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G's Despicable Bash

Chapter 10

G laid wrapped in a microfleece blanket and curled on his right side on Sam's torso. He spent the last hour reeling from new memories of his foster father's abuse while Sam stroked and caressed G's back and face, consoling him. "Sam."

"Yeah?"

"Did Hetty really give me the week off?"

"Yeah, she felt sorry for your smart-aleck ass."

"Just my ass?"

"No, all of your ass… sets." Sam laughed.

"Good." G smiled and rolled off of Sam's torso and cuddled up next to him. Sam rolled to his side, pulling G back against his body. "She found the man's name."

"Yeah."

"Robert Ostermann."

"Yeah, sorry, sweetheart," Sam said, returning to stroking and caressing his lover's body. "Anything you want from the kitchen, last call for the night?"

"High protein milk shake with chocolate chip mint ice cream."

"You like my concoction."

"Yeah, it's about the only thing I can stomach right now."

"Want to watch or wait here?"

"I'll wait here if you don't take too long." He wrapped the blanket around his body again and curled into a tight fetal position, rocking his upper body.

Sam returned with the shake, placed it on the nightstand next to G, and climbed back into bed beside him, drawing his partner backward into his body. "More memories?"

"No, it's that I just need you close by, and I don't want to be out of bed."

"I see the dilemma." Sam stroked G's face. "You want to tell me about the armory and the knife."

"Not especially."

"Avoiding?"

"I'm good at that." G sighed. "If I tell you about that, then I'll need to tell you about something else first." He rolled over and faced Sam. "And I don't know if you'll, damn, if you'll reject me when I share this other part."

"Reject you?"

"I did something appalling and I, hell, I feel… I'm despicable." G stared at Sam's chest.

"You're not despicable."

"I am and I did something which makes me feel that way."

"What are you talking about, man, you're not making sense?"

G rolled over to his right side, facing the wall again. "I committed execrable acts against…" He shivered and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Those boys."

"Boys? It was a boy."

"No, it was several boys," G said, lowering his voice.

"How many are you talking about?"

"Don't know."

"G, come on, man, you know."

"Okay, I don't want to say," he said. "I told you this opens up a load of memories."

"You have memories for each incident?"

He nodded.

"I need to call Hetty."

"No!" G rolled back over to face Sam and found again he couldn't even glance at his face. "You can't do that."

"She needs to know what this case entails for the attorneys to put together a good lawsuit."

"No!" G shot straight up in bed.

"Calm down, sweetheart." Sam stroked his back. "Tell me why you don't want me to call her."

"Damn it." He drew the microfleece blanket around his body. "She thinks I'm despicable. It's why she gave me the week off. She doesn't want me around headquarters nor working on a case, because I'm an embarrassment to her and NCIS."

"What?" Sam drew G down by his side, facing him. "What are you talking about, man? Hetty gave you the week off, because you need the time away from work."

"No, I know the real reason, I'm a disgusting human being." Tears moistened his eyes.

"Where's this belief coming from, G?"

"I helped that man—"

"Robert?"

"Yeah, hate to say his name, and he doesn't deserve to have someone speak his name."

"You helped him, because he threatened you with bodily harm."

"I helped him kill those boys."

"Them, how many, G, I need to know an approximate number," Sam said. "Hetty needs to know too."

"Screw this, I can't tell you and you don't need to know." He pulled away.

Sam held him tighter against his body. "Don't do this, G, tell me."

"You won't want me any more."

"What?"

"I'm despicable."

"No, man, Robert got into your head a long time ago," Sam said. "Robert is the despicable monster not you."

"I brought those kids to him."

"And he made you do it, man, he threatened to beat you into unconsciousness."

"And rape me." G whispered.

"He raped you too if you didn't do as he asked?"

He nodded, keeping his face hidden from Sam's.

"Damn it, man, you didn't have a choice, it's called self-preservation and you did what he asked in order that you could survive." Sam lifted G's chin until their eyes met. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart."

G's lips trembled, more tears welled up in his eyes.

"You're carrying his shame, man," he said. "He raped and killed those boys."

"You don't understand, I had my hand on the knife."

"Each time?"

He nodded, averting his eyes from Sam's gaze.

"Look at me, sweetheart, you didn't commit those crimes, Robert Ostermann did."

"Don't say that name, I don't want to hear his name, damn it."

"G, you need to hear his name," he said. "Robert is the rapist, and Robert is the murderer not you."

"Why didn't he kill me too?"

"What?"

"I don't understand why he let me go."

"Did he?" Sam said. "Or were his felonious activities exposed and he needed to hide from the law? Hopefully, Hetty learns why he didn't kill you."

"I know why, because I was too hideous for him to touch."

"Stop saying that, G, it's a lie."

"No, the truth, I'm despicable and I'm hideous, soon enough you'll know why and reject me too."

"You need help to see the truth, maybe you need to talk to Nate."

G jerked away from Sam. "I never want to tell him or anyone else."

"Hetty needs to know how many children were murdered."

"To confirm just how despicable I am?"

"Come on stop this, that's a lie."

