Disclaimer: I own nothing not the show and not the music.

Warnings: Mentions of Rape and self harm, and some pretty strong language.

Chapter 10

I guess I should have told her the next morning that I heard her confession and that I had one of my own, but I didn't. I know I love her, but she was right, it would change everything if we said it to each other. It's taken me two weeks so far to go over everything. The first week was all the pros and cons.

Her being a girl had no influence over my choice. From a young age my opinion has been that love is love. I strongly believe that anyone can fall in love with anyone, gender, age, race, none of that matters when it comes to love. Based on that, it should be a simple case for me, open and shut really, but I have to take in other peoples opinions too. I know my parents would support me, they supported my sister after all, but I also know that none of my extended family knows about her. People around town wouldn't be too chill with it either, hence the reason my sister moved so far away. None of that should matter to me. That's what I kept repeating in my head, "Nothing can stop fate."

So then I went on the thinking about how we would change. We've been best friends since kindergarden, how much would that change if we became a couple? Would our group dynamic change? How would Quinn and Rachel take it? I know they wouldn't be against it, but would we all not hang out as much?

After I was able to come up with nothing but good possible scenarios, which wasn't easy to do, I started to think about how exactly I would be able to tell her. That's how I spent my second week. I couldn't just be like "Oh by the way I heard you talking to me when you thought I was sleeping and I know you're in love with me and I love you too so now we can just be a happy couple" cause I'm pretty sure she wouldn't take that very well. Then I had an awesome idea, wouldn't it make the perfect birthday present?

Every once and a while during this time my mind would wander to the latest incident. It's not something that is easily forgotten. I would think about what would be happening to me if that hadn't happened. Would this be the point that I tell my parents? I didn't like to dwell on it so I often called either Puck or one of the girls to take my mind off things.

Now that I knew Brittany's secret it was a little more obvious to me. Just the little things she did, like the looks she would give me, and it always surprises me that I didn't figure it out before. I tried my best not to tip her off that knew

...

"Hey Britt do you have anything planned for your birthday?" Rachel asked. It's Monday and Britt's birthday is this Friday.

"Not really, I thought we could just have a girls night. Nothing too big."

"Aw hell no Britt. It's your eighteenth birthday there is no way we are staying at home by ourselves." I had to agree with Quinn on that one.

"Yeah Britt, we all went out and partied on our eighteenth, now its your turn. And great news on that topic, My parents are going out of town. My dad has some conference out of state and they will be leaving Thursday and wont be back till Tuesday."

"Don't you usually go with them on those things?"

"Yeah, but I couldn't leave for Britt's birthday. That's like against the laws of friendship and that's exactly what I told my parental units. Plus, they didn't want me missing school this close to the end of the year so it all worked out. They do think I'm staying at one of your houses though."

"Awesome, so what do you say Britt? Party at San's house? We could just invite the Glee Club members if you still don't want it that big"

"Alright fine, but it has to be Saturday. My parents are taking me out to dinner like they do every year." Puck came to sit next to us at that point.

"So Britt, party Saturday for your birthday?"

"How the hell did you know that? She just said yes two-seconds ago." Rachel looked at him in complete confusion. I tried to hide a laugh.

"If there is a party I know about it. I have my ways." He winked at her.

"But it was literally planned two-seconds before you walked up."

"Chill shorty, I heard you as I was walking up and Santana told me she was going to try to plan something when we were talking last night. There, see, no paranormal stuff happening you can relax now."

"Shut up Puck I just thought it was weird is all." We all laughed at that.

"So San, Puck, you two been talking a lot lately?"

"Yea, Q that's what friends do."

"Really? Just friends?"

"Yup thats all. I happen to have a girlfriend that I might possibly maybe be in love with."

"Aw our little Pucky growing up and falling all in love" I said in a baby voice then added, "and I happen to have my eyes on someone else." Puck smiled after shoving me a little for mocking him. I had told him and only him about what was happening with Britt. He of course thought it was awesome and 'super hot.'

