How had things spun so far out of control, wondered Wally looking across the bay in the dark.
Thinking about it, he realized that things hadn't just that night gotten away from them, or at least him. It'd been weeks.
There had been popping the question to Jinx, just beating her to it, and then telling all the other Titans, Jinx's mother and Flash even the Justice League. Everyone was so happy. Congratulations all around. And, eventually, he and Jinx realized that everyone else in the hero community had a sense of their, not just his and Jinx's but all of their freakiness and was happy to see a sort of normal thing happening among them. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl marry. The little details like girl hits boy over the head with sign and puts boy in cage, boy fakes out girl into ruining her own room, girl tortures boy with level 4 containment device, well, that could be fluffed over in the happy glow of announcing the nuptials.
Jinx and Wally had talked about what they wanted for the ceremony. Just a small thing, us and family and a few friends. Nothing special. No big production number. They'd both said it that way. The important thing was their love, not the trappings of the ceremony that made it official.
And that's what they told everyone. Just a small thing. Us and family. A few friends. Of course you can be there, Gar! Ha ha ha. Nothing special. No big production number. They said some version of that to everyone they told of their engagement. And a funny thing happened. Everyone reacted the same way. Or, actually, there were two slightly different ways that heroes and friends reacted based entirely on the sex of the person being told. The women all gave Jinx a slightly disappointed look. Oh . . okay. If . . . that's what you really want. The men all gave Kid Flash a look of pity, slow nods then slow shakes of the head. You poor bastard. Kid Flash was perplexed. Why did Green Lantern seem like he was offering him condolences? Superman stared at him a moment and shook his head then walked away pleading that he had to do something at the Watchtower command center. Plastic Man burst out laughing. But he was always laughing, wasn't he? There wasn't anything to that.
Wally wasn't sure how it started. Two months after they'd announced their engagement, Jinx still agreed that the ceremonies would just be a small, private affair. Maybe he noticed a little less certainty in her voice as she said it, but they were agreed on what it would be. Jinx wouldn't change her mind. Jinx was the kind to dig in her heels once she'd come to a decision. Having a spread of months between the announcement and ceremony didn't matter. And there was a good side to it, too. Because, he and Jinx came to realize what a lot of people thought when they were told.
They told most of the Justice Leaguers at the same time. Flash was acting like a sort of proud father. His protege! Marrying! Jinx decided that being that powerful must dull your sense of tact. You can fight your way out of anything so you don't always do the little things. Like Wonder Woman! Gods! What a bitch!
It's a pleasure to meet you, Wonder Woman. Oh, okay . . Diana. Yes, Kid Flash and I are going to marry. Amazonian eyebrow raised then her gaze shifted from Jinx's eyes to Jinx's stomach. I'm so glad to meet you, Superman. Kid Flash has so much respect for you. Yes, he and I are going to marry. Kryptonian gaze from eyes to stomach. It's an honor to meet you, Batman. If you knew how scared Kid Flash and the other Titans are of you . . ! Yes, that's right, Kid Flash and I are going to marry. Cowl tilts slightly downward toward stomach.
After teleporting back down from the Justice League satellite to Keystone City and going to Flash's house, Jinx expressed her frustration. "They all think I'm knocked up!" she screamed to Kid Flash. He tried to deny it but an hour later, Oliver and Dinah came by, not as Green Arrow and Black Canary but in civilian attire, and Jinx had Wally and Flash let her tell them. Oliver reached forward and patted her belly, "Hey, is there a little red haired bun in that oven?" Wally thought she might explode but it had the reverse effect as saying it explicitly didn't leave unstated presumptions in the air.
Jinx explained that, no, she was not pregnant. She and Wally simply wanted to make things official. Dinah apologized for Oliver, but Jinx said it was okay. She preferred that someone just say it instead of it being all over their face but left unsaid.
So, having several months between the announcement and the ceremony was quite useful in dispelling mistaken presumptions. "I'll still be my svelte, beautiful self and all those Justice League jerks will realize they were wrong," she told Wally.
