Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.

Please review!

I felt the fire move from my limbs into my heart, burning into it the love I had for the one's I'd lost. Then its delicate, erratic beat stopped. I lay breathing in the taste of the cool air and listening to the sounds around me, wind whistling in trees and the gentlest patter of snow against the roof. I blinked open my eyes and found myself staring up at the beams of wood over my bed, each variation in color on the wood distinct.

I thought about moving slowly, carefully sitting up on the bed, in the door was Char her hands up as though in supplication her body perfectly still. She was even more beautiful than I had been able to comprehend as a human. The windows were open and her hair moved in the wind, it was honey blond and seemed to shimmer with life as it fell straight down her back to her shoulder blades. Her lips were a perfect bow and her eyes, not one shade of brilliant red like I had thought but a dozen different shades of red, lighter at the pupil with a burgundy ring on the outer part of the iris. They were bright and shone with intelligence and love.

I smiled at her, "Char." My voice came out softer than it used to, it was like the gentle note of a song.

"How are you feeling Bella?" She seemed wary.

"Great." I smiled at her. "Never want to do that again though. I feel like my skin should be charred to a crisp. Oddly cathartic experience though."

"Cathartic?" She asked with a frown.

I looked down at my hands; my now creamy white skin seemed to glow like the moon. "I never really mourned them." I admitted, "Any of them. From the moment I lost Charlie, I never really let myself mourn them. I grieved, I cried but I never let myself let go of the pain. The fire, it burned their memories, the love we shared into me even as it cleansed me of the anger and pain. I embraced it. I knew that the hotter it burned the more it cleansed my soul."

She just stood there watching me so I turned my attention back to her. Her skin like mine, glowed like the moonlight, it was something I had never noticed before. I also saw the tiny white scars she had glowed brighter than the rest of her skin, almost like silver against white. I hadn't seen how many she'd had before. I felt rage to Maria and sadness for my sister. I would never let her suffer like that again.

I heard movement outside and went to the window. Two forms stood out in the snow and I crouched, a sound I'd only heard from Jasper ripping from my chest.

"It's only my mate and brother. Do you remember them? Peter and Jasper." She spoke from behind me.

Immediately I felt myself relax, it was not natural but my instincts didn't shout against it, I knew it was only Jasper bringing me peace so I could figure out my to vast mind.

"Thank you Jazz." I whispered and turned back to Char.

"So, anything happen while I was out?"

Char laughed, "Not much Sugar. We were just waiting for you. How do you feel?"

I shrugged, "I told you, I feel great."

She tilted her head frowning, "Thirsty?"

As soon as she asked I noticed the dryness of my throat get worse, it felt like it had been run with sandpaper, I swallowed and the venom coating it stung.

I nodded, "Yes, I think I really am."

"First meal will be Cullen style." She told me, I'm going to take you outside now. Peter and Jasper are there; neither of them will hurt you.

I rolled my eyes at her, "Of course they wont. Can we go now? The feeling is getting worse."

"Sure." I followed her out the attic window and we ran out to the lake, I could taste the snow in the air, it was wonderful, running was exhilarating, colors seemed as though they were brighter and clearer, it was as though I had been wearing really bad prescription glasses all my life and been color blind.

We stopped a few feet from the two men.

I easily recognized Jasper. I could feel the peace and worry floating off of him. "I'm ok Jazz. I promise." I told him, hoping to soothe his anxiety.

The male with him stepped forward and I dropped into a couch, noting the scars littering even the small portions I could see of his skin. His hands lifted and he stepped back. I met his eyes, they were the same intense and beautiful reds of Jasper and Char and they held the same glow of affection, worry and caution.

"This is my mate Peter." Char reminded me but as soon as I met his eyes, I had known him and come out of the crouch.

"Sorry Pete." I turned to look at Jasper. It was then I noticed the scars shining on his visible skin. There were so many more than I had imagined. Without thinking, I had stepped forward. Jasper stood perfectly still as I lifted my hand and ran it over a half moon on his left jaw line and down his neck where the half moons crisscrossed over each other. I felt anger and pain fill me at the ones who had caused this but immediately was washed in the peace and calm flooded into me by Jasper. I stepped into him, hugging his still form.

"Come on and let's find something for you to eat ok Sugar." Char stepped forward and touched my back. I squeezed Jasper one last time, pleased to find he felt just as pliable as me now, well, he was still rock hard with lean muscles but I didn't feel like I was hugging the marble David after it had been in an industrial freezer anymore.

I let him go and turned back to face Charlotte, "Lead the way."

