Where questions are raised about future and status...
Chapter 50: Pemberley Doubts
Derbyshire, Pemberley, Friday the fourteenth August. Tenth day. Morning.
It came slowly without her seeing it coming.
Yesterday she was perfectly happy and confident and this morning she was crying in her pillow.
This morning she was, there were no other words, desperate and lonely.
She was even scared.
In two days, there would be a new Mistress of Pemberley. In two days, she would no longer be the most important lady of Pemberley. She would be...
What would she be?
The sister...
The guest who was there till someone, a gentleman with enough income, would be chosen by her brother to become her husband.
What was she really?
A piece of property to be brokered on the town marriage market?
She sniffed in her pillow and tried to come out of her depression.
Look at the bright side!
Now she had not one but two sisters. And one who was so fun and with whom she got along so well that they could spend hours laughing and playing and gossiping...
And it had helped her immensely to see that admiring light in Kitty's eyes.
She herself would never have thought that someone like Kitty would admire her. She who was so lively, so easy with people, so unlike her...
But she had seen it now and again and, each time she had been fooled by the feeling it gave her.
And than there was Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Gardiner.
Perhaps Mrs. Bennet even more than nice Mrs. Gardiner.
Because for Mrs. Bennet, she was not the Lady Princess of Pemberley. No, she was just nice, shy Georgiana. A real girl who would be treated exactly as Mrs. Bennet treated Kitty. With love and that innate caring she was beginning to associate with what a mother would be doing.
But, since the arrival of the Bennet-Gardiner clan she was also feeling odd.
They had come and they had –literally– made Pemberley their home.
And while they made Pemberley their home she felt more and more as the stranger in her own house.
She knew it was foolish! That nothing had changed. That the staff and Fitzwilliam went on treating her like they did in the past.
She was Fitzwilliam's sister and that would never change.
Suddenly she was filled with doubt.
Yes, she still was Fitzwilliam's sister. But was she still Fitzwilliam's beloved sister?
He was, daily, showing what it really meant to love. And Elizabeth was showing her what it really meant to be loved!
And clearly she was not loved in that manner.
Nobody loved her like that!
A great and oppressive loneliness came upon her...
And in two days she would no longer be the Lady of the House.
Would she fall from the most important Lady of Pemberley to the intruding relative who was no longer welcome?
Would she feel her brother's love for her dwindle away and disappear?
Would he, as soon as Elizabeth was pregnant, even notice her?
Would he, as she had seen it so often, go out of his way to find her a husband in order to get her out of Pemberley as soon as possible?
It wouldn't be the first time such things had happened and with thirty thousand pounds there would be more than her share of suitors ready to take her even if they did not love her as one could be loved when...
Her eyes welled up with tears and she could do nothing but cry and cry and cry...
She tried to force herself out of that depression but as much as she tried she returned always to the ugly picture of her imagined future.
Always those ugly questions came back and always she was looking at her future unhappy and betrayed self who would suffer under the rule of a man who only wanted her fortune and would never love her...
She cried herself into an fitful and unpleasant sleep.
"Georgie?"
She woke up and Kitty immediately knew what was hurting her friend. She had had her own sisterly despairs and she could very well imagine that at two days from ceasing to be the Mistress of Pemberley some ugly questions would come up and haunt her lovely and unsure friend.
But as usual she would not come to the problem directly.
First I need a little smile to build on...
"Your dress does no longer fit?"
Georgiana looked at her with wide –and red– eyes.
"Not your dress, than," acknowledged Kitty. "Everything else will be easily solved, you'll see..."
She sat at Georgiana's side and took her hand.
No smile... Well, it will be a little more difficult. But there's no sisterly sorrow that has ever resisted me! That one will be crushed as the others.
She could only too well imagine what kind of questions would and could push Georgiana into a crying fit.
Time for a frontal attack! Nothing less will give her the strength to speak of it...
"You are worried that Fitzwilliam's going to betray you as soon as he's married? Isn't it?"
Georgiana's eyes grew even more and were immediately full of unshed tears.
Not for long, a few seconds later Georgiana was crying on Kitty's shoulder who, as she was experienced with such crying fits, would just wait and see how long her sister would need to recover.
Once the tears ceased falling, she would be able to speak to her.
Meanwhile, there was nothing to do but await the end of the crisis.
It was a long one and Kitty had problems resisting her desire to speak. But each time she stopped and forced herself to wait.
If she intervened too early there would be no real healing.
The weeping began to ease and a little smile appeared on Kitty's lips.
Soon it will end and we will be able to speak...
A few second later Georgiana raised her head out of Kitty's bosom and sniffed at her friend.
Since she had that 'sorry to not be as perfect as my so much more perfect brother would await it from me' air Kitty decided that the time had come to experience a little therapy.
"Don't let your imagination run away with you dear, that's not what is going to happen... Never will it be as easy as that for you to escape from your brother's protection."
She tried a smile.
"You will lose track of him for a few days, just the time he and my sister will need to explore what's not yet explored of the love life of wedded persons..."
That got her a reaction.
So, little sister is still able to be shocked... Well, I'll take that as a beginning...
"...But as soon as they have finished with their little journey, he will be back with all the guilt you can imagine because, out of selfishness, he has not been there to rule your daily life as usual. You must have noticed that these last days, since his whole mind was focused on my sister's..." she hesitated. "...Charms, he left us wonderfully alone..."
Once more the reaction was more shock that mirth and Kitty stopped an incoming remark.
Not yet, not yet...
