Disclaimer: I own nothing not the show and not the music.

Warnings: Mentions of Rape and self harm, and some pretty strong language.

Chapter 3

I woke with a start and immediately was in tears. The real reason I had been so tired was that every time I fell asleep I woke not long after from the same nightmare. I looked at the clock.

3:38 AM

I hated thinking about this, yet it always came back to haunt me.

Flashback

The party was in full swing, I was sitting on the couch talking to my sisters best friend Taylor.

"Pretty awesome party huh San?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah sure beats everything we have in boring old Lima" I slurred with a smile. By this point I was pretty tipsy. I had about 3 shots and 4 mix drinks in my system so it wasn't too bad. Until I stand up that is.

"Aren't you glad you have an awesome big sister like Sofia?" Taylor laughed.

"Of course. Where is she by the way? I haven't seen her since like 1 and its 3 now."

"She hit the booze a little too hard and passed out up stairs"

"Ha, thats a little surprising, after all she is a Lopez and we always handle out liquor"

"Well I guess her and Ali got into a little argument and she stormed out so maybe she just drank away her sorrows?"

"Yeah that sounds familiar too, Papi has done that a few times" Taylor and I shared a laugh.

"Well I have work in the morning so I best be going." Taylor said getting up off the couch.

"Wait you cant drive like this" I ended up getting up a little too fast and quickly lost my balance. She grabbed onto me and helped me stable out.

"Woah, calm down there" she said laughing, "Unlike you and your sister I stayed sober tonight"

"Well your no fun" I slurred laughing.

"See you later San, tell your sister I'll see her later when she wakes up."

"Will do. See you later. I love you."

"Yeah I love you too hopefully I'll see you before you take off back home but if I don't travel safely and I'll see you next summer." With that she left and I was by myself on the couch.

Just then one of Sofia's friends came over to sit next to me.

"Hey there, what are you doing by yourself?" he slurred.

"Just deciding what drink to make myself next." I smiled. He was pretty cute. "What's your name?"

"Adrian, your Santana right?"

"Yeah how did you know that?"

"Sofia talks about you all the time and you kinda look like her."

"You think so? I never thought we did."

"Oh yeah your both very beautiful. Imagine how disappointed I was when I found out she was a lesbian." He chuckled and I joined in.

"Yeah I'm sure she's broken tons of hearts. Her ex-boyfriend, at the time she finally came to terms that she was gay, was pretty torn up about it. I can see why though, not only is she beautiful but imagine what was going through his head he probably thought he made her gay." We both laughed again.

"So what about you? You got a boyfriend? Or girlfriend?"

"Nope I'm single. And straight."

"Well sounds like I might have a chance."

"Maybe"

We got to my bedroom pretty fast for too drunk people. We made it to my bed and he was straddling me. We lost our shirts, and then my skirt and his pants. Before he threw them to the ground he took something out of the pocket. I quickly realized what he was going for and even in my current state knew I didn't want to loose it like this.

"Um wait."

"Whats wrong?"

"Well I mean don't get me wrong this is fun and everything but I don't want any more than this."

"What?" he asked and I could tell he was thoroughly confused.

"Well maybe a little more but I don't want to actually have sex with you."

"Is this a joke? Why not?"

"Well um it's just that I'm in high school your twenty-seven. Don't get me wrong this right here is fun, but sex means something to me and I don't want to give it to someone I just met an hour ago."

"Wow such a fucking tease."

Before I could defend myself he was out the door slamming it behind him. I sat there confused for a few seconds and then finally snapped out of my daze. Thats when I realized he left his clothes in here. I was about to put mine back on so that I could take him his or at least leave them outside the door when the door was thrown back open.

"You know what? No! I gave up easily on your sister but I'm not gonna just let you get off that easily. You see this?" he pointed down to his still erect member. "You caused this and your gonna take care of it."

