Disclaimer: I own nothing not the show and not the music.
Warnings: Mentions of Rape and self harm, and some pretty strong language.
Chapter 6
It was a slow start. Quitting was harder than it should have been, but I wasn't gonna go back on my promise. This meant a lot to Britt and if I couldn't tell her what was going on the least I could do was ease her mind. Its been three weeks since our talk and it was our first week back to school since break. there was 5 parties that I had to contain myself at. The New Year party was the hardest. Its really sad how dependent I have become on drinking. I haven't completely gone back to the dark place but I started having some nightmares again. Today was a particularly bad day, and thats when I remembered how I felt after Puck Sam and I got high. It put me in a completely relaxed mood. So I decided to text him.
Hey Sam what are you doing?
Just chillin wanna join?
Exactly what i had in mind ill be over in 5.
cool :)
When I got there he was playing his new game.
"Hey San. how was your first week back at school?"
"Horrible. That's why I'm here."
"Oh really? What do you wanna do?"
"Well, you see, I was wondering if you had anymore weed?" I said with a smile.
"Of course, I never let myself run out."
"Great"
We smoked for a while and I felt much better. Relaxed.
"You know San this stuff isn't cheap"
"Alright? So you want me to pay you back?"
"How bout you just go out with me and we'll call it even?"
"How is that even? If you take me out then you paid for both the weed and the date?"
"Yeah well a date with you would be worth both" He said shyly.
"Fine you got yourself a deal." I smiled.
The date was nice. Sam is a really nice, funny guy, even if he is a total nerd at heart. After that we started dating regularly and eventually decided to make it official. The girls were surprised but also pretty excited. I never told them how it all started and asked him not to tell them the real story either. They would be pissed if they found out I had started smoking. Well, maybe not Quinn but Britt and Rach would be.
Prom is next weekend and we are all really excited. Puck decided to throw a party this weekend to get everyone even more excited for next weekend. Quinn and Britt are going to miss it because they have a cheer competition, I quit the Cheerios a few weeks ago. It wasn't fun anymore and this meant I had more time to spend with Sam. He wasn't going to be at the party either he had some family stuff to do so I would be riding solo.
Its currently Friday and I'm with Sam in his basement. It became our routine, on days we didn't have Glee Club we would go back to his house after school and hang out in his basement. Some days we would just talk others we would smoke sometimes we would fool around. It was fun and I felt like I was finally healing, for real.
Right now was a smoking day. These days often lead to fooling around but not always. Right now we were fine just being together. Suddenly my phone started ringing. Without looking at the caller ID I answered.
"Hello?"
'hey San what are you doing?'
"Hey Britt! I'm hanging out with Sam right now. What's up?"
'oh sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know that we just landed in Tennessee for the competition.'
"No its fine we just finished smoking and now we are just relaxing" oh fuck I shouldn't have said that.
'YOU WHAT? SANTANA DID YOU JUST SAY YOU WERE SMOKING? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THAT? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PACT WE MADE THE SUMMER BEFORE FRESHMAN YEAR? HUH? IS THIS WHAT YOUVE BEEN USING TO SUBSTITUTE YOUR DRINKING?'
Sam could obviously hear her screaming and gave me a panicked look
"Woah Britt calm down I..."
'DONT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN.' I started to get pissed after that.
"LOOK YOUR OVER REACTING ITS FINE"
'HOW THE FUCK, AM I OVER REACTING? WE PUT IT TO A PINKY PROMISE THOSE USED TO MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU.' Britt didn't like swearing especially the F-word so I knew she was really pissed, I just couldn't for the life of me figure why.
"BRITT SERIOUSLY CALM THE FUCK DOWN THAT WAS YEARS AGO PEOPLE CHANGE. ITS REALLY NOT A BIG DEAL"
'YOU KNOW WHAT, WHATEVER HAVE FUN.' and with that she hung up.
"What was that all about?"
"She's freaking out cause I said I was smoking"
"Yeah I gathered that but why is it such a big deal?"
"I don't know. I mean we made a pinky promise when we were younger that we never would but I mean I never thought it was that big of a deal...oh fuck"
"What?" He asked again looking panicked.
"I remember why we made that promise now. Shit I messed up I shouldn't have said she was over reacting."
"Wait why did you make the promise?"
"It was the summer going into freshman year. Brittany's cousin who lived in California was a total pot head. One day he drove while he was high and was killed in a car accident. She was so messed up about it. He was her idol, I mean before she found out how much he smoked, but still she loved him so much."
"Wow thats horrible. You should probably go talk to her."
"I can't she's in Tennessee for the Cheerio competition and I know she wont answer her phone right now."
"Well, she will be back on Sunday right? Just talk to her then. You have been friends forever. I doubt she will just throw that all away because you made one mistake.