She smiled at me and we ran towards the mountains. I found a herd of Elk by listening to the gentle slosh of blood through veins. I messily took down two trying not to gag. It was awful but the burning, sandpaper feeling in my throat got better.

I examined everything, using each of my new senses and Char helped me to explore my new world not rushing us back to the house at all. We spent hours outside, talking and playing with my strength and speed.

Peter and Jasper were waiting on the porch when we returned.

"What's wrong Jazz?"

He shook his head, "How do you do that?"

I grinned and shrugged back, "Maybe you were projecting."

"No." Charlotte told me, looking at me funny.

"What?" I asked her rolling my eyes, "Like you didn't know something is bothering him. It's in the way he holds himself and in his eyes." I walked up to him and put my hand on his arm, searching his eyes.

"Just concerned about you Darlin, it's nothing. How was your first hunt?"

I wrinkled my nose, "Not very tasty but it helped my throat. What do we do now?"

"Let's work on your strength." Char suggesting, "Starting with a shower."

I looked down at my bloodied clothes and laughed in agreement.

I was amazed at how quickly time passed when I saw the snow melt and the first buds of spring appear. Now that I didn't sleep, I had expected time to move slow but it just sped right along. I learned Spanish from Char, and Peter and Jasper began training me, Jasper said that Southern War or not a vampire should know how to fight. Char and I swam in the lake and they all came with me hunting. The only thing I'd come across I absolutely refused to eat was a pack of wolves. They reminded me too much of the pack, of Paul. All of it tasted bad anyways. Char said there were nuances to the taste of blood that I would notice over time but I thought it tasted the same, rich, filling but off somehow, like it was milk that had been sitting on the counter to long.

Two months in and Jasper took me for my first human hunt. They smelled better than the animals and I felt no remorse killing the rapist Jasper found me. His blood was richer than the animals and a little sweeter. I could see why they preferred it. My control around humans grew every night as Jasper and I spent time in various towns, I couldn't stop myself when I smelled fresh blood but I didn't crave everyone I saw either and Jasper was always there to stop me if I did start to lose control.

It was March before I knew it. Two weeks into the month and I was irritable and distant. Peter thought it was my latent newborn-ness kicking in. I heard him and Jasper talking about how unusually controlled and calm I was for a newborn.

I had to go so I slipped out my window and ran through the mountains until I found an odd outcropping on a cliff face. I lay down looking up at the stars and just stayed there, reliving all of my memories. I was there for two days when Jasper tracked me down. He didn't say anything, just laid down beside me, the peace of his presence comforting me even without his gift.

Night fell and the stars came out, I found the one Peter had named for my daughter and finally spoke. "It happened in March. The third week of the month." I told him.

"I'm sorry Bella."

We laid there in silence as the night passed around us and as the stars began to disappear, I moved, turning to curl into his body. His arm wrapped around me and held me to him as I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. Behind my eyelids, I could see them, as I had in my dreams, my husband and daughter, dancing.

Jasper didn't move, he didn't speak or pressure me at all, he just lay there with me as the world moved around us. As shadows fell again, I finally stood and Jasper and I silently ran home, hand in hand.

All the rest of the month, when the sun began to set, Jasper would follow me outside and we would lie in the grass by the lake looking up at the stars. We didn't speak much, his presence was peaceful and as I let myself miss not just my daughter but all the people I had lost, I took comfort in being near him. He anchored me to the world, to the future, keeping me from drowning in the pain while still letting me feel it all, letting me talk or be silent as I needed. As the nights passed, I thought less of the people I missed and more about the one beside me. It scared me because I thought I might love him, not as my family and my maker but as I had loved Luc. It was different though. As loving Luc had been different from loving Paul and loving Paul had been different from loving Edward. Jasper was unlike any of them but then I was different as well. Loving each of them had changed me, as losing each of them had changed me to. Love was a gift and even knowing how I would suffer in losing them, I would not change having loved the men I had. So was it worth the possible loss to love Jasper? Could I lose another family? Did he even think about me like that? Maybe these thoughts were premature. Jasper thought of me as a sister and like Charlotte said, as a member of his coven, as one with his venom in my veins, he would feel responsible for me. Perhaps it was all our connection was. But hadn't I felt it before I'd turned? Did he feel anything for me? Could I risk it if he did? Wouldn't loving him be worth future pain? Was the possibility worth risking losing Char? Each night I lay outside beside him, seeking advise from those I lost and taking comfort in the light of my daughter's star. I could never be lost and alone because she, all of them, were always with me. Would Jasper be?