Castiel scrambled off the bed straightening his shirt as Dean looked on in confusion. "I-I c-cannot let you t-touch my skin." He shuddered as if the actual thought of another person physically touching and feeling the past reminders made him want to be sick. Dean had not once moved he stayed still, he only moved his head to glance at the clock. "I need to go pick up Sammy, stay here alright?" Castiel moved back until he felt the wall as Dean picked up his jacket and shoes. "I won't be long."
As soon as Dean left Castiel gave himself a moment to calm down, so many different thoughts and emotions came to the surface. Some were stronger then others.
He wanted Dean so much he wanted to feel the warmth only another human being could give him, he wanted to held and kissed but only thing held him back.
"Where is he!" Castiel curled tighter into a ball under his bed as his Father's voice echoed throughout the entire house. He knew already his Father had been drinking; Gabriel's departure had angered him to the point where he had regularly beaten Castiel for any reason. He swallowed, terrified trying to hold back his sobs when his door crashed open. Holding his breath he saw his Father's feet move around his room whenever he got to close Castiel instinctively moved back quietly closed to the wall. "Michael! Have you found him yet?" why his Brother was helping the mad man he did not know, he knew his Siblings blamed him for their Mother's death but to the extent of sometimes being present for the beatings made his heart clench painfully.
He remembered Gabriel telling him to always follow his gut; it was some of the last words before he left. "Remember Little Brother, if whenever you feel scared hide okay? Hide anywhere under your bed, wardrobe or on the roof and whatever you do, do not leave that place until your gut says it's safe."
Castiel followed Gabriel's words to the tee as the tightness in his stomach slowly uncurled and he crawled out of his hiding place. He moved carefully and so cautiously expecting the unexpected not knowing what or who could be lurking around the corner, he opened his door peeking out to see the hallway clear, on his tiptoes moved to Gabriel's old room seeking the comfort of whatever was left. After Gabriel's departure his Father had taken his frustrations out on the room but out of all the rooms… "There you are Castiel."
At the memory Castiel still shuddered, Michael had found him there was no remorse only coldness on his face and his voice matched. He had taken Castiel by the shoulder his fingers digging into his shoulder and frog marched him to his Father's study. The stink of alcohol was strongly present sometimes he could still smell it like it was burnt into his senses, even his own skin from the alcohol he had drank reminded him. Castiel sat on the bed as the memory continued.
"Where was he?" his Father had grunted finishing whatever was his glass and he tried to pull free from Michael. "Gabriel's room." His Father snorted in disgust at the name of his AWOL son. "The Coward and Abomination close? Who would have thought that was even possible." Castiel shrank back in fear as his Father finally put his glass down his eyes dark and dangerous, he came around his desk as Michael closed the Study Door with a snap. "Take his shirt off and hold him."
His nails dug into his arm as his brain remembered the pain inflicted by his Father, his own cried echoing in his ears. He could remember he had barely slept the few nights after the beating his Father inflicted on him. His back ripped open and bloody any movement would reopen the wounds making blood leak down in his back. What made it worse was his Father would use his belt as a regular basis by the time his Father became bored of that method Castiel's back was in ribbons.
Hearing voices below brought Castiel back as he panicked a little he instinctively wanted to hide as Dean and Sam's voice became clearer. "Sammy, why I ditched doesn't matter!" was that Dean's way of protecting him from curiosity of others? "That's not the point, Dad will be furious he's still angry for you disappearing and leaving me." He heard Dean sigh. I mean why don't you just tell Dad why you left? cos even I know it involved Cas. I'm not stupid." He heard a chuckle. "I know you're not Sammy, and I am sorry for leaving you behind but I really need to sort some stuff out. If Dad calls I'm not in okay?"
Between hearing the conversation between the Brothers, Castiel had crawled back on to the bed using a pillow as a comfort. When Dean finally opened his door and saw him he looked relieved. "I thought you would've left." He took off his jacket his eyes not budging from Castiel's prone form hugging the pillow like a lifeline. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" Castiel shook his head halfway stopping to nod, his lips twitching while he repressed the emotion of the memory that had just passed; he took a breath the oxygen hurting his tight throat. He could not tell Dean but he could show him. Putting the pillow aside he got off the bed closed his eyes and pulled off his shirt. "Dean what are you-?" he turned allowing Dean to see the physical fragments of his past.
"My Father did not just use his fist to punish me." His voice hitched a fraction as he stopped himself from flinching when Dean touched what was left off his back. Scars ran thick and deeply into the skin. "Cas I'm so sorry you had to go through that." Castiel turned tears slowly sliding down his face. "You do not need to apologise, it was not your fault. My Father is a very sick man, sick with grief." Castiel felt naked allowing Dean to see him completely for once. He looked down a moment taking in his own pale body, the bruises from the attack slowly healing and disappearing. "Those bruises are from the attack?" he nodded as he rubbed them self-consciously. "And you don't remember anything?" he sat on the bed picking up the pillow for comfort. "It was dark I remember the voices but that is all."
A/N: To quote a review: Pompous Dandy: 'Time for everything to come out. He can't heal if the poison is still in the wounds.'
Wise and very accurate words indeed. Update soon, thanks for reading.