G rolled over onto his right side, slid his legs off the bed, and headed toward the bathroom. Sam followed him and stood outside the bathroom at the open door. "I wanted to cut on myself, because I'm despicable." G sighed. "I did it years ago and it felt good then. It was during the time I spent in my second foster home, and cutting on myself became the reason they sent me to the next foster home."

"How old were you?"

"Five and half years old."

"You were too young to carry that burden within you," Sam said. "It wasn't your fault, none of it was your fault."

G stared beyond himself into the mirror while he washed his hands. "He made me help stab them all." He squeezed his eyes shut as flashbacks bombarded his mind with memories of the kids he brought 'home' to Robert, and how his foster father tortured, raped, and killed them and G was forced to watch it all.

Sam stepped into the bathroom and slid behind his partner, wrapping his arms around G's waist and drawing him backward into his body. "You had no choice, sweetheart." He kissed G's head.

"One for each year."

"What?"

"It was a birthday celebration, because no one had celebrated it yet." G sighed. "I was five."

# # #

For the first time in twenty-four hours, G slept and Sam took advantage of his partner's unusually sound sleep to speak with Hetty in his living room. "G has critical issues with self-esteem related to the criminal acts Robert Ostermann perpetrated on his other victims and G."

"He'll need to address these issues with Nate." Hetty sat on a chair across from Sam, nursing a mug of tea.

"When I suggested that option, he refused."

"Perhaps he needs to see someone else from NCIS."

"Such as?"

"A psychiatrist."

"You know how he feels about debriefing with Nate, how do you think he'll feel about sharing his feelings with an absolute stranger."

"If need be, I'll order him to see a psychiatrist."

"That should go over well." Sam's brow furrowed.

"If he needs help, he needs to see someone."

"I know, Hetty."

"How many victims are we talking about, Mr. Hanna?"

"At least five that G knows about, but possibly more," he said. "I assume this man didn't stop his felonious activities at five victims. He's got to be a career criminal."

"This information brings Mr. Callen's safety to the forefront," she said. "I'd like to place you and him in a safe house."

Sam leaned forward in the love seat and lowered his voice. "I don't know if he'll go for that."

"He'll go for it if he doesn't want Robert Ostermann to find him." Hetty set her mug on an end table and lowered her voice.

"You believe this guy will try to find him?"

"I don't want to discover that when it happens, I want to protect Callen before Mr. Ostermann makes contact," she said. "With Callen's state of mind, he needs to be protected. I have a proposal for a safe house, which you two can talk about and give me an answer in the next couple of days."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Yeah, I'd like to know what's going on too?" G asked, plodding into the living room dressed in a blue, microfleece bathrobe. "If you're discussing my life, I should be the first to know."

"G come over here and sit next to me."

"No." He crossed his arms and leaned against a wall near the kitchen.

"Mr. Callen, I want to place you in a safe house until the trial is over."

"I'm safe right here with Sam."

"You need more protection and you'll be with Sam."

"Why do I need more protection?"

"Trust me, you need it."

"You found something about that man."

"Yes."

Sam lifted his left eyebrow. "Holding out on me, Hetty?"

"I have my reasons, but since you're both here right now I might as well tell you."

"Please do." He held back his words. One thing Sam disliked about Hetty was her secretiveness about certain aspects of her undercover work.

"Mr. Ostermann has made threats and followed through with them on several enemies."

"Enemies?" G asked.

"Anyone who has stood in his way."

"Are we talking law enforcement as well?" he said.

"Yes, and that is why I don't want you involved nor do I want you to be a sitting target waiting to be picked off by him." Hetty picked up her mug and took a few sips. "When he catches wind of our investigation, Mr. Ostermann will more than likely come after you."

"He's got to be in his sixties," G said. "I can't imagine him breaking down Sam's door and attacking us both."

"He's about eighteen years older than you and quite fit."

"Nell discovered all this?"

"No, Mr. Callen, I instituted my own search protocols," she said. "Nell's job is to furnish the attorneys with background info on Ostermann."

"Okay, I'm confused Hetty."

"My suggestion is not to try and figure this out."

"And the safe house?"

"One of my houses will be set up—"

"And you believe you can protect me better than Sam?" He straightened.

"If you'll let me finish."

"Sorry, Hetty." He sighed, leaning back against the wall once again.

"One of my houses can be made as secure as Arkady Kolchek's compound."

G's left eyebrow raised.

"I enlisted his help."

"Already decided for me?"

"Yes."

"What can I say, but to agree with you?"

"Smart man, G, you know when you're defeated."

"And the last matter to deal with, talking to someone besides Sam."

G sighed and straightened again. "I'd rather keep this between Sam and me."

"Sam informs me you're dealing with some self-esteem problems."

He glared at Sam.

"True?"

"It's the truth, Hetty." He sighed, his arms falling lifeless to his sides.

"You need to talk with someone other than Sam about those matters."

"But, not Nate."

"I'll find someone who's a good fit for you." Hetty placed her mug on the dark oak end table again and stood. "In the meantime, you may continue to share with Sam provided that anything pertinent to the case is shared with Nell or me."

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