Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show and not the music.
Warnings: Mentions of Rape and self harm, and some pretty strong language.
Chapter 2
Sixth period finally arrived and I couldn't have been happier. Yeah coach was kinda a hard ass, but all the stunts we perform give me such an adrenaline rush that I love. I'm a flyer since I'm so tiny which meant that I am in the air for most of the routine. I just feel like i am literally flying and free.
I, along with Quinn and Brittany, met Coach Sylvester on the field. The four of us were watching the new members with judgmental eyes. Sue had been training us since freshman year on how to spot the weakest links. There were quite a few this year.
"Well ladies looks like we are going to have to have extra practices this year to really whip these sad excuses for cheer leaders into shape" Sue said never taking her eyes off the squad.
"Coach we have never had a problem with that before. I'm sure we are up for the task this year as well." Quinn replied truly believing there was no challenge in front of her.
"Exactly what I want to hear Q. Now get your squad and take them on a few laps around the track to start off" with that all three of us jogged over to the group of Cheerios.
"Okay children this is how its gonna work. For those of you who are new I'm you captain Quinn Fabray and these are my co-captains Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce. See to it that you always follow our lead. Trust me you do not want to step even one toe out of line. Are we clear?"
The group relied with many 'yes' s and 'uh huh's
"Good. Now we are going to start with 10 laps around the track. If you don't think you can handle that you should leave now." Many looked like they wanted to leave but they also all knew that as long as they were on the squad they had the slushy immunity so they stuck it out. "Okay then, lets go and don't even think about walking"
As we were running I could feel Pucks eyes on me. Honestly I was used to having all eyes on me by now but I knew it was Puck specifically from his constant whistling and stupid pick-up lines he was throwing out. The football coach wasn't so happy about this and I laughed when he threw a ball at Puck's head and told him to do 100 pushups and get his act together.
Once we where done with our run most of the newbies were exhausted and trying not to collapse. Our trio ran back over to Coach for the next move. "Well Q, it is the first day of school so I guess I'll go easy on all of you, 5 sets of 10 crunches and you are all free to go, I'll have a new routine for you tomorrow." We nodded and again walked back to the squad.
Once practice was over our whole group was back in the locker room. "Hey Rach how was practice?" I asked.
"It was boring. Coach just went over who has what positions and had the newbies watch our trick plays so that they could learn. What bout you girls? Hows the squad looking?"
"Bunch of losers" Quinn said immediately
"I kinda like them" Brittany said while I just shrugged.
"Wait, S doesn't have a comment? Come on San you always have a full blown judgement on every person you meet whats with you today? It seemed like you were never really here all day." Rachel pressed.
"I'm fine. Just tired I guess. Couldn't really sleep last night." I said with another shrug. I didn't really care what these people were like I just wanted to cheer.
"Okay lets just pretend we believe that" Quinn said
"Well I'm going to take a shower before glee starts" I said to get out of the soon to be full on interrogation.
"Is it just me or is there something Santana isn't telling us?" I could here Brittany ask. I stayed around the corner to listen.
"Well if somethings going on with her she will tell us eventually, she always does" Quinn assured. Trust me not this time. I don't want to say this one out loud.
With that they all took my lead to the showers to get ready for the first day of glee.
After we were all clean we decided to change into regular clothes as opposed to our uniforms for Glee Club. I had brought my favorite skin tight dress and tight leather jacket, only now it kinda looked like I bought it two sizes too big. "Hey San you know everyone was already envious of your body you didn't have to go and loose more weight." Quinn joked.
"Oh I didn't even notice." I said nervously, subconsciously hugging myself. Damn I really should have tried this on before I brought it. I've been wearing sweats and gym shorts all summer I didn't noticed exactly how much weight I had dropped. I soon snapped out of it and realized they were all looking at me with freaked out expressions so I threw in "but it cant hurt to be thin right" with a nervous smile. Just play it cool they wont suspect anything.
"Well there is thin and then there is sickly thin" Rachel said the look she gave me said she didn't buy it.
"Whatever lets go we are going to be late." I again found myself trying to get out of an awkward conversation.
