AN: Okay, here's chapter 4. Got the prompt from a family members facebook status.

Request: if anyone has any prompts they would like to send my way, feel free to send them by PM.

Prompt: Talking to yourself isn't bad. It's not even that bad when you start arguing with yourself. It's when you lose that argument that you know you're in trouble.

They had finished reviewing the case again on the plane as the headed to San Francisco, CA. Hotch and Gideon were sitting across from each other at the single seats at the front of the jet, both lost in their own thoughts. Behind him, Morgan could hear the soft voices of his two female team members. The words were too low to make out exactly what they were saying.

Morgan sat on the inside seat, his fingers drumming lightly on the table in time to the music coming through his headphones. His eyes were on his fifth team member who had moved to the back of the plane, as far away from everyone else as he could get. Morgan had been watching Reid closely the last week, following the incident at Reid's apartment. Though he hadn't noticed the symptoms that had been present that night, Morgan had noticed other things.

For one thing, Reid had been avoiding being alone with him. Apparently, Reid still had no intention of talking about the incident in his apartment. His method of avoiding that was to make sure someone else on the team was around them. Also, the mood swings were still there. Reid would be quiet and withdrawn and then a short time later, hyper and talkative, and then go back to looking tired. Morgan knew it wasn't a normal cycle of emotions, at least not in the time period it would take for Reid to transition through them. The younger man seemed tired quite often and not quite as sharp mentally, at least to the young genius' standards. Even now though, the kid could out think most people he knew.

Reid got his feet, grabbing the messenger bag that had been sitting next to him. Morgan watched as the younger agent headed toward the planes bathroom, silently wondering why he took the bag with him. It wasn't as if he was on a commercial flight where someone might steal something.

~Or maybe he's just afraid of someone going through it. If that is the case, it would mean that he has something to hide.~

Not for the first time, Morgan wondered if maybe he shouldn't search the bag, though he hated to think about the consequences of that act. Not so much of what he might find but more Reid's reaction if he found out. Morgan knew there would be no salvaging their friendship if that were to happen.

As he stared in the direction his friend had disappeared Morgan thought about the conversation he had with a friend who was a doctor. As Hankle had been hooked on Dilaudid, Morgan had posed hypothetical questions to his friends about the drug and what to look for in someone addicted to the drug. He had also posed questions about withdrawal symptoms and treatment programs. Morgan hadn't liked hearing the answers his friend had given him. Nor did he want to think about what lay ahead of Reid if the younger agent was indeed using the drug.

~He's going to need a lot of support whether he realizes it yet or not. I need to handle this in a way that I can be there to do just that,~ Morgan thought, realizing that anymore it wasn't really a question for him as to if Reid was using. He had gone through that argument with himself plenty of times. As much as he didn't like the answer, he always ended up with the same one. The question was now, how did he get Reid to admit it to him? How did he help his friend get through this?

It wasn't long before Reid returned to his seat. Morgan waited until Reid was settled before moving. Taking the headphones off, he placed them and his mp3 player on the table, as he got to his feet. He walked the short distance and sat down on the seat next to Reid. The younger profiler glanced over at him but didn't say anything.

"Reid, we need to talk," Morgan said, keeping his voice down low.

"Not now," Reid said, in a voice even lower than Morgan's. He cast a glance at the rest of their team at the other end of the cabin.

"Yes, now," Morgan told him. "We can't keep acting like what happened at your apartment never happened and as soon as we step off this plane you're going to go back to avoiding me."

"I haven't been . . ." Reid let his voice trail off as Morgan fixed him with a don't argue with me look.

"Look, I wasn't thinking when I said those things that night. I never should have said what I did. I was frustrated because I'm worried about you."

"I don't need you to worry about me."

"Yeah, well your stuck with it, Kid, whether you like it or not and I can tell you, its going to take a lot more than a slap for you to drive me away."

"I don't want to drive anyone away," Reid replied, looking down at his shoes.

"Maybe not but that's where this is all headed. Don't tell me you can't see it."

"Sometimes its like I don't know what I'm doing. I mean I hear what I'm saying but its like someone else is talking." Reid said, hesitantly. "I know, I'm probably making no sense whatsoever."

"No, Kid, I think I get what your trying to say," Morgan told him, thinking that it was the first answer in awhile from Reid that he didn't doubt the truthfulness of.

"It was like that when I hit you. I wasn't even aware I was doing it." Finally, Reid looked up from his shoes. Turning his head, he met Morgan's gaze. Again Morgan saw that swirl of emotions that he had seen that morning after their argument. "I'm sorry, Morgan. I shouldn't have hit you. I don't blame you for your reaction. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had hit me back."

"I blame myself, Kid. I could have really hurt you . . . "

"You didn't. I'm fine."

Morgan shook his head. It was obvious they both felt guilty about what had happened and that they were both willing to take responsibility for their actions. Going back and forth about this wasn't going to help anything or get them anywhere.