To hell with everyone's presumptions and preconceptions! The very idea of marrying at age 18 was a big raised middle finger to everyone and everything that had rejected her when she was a little girl and sent her on the road to super villainy. Marrying young is for white trash? Girls of taste and distinction just don't . . do that sort of thing? Fuck you. Wally and I'll both be 18 when I walk down the aisle.
Wally knew that was a part of her motivation. He could never convince her to do anything based on the idea that people said this was what you were supposed to do. He knew enough not to try any more. So, he thought he had her mile wide contrarian streak on his side regarding the wedding and the size of it. Not my Jinx!
But then . . things started changing. He couldn't put a red gloved finger on exactly when it happened but, at first slowly and then with a speed eclipsing his own, her attitude became different. Maybe it was those conversations with her mother that started it. Jinx's mother now owned and ran a farm in the hills just east of Jump City. Jinx and Wally visited and stayed overnight every few weekends or so. It seemed to do Jinx a lot of good. Her mother still felt tremendously guilty over having given Jinx up to relatives when Jinx was only a little girl. It didn't matter that she had no choice, that she was getting sicker and sicker, that Jinx's uncontrollable bad luck powers were ruining everything in their double wide trailer. Whether she could have helped her little girl or not, she felt guilty that she didn't. And she adored Wally for being the boy who helped her get to where she should have been.
So, when Jinx and Wally told her about their engagement, she was ecstatic. And when they told her about their plans for just a small ceremony, nothing special, she barely disguised her disappointment. She played along for a few months. Small ceremony. Nothing special. She would repeat those exact words, almost like a mantra. Wally thought, at first, that she completely agreed with them and that she agreed that those words were the perfect expression of what she also wanted. Small ceremony. Nothing special. Later, he realized that if she'd let herself have any freedom of expression about it, at all, she'd have started saying very different things.
It began with a conversation, late at night in the living room of Mrs. Murphy's farmhouse, about how tough things were when Jinx was starting school and about how little they had and how all the other kids treated Jinx horribly. Wally found his eyes getting watery. He could never stand those stories. So, when Jinx's mother made a tiny suggestion for the ceremony, a guest book for attendees to sign in, he thought that seemed harmless. "I know you two really love each other, so that day should be as beautiful as possible." A little fancy touch Jinx's mother had seen at the wedding of a friend of hers? "Sure," said Wally. Why not? Jinx deserved the best.
But it should be leather bound!
"Of course," said Wally.
And the paper should be acid free, like those special Easton Press books, the kind of paper that doesn't ever yellow or fall apart.
"Of-of course."
And the pen should be a Mont Blanc, not just some ballpoint piece of crap from Staples or something. Or better yet, a fountain pen. The pen at the guest register should be a fountain pen.
"Um, sure, if that's what you want, then that's what we'll have."
And they were off!
Wally found all her and her mother's resentments at how she'd been treated by people suddenly channeled with laser focus into showing those people. She'd show those fricking lowlife assholes by having such good taste that they couldn't hope to match it! Ha! Who's the white trash now, losers!?
For a couple weeks, things were hectic. Jinx sent him here and there across the globe to find exactly the right accoutrements to the wedding ceremony. It turned out to be very handy that her fiance had super speed. A leather bound guest register book from Hong Kong would be examined and pronounced wanting. "Mmmm. No. It's not exactly right. Look at the color of this leather. Too light. Doesn't suggest a substantial enough or important enough event. Take it back, speedster and try that place in Delhi. Chop chop!" she said with a slap of his rear.
Kid Flash would run the first book back to the fancy store in Hong Kong, offer his apologies and then speed off across the Indian Ocean to Delhi, then work his way through its maze of streets, the instructions from a tomtom or garmin not coming out nearly fast enough to help out a super speedster, to another fancy store.
Hi, I'm Kid Flash. I don't know if you've heard of me . . . oh, you have! That's great! . . . yeah, the suit is kind of a giveaway. I don't know if you know, but Jinx and I are engaged and . . . oh, you've heard of that too! CNN and tabloids? Mentioned it a dozen times? Really? Well, I'm trying to help her with the arrangments and . . . what's so funny? I'm-I'm trying to help her with the arrangements and . . . . really, what's so funny? Well, anyway, she thinks you might have just the right sort of guest registry book. May I see . . . . mmmm . . . yes . . . this seems very nice. May I show it to her? . . . No, she didn't come in with me. She's back in Jump City. You see . . I'm Kid Flash. I can . . . oh, great. Thank you. I'll be right back to either return it or pay for it. Thank you.
