. I wont fail her. I'll protect my daughter."

I felt the same way but we did fail her.

Edward came and what he did… he was not family the way Peter and Char or Alice were, not even the way the other Cullen's were. He was more like a spoiled younger cousin. We'd always rubbed each other the wrong way. We had good memories and cared about each other but that day I was ready to burn him.

I could feel the small amount of pain flickering under his jealousy. His rage was barely a flicker on the radar next to my own though.

I was outside with Peter when Char and Bella came home from their drive. They were laughing. Char was always laughing with Bella. My sister was a happy woman but somehow Bella made her light up even more. The more time they spent together, the deeper the bond became and the lighter Char's emotions became. Char had been lonely in a way Pete and I couldn't fill but Bella did. I was at once grateful to her and afraid for my sister. She would miss Bella when we went home.

Char came over to see Peter and Bella went inside. A few minutes later, I felt her pain and overwhelming anguish flowing out of the house. I felt something in me snap and knew my eyes had instantly become pitch as night. Without explanation to Peter and Charlotte, I ran to Bella. I was ready to burn Edward when I saw what he did.

Char was right behind me and pulled Bella into her arms. Alice had come at the same time and was dry sobbing and collecting the torn fragments of photos for Bella. Rosalie came in as well. Her rage fueled mine. All of them were angry but the pain and sadness were almost overwhelming me as well. Rosalie handed the little cloth bootie to Bella who began to cry harder. I watched Peter gently pull her from his mate, lifting her in his arms. Momentarily, I was stunned out of my rage. Peter liked Bella. He loved how happy she made his mate. I was still surprised. He didn't show anyone but Charlotte the kind of compassion and gentleness he did as he cradled Bella to him gently and carried her down the stairs.

He sat with her in his arms, murmuring soothing words while Char rubbed her back. Alice sat in a chair near them, anguish and guilt wracking her tiny form. She felt like she'd failed Bella again by not seeing. I wanted to comfort her but couldn't move past the rage boiling through me. Edward had hurt Bella, again.

Esme and Carlisle came in and Rose explained what had happened, hissing angrily while glaring at Edward. I was incapable of speech still. Bella's sobs filling me with a darkness not even I had known before. I'd never wanted to kill someone more. For sixty years, we'd been family and now the only thing I desired was to watch him burn.

Bella's sobs quieted and I concentrated on her heartbeat to stay relatively calm.

The only thing to really break me out of the haze of hatred and rage was Bella. Her anger at Edward, the way she stood up to him, it filled me with pride. She was special. So fucking special.

I could feel the disappointment and surprisingly the true fury in both Esme and Carlisle. With Bella's exit, Esme was left feeling only depressed emotions, sadness, regret, anguish, loss, guilt, pain. Carlisle on the other hand, his sadness was over shadowed by a rage I had never felt from him. His mate was hurting, his daughter was hurt, not even his first companion to this life could calm that fury. The only thing that stemmed it was his anguish at her leaving. He'd failed her. Again. It was the same thing Alice was feeling. I felt it to. She was suffering again. She was so pure. She didn't deserve to suffer but it seemed all she knew in this life was brief moments of happiness and endless suffering.

My rage was broken with the pain in the house, the pain in me. I let him see the demon but even it wanted only to find Bella, to drop on his knees and beg her forgiveness for not protecting her.

I left with Peter and of course the fucker knew just where we were supposed to be.

"Char?" I asked as we ran.

"Taking Bella to Montana."

"Bella is still with Char?"

"She's coming home." He told me.

"Peter?"

"I don't know Major. I just know, that Bella, she's special."

I had always known that.

"So she's staying with us for a while." I felt a confusing mix of happiness, fear, and contentment at that. I'd find a way to make it all up to her, to make her happy again or at least, to make her not hurt anymore.

We kept running and reached the house late the next night. We cleared out the attic and built a closet, even ordered her furniture. I called Carlisle and Esme and told them Bella was coming with Char and going to be staying with me for a while. Carlisle made me promise to call with updates or if she needed him. Esme made me promise to make sure she ate well. I promised them both I'd take care of her and silently swore I would not fail them, would not fail her, not this time. The next morning we went to town for groceries and when we got back Char and Bella were there.

The time with Char seemed to have helped Bella. The sadness had receded to the background again. Everyday Bella felt better and she and Char grew closer.