"Oh really?" "Who S?" Quinn and Rach said at the same time. Britt just sat there trying to hide her interest in the conversation.

"None ya business."

"Oh come on San, we tell each other everything."

"I bet Brittany knows don't you Britt." Britt just shook her head trying not to look completely shut down. I felt the sting and regretted saying anything about it.

"So San, do you need me to supply for the party or can your bro do it?" I was thankful for Puck changing the subject.

"Ricky made sure my stash was full when he came back this weekend. But if you want beer you have to get it yourself, that shit is nasty."

"Alright so should I be spreading the word or just Glee Club this time?"

"Just Glee Club I don't want a big party." Britt answered.

"Tell them I have enough room for everyone to stay but they best not be hooking up on my beds, floor, or furniture for that matter."

"Iight Catch up with you all later."

"See ya later Puck."

"So you really not going to tell us San?"

"Don't worry bout it Rach, if everything goes according to plan you will know by next week for sure." Just then the bell rang and I grabbed my stuff to go. Luckily I only had one more class before my free period, in the place of the Cheerios, which meant only on class where I would still be questioned about who this new person was by Rachel. I smiled at Brittany and was on my way Rachel close behind throwing out names to see if I would give in and tell her.

...

The week went by quickly and before I knew it, it was Friday night. The day was fun, we had a mini celebration in Glee Club in Brittany's honor. Now me and Puck were hanging at my house getting everything ready for tomorrow night.

"So I need you to do me a favor."

"Whats that babe?"

"If it looks like for even one second that I'm going to back out I need you to slap me and make me do it."

"Will do, you got the present already?"

"Yup." I held up the necklace. It was a gold heart with and S in it. Cheesy, I know, but she liked that kind of stuff so I thought it would be okay.

"Good, and don't worry San, seriously what do you have to worry about? You already know she loves you just don't drink too much and puke all over her or something." He laughed but I panicked. "Geez Santana chill, it was a joke you will be fine."

"No, I know I wont drink too much, she made me promise I will only have two to three drinks at every party from now on, but, I do sometimes puke when I get super nervous." He started laughing and I slapped his arm.

"Ouch okay sorry. Well, maybe you should have a few drinks it will calm your nerves and she will be so happy she will forget to get angry that you broke your promise."

"You know you're kinda a genius. If we both weren't in love with other people, I'd totally date you." We both laughed "Speaking of, is your girl gonna come tomorrow?"

"I think so. She kinda gets grounded for stupid reasons sometimes so she doesn't get let out often. I honestly think her parents are just trying to keep her away from me."

"Well based on your rep around town I'd say thats a pretty safe bet."

"Oh come on you know I'm not all bad."

"I know that, but not everyone does."

"Well she said tomorrow she is telling them that she is just hanging with you girls, so they know where she is they just don't know that we will all be here."

"Oh thats genius except what if they show up at the door checking up on her? What do I tell them?"

"Well, your not drinking right? Just shut off the music if you hear the door and say something. You're like the queen of bull shitting people I'm sure it won't be that hard."

"Fine but if the situation actually comes up you owe me."

"Alright deal. Well, it's getting late, I have to be home but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay see ya later."

"Don't worry San everything will be fine tomorrow."

"Yeah I know." With that I walked him to the door and said goodbye. I fell asleep early just so that tomorrow would come sooner. I was more nervous than I could ever remember being but I was also really excited.

...

"Hey girls ready to party?" I said opening the door.

"San we have eight more hours till people will start showing up. No need to get excited yet."

"Oh come on Rach you know you're excited."

"Yeah, yeah, we are all excited. Now tell me why we came over this early?"

"Q it's twelve thats only early to you."

"Excuse me if I like to sleep in on my weekends."

"Sleeping in is like 10 but whatever anyway you all showed up early so that we can go shopping. I need something to wear for tonight and I thought we could all go out to lunch for B's birthday."

"Oh well in that case lets go. You should have said that in the first place."

"Okay, who's driving?"

"I will" Britt said.

"Shotgun!" I called and darted towards her car.