I linked pinkies with Brittany and we were on our way. Quinn and Rachel fell back a little both probably trying to figure out what happened. I wasn't too far in front of them and Britt was just humming to herself, so I could still hear their conversation.
"You don't think she is purposely losing weight do you, like I mean she isn't starving herself or throwing up her meals is she?" Rachel asked worriedly. Not intentionally.
"Rach we all know how much San loves to eat. There is no way she would, let alone could do that to herself." Quinn reasoned. Wish that was true now.
"True, but it doesn't make sense if anything that dress should be squeezing the life out of her not so loose she looks like a little kid playing dress up with their moms clothes." Well thats not very nice its not that big.
"Well maybe she grew and thats why she looks thinner." Okay really? Not likely.
"Maybe but I'm not convinced. Something is up with her this year I mean she hasn't talked about her sister's house and she is usually bragging about all the parties she went to and all the fun she had with LA boys." If I could tell you I would trust me I want to tell you but I don't know how. It's not exactly a comfortable topic.
"I think you are worrying too much. Come on we have known S since forever if something is wrong she will talk to us." Maybe the old me.
"Yeah I guess your right"
As they caught up with Britt and me, I was just opening the door. My bracelet decided it was a perfect opportunity to slide up my arm a bit and expose a few cuts on my wrist. I barely caught Quinn and Rachel's shared concerned look.
"Hey San, what happened to your wrist?" Brittany asked innocently.
"Huh? Oh that. You know how clumsy I am, I was trying to open a package and the scissors slipped. It hurt like a bitch but I'm all good Britt-Britt." I said slowly sliding my bracelet back into place and proceeded to find a seat in the now filling classroom.
"Oh, okay." Brittany accepted the story so easily but I could tell Q and Rach were unconvinced. They shared another look and Rachel knew that Quinn was now just as concerned as her.
"Hello kids" Mr. Schue said as he walked into the room.
He was greeted with many 'hi's 'hello's and 'sup's.
"So since it is the first day back I think we should have a little fun don't you?"
His answer was the groups round of 'yeah's and Puck's "Hell yeah." to which he gave a pointed look.
"Anyway, I want you to, as a group, sing your favorite song of the summer. I don't care what it is just come up with one and perform and to make it a little more challenging you have until the last 5 minutes of class so that gives you only 20 minutes starting now"
"Wait Mr. Schue how are we supposed to pick a favorite when we all have very different tastes in music?" Kurt pointed out.
"Majority rules, come on guys time is wasting"
It was like someone released an energy bomb and the whole club was talking at once. "Okay everyone calm down" Rachel started "Quinn you go first what was you favorite song this summer?"
"'Tonight Tonight' by Hot Chelle Rae"
"Okay anyone else agree?" A few glee members raised their hands but not enough for a majority.
"Okay Britt-Britt what about you?"
"'Honey Bee' by Blake Shelton"
"And?" Rachel asked the club. A few raised their hands
Puck spoke up and said "How bout 'Give Me Everything' by Pitbull with Ne-Yo, Nayer and Afrojack?"
Most of the club even those who had already voted answered with 'yes's. All but Rachel agreed. I love Pitbull and this was one of my favorite songs of all time.
It was decided that Artie and Puck would split the rapping parts and Finn and Sam would split the actual singing. Us girls, just like their part in the actual song, would do background vocals and the dance routine was relatively simple. I was paired with Puck, Quinn with Sam, Britt with Mike, Rachel with Finn and I honestly didn't listen past that.
When it came time for us to perform we had it down perfectly. We were in the middle of the song when Puck thought it would be cute to whisper in my ear "Hey, come here baby" and then lean down and place a kiss just under my jaw. At any time before this I would have laughed because it actually fit the song and was kinda cute, but the last time that place was kissed it didn't end well. I know he would never do that to me and he didn't mean for it to be as creepy as the way I felt it but it happened. I froze everything started to move in slow motion, a shiver was sent down my spine. It threw off the whole routine, but before anyone could ask what had happened I was already sprinting from the auditorium holding back a sob. Quinn ran after me and it took a while but Rachel and Brittany weren't far behind.