Im sure had he been sober he wouldn't be doing this. I mean really? His comment about Sofia didn't even make sense. He had definitely scared me sober...ish. I was gonna make a run for the door to call for help when I felt his body crash into mine. He roughly started kissing me. First my mouth then trailing kisses down my jaw neck and toward my chest. He forced me to do a lot, well actually everything.

End Flashback

The next morning Sofia could tell something was wrong.

I didn't want to tell her everything so I just said that he tried stuff but I was able to stop it and nothing else past the storm out happened. Still she was furious. She said that they had only met that same day. He wasn't even her friend he was Amanda's friends friend. So I'm not entirely sure how he knew who I was, but that didn't matter. Sofia said she was sorry and that she would personally kick his ass. I had to fight her on it but I eventually got her to let it go. I didn't want her anywhere near him so I had her agree that she would just cut off any contact she might have with him in the future.

I left a few days after that. It was earlier than planned, by about two weeks, but I just wanted to be in my own home, my own bed, and as far away from him as I could possibly be. I told Sofia that I was just home sick and I told Mama and Papi that I was bored. It seemed to work.

Everything went down hill for her after that. I stopped eating, couldn't sleep and started cutting myself. It wasn't like I was trying to kill myself but since this scene was on a constant replay in my head I often felt nauseous and lost my appetite quickly. As for the cutting, it was because of how much I hated myself for letting it all happen and then not telling anyone. It was a punishment to myself. I mean how could I be so stupid. No twenty-seven year old is going to settle for some lip action, they want the whole thing. Even an intoxicated person should be able to figure that out. I know it doesn't make much sense now but at the time it did. It was a short faze but the scars remind me everyday what an idiot I was.

Okay San, everyone is going to find out if you keep up this way. Its already been a week back at school, you cant go the whole year like this. Calm down and don't let it eat at you anymore. Q, Rach, and Britt Britt are worried and you cant let them be this concerned. You have to go back to normal if not for yourself then for everyone else. You are a very strong woman you can get through everything stop feeling sorry for yourself and live again. When you go to school tomorrow just explain that you were having a bad day but everything is fine now. Bottom line go back to normal. You can do this it's not that hard. You've had like a month to deal with this, and now its go time. Put up the mask if thats what it takes. Hey have a little fun. Date Puck Lord knows that boy wants you bad. Go out with the girls. Get you life back. It doesn't have to be bad. They, more than anyone else, can help you through this and you don't even have to tell them what is up.

After my pep talk I fell asleep relatively quickly and woke up later to my alarm. I put on my newly found smile and got ready for school. As I was thinking about how I would finally accept Pucks advances my phone chimed.

Quinn Fabray

New Message

September 12, 2011 6:45AM

Hey i'm here.

I shouted a goodbye to her mom and was out the door.

"Hello, how are you doing this fine morning?" I said while climbing into the car. Okay maybe a little overboard tone it down a bit.

"Uh I'm fine, and you?" Quinn asked thoroughly confused.

"Can't complain"

After picking up both Brittany and Rachel, I decided it was time for damage control.

"Hey, so I know I was acting a little weird last week and I know you are all concerned but please don't be, I was just in a mood you know PMS. But I'm fine now so whatever intervention you were all planning don't worry bout it, it was a one time thing I promise." I finished with a smile.

They all looked at me trying to find the smallest detail in my expression that would say I was lying but no such thing could be found. I went pro in hiding my true emotions when I want to like two years ago.

"Okay" they all said slowly.

"Good, now whats going on this weekend"

"San, its only Monday" Rachel said

"Never hurts to plan ahead, I want something to look forward to to get me through the week"

"Well, my mom is going out of town so we can have a kick back at my house." Quinn threw in.

"Sounds perfect" Brittany said

"Good, then its a plan, invite the usual people and I'll get my brother to get the stuff" I finished satisfied. This wasn't so hard, I could handle this. Everything was going to be fine.

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