"Yeah your right"
The next day I really wasn't in a party mood but I didn't have anything better to do. I felt terrible about what happened with Brittany, and I couldn't wait to make it right. I was right about her not answering her phone. I tried 5 times.
Rachel came to pick me up for the party and apparently Britt had already vented to her.
"How could you be so stupid San? Not only is it harmful to your health but you really hurt Brittany."
"I know okay? I wont do it anymore. I'm going to make things right with her but I have to wait till tomorrow and do it face to face since she isn't answering my calls."
"Well, you better make it right. Our group is too important for you to ruin."
"I will okay? Just leave me alone about it. I already feel bad enough."
The party was getting really good. Even though she was mad at me I still decided to keep my promise to Brittany and only have two drinks. A couple of Pucks older neighbors crashed the party but they made it even more fun. Rachel left at 12 to make curfew but not before reminding me again that I had to fix things with Britt tomorrow. I was sitting by the fire with my drink when one of Pucks neighbors came to sit next to me.
"Hey whats your name?"
"Santana Whats yours?"
"I'm Jake. You don't look very happy Santana want me to get you another drink?"
"No, I'm fine just thinking"
"Well you could probably still use another drink right?"
"Oh um no I promised my best friend I wouldn't drink alot."
"How much have you had cause you look fine?"
"This is my second"
"Wow then you can definitely use another three doesn't count as alot."
"Well, I guess you right. Okay I'll take another."
We were sitting on the couch talking as I drank my drink. I looked around and realized everyone was passed out, in bedrooms or had left. All of a sudden I started to feel really tired and weak. I was about to ask where Puck was when I felt Jake's lips on mine. I dropped my empty cup to the floor and pushed him off me.
"Woah, Jake um no I can't do that."
"Just relax its fine"
"No, I have a boyfriend"
"That's not really a problem in my book" at this point I started going in and out of consciousness "Seriously just relax and let me take care of everything." That's when the blackness took over.
I woke up in one of Pucks guest bedrooms feeling really groggy. I was trying to remember how I got there when Puck came into the room.
"Hey"
"Hi, um what the fuck happened last night?"
"I was hoping you would tell me that. You know cheating on my boy Sam is something I thought you would remember."
"I didn't cheat on him"
"Yeah you did. Jake already told like everyone what the two of you did"
"Do you mind telling me cause I have no idea. And I thought you said it wasn't cheating unless there is a ring on you finger?"
"Yeah thats my rule. I don't want the same for you. And are you serious you don't remember? How much did you drink last night?"
"I only had three drinks"
"Well what was in them cause clearly you were fucked up."
"The first two were Malibu and Coke and then Jake made me another I'm not sure what was in it. I'm guessing Blue Raspberry Vodka cause it was blue."
"We didn't have any Vodka at the party." He looked at me confused.
"Mother fucker I'm going to kill him"
"What?" More confusion.
"My dad told me once that I have to be careful with blue drinks cause ruffies turn drinks blue. Asshole mother fucker drugged me."
"That little prick I'll kill him"
"No, don't, just do some damage control please. Make sure nobody finds out"
"Santana we have to tell somebody. He basically raped you. No scratch that he did. And he is 21 so that's illegal in so many ways. When someone does something like that you have to tell someone." He didn't realize it but he was telling me what someone should have told me month ago. Not only was he right, but this time someone already knew and I doubt I will get away with him being the only one to know the truth compared to what Jake was probably telling everyone he knew.
"Look Puck its really sweet that you want to take care of me and protect me, but I don't exactly want the truth of this to spread. I don't want anyone that far into my business."
"Santana will you just for once stop trying to be so strong. This asshole violated you he cant get away with that." Thats the word I was trying to avoid for so long. Violated, Jesus it made me sound so weak.
"Noah please, stop talking. I'm going to handle this my way. So don't say anything to anyone."
"San your making a really big mistake here. I care about you too much to let you do that to yourself. He deserves to go to prison, he'd be going to Hell if I was in charge."
"Puck please, I know what your trying to tell me, and I know its the right thing to do but I really just want to forget it ever happened. Can you please just let me have that? Please?"
"Fine. Well, he already told the neighborhood but lucky for you they are all older and not likely to tell anyone that goes to our school you should be safe. If your going to ask me to keep this quiet just know that you are asking me to go against every fiber of my being and thats not exactly easy for me."
"I know. So you should know how much I appreciate it. Honestly in my eyes you are doing more good than harm by doing what I ask of you. Thank you Noah you really are a great person."
"Well, I care a lot about you Santana. I would do whatever it takes to make you happy. I just have one question. Since it wont technically affect you at all, can I murder this asshole?"
"Murder would make headlines, therefore making me see that paper and affect me. However you can beat him to a near death if you wish." We both laughed. Puck really was a great guy. I cant believe it took me until we were both in relationships to see it.
That was one thing I guess I didn't think of. What the hell am I supposed to do about Sam?
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