For the record, it was all Draco Malfoy's fault. The now horrible week, the sprained ankle, the date- all his fault.
And the dress. That was definitely his fault. Never in her life, had Hermione been forced into a dress by a boy.
That's not to say Hermione hadn't ever worn a dress. There was the time at Uncle Albert's wedding (her father's brother, also a dentist), where Hermione had been stuffed into this frothy pink dress reminiscent of a cotton candy, her shoes shined, her hair teased and cajoled into curls, and then promptly stuck into a bun, her little white gloves pressed and spotless. Of course, being only seven years old, the hours of preparation had only held their perfection for about twenty minutes. That was about how long it had taken for Hermione to burst into tears at being called a "brainy nerd" by her cousin, Douglas (who grew up to be an janitor, she thought with no small amount of satisfaction), and then shove his face into the wedding cake.
She hadn't known it was the wedding cake, honestly. She had just remembered seeing someone on the tele perform a similar stunt, making the shovee wail.
Which he did. Loudly.
And of course, there were other times she had to wear a dress (her best friend's Bat Mitzvah, the Fourth Year Ball, her brother's graduation, her parents grand opening of their own dentist's office). But almost all of those times, they been on her terms. Dresses were only reserved for special, deserving occasions. Dresses were things to be respected and enjoyed. Hermione was not a girl that could be forced into doing anything she didn't want to do—wearing a dress, most of all.
Until now.
Now, Hermione's room looked like a bomb hit it. All her clothes were thrown over various pieces of furniture. Her shirts were on her desk, two skirts lay over the top of her closet door, a pair of pants was over the curtain rod, and Crookshanks purred atop the dress she wore to her brother's graduation.
"Argh!" she screamed at the clothes, grabbing her wand and swishing it furiously at the clothes laying haphazardly everywhere. "You, shirt, back on the hanger!" The shirt flew to the hanger and hung itself up in the closet. "Skirts, down from there!" The skirts flopped to the floor. "Crookshanks, get off my dress!"
But the cat didn't move.
Frowning, Hermione looked at her wand, and then at her beloved cat. She shook the wand a little and swished it at him again.
Then she remembered she was trying to command a cat.
Crookshanks just continued purring as she continued to clean up her room, sorting the clothes into piles: Possibly, No, and Never To Be Caught Dead In By Draco Malfoy.
Throwing a blue shirt into the "No" pile, Hermione tried to guess what Malfoy had meant in his note. "Look nice." What was that?! So much for being helpful. It was all his fault, after all.
A skirt found its way into the "Possibly" pile and a tank top into the "No" pile.
"He's probably just trying to annoy me again," Hermione huffed, tossing a pair of pants into the "No" pile. "'Look nice.' Look nice, he says! Just look nice!" The messenger bird flopped its paper head atop her chest of drawers. "Look nice, nothing else. What is this, let's see how much we can confuse Granger? Nice could mean a million different things!" she told Crookshanks. "It could mean a skirt, or it could mean a dress!" She threw another shirt into the "No" pile and eyed her piles critically. The "Possibly" pile was pathetically small.
"Get off that," she snatched the dress out from under Crookshanks, who meowed in protest. Hermione groaned. Ginger colored fur coated the black dress. Sighing, she added it to the "Never To Be Caught Dead In By Draco Malfoy" heap.
Hermione got down on her hands and knees to look under the bed. She snatched out a certain set of matching feminine garments in bright, red silk that Ginny had given her as a joke present (at least, she hoped it was a joke). That definitely went in the "Never To Be Caught Dead In By Draco Malfoy" pile.
Hermione shuddered at the thought.
Then she gasped. How could she be so stupid?
Running to her closet, she thrust aside hanger after hanger, searching for one specific garment…
…there!
Rescuing the beloved garment from the deep, dark depths of her closet, she hugged it to her chest. Stepping out into the light, she held it out to look at it.
Dress robes. She was in the Wizarding world. How stupid could she have been to think this would be like the dates she'd been on before, and therefore, had to dress like the dates she'd been on before?
Dress robes. The solution to all her problems.
These were the robes she had worn for last year's graduation ceremony. Also worn to Ginny's Sweet Sixteen party. Also worn to Victor's award ceremony.
Simply, these robes were good luck.
She wiggled into it, tying the laces in the back that always got tangled. Turning to the mirror, she pursed her lips, studying her reflection. The robes fit as well as they always had, the sleek silk smoothly outlining her body. Not bad. And with the new hair… Could I actually be pretty? Hermione wondered.
Nah.
But she did look good, she admitted to herself. She looked clean and polished. Even Malfoy would have a hard time picking out something to make fun of…
Speaking of Malfoy, where was he?
It was 7:11.
A sickening thought made her slump onto her bed. What if this whole thing had been one bad joke? What if he intended to stand her up? Leave her dressed in her stuffy, tight dress robes until she threw herself onto the floor and—
A knock sounded at the door.
Hermione nearly flew to open it, half praying it was Malfoy, half praying it wasn't.
It was.
Oh well, at least half of her prayer had been answered.
"Where have you been?" she nearly shrieked.
