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Nightmarish Memory Bash

Chapter 16

G awakened and groped around in the darkness not wanting to disturb Sam's sleep. He slid his hands along the wall until he reached the bathroom, stepped inside and closed the door. The nightmare was too real. He shivered from the images which made a continuous loop in his mind. G stepped into the shower and turned the water on hotter than usual, trying to warm himself. Inside he felt ice cold. The images grew stronger in his mind. G slumped down on the shower seat, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. A steady stream of tears flowed down his face while hard shudders shook his body.

Half awake Sam stumbled into the steam-filled bathroom. Odd time to take a shower. He opened the shower door to find G huddled on the bench, shuddering and crying. "Hey, sweetheart, I'm here." Sam took a seat next to him. "What do you need?" He wrapped his arm around G's shoulders and drew him into his side. "Let's take this back into the bedroom."

"No!" He jerked away from Sam hard and almost fell off the bench.

"The water is getting cooler."

"Don't care."

"At least give me a clue about what's happening with you."

"Last night, okay, it triggered me." G wiped his eyes with an arm. "I know, I should've told you, but, damn, I enjoyed it too."

"Nightmares from being triggered?"

"Yeah."

Sam stood and shut off the shower, the water had turned cold. "I'll be in the kitchen if you want to talk." He grabbed on towel on the way out of the bathroom and wrapped it around his waist.

G stared after his partner for a few minutes, then exited the shower, grabbed a towel, and dried himself. He dressed in a black, polar fleece bath robe and trudged toward the kitchen.

"Hot chocolate or herbal tea?"

"Herbal?"

"Yeah, the other will keep you awake."

"Warm milk with honey."

"Great choice and I'll have some too."

G sat at the bar facing the kitchen, watching Sam fix their drinks. "I had a flashback while you were cutting off my jeans."

"Next time tell me to stop."

"I thought it would just go away."

"But?"

"It worsened over the course of the evening." He sighed. "Our lovemaking, damn, it was good and—"

"You fell asleep afterward and you weren't triggered."

"True, it was good, but nightmares followed."

"Remember, you need to wake me when you have—"

"Damn it, this was different, is different, I can't explain it!" G dashed into the bedroom and slammed the door. He climbed onto the bed, pulled the wine toned blanket and comforter over his head, and shook.

Sam sat on the bed and rolled over to his partner, surrounding G's waist with his right arm. "I'm sorry you're going through this right now." He nuzzled his face into G's blanket covered neck. "I'm here if you want to talk."

"What about the warm milk?"

"I can still bring it in for you."

"I'd like that if you wouldn't mind." He pulled the covers off his head. "Promise me you won't go to work today."

"What?"

"I'm not gonna go to work today, I'm not leaving the house."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't leave here."

"You're not making sense."

"Just hold me, Sam, just hold me." Tears streamed down his face.

"Want me to call Nate?" Sam asked, stroking G's face and wiping away the tears.

He rolled over to face Sam. "I said hold me, damn it."

"Demanding." He drew G hard into his body, surrounding him with both arms. "Okay?"

"Yeah, I don't want any drugs."

"Nate won't give you any."

"But he knows someone who will."

"Yeah, he does."

"Promise me, no drugs, no matter what happens."

"I can't G."

He jerked away and rolled back over facing the wall and bathroom. "Just go. Get the milk."

A few minutes later, Sam returned with the warm milk with honey to find G huddled in a corner between G's nightstand and the bathroom, leaning against the walls. He set the milk on his nightstand, picked up his cell phone, and autodialed Hetty. It was early in the morning, but she'd want to know what was happening with her agent. He stepped into the walk-in closet and kept his voice low.

"Got a problem, Hetty, G's remembering something and wanting me close."

"You want the day off at this hour?"

"I know it's early, but I wanted to give you a heads up," Sam said. "And he doesn't want me leaving the house."

"He told you that?"

"Yes."

"He should see Nate."

"He has a drug phobia."

"It's no wonder, still, I'll send him over and make sure he contacts our resident psychiatrist."

"G's not gonna want that."

"Not running a popularity contest," she said. "I'll see you in the morning."

Sam closed his cell phone and stared across the room at G. He decided his next best move was going back to bed.

# # #

With his partner's shrieks, Sam startled awake and rolled over in bed to face where G was still huddled in the corner, now lying on the carpet. He crept out of bed and crouched on the carpet close to G. "I'm here if you need to be held."

"Please make it all go away."

"What go away?"

"The pictures."

"Have you slept?"

"No, images keep running through my mind."

"Would help if you talked about them."

"Can't, afraid I'll lose it, too close."

"I'm going back to bed, join me if you want company," Sam said. "Need a blanket?" G shook his head. Sam settled under the covers, lying on his back. G crawled onto the bed and snuggled up to his partner, grabbing onto Sam's left arm and shuddering. "Easy, G, you're safe."

"They're the real reason I decided to take matters into my own hands and protect myself," he said, his voice quavering and his chin trembling.

"These new memories?"

"Yeah."

"How can I help you with these memories?"

"Don't know, afraid I'll fall apart, lose my mind."

"You won't, G, I promise."

G grasped Sam's chest with his left arm and wrapped his right arm around his partner's left arm. "Help me, damn it, help me." He squeezed his eyes shut and shrieked.

Sam grabbed the cell phone off the nightstand and autodialed Nate. He left a voice mail message. "Damn it." Sam rolled over on top of G, pinning him to the bed. "No one can find you now."

"I can't breathe."

"You're scared, G, and I'm here with you."

"Squishing me, Sam." He gasped for air.