"Hey no fair" both Q and Rach yelled after me.

I jumped in the car and started laughing as I watched their delayed reaction. Britt just shook her head and got in the drivers seat.

"So where to first? Breadstixs or the mall?"

"Breadstix. I haven't eaten yet."

"Alright everyone buckle up."

Lunch was fun. It finally hit me how little time we have spent all together since school started. I couldn't believe we graduated in less than two months and started college in four. We all had early acceptance to NYU and my dad was going to rent an apartment in the city for us. Even with us all living together I didn't know how much time we would have together, our majors wouldn't allow much time for socializing. I guess, at the end of the day, that didn't matter though, as long as we were all together.

"S you okay? You're being kinda quiet."

"Just thinking. Can you believe we are graduating and going off to college so soon? It feels like we just started high school."

"Crazy right? In less than four months we will be living out dream. New York here we come." Rachel was practically glowing with excitement.

"I'm going to miss everyone here though."

"Me too Britt."

"I think we all will, but we will be back to visit and we have out phones and computers we will be video chatting with everyone so much it will be like nothing changed." Quinn said.

"A toast. To Brittany's birthday and the rest of our lives."

"Rach you're so lame to toasts anymore."

"Hey I was just trying to make you all laugh, you and Britt looked like you were ready to cry."

"As long as I have all of you it wont be that bad."

"Just like everything else in out lives, we are going though this together."

"Well, then let's all go shopping shall we?"

I didn't take long for me to find what I wanted. We spent the three hours after that just goofing off and trying on weird clothes that we would never buy. It was nice to be out and having fun with my best friends. I didn't once feel like I was faking it either. I was genuinely happy. I knew it was all thanks to Brittany and that only made me more excited for tonight.

...

By the time we made it back to my house we had two hours to get ready for the party. We set up all the drinks first and then went to get ready, that way if people started showing up before we were ready they wouldn't have to wait for the drinks. Rachel and Quinn took the downstairs restrooms to get ready and me and Britt took the upstairs.

I was in my bathroom still getting ready when Brittany walked in.

"What time is it?"

"It's 7:45, they should be showing up any time now."

"Alright I'm almost done What bout Quinn and Rach?"

"We're done. Come on girl pick up the pace."

"Just one sec. Okay done."

"So San, it's the weekend. Can we know yet?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh common S can't you just be normal and gush about your crush like any other girl?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, being normal is boring."

"God S you're so frustrating. You know what I meant."

"Okay how bout this. If it works out between me and ... this person... I'll tell you. If it doesn't well then you're just shit outta luck." The door bell rang and once again it was perfect timing. "Lets go girls its time to party."

Puck was the first to arrive with his girlfriend, Shay. The others weren't too far behind. Everyone usually got pretty wasted at these things minus me, Britt and Finn sometimes. Because of this my plan was pretty simple. Once everyone was passed out I was going to take Britt upstairs and tell her everything. Shouldn't be hard right? Wrong.

I was in the middle of a conversation with Puck and Shay when Brittany walked up to me.

"Hey Santi. How's it going?" Brittany slurred as she sat down next to me.

"Britt you okay?"

"Perfect never been better."

"Really? Cause you look pretty wasted and you never get drunk like ever."

"Well, it is my birthday well yesterday was but it's my party and I thought what the hell. What's it to you anyway?" At this point Puck decided this wasn't a conversation he should be around for and took Shay to the dance floor.

As soon as he was gone I asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't think you cared what I did. It's not like you've paid that close of attention anytime before."

"What are you talking about Britt? You're my best friend I always pay attention to you. If I ever made you fell any different I'm sorry." This totally wasn't what I was used to. Of course I had never actually seen her drunk before. Apparently she was a moody drunk.

"Ha. yeah right. If you really paid attention you would already know."

"Know what Britt?" I already knew but I wanted to see if she would say it out loud.

She froze for a moment and then snapped. "Nothing. Obviously its not that important for you to know." She stood up to walk away but lost her footing quickly and started to fall. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to sit back on the couch.