Draco looked as calm and cool as he always did. Swinging his head down to look at his silver pocket watch, he shrugged. "That eager to go out with me? You might want to work on hiding it a little better," he commented helpfully.
"Oh, shut up."
It was only now Hermione had relaxed enough from her frantic state to examine Sir Malfoy, Jr. He was wearing a long black robe, probably made of some disgustingly expensive material. The dark color was a contrast to his pale skin and fair hair. Narrowing her eyes, Hermione realized something was wrong. "Malfoy, your robe is buttoned wrong."
He blinked and looked down. Sure enough, one of the buttons had missed its mate and was one up, creating a wrinkle that just screamed, "Draco Malfoy was too busy to button me correctly!"
Come to think of it, there were a few more things wrong with Malfoy's normal picture of perfection. The part in his hair wasn't straight. His hair was still wet, as if he'd recently had a shower, and- gasp- it was mussed, as if he'd run the whole way to her room. And then there was the fact his left shoe was untied, and… he was carrying a bag from Mssr. Montague's Menagerie.
"Malfoy, what is wrong with you?"
"What is wrong with me?" he huffed indignantly. "Nothing is wrong with me!" He stepped into her room and examined himself in the mirror. Hermione tried not to snicker at the look of distress on his face. Whipping out his wand, he muttered a few spells (trust Draco Malfoy to use a spell instead of his fingers to simply rebutton a button) and was as good as new.
"So, Malfoy," Hermione interrupted his preening session, "what's in the bag?"
Malfoy looked down at the orange bag next to him. "Oh, just something."
"I appreciate the thought, but I've already had my rabies vaccine," Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Not for you, Granger," Malfoy rolled his eyes back, "for your cat."
My…cat?
Malfoy stepped over to where the cat was reclining on Hermione's desk and the two eyed each other for a minute. "Hello," Malfoy finally said, and after another few seconds of glaring, Crookshanks actually bobbed his head at the boy. "I brought you something," Malfoy continued the one-sided conversation, "Rather expensive, but I think you'll like it."
Trust Malfoy to spend money on his date's cat, but not his actual date. Loser.
Out of the bag came a small, dark green (of course, what other color?) mattress. "It's a pet bed," Malfoy explained, setting it next to the cat. "I figured you'd like it more than lying on clothes." The cat blinked at him. "Or maybe not, but I'm sure your owner would appreciate it more." He turned to look at Hermione, giving her a wink.
Hermione nearly staggered backwards. Malfoy being nice? And… winking at her? Holy Moses, he hadn't seen those unfortunate red undergarments from Ginny, had he? She snuck a furtive glance at her "Never To Be Caught in Dead by Draco Malfoy" pile. Whew, they were hidden under a shirt.
Poor Crookshanks had nearly the same reaction as his owner. He backed up a few paces, came close to falling off the desk, but managed to save himself at the last minute. He looked at Hermione, looked at Malfoy, then at the bed. He sniffed it cautiously; then put one paw on it. After deciding it wouldn't do something particularly nasty, like eat him, he padded his way in and curled up, purring.
"It even has a charm to keep him from shedding," Draco added, more to Hermione than the cat.
"That's nice," she said faintly, still trying to figure out the Puzzle That Was Draco Malfoy. He makes fun of her, he sprains her ankle, he offers to take her out on a date, he buys her cat a bed?
In fact, she was so busy mulling over the Slytherin enigma, she totally missed his digging into the bag and pulling out another smaller package, this one wrapped in brown paper. That is, she missed it until he poked her in the side with it.
"Ow!" she responded automatically.
"I didn't poke you that hard, Granger," Malfoy rolled his eyes. He continued to hold the brown object out.
"What's that?"
"You really think I'd buy your cat something and not you?"
Er… well…
"…Just take it, Granger."
So she took it.
"And now you unwrap it…"
"I know what to do with a gift, Malfoy," she snapped. She moved to toss it on the bed, but he was too quick for her and grabbed her hand before she could let go.
"That's not very nice," he said disapprovingly. "You should at least open it before putting it away."
"I'd rather wait," Hermione snarled.
"Granger!"
"…Fine, be that way," she muttered sulkily, beginning to open his present.
"That's better."
Silence.
"Granger, how long does it take you to open one present?"
"That's what my mum and dad always asked me," Hermione muttered, intent on getting the paper off without ripping it. "I've always been an unwrapper. My brother was a tearer."
"You mean a ripper?"
Hermione blinked at him. "Tearer, ripper, same difference. What are you?"
"I'm a ripper. Get to the goods faster, you know."
"But what if it's the present from Aunt Mildred that you know is socks?" Hermione countered, still working. "Then you want to take as much time as possible so you can formulate a somewhat realistic sounding exclamation."
"'What a bloody stupid gift' sounds perfectly realistic to me."
Hermione smacked him with her half-unwrapped rectangle. "You know what I mean."
"Well, we never spent birthdays or any other holidays requiring presents with relatives," Malfoy shrugged. "So I never encountered that particular problem."
"You never spent holidays with family?" Hermione gasped.