Yes, having a super speedster at your disposal was very convenient for making wedding arrangements. The products of the whole world were at her disposal in just a few seconds. It'd been outrageous for a few weeks. He felt like a superpowered messenger boy. But then things calmed down. She'd gone through the list of things she and her mother had talked about. We've gotta have that book just right, speedster. For my mama. We've gotta have exactly the right pen and the cards at everyone's place setting. It's for my mother, Wally, not me.
And things calmed down and there was the routine of training and the occasional calls to take care of some leftover Professor Chang flunkeys or Dr. Light. There was a normal feel to the routine.
And then Argent visited.
It turned out that they had met before Jinx had met Wally. They'd both been incognito in Gotham City. They'd met at a concert. Both had known who the other really was but neither said anything. They'd gone out for coffee afterward and shared a few laughs and walked away awkwardly, both thinking they should be friends but knowing the other was supposed to be the enemy. Now they were on the same side and fast friends.
Wally never found out exactly what had been said between them, but after that visit, there was no stopping her. Everything was under the bridezilla microscope. Everything. First she spent a whole day agonizing over the invitations. She had Wally sprinting to top end stationery stores in London, Rome, Shanghai and Tokyo among other places trying to find the most beautiful paper and printing to announce their marriage to the intended attendees. They all seemed fine to Wally, but Jinx professed to see important distinctions in the most infinitessimal differences in color and paper texture. It inspired Wally to joke about getting the ones with the cheap glue a la George from Seinfeld. He got her zero degrees kelvin stare.
She spent an entire afternoon issuing a flurry of directions to Cyborg about how the Tower would be decorated for the occasion. Cyborg had protested that he thought it looked fine. He received a withering critique of the stainless steel and navy blue walls and black marbled floors as perfectly suited for a moderately friendly fortress, a convention center or an airport concourse. She then launched into a series of instructions for decorations that he first tried to keep up with in a notebook then gave up and recorded as she tossed them over her shoulder while they toured the building. That molding is hideous! Make that column look like a tree! Oak. No! White birch!! Hide that overhead duct work. Use tree branches. Something with small but tightly packed leaves. Etc. . etc . . etc. .
There were some preparation demands made of the other Titans, but nothing like the demands made of Kid Flash. His own easygoing attitude toward what was acceptable took a vicious beating from her standards.
"And what are you going to wear?"
Wally held his arms out to indicate the skin tight red and yellow uniform he was wearing. She shook her head. "No."
"No?"
"No."
"But I actually like the suit now. It molds to my body. It's really comfortable and . . . ," he saw the look on her face. "No?"
"No. You are not going to wear your rear end displaying suit at our wedding. You'll wear this," she said opening a page of a fashion magazine to show him an elegant suit with tie and tails.
"You know that civilian clothes don't fit me that well unless they're loose. Speedster body and all . . . and . . ," he saw the look on her face. "Yes, I'll get it tailored to fit me whatever it takes."
"You and the best man and the ushers will wear mens wedding traditional! This will not be a spandex wedding!" she declared firmly in front of the other Titans as a way of summing things up for everyone. Wally found she was declaring a lot of things firmly. Other heroes could come in spandex, but the members of the wedding party, best man Robin and maid of honor Argent would wear traditional as would ushers Cyborg and Beast Boy.
Her wedding dress was a particular focus for Jinx. She tried 32 different wedding dresses produced by the biggest names of haute couture, sprinted one after another to Jump City by Kid Flash and then sprinted back to Paris or Milan. She finally found one with Gar's help. Now that he was such a pretty boy after his growth spurt, he'd actually modeled for a couple designers. Everyone wanted to show that they were green these days. Gar suggested a certain designer. Kid Flash sprinted to Milan and returned with a dress covered in white cloth roses and with a very slightly off white, grayish background color that perfectly complimented her skin and hair. Gar got several kisses for his help.
Wally expected that a girl would take a strong interest in her wedding dress. He didn't expect that same sort of interest to extend to the silverware at each reception place setting, the glasses, the candles, the plates, the bowls, the table clothes, the napkins, the chairs, the flowers at the tables, the music to be played, the wording of their vows, the menu of food to be served, the arrangements for alcohol, their rings, the soup to be served, the salad to be served and even the hors d'oeuvres.
Kid Flash found himself sprinting all over the globe to find the perfect example of each of these items. He almost regretted that his fiancee was such an intelligent, widely read girl. It gave her new mania wider scope. He finally reached a point of exhaustion and a point where agonizing over something was so ridiculous that he just had to stop and complain.
Toothpicks.
Jinx wanted the waiters at the reception to serve, among other treats, a tasty little scallop wrapped in bacon thing, speared with a toothpick. Only she'd decided it shouldn't be just any toothpick. It should have something on the end. No not just frizzy plastic. Please! Everyone has those. So common! Jinx spent an hour researching toothpicks available around the world. She marched into the great room in front of the other Titans with a sheaf of papers in her hand. She held one out in front of Kid Flash.
Go to this address in London, Wally and get me a sample of this one with a miniature Big Ben on the end! Wally reluctantly took the paper, seeing his smirking friends out of the corner of his eye. He sprinted to London and back handing a single toothpick to her.
Detailed inspection. Mmmm. No. This is kind of a cheesy plastic, isn't it? Take it back to London. Maybe the ones from Mumbai with little Taj Mahals on the end. No, no, go to Paris, after you bring it back to London, Wally, go to Paris and get me a sample of this other one in this book with an Eiffel Tower on the end of each one!
"Oh, come on, Jinx!"
"Wally!"
"Jinx! No! This is ridiculous! A small ceremony? Nothing special? Do you remember those words? Because they're so far in the rear view mirror they're not even a visible speck. You're obsessing over toothpicks, now. Toothpicks!
She was stopped in her tracks. Toothpicks. It was hard to see them as actually being significant. She sheepishly admitted having been a bit over the top. Wally contested it being only a bit, but things calmed down after that. And she seemed to have no hard feelings at his having drawn a line in front of everybody. But there were still a lot of arrangements to be made and things to be checked on.
And when they started checking on all these things, a wonderful thing happened. Many of the business specializing in these things had been helped by the Titans. Offers to work for half price and even greater discounts were made without any prompting by Jinx. One florist offered to Jinx to work for free with Kid Flash at her side. Jinx graciously thanked him and walked out beside her smiling fiance. She looked away from him.
"I know what that smile is."
"Uh huh."
"You think that people being nice to us proves that your glass is half full perspective on things is right."
"Well . . "
"People aren't always this nice speedster."
"No, but it'd be a shame to pretend that they never are."
And then there was the minister. Wally and Jinx had both been stumped on that one. Despite her interest in hinduism, neither of them was really religious. And even if one of them had been, who do you get to do a ceremony at Titans Tower with half the Justice League in attendance? Father Non-descript would probably crap his pants at the sight of Jinx, Raven and the others. Then, Wally's adoptive father, Flash, said he could get somebody perfect for it.
A half hour later, a call came in to the communications center at Titans Tower. Wally and Jinx wondered why they were looking at the grim face of Batman. And then he said something about being a minister. It was a little like finding that the guy in the black hood who lopped off heads for the king with an ax also wrote poems. Wally and Jinx both hemmed and hawed. Batman?! But they didn't have any other options. Sure. Thanks.
He said he was happy to perform the ceremony but his enthusiasm didn't seem to require his cracking the least smile. And, somehow, he didn't seem to appreciate the ominous vibe he gave off when he told them, on the giant communications screen, that no one had lived to go back on vows given in his presence. There had to be better ways to say that. Thanks a lot. Real reassuring, Bats. See you next week.
Finally, just a couple days before the ceremony, things were coming together, arrangements almost all made, gift registries set up at Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus and a few other stores, and deliveries starting to be made to the Tower. At last, Jinx's wedding dress arrived as well as the bridesmaids' dresses. There was, finally, not much for Wally to do and he was hanging around in the great room reading. The Tower was almost empty. A couple other heroes had arrived early, Hot Spot and Wonder Girl, but everyone outside of Wally, Jinx and Argent had gone to some dopy ceremony at Jump City Hall. Stupid politicians. They were always ginning up reasons to have their pictures taken with the Titans. Wally hated it.
He was starting a new chapter of his book when he noticed Jinx and Argent also coming into the great room, their arms loaded with dresses, various spools of thread and a packet of pins and needles.
"Thought you were going to do that downstairs," he offered to them.
"We were," said Argent, "But we thought it might be helpful to get your input at each point along the way."
"Geez, I am a Flash, you know. You could just call me on the intercom and I'll come running."
"It's almost too crowded in our room for me and Argent," said Jinx.
Wally shrugged. Whatever. He went back to his book. So, it took a lot of their talking back and forth before he picked up on the source of their concern. He looked up as Jinx was pinning the back of a dress that Argent had put on.
"-can't just hold one side in place and get it exactly even!"
"Well, then try and hold out both sides!"
"I can't. You need to hold it with one hand and pin with the other. I've only got two hands. I can't do both sides."
"How 'bout you, Wally?" asked Argent over one shoulder.
"Huh?"
"Help your fiancee and me get these dresses right."
Wally shrugged and marked his place in the book. Okay. He zipped over to were they were at the edge of the great room closer to the elevators. He tried his best and really thought he was doing things just as Jinx asked. But nothing seemed to satisfy her.
"I did too hold the hem out just the way you said!"
"No, you didn't Wally. The pattern wouldn't match up the way you were holding it."
"He's hopeless," said Argent. "Typical guy. He'd make a better manniquin than a seamstress."
The pause filled the air.
"Hey, there's an idea!" chirped Jinx.
"No way!" said Wally. "Never! Not going to happen! I don't care what you say."
Wally's first dress was relatively pain free. After peeling off his Kid Flash uniform and squeezing into the off white dress, Jinx and Argent only stuck him with pins three times on that one, the bridesmaid dress for Wonder Girl.
"I look ridiculous " and "I feel ridiculous" Wally alternately moaned.
"How is this worth anything for a dress that's supposed to fit Cassie?"
Jinx stuck a pin into a seam.
"Ow!"
"Oh, sorry."
Wally felt Argent's hand smoothing over the dress at his rear. "You're so muscular back there, you just pull the dress back instead of out. And your waist's so small. It's easy to fit a dress to you."
Wally bit his lower lip. At last they were finished the humiliating process. And just in time. The others were due back before long. So, when Argent suggested they should do Jinx's dress too, while they had him there, Wally put his foot down. No way. Out of the question.
They seemed to stick twice as many pins into him working on Jinx's wedding dress. Ow! Come on. Ow!
And then there was the matter of the veil and bodice. Argent worked for several minutes at the front of the dress, smoothing her hand over Wally's chest trying to get the lace that would frame Jinx's cleavage to stand out "in just the most exceptional way". She pinned it this way and that, asked Jinx to stand up and come out front of Wally and check out the way it looked. It seemed like the two of them stood there forever, chin in one hand, staring at him.
"He's got really nice skin. He's almost pale enough to have that dress be right for him," said Argent.
"Um, hello! I'm a guy."
"Obviously," said Jinx.
"Are you almost done? These long sleeves are completely restrictive. I can barely move in this dress."
"Well, don't move fast. We don't need you to separate all the seam work the haute couture house did," said Argent. "Now lets try that long veil."
Wally groaned as the two of them fixed a long veil atop his head and went about adjusting that as well as some of the other things he was sure they'd already done yet somehow had to do again. So, he was in full bridal regalia when the -ding- of the elevator sounded and the other Titans plus Hot Spot and Wonder Girl emerged.
Beast Boy fell down laughing, on the floor right next to a gasping Cyborg. Starfire and Wonder Girl each made it a step further. Hot Spot was on his knees just past them, guffawing through tears. Robin stopped, giggling, in front of Wally.
Raven lsolemnly ooked him from dress bedecked head to toe. "So . . this is the mens wedding traditional, is it?"