Then came the night Bella asked about me. I told her the truth. All of it. I edited only the worst details, she didn't need to know about the way the first child I'd killed screamed, the way even vampires pleaded, not to let them go, but to just let them die. If Maria had needed information, I got it. In battle, I saw thousand-year-old vampires flee from me, sending all of their newborns to attack me, to save their skins while they escaped. Once, near the end of my days as Aries, a vampire who controlled a large section of New Mexico had heard we were coming and up and fled. When we got there he and all his people were gone. They attacked another coven for territory further west. Maria had wanted a fight though and the newborns were starving. She let them loose on the nearest towns. Six thousand people massacred. Maria laughed and I spent the next night culling out the ranks. We had seventeen newborns wake in the next days. No one but Maria could make so many at once without them destroying all of her army. My gift helped to control them. Even so only nine survived the next week. Details like those I left out but only the worst details. Everything else I told her. She held my hand and I felt sorrow from her. No revulsion or anger, not even aversion. She held my hand and I felt her affection and support flow into me. She was sad for me and in the end there was also pride. I was confused and lay there thinking for a long time. I carried her up to her bed after her breathing evened out, she had fallen asleep, lying next to me, a demon.

All night I convinced myself she would hate me in the morning. She would look at me and see only the demon. I would have haunted her nightmares. She didn't. She was hurt I was distant with her. Hurt. She actually wanted to be near me. There was no fear, no judgment, no disgust. After they got back I told Char and Pete I'd told her, they asked me how much and I told them she knew everything. They were surprised and Char was worried. Bella never brought it up to either of them. She didn't react differently to them at all. In fact, I felt her love for all of us continue to grow. She even saw me rip the head off another vampire and felt only worry for me, fear that I was suffering. No fear of me, the one who she'd watch rip the head off another being.

I was amazed by her.

Peter came outside to talk to me that night. "She's special."

"I know." I agreed. I'd always known.

"I'm scared she'll get sick."

"We can bring everything she needs upstairs until the window is fixed."

"Not just now."

"I know."

"Would she consider it?"

"I don't know."

"Char wants her to."

"I know."

"I can't let her die."

"She wont die."

"She might."

"I wont let her."

"If there's an accident."

"I'll change her. We're always with her. We'll change her."

"Then it might be to late or if it's Char, she's never changed someone and I only changed a couple, I killed as many as I changed back then. You have to do it. You have the control."

"I can't force this on her."

"We'll make her happy. We're her family. She'll have a good life with us."

"She has a good life with us now."

"You don't want her?" Char asked coming up to us.

"Of course I do." I sighed turning to my sister, "It has to be her choice."

"I asked her."

I growled at my sister and Pete growled at me.

"She's thinking about it."

"When did you ask her?" Peter asked surprised.

"Yesterday, when I went to tell her he was coming."

"What did she say?" I held my breath.

Charlotte looked away, "She's lost so much Jasper. She hurts so much." Venom coated her eyes, "I can see it in her eyes, its there all the time. The pain, the sadness, the loss. I can't heal her."

"You do Char. You make it better for her. I can feel it."

"I'm scared we'll lose her. She's special Jazz. I don't need Pete's Yoda shit to tell me that."

"I know. I never did either." I looked away from her, at once afraid in a way I never had been before but sure of the right thing as well, "It has to be her choice. I can't steal her death from her, her peace, not if she doesn't want to live forever with us."

"Carlisle stole Rosalie's and she doesn't regret it now."

"Can you do it to her? Risk her hatred and leave her with eternal suffering?"

Charlotte sobbed into Peter. None of us could do that to her, no matter how badly we wanted her, or how much the thought of her not being with us hurt. I wondered, if it were her choice, would I be able to let her die? I was afraid I wouldn't. I'd rather her hate me than not exist. The world would be so much less without her purity and beauty in it.

For years I had known she was special, for months I had known she belonged with my family and that Christmas, I knew I loved her. Peter had known he desired Char, that he cared about her, that she was special but it wasn't until the day came I was set to kill her that he knew she was his mate. Something in him just clicked. He'd known she was special, he'd grown to love her and then he realized that he didn't want to exist without her. I knew Bella was my mate when she called out to distract Peter while we were sparring. As Peter grumbled and Char laughed, I felt nothing but pure joy, peace and love. I felt complete. That was why Bella was special. She completed me. She didn't fear me, she saw the demon within and worried for his suffering. Bella brought peace to his rage and love to his hate. I was more balanced with myself because I had met her. She completed my family. My brother, my sister and my mate. We belonged together. Here like this. Laughing together. This here, this moment, was my heaven. I knew in that moment, I didn't want to exist without her. Without he,r all I would ever do is exist. I could only live, only be happy and whole, with her by my side. She was my world, my life and my mate.

An hour later as though she felt it to, she asked me to change her. The stars had aligned. She was right. The choices we had made led us down difficult paths but the place we were always meant to be, was here in each others arms. The road had been hard and long but we were finally home. We were finally together as fate had always planned.