Malfoy shifted and changed the subject. "We're going to be late for dinner."
"It's not my fault you came late."
"It's not my fault a herd of turtles could pass a mile wide road before you finished unwrapping one gift," he retorted.
Hermione looked scandalized. "Just because I choose to save paper and therefore save trees and therefore save our economy does not mean a herd of turtles could be faster than me!"
"Keep telling yourself that," Malfoy sniggered and made an exaggerated look at his watch.
"Oh, fine!" she fumed and finally ripped the paper off. Once it had fallen away, she gasped. In her hands she gripped a dark red book with "Fairy Tales" embossed on the front. She raised shocked eyes to meet Malfoy's. "Where did you find this?" she whispered.
Shrug. "It jumped into my pocket and screamed, 'buy me, Draco!'"
"Seriously, Draco, where did you find this?"
He froze for a moment. "What?"
"Where did you find this?" she repeated, clutching the book.
"A wizard never tells his secrets," he said with a smirk. "Now, are we ready to go?"
Hermione looked at the book and then reluctantly set it on the bed. "Yes."
"Good!" he clapped his hands. "Come on, Granger, and prepare to be amazed."
If only she had seen his smirk, perhaps she wouldn't have felt quite so at ease…
---
Author's Notes: *does a dance* look at me, 101 reviews! Booyah! Whew, and talk about taking my sweet time in updating. I'm sorry this took so long, but between two shows performing three consecutive weekends and a nine page history paper and work and school, I've been uber busy. But here it is! I know I said the date would be this chapter, but the way I want to write The Date is basically make it three parts that string together seamlessly, so they could be one chapter. So why didn't I do it in one chapter? Well, see how long this chapter is? Imagine how long one chapter three times this size would be. *nods* I know what I'm talking about. Anyway, enjoy this chapter and be looking for the second part of the date by the second week of May!
Shoutouts:
Rinaula- I almost made you cry from laughing so hard? That's great! Wow, I definitely feel cool now.
White Crow- the thing with online translators is… well, I've heard horror stories how it totally screws up the grammar and stuff. And if someone French comes and reads this, I don't want them to be all horrified at how I've butchered their language…
Tokyobabe2040- *laughs* funny you mention my portrayal of Draco. I really think if JKR was to see this, she'd throw a hissy fit. I've made him a lot more comical than I know he really is, but the Draco in the series just wouldn't do for a humor fic (if I may be so bold as to file this story in the humor category). But thanks for the review and for all your ideas! I might just use one or two of them J
Blue-chick- or should I say, IceSugarHigh? *laughs* I love pennames. It's so much fun to come up with new ones. *cackles* your ideas amuse me greatly. The funny part is, I think our minds work alike, because a lot of what you've said, I was already playing with. You know… I think what I might do is write a one-shot featuring all the great ideas you've given me for this date. At least, using the ones I'm not already using… *grin*
EvErYtHiNg4NoThInG- wow, your name is hard to type with all those capitals. Thank you for the review! I'm still deciding on the book, but romance is definitely in the running. And you liked my song? *beams* you get a cookie! *hands you one filled with lots of chocolate chips*
ThreeEaredBunny- *blinks slowly* your name is based on a chicken…? O…kay… anyway, moving on! *claps hands* I just wanted to say, I really look forward to getting your reviews. You're always so encouraging and positive. Thank you! And… no, he didn't do the crane thing in the trailer, but I saw it and was like… ooh! I think I'll use that!
SweetCheeksDracoLuver- *laughs* my rhymes doth suck, I know. I can do better, really! But I won't, just because I don't want to injure any poet's ears. But using bad poetry as a torture device is a pretty cool idea… *thinks and grins* hmm…
Persia- I certainly try to expose the lighter side of the two. I love this pairing because there are so many emotions you can dig into. What I'm writing here is just one tiny slice of a really big pie. …now that I'm hungry, I'll leave. *grin* thanks for the review!
Persia- aww, thank you! Yeah, I would've prolly put off the shower, too… but this is Hermione's mortal enemy, so I'm guessing she would've wanted to run as fast as she could.
Crazed Yellow Fangirl- er… thank you? Not quite sure how to take that, but I hope this chapter is funnier than the last.
Deadburningflame- nice name, man. Thanks for the review!
Theblackswan- ditto what I said above! Thank you!
Elvin-warrior-princess- hanging no more! But perhaps this left you hanging too…? Er, sorry about that.
In Dreams- ooh, another awesome name! Wow, I feel special having so many cool named people review me. Well, this chapter is definitely longer. I can't promise others will continue in this vein, however, cause I just kinda spit out whatever comes to me and post it.
Me- nope, sorry, can't tell you who the Head Boy is. Actually, some of my original readers might know, because before I started changing my summary around, it actually said the Head Boy was. Just wait and find out!
Shadow*whisper- no, that last chapter was just a figment of your imagination- I really didn't update. *grin* just kidding. I like your little dance! Can you teach me how?
Elven at Heart- ooh! Another elf! Wow, I'm getting a lot of elves to review me, too! How spiffy. Thank you so much for the review!
Whew, that took a long time. Till next time! -TM