"Britt you need to sit down for a while. Let me go get you some water."

"No. I want to dance."

"B you can barely stand I'm not gonna let you go fall on your face." She started to get up again but this time she sat back down herself.

"I feel dizzy."

"Yeah drinking does that to a person. Come on you can go lie down in my bed."

"I dont think I can make it up those stairs."

I could hav done it the easy way and let her sleep in one of the downstairs rooms and waited for another opportunity to talk to her but if I didn't do it in the next 24 hours I was afraid I was going to chicken out.

"Okay wait here I'll be right back." My first stop was the kitchen to get some water and bread and then I went to find Puck.

"Hey San. How'd that go?"

"She's too drunk. I need you to carry her up to my room I'm gonna try to sober her up a little."

He smiled trying to hold back a laugh. "Puck get your mind out of the gutter, I mean with this." I held up the water and bread.

"Sorry, okay where is she?"

"Follow me. And please don't drop her down the stairs."

"Oh please San. Don't doubt these babies." He help up his arms and flexed.

"Whatever, come on."

Everyone was too wasted to see that the birthday girl was leaving the party. That was for the best though, at least if I succeeded nobody would come up and ruin the moment. Once we were in my room I thanked Puck and closed my door to muffle the pulsing music.

"How are you feeling?"

"Still dizzy and a little nauseous."

"Alright drink this and eat a little of this."

"Why am I eating bread?"

"I absorbs some of the alcohol in your system and sobers you up a bit. Plus I found that If you have some of this in you and start to puke it doesn't hurt as bad."

"San please don't say puke." She said gagging a little on the word.

"Hey if you're gonna...get sick, Pleas let me know first so you can make it to the bathroom. I love you Britt but I wont be cleaning up that mess."

"I don't think I will."

"How much did you drink?"

"Like 2 shots and 4 mix drinks I think"

"Oh wow lightweight much?" I said laughing.

"Hey the most I've ever had before is two drinks. I didn't even feel it till I stood up. Guess you're not supposed to drink it all while sitting down and then get up and start dancing."

"No, you probably should avoid that in the future. Well, you're actually kinda lucky, it will take less time for it to leave your system since its not that much."

I was right about a half an hour and two pieces of toast later she was only on a buzz.

"Thanks San. So do you want to get back to the party? It's only 1."

"Um sure" Chicken "Wait, no. Not yet. Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Yeah sure San whats wrong?"

"Nothings wrong. I was just wondering why you were getting so mad at me earlier?"

"Oh um it was nothing. Guess I'm just an angry drunk?"

"Yeah, but where did that anger come from? You know what they say, 'a drunken man's words area sober man's thoughts.' Why are you mad at me?"

"San I'm not mad at you. Maybe frustrated but I could never be mad at you."

"Look Britt there's no easy way to say this so I'm just gonna say it how it is and please don't say anything until I'm done?" she nodded "Remember a couple weeks ago, after I found out the news, when you spent the night at my house. Well, you started talking, I'm pretty sure you thought I was asleep." Her eyes went wide and she blushed a little and was about to say something but I cut her off. "Please, let me talk, I was going to cut you off and tell you I was awake but I really wanted to know what you were going to say. I'm sorry by the way, that was a complete invasion of privacy. But you really opened my eyes that night. I had been having these feelings and I wasn't quite sure what they were. I knew I was incredibly thankful that you helped me through everything, but it seemed to go deeper than that. It really started to show whenever I would think about you with Artie. Anyway, when you said you were in love with me, I started analyzing everything and realized," I took a deep breath, "I'm in love with you too. I don't know when it really started, I mean we have always been close but I know now that its way more than that. I'm going to be honest and say that if everything hadn't happened, you know all the bad things, I might not have ever realized it, so in a way I'm really glad everything happened, cause it helped me see that you are the most important person in my life and I don't think I could go on from now without you by my side. I love you Britt."

She looked shocked, for a second I thought I broke her. There was about 10 seconds of pure silence in the room. The only thing that could be heard was the bass of whatever song was playing downstairs.