Chapter 3: Moving On

The harsh blaring of an alarm snapped Rick out of a daze. Glancing at the clock, he noted it was 5:45 A.M. That alarm would belong to Alexis. His mother certainly wouldn't be getting up this early. He looked back at the mockingly empty laptop screen staring at him. Unable to sleep, he'd come down stairs almost 2 hours ago, to try and write. He was supposed to be working on the next Nikki Heat novel but he had nothing, absolutely nothing, so far. Hearing the shower come on upstairs, he snapped his computer shut and got up to go fix Alexis some breakfast.

"Something smells good," announced his daughter as she came down the stairs. "Did you make breakfast, dad?"

"Morning, pumpkin," he replied, pausing in his cooking to drop a kiss on the top of her head. "And yes, I woke up early and thought I would send you off to school with a hearty breakfast, but it's not quite ready yet."

Snatching a piece of bacon from the plate, she took in his appearance. He was barefoot, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. "Aren't you going to the precinct today, Dad?" she asked.

Glad his back was to her so she couldn't see the look on his face, Castle forced a smile and turned to her. "Nope. I thought I'd stay home and write today. Someone," he paused to send a pointed stare her way, "keeps reminding me I'm a writer and not a cop." He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "I thought some actual writing might help sell that story a bit better."

"Sounds good," she said, laughing around a mouth full of pancake. "Thanks for breakfast, but I've got a study group before school. I don't want to be late." She grabbed one more piece of bacon before leaning into her father for a hug.

"Have a good day, kiddo," he told her as she headed to the door.

"You too, Dad" she answered, just before the door shut behind her.

Relief washed over him as the door closed after his daughter. He knew she worried more about him than she should and had been determined that she not know anything was wrong this morning. But the act had been tough to maintain and he was glad it was over. His mother wouldn't be up for quite a while so he expected to have some time to himself.

[][][]

A couple of hours later, he contemplated what had filled his day so far. He'd broken off his relationship that morning. What he'd said to Kate yesterday had made him feel guilty. "She's not you, Kate. But she's here." That was the wrong reason to be with someone. No woman deserved to be a man's replacement for the one he really wanted. She'd been pissed, suspecting it had something to do with Beckett walking in on them the day before. Rick had refused to let the conversation go there, though and had ended it respectfully, but quickly.

He'd also deleted Kate's contact information from his phone. He had stared at her name and number for a full thirty minutes before finally hitting the delete button. Making the break from her was heartbreaking, but he didn't see that he had any other choice. Telling himself that he might need a source in the NYPD, he'd left Ryan and Esposito's numbers in his phone, but he didn't really believe that was the reason. He like that they provided an indirect link to her. He wasn't ready to give that up, yet. After cleaning the kitchen, he was ready to write. Hopefully, it would go better now.

Forty-five minutes later, the screen remained blank. "Damn!" he swore, pushing back from the desk. He was good and truly stuck. Every time he tried to write Nikki and Rook, he got lost in the memories of him and Kate. He didn't want to dwell on what could have been, but writing characters so much like the two of them made it impossible not to think about their relationship.

Maybe it was time for something new, to go in a different direction. He opened the idea file he kept and scanned through it. His eyes stopped on one idea and he thought for a moment. That was definitely different. It might be different enough. Ideas started to roam in his head. He could write about this. Relief flooded him as he pushed all thoughts of detectives and writers from his mind.

[][][]

The slamming of the door startled him. He looked at the clock and realized that must be Alexis coming home from school. The day had flown by. He bounced out of the office to go greet her.

"Hey, there. How was school?" he asked scooping her into a big hug.

"Someone's in a good mood." she laughed. "School was fine, the usual. I take it your day was good?"

"I've got a new idea for a story. I've been working on it all day and I really like it." he informed her, following her into the kitchen.

Alexis opened the fridge, looking for a snack. "Tell me about it, Dad." she prompted.

"Well, it's really different from my usual stuff," he explained, "Still mysteries, but in the future. I'm thinking of a quirky crew, on a space ship. Maybe they're into some shady stuff. But they also care about people and help when they can." He grinned at her before continuing, "I've been playing with it all day. It's been fun!"

"I suppose that could work, but what about Nikki Heat? Aren't you behind on the next three chapters?" Her perceptive eyes didn't miss the pain that washed over his face before he could gather himself.

"I'm just not feeling it right now. I know I have to finish the novel but for the time being, I really need to work on something else." he admitted turning away from her.

Realization hit her. "Did something happen, Dad?" she asked, "With you and Beckett?"

He met her gaze, "Honey, I really don't want to talk about it."

"You always want to talk about it, Dad," she was getting concerned now.

"Not this time," he replied gently before walking out of the room.

Alexis stared at his retreating back, chewing on her bottom lip. Something had happened between her Dad and Detective Beckett, something big.

[][][]

Lying in bed that night, Rick gave in to the emotions he'd been fighting all day. God, he missed her. He missed her laugh, her scent. He even missed the exasperated look on her face when she disapproved of one of his jokes. He'd known it would be hard, but not this hard. Still, he was sure he'd done the right thing. For so long, he'd believed she would eventually lower her barriers and risk loving him, and it wasn't easy to give up that dream. Katherine Beckett was not ever going to let him into her walled off heart. She was probably never going to let anyone in. But, despite a career that kept him immersed in a world of fantasy, he could face reality too. He was done tilting at windmills.

It hurt like hell now, but it would get better.

Wouldn't it?