"Reid, you know you can talk to me about anything don't you?" Morgan asked.

Reid looked back down at his shoes. "There is nothing to talk about."

Morgan could tell Reid was withdrawing again. Retreating back into himself. ~Perhaps it's about time I give it a rest,~ Morgan thought. He reached out and placed a hand on Reid's shoulder, feeling the younger man tense up at the simple gesture. He didn't remove his hand right away though. "I think there is. When you're ready to come to terms with that, I'll be here for you. Remember that. Until then, there isn't much I can do."

With that said, Morgan got to his feet and moved the short distance back to the chair he had been occupying. He caught JJ's concerned glance as he did so and tried to give her a reassuring smile, before he turned and sat in the chair with his back toward his other four teammates. Putting his headphones back on, he glanced back at Reid. The younger agent was sitting very still, eyes staring straight ahead at the other side of the jet.

~I should have told him. Told him why I've been acting the way I have been,~ Reid thought as he stared straight ahead, not really seeing anything. ~It's not like he doesn't already suspect it. His words back in my apartment tells me that much. That's the real reason you feel so bad about hitting him, because Morgan was only telling you the truth. Whether I admit it or not, I am a drug addict. I need my fix just to feel like I'm acting normal anymore.~

~But I can't tell him,~Spencer thought, arguing the other side of the situation with himself. ~If he knew for sure would he feel compelled to tell Gideon and Hotch like he did with the nightmares? I can't take that risk. This isn't as simple as being pulled off a few cases. If Hotch knew for sure, he would be required to report it to his superiors. It would mean my job.~

~If Morgan knows, if he's figured it out, who else has? Gideon knows something is off but he didn't elaborate down in New Orleans. Was that because he doesn't suspect the drugs or is it because he would technically be in the same position as Hotch?~

~Then there is Em. She told me in Texas she had never seen me act like this. Even she knows something is different with me. She told me as much,~ Reid thought, remembering the dark-haired agent's words to him outside the homeless shelter. ~I just threw her concern back in her face then, just like I did with Morgan's.~

~I can't keep doing this. I can't stop alienating the only people who have ever cared about me but I don't know how to stop. I can't stop. I've tried. Every time I try I end up lashing out or the nightmares come back.. Between that and the withdrawal symptoms, I'm just not strong enough to beat this. I want my life back but stopping won't do that. The drug is the only thing anymore that gives me some sense of peace.~

~But is this really peace?~

~I need to tell Morgan. I need to ask for his help?~

~He isn't going to help you now. Not after what you did.~

~He just said he would. All I had to do was ask?~

~He's setting you up.~

Reid jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw JJ standing in front of him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," she said, a smile on her face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine."

"You look a little lost," she said, her voice full of concern.

"I'm fine. Just trying to figure some stuff out."

"Ah, one of those internal arguments. My brother use to speak his thoughts out loud when he would try to work things out. I remember asking one time if he was worried people might think he was crazy if they caught him talking to himself and to this day I remember his reply. He told me, "Jay, talking to yourself isn't bad. It's not even that bad when you start arguing with yourself. It's when you lose that argument that you know you're in trouble."

Reid smiled at the words. It wasn't often that JJ shared bits of her childhood with anyone, even him, and he was afraid to say anything. Afraid to lash out at her and have yet another team member mad at him.

"Still, a sounding board helps sometimes. You want one now, Spence?" JJ offered.

Reid shook his head. Still not trusting his voice. Not trusting he wouldn't say something he shouldn't.

"Okay," JJ said. "How about some coffee. I was getting a cup for myself. Would you like one?"

"Yeah, thanks," Reid told her, finally speaking.

He heard Detective Castro asking why the UnSub uses fire to kill his victims. Reid knew the answers. Just like he knew what the victims were thinking right before they died now, he knew how arsonists felt about setting a fire. What this guy felt every time he set a fire and watched it burn. What did that say about him?

"He's ah like a drug addict. Only fire is his drug. Each time an addict needs a fix they need more of the drug to get off, so his crimes will most likely get much worst," Reid replied. He felt eyes on him and glancing to his left, saw Morgan watching him. Without looking, Reid could feel the others watching him. His whole team, still he pressed on with what he was saying. "It would be almost impossible for him to quit without help."*

Reid glanced at Morgan again. The older agent was still looking at him. ~Did he get my meaning? Does he realize I'm asking for his help?~ Reid wondering. He knew he could never come right out and ask him for help. Not after he had thrown Morgan's previous offers right back into his face.

Reid thought of the vial and the syringe that was hidden in his bag. Despite having taken a dose after they got here, when JJ thought he was just getting coffee, Reid suddenly had an urge to take more. To hide from this hell his life was becoming.

*Quote taken from the Criminal Minds episode "Ashes and Dust"