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, don't deny it! Your brother is always hovering and he does intrude in matters even Papa has never deemed himself free to intrude upon... The fact that my sister is occupying what's left of his brain is an opportunity we should not miss..."
She leaned forward and began to whisper. Nothing better to get one's attention.
"True love gives freedom, it does not try and restrict it. Do you really believe he has even the will to restrict Lizzie's freedom? She won't let him and he will accept it as natural because he wants to please her..."
She shook her head with vehemence.
"She will make him do whatever she wants and in this peculiar stage of inattention he could be the perfect prey for a young Lady determined to get a little more breathing space than she has had till now..."
She pointed –discreetly because a well raised Lady never pointed a finger toward somebody– toward the music room.
"You remember how he looked at you yesterday when you stood your ground? There was admiration in his eyes. Admiration for that new Georgiana who could stand up against him and who could show that she would not always retreat from a stern look from her perfect brother... The Georgiana who would no longer disappear into the floor when Big Brother would frown. He liked that Georgiana, dear, because she was what he always wanted her to be and never let her become because of his overprotection..."
She winked at Georgiana.
"I do believe he was even glad to see a Georgiana who would be able to stand her ground and that the shy, impressed and discreet Georgiana was no longer there."
She looked her friend directly into the eyes.
"So, what will it be? Which Georgiana will you choose to let develop? The lioness who has a will of her own or the mouse who hides at each stern look of her brother?"
That got her the first trace of a smile...
Good, we're getting somewhere!
She came nearer and whispered even more.
"And don't forget, men prefer lionesses and disdain gray mouses. Where do you believe stands Lizzie? Not with the little grayish creatures! She roars on her boulder and never looks down when a man tries to overpower her... And that's exactly why Fitzwilliam fell for her. Even Jane with all her properness and air to be the perfect Lady was never able to let herself be beaten down. She always stood her ground and see what she got? And that's why they will fall for you and not your big purse!"
Kitty laughed in the hope that Georgiana would follow.
But clearly, she was not yet ready.
"The trick is to find the best method to survive in this world molded by men for men but which is abandoned to the care of women. But what's even better is to begin to live and not only to survive..."
She stood up and pulled Georgiana out of her bed to the window.
They could see the staff buzzing in and out of the house in order to install everything for the coming Sunday.
"Who's planned and organized everything for the incoming wedding?"
Georgiana had no problem to answer.
"Mrs. Reynolds, Gardiner and Bennet?"
Kitty nodded.
"And what did the male part of the house contribute?"
She winked at Georgiana.
"The part of getting the bride out of everybody's way does not count..."
That got her a first smile.
We're almost there. Good...
"Only details, don't we agree? And it's the same in most domains of daily life. Men believe they decide and we women we make do..."
She took Georgiana and brought her back to the bed where she sat at her side.
"And there's the problem with Fitzwilliam. At a very young age he assumed the responsibility of your education and there was no woman to help him with his burden. And now he does not know that's it's time to cut the line. He still believes that he must decide everything but that's true only if you let him continue... Sunday will be the day where he becomes a husband. It could also be the day where he ceases to be a father to –finally– become a brother..."
She looked Georgiana directly in her eyes.
"Fitzwilliam has done a marvelous job, Georgie. He has given you everything to be a perfect lady and the most accomplished heiress I have ever seen. And frankly I'm jealous of all your social accomplishments. But there's one thing where Fitzwilliam could do nothing for you, and that's give you the background to be a woman... And for that, you'll have the ideal candidate directly at home with Lizzie. She will show you how to roar and she will not push you out of her life and house because she's a sister who has, all her life, been with four of us. She probably doesn't know it yet but she will do her utmost to have one or more of us here with her. And you, you will be just what she needs if it comes to Jane marrying that French d'Arcy."
Kitty made a face.
"So don't fear being tossed out, fear being imprisoned here for the rest of your life..."
She nodded more to herself than to Georgiana.
"As I see your problem, Fitzwilliam will never find one of your suitors agreeable or well-suited for you. He will always find faults and defects in them in order to protect you... And Lizzie being what she is, will be tempted to have you stay at her side to confide in..."
A big smile blossomed on her lips.
"But that's where we, old experienced sisters, have our role to play! We will be there to free you whenever there is need from too much attention from your brother and his wife."
She tapped Georgiana on the chest.
"And you'll see that we have plenty of experience in that sort of thing..."
She saw that Georgiana was no longer depressed. She was still upset but not depressed. And that was what had to be done first.
But that did not mean that the whole job was done.
"Let's be clear, Georgiana, what you really need is emancipation from you overprotective brother. He will not cease loving you because he is violently in love with Lizzie. He will just feel guilty for neglecting you and that guilt will push him into being even more intrusive in your life... And that's what we will have to fight!"
"How?"
Kitty sighed.
"We will need Lizzie's cooperation, dear. She will not only be your mentor but your advocate against your brother's overprotection. She has always been the most "savage" of all of us. The less social of us. She loves her freedom and I, for my part, would never have bet a shilling on her accepting to marry a man. But than, even one old experienced sister as I am, will –rarely– make unimportant mistakes in her predictions..."
That brought a real smile.
Got you!
"But as an excuse I must remind everybody that it took a man who was handsome and clever and wealthy and sufficiently in love to overcome a rather snappy first refusal! The chances that I could lose my bet were slim..."
This time she reached her goal and got a real laugh.
"What we need Elizabeth to understand is that you are in need of making your own choices. Not Fitzwilliam's and not hers. Yours!"
She pulled her friend toward the wardrobe.
"Come I'll give you a hand to get you dressed. We have a to speak to her immediately..."
Next chapter: London Perspectives