"Good, at least no one can see or find you."

"They did, damn it, they did."

"They can't now."

"Drugged me, kidnapped me, can't do it, can't tell you, they'll find out and drug me again." G panted as the feeling of ice cold metal coursed through his veins. "I'm gonna be sick."

Sam rolled off his partner, rushed into the bathroom and grabbed a wastebasket, bringing it to the bedside. "Here, sweetheart." G clutched the wastebasket to his chest and hurled several times. Sam ducked back into the bathroom and brought a warm, wet washcloth back to the bedside and climbed onto the bed behind G. He washed his partner's face while holding him in his arms. "You're safe."

"Not from them, they'll find me again."

"Who are they?"

"No!" G jerked away from Sam and shuddered, his chin quivering. He fell into a state of uncontrolled whimpering and blind staring.

Sam took the wastebasket from G's hands, setting it on the floor and the washcloth on the nightstand. "You need to tell me what this is about." He crouched beside the bed next to G, rubbing his back and feeling his body shudder. "Come on, man, talk to me." When he didn't get a response, he stood and took the washcloth into the bathroom and rinsed it out.

"Roger and Robert."

Sam returned to the bedroom. "Both of them drugged and kidnapped you?" He crouched down next to the bed again.

"Yeah," G said, keeping his eyes closed. "The memory keeps playing again and again in my mind. I wish I could shut it down, but it's nonstop ever since last night."

"Don't even try."

G turned away from his partner and curled into a fetal position.

"I think you need to talk to Nate."

"I'm not gonna talk to him or anyone else."

"Not even me, sweetheart?"

"You and that's it, sorry, I just can't do this."

Sam dressed in his bathrobe, grabbed his cell phone, and sat on the bedside facing his partner. "I need to call Nate."

"Please don't," G said, shivering and bringing the covers over his head.

"If you would just talk to me, man."

"If I could, yeah, that would be nice."

"You give me no choice."

"Damn." He cringed. "I can smell it, taste it, see it, feel it, and hear it, but I can't tell you and I don't know why."

"Afraid it is real if you tell me?"

"What do you mean?"

"My kids used to tell me that if they didn't share a nightmare, then it wasn't real," Sam said.

"Maybe that's true for me too, don't know."

"Maybe it's so horrific it's unspeakable?"

"Maybe." Unspeakable, that sounded close to the truth for him. What those two men did was nightmarish. "Please don't call Nate."

"I don't know what else to do for you."

"Do nothing."

"And watch you suffer?" Sam asked.

G pulled the covers off his head. "Can you… this sounds stupid…"

"Try me."

"I'd love to try you, but that caused this nightmare."

"Wicked sense of humor."

"Hide under the covers with me and I'll talk to you."

"I used to do that with my kids when they had nightmares."

"Now you can do it with your lover." G winked at him.

Sam disrobed and climbed into bed, pulling the covers over both of them and snuggling up to his partner. "We good?"

"Perfect." He grabbed Sam's arm, holding it tight. "Roger, damn him, he drugged me." He shuddered hard seeing the needle enter his arm. "Robert held me and threatened to rape me if I didn't cooperate with Roger."

"Did you know they were brothers at the time?" Sam asked. "Did they tell you?"

"No to both questions, I found that out when I tracked Roger."

"How did Roger know you called the police?"

"Don't know."

"Maybe someone on the police force is related to them or knows them?"

"Don't know." An odor was triggered with a flashback, rotting hay combined with fresh hay: he swallowed hard, shoving the nausea back down. G tightened his grip on Sam's arm. "Please make it stop." He squeezed his eyes shut. "Dragged my drugged body to their car and threw me in the backseat. After a short drive, they pulled me out of the car and half-dragged me into this building, where they hung me by my hands from the ceiling. By this time, the drug was wearing off, probably their intention." G shuddered and snuggled closer to Sam. "They cut off my clothes. Sorry, Sam, I should've told you, damn it, should've told you while you were cutting off my jeans that I was triggered. I was petrified by your actions superimposed over their actions." The sound of a bullwhip slapping and cracking through the air flashed through G's mind. He shrieked and covered his mouth. "They, damn, bullwhipped me while I pleaded with them to stop and promised I'd never tell another person what they did to me. After that I was cut down from the ceiling and fell to my knees, curling into a fetal position and wailing. Only then did they know that I would keep my promise. I was defeated. They poured cold water over my body to awaken me before dragging me back to their car. I remember Roger telling Robert to roll down all the windows. If I could've mustered the strength, I would've jumped out a window, but I was exhausted from Roger's bullwhipping. Instead, I shivered and shook and by the time they opened my apartment door and literally threw me inside, I was in shock."

Sam turned G around and drew him back into his body, stroking his head and body. "I'm so sorry that happened to you, sweetheart." He nuzzled his partner's neck. "I have to change what I told you before."

G lifted his head from the pillow and half turned toward Sam. "What do you mean?"

"If someone had done this to me, I would've resorted to the same measures you took," he said. "They essentially gave you no choice. You had to act on your own, because doing otherwise meant Roger and Robert would find you and torture you again."

"Is that a humble apology or a half-assed one?" G cracked a wry smile.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, please hold me tight against you again."

Sam wrapped his arms around G's waist and pulled him back against his torso. "I love the feel of your naked skin on my naked skin."

"Number one on my list about what I love about our relationship."

"Number two?"

"What you just did with me, hiding with me under the covers and listening to me," G said. "Thank you." More memories of that nightmarish ordeal threatened to surface. He stuffed them deep down inside.

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