I could faintly hear Mr. Schue calling it a day as I burst through the doors.
I managed to hold back my water works and by the time they caught up with me I was already calmed down and taking stuff out of my locker so I would be ready to go home.
"Hey guys are you ready to go home?" I asked.
"Are you really going to pretend that that didn't just happen?" Quinn said.
"It's really not that big of a deal" I practically whispered.
"Oh yeah 'cause everyone just randomly trips out in the middle of performing and runs off the stage almost crying." Rachel replied sarcastically. I sent her a glare.
"Look if I wanted to talk about it I would. I'll see you tomorrow" I said already walking away. There was no way I was going to sit through a ride home with them questioning me every second.
"Where are you going? I drove you here." Quinn shouted after me.
"I could use the walk" I replied not bothering to turn around to say it.
I know that as soon as I was out of earshot they started the 'what are we gonna do?' but at this point I really just needed some alone time.
When I finally got home my mother was finishing up making dinner.
"Hi mi hija. Your home late where were you?" Mama said giving me a hug.
"I was at the park for a while, I wanted to take a walk. It was a nice day."
"Oh thats nice sweetie. How was school?"
"It was school mamá, nothing interesting." I said with a laugh, "Where's Papi?" I finished looking down at my phone.
Puck :)
New Message
September 5, 2011 5:30 PM
hey San i dnt know wht i did today to make u run off but im sorry :/
I smiled, he really was sweet.
Brittany Pierce :)*
New Message
September 5, 2011 7:00 PM
S, i'm not stupid i know something is wrong. i'm gonna wait for you to tell me but just know that you can tell me. i'm always here for you *:)
Reply:
Britt, i'm fine just stressing bout the first day you know i get anxious sometimes. im good now just needed some time to cool off. i pinky promise :)*
Puck, don't worry about it i'm just weird you know that haha :)
"He's at work, late shift tonight. And that's all I get? Come on San, I barely spent any of the summer with you even with you coming home early from your sisters house you just spent the rest of your summer locked away in your room. You didn't even spend it with your friends, you hardly eat anything and you are tired all the time. I thought things would change once you went back to school but all I get was 'nothing interesting?' What is going on with you?"
"Ma it was just the first day. Relax I'm sure I will have plenty to tell you by Friday. And as for my summer I just wanted to chill out. I thought you would be happy that I wasn't out getting myself into trouble. But if thats not what you want then I will start going out to parties and have wild stories to tell you that you wont want to hear anyway."
"Mi hija I just want you to have fun. Your a teenager and I get that you go through moods, but you have stopped talking to me. You usually go on for days after you get back from LA about all the fun things you and your sister did. Why didn't you do that this year?"
"Well Sofia was busy most of the time so nothing that exciting happened, I figured if I'm gonna be wasting my day away on my computer I might as well be at home. It's okay though I get it she has work other responsibilities. She can't entertain me as much anymore." Thats not really why I left but I can't exactly tell her the truth without her freaking out. And its too late to do anything about it.
"What about your friends? You never left and they never came over."
"They were busy, Quinn was visiting family in Arizona, Rachel was in New York getting a taste of what the rest of her life will be like and Britt was teaching dance classes"
"Okay, see that wasn't hard I think that was the first real conversation we have had since summer started" she said with a smile
I laughed a little and said, "Well I'm exhausted, between Cheerios practice and the rest of my day all I need is a good night sleep."
"San, its 7 we still need to eat dinner."
"I'm not hungry I ate a big lunch" and with that I kissed my mom goodnight and headed up the stairs to my room to get ready for bed. I checked my phone one last time.
Puck :)
New Message
September 5, 2011 7:05 PM
Alright, i have a hard time believing thats all but i respect you privacy :) just know that if u need anything im here for you
Brittany Pierce :)*
New Message
September 5, 2011 7:07
Okay but u better not be lying, u pinky promised dont think that just because its not physical it doesnt count, but the offer still stands. i love you never forget that *:)
I had to smile at that but then immediately felt bad. It's not like I want to lie to them but how am I supposed to tell them the truth? They would be so disappointed in me and I cant take that on top of everything